loss and grief has pervaded every corner of my life and i am fighting so hard to break this pattern. so i've promised myself: i won't live like i'm dying.

this album was made from late 2024 to early 2026 about a variety of ex-friends, being disowned by my family, my catholic upbringing, my ex-lover, & having to constantly forge my own path and reject the narratives imposed on me. whilst it isn't perfect, it is me as raw and vulnerable as i have ever been publicly. 

i hope it resonates with you all as much as it has for me <3

i won't live like i'm dying

https://soundcloud.com/vexiee
idk how 2 feel aaaa
i feel invincible i climb the building jump down
idk if youd want me now
i think abt u everyday & cry my eyes out
pull the trigger faster way out
plug js gave me 1mg cz the other ran out
cut him off made me feel down
couldnt gaf i choose the fucking peace now
js choose who u walk w
even tho it felt so crowded lonely moshpit
tied her shoes when she walked in
didnt even check the soles she left my heart in
its js the nail in the coffin
i put the joint out long ago y am i still coughing
its js snails & they crawling
he said he luv me but our heartlocket still locking

tied shoes  @  vexiee

@killspires

go far away
see u on friday party on saturday
ohhhh party on saturday
i never cared
what they said about us 
what they said about us 
it never fazed me
please dont fight please dont fight
ohhh yeahhh
sorry i made u cry, sorry i made u cry
im sorry im sorry im sorry
ill have it my way
again and again
im sorry
im sorry
ohhh yeahhh

everything prod killspires

hi guys heres a new song, i'm rly proud of it and i hope it resonates with some of you at all!
contains a sample from:
ninajirachi - delete

also out on all streaming platforms!

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

(turn on that nest radio)
(be the change you want to see)

if its not one, its the other
everything makes me feel messed up
cuz i can feel as the water hits my stomach
when is the last time that we talked? x2

i said it all, is that not enough?
i cant tell you to stay when all we had is gone
i hide my head in the snow, hoping you would call
and i will fight for my life, until the curtains fall
cuz u dont know what u have, until its all that you got
and it'll get to a point where you stop giving a fuck
and then you'll lose all your friends when your brain runs amok
so now i hang by a thread, i hope that i wont cut it off

i hope that i wont cut it off
cuz i cannot trust myself a few minutes after dark
try to write down what i feel and then shove it into song
but i only like my hooks, the rest is filler until its not

if its not one, its the other
everything makes me feel messed up
cuz i can feel as the water hits my stomach
when is the last time that we talked? x2

when is the last time that we talked?
when is the last time that we talked?
when is the last time that we talked?
when is the last time that we talked?

Until the curtains fall

A stack of beats !! 🎼

0:00 w/ @killingclaws
0:40 w/ @bluntdolls @granularize
1:06 w/ @rollmyblunt
1:58 w/ @rollmyblunt
2:27 w/ @rollmyblunt
3:06 w/ @rollmyblunt
4:11 w/ @rollmyblunt
5:06 w/ @rollmyblunt
5:54 w/ @lluneth
6:33 w/ @rollmyblunt
7:25 solo
8:03 w/ @kissemlk
8:45 w/ @rollmyblunt
9:26 w/ @killingclaws
9:52 solo
10:29 w/ @killingclaws
11:10 w/ @xi33u
11:45 w/ @killingclaws
12:27 w/ @affectional
13:21 w/ @mmassi
14:13 w/ @mmassi
14:58 w/ @10x19v
15:29 w/ @killingclaws
15:55 solo
16:34 w/ @10x19v
17:18 w/ @mmassi
17:50 w/ @st1tchh
18:29 w/ @rollmyblunt
19:07 solo
19:34 w/ @yerba8989
20:03 w/ @vprwv
20:41 solo
21:34 w/ @vprwv
22:13 solo
22:50 w/ @mmassi
23:43 w/ @rreali
24:29 solo
25:10 w/ @tzsz
25:47 solo
26:25 w/ @vprwv
27:01 w/ @rollmyblunt
27:39 w/ @jaedonking2
28:26 w/ @jaedonking2 @renprowler
28:55 w/ @choochoobeebee
29:44 w/ @vprwv
30:23 w/ @vprwv
31:10 w/ @granularize @parkercoolversion @kissemlk
31:44 w/ @tzsz @rollmyblunt
32:37 w/ @tzsz
33:31 w/ @vprwv
34:05 w/ @killingclaws
34:41 w/ @gr0lth
35:37 w/ @gr0lth
36:17 w/ @deareri
37:00 w/ @deareri
37:42 w/ @1003venla
38:15 w/ @mangledinbeauty
38:54 w/ @aprilcots
39:28 solo [o88a]
40:17 solo
41:10 w/ @gr0lth
42:04 w/ @rreali
42:44 w/ @parkercoolversion
43:26 w/ @rollmyblunt

2026 Autumn: my blanket needed

希望有天睡醒无论哪都可以去（prod.i.v）

"let's talk before this bleeds anymore" - the worst person you know

everything by me :)

An ode to a friend
That owed it to us
Moth to the flame
I wanna live in how it was 
Took some months, found my way but I still want it back 
Sunken cost, our chemistry and work was unmatched

Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it i’mma-
Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it-

Too bad, so sad!
Grow the fuck up 
You can’t lose track
Don’t clip your wings
Don’t be like your mom
Don’t be like your dad 
Don’t dwell on it 4 so damn long

The Pressure hit all at once
Sneaking up the mountain
Run until your sneakers stop
I tried to be the captain
But i can’t replace you x2 
How can I repay you? x2

After what you did to me
Was it that easy? oh was it that easy?
x4







how i want it [GRIEVING 101]

"why do you believe that we deserve to be forgotten?"

everything by me

I'm scared i’ll just be like you when im grown up
So i go and cut my bangs and cry it up
So hard… that i fall asleep
I only wanna live in my dreams
 
Get out of my house 
Ain’t no place 4 you
This room ain’t yours anymore
Cuz you believe you’re so high and mighty
Well you’re a fucking whore
I can’t
I’m not a man
Well grow up fucking mannnn

Who wants? x4
I want it x4
All! x4
(x2)


sorry, not sorry "dad"

thank you for showing me that episode of black mirror <3

everything by me

all the words i think at night but can't say 
i wanna write a song that captures us but you don’t know how to play
Any instruments or even use your own voice babe
Guess that’s why we aren’t friends anymore, can’t blame you though
‘Cause it’s a two way road and we both got broken sneakers
I wanna take and break the silence cuz i wanna feel

the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better but we’re out of touch
the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better, don’t tell me we’ve grown apart

don't tell me we've grown apart

disappointment personified

everything by me

i walked out to the bridge
huddled over the edge
you told me:
"don't let it take hold"
take hold

don't let it take
x3
don't let it take hold

you're just another one of those suckers
you're just another one of those suckers
x2

just another

"passenger princess, let's cause a collision"

everything by me

Why’d you choose her over me, over all of us
Your indecision made you choose
I picked at my scabs for so long they opened up
Is that how it is for you too?

It seemed so easy x2 for you
It seemed so easy x2 to do
It’s so damn sleazy x2 of you
How could you leave me, did I ever really know you?

I can’t take, I can’t take it (x2)

i can't take it

"Sweet dreams. God loves you as you are."

everything by me

your knees flat on the tile
you were only 17 writing in a bible's margins
in hopes that god could confront your faults

i know i'm not asking too much
just give me a lover 
just give me a best friend
just someone to hold me back when the day ends
and your foe satan comes to close

jesus loves me, i know so
if my parents don't care then he will sow
all the seeds that lead me to breaking into so many parts

and i don't care

what you believe in
so abstract but human
i just wanna know what gives you the credence to decide who i am?

catholic trauma song

originally titled "dumpster love"

everything by me

I am the pattern of my problem
I can go on and on and on and on  
Cuz what's life without all the drama?
Talking about slipping, falling, dropping the ball 

Yeah, I can go on and on and on
We could fall farther while I spill it all

What you sayin’, we could meet our lowest low baby
You’re crazy, but I think you’re worth embracing
Yeah the FOMO's speaking through me I’m only two joints deep {GIRL WHAT?}
Red wine supernova, Chappell Roan so heavenly

You could be my dumpster fire, I could be your perfect wife
We’ll switch whenever we need to, but can you please go & dim the lights
I can’t believe you! You’re getting on my nerves! 
And I like how you do it, no it never hurts <333 


pattern of my problem


everything by me

I wasn’t clear about what I wanted
So let me say it straight to you
U don’t deserve my time you manchild
Yah you’re letting your colors show through

fuck
I won’t ever fuck around with anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to blame your actions on you 
(bi- bite into you)

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

Dude get out my texts and out my fucking life
Are you fucking stupid? Drinking and throwing shit at your wife
You need to learn some actions have consequences
You can’t call me a dick and say that i’m your buddy

fuck
Learned my lesson, i’ll ignore anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to say adieu

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

At some point, she must've decided she would not feel her sorrows. I wish I could tell her that her heart is like a target with a quiver of arrows shot through the red center. It makes me sad. If I were her, I would find a private place. Somewhere kind of beautiful, and let myself go. 

Sometimes, crying is like a prayer.


mutually exclusive

1ure look what the cat dragged in

❀ she/her producer (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾
transfem singer/rapper ᕙ⁠(⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠∧⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠)⁠ᕗ
@100signs ily [x.x]

catholic trauma song

grolth

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