loss and grief has pervaded every corner of my life and i am fighting so hard to break this pattern. so i've promised myself: i won't live like i'm dying.

this album was made from late 2024 to early 2026 about a variety of ex-friends, being disowned by my family, my catholic upbringing, my ex-lover, & having to constantly forge my own path and reject the narratives imposed on me. whilst it isn't perfect, it is me as raw and vulnerable as i have ever been publicly. 

i hope it resonates with you all as much as it has for me <3

i won't live like i'm dying

Gel Aux Chiens Écrasés

prod @k9nine-883238629

play the game i dont got no limit
everyone got a different definition of winning
yeah i want it all, my greed is sickening
posted at the back drinking liquor
let me take you to the belly of the beast
walk around in a circle for a week 
sometimes i feel like this life is not for me
grew up in the west side of the east
i remember copping packs down in leith
everything was out of sight and out of reach
i wish i could say sorry to my teachers
took so many pills that i might od

the belly of the beast (pяσd ᄂλyƭσп)

elaine celia limp bizkit (klyvvrs one47)

*nightz - burnt (ornata sadist)

you don't need to tell its not real

this is kind of a throwaway, I just wanted to drop since I haven't in a while. I hope you enjoy this song and working on something new rn

for a star,

kenesukoh - write my name (ornata 12o12mert)

pop - solen

"let's talk before this bleeds anymore" - the worst person you know

everything by me :)

An ode to a friend
That owed it to us
Moth to the flame
I wanna live in how it was 
Took some months, found my way but I still want it back 
Sunken cost, our chemistry and work was unmatched

Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it i’mma-
Tha- tha- tha- tha-
That girl and boy don’t want it, how i want it-

Too bad, so sad!
Grow the fuck up 
You can’t lose track
Don’t clip your wings
Don’t be like your mom
Don’t be like your dad 
Don’t dwell on it 4 so damn long

The Pressure hit all at once
Sneaking up the mountain
Run until your sneakers stop
I tried to be the captain
But i can’t replace you x2 
How can I repay you? x2

After what you did to me
Was it that easy? oh was it that easy?
x4







how i want it [GRIEVING 101]

"why do you believe that we deserve to be forgotten?"

everything by me

I'm scared i’ll just be like you when im grown up
So i go and cut my bangs and cry it up
So hard… that i fall asleep
I only wanna live in my dreams
 
Get out of my house 
Ain’t no place 4 you
This room ain’t yours anymore
Cuz you believe you’re so high and mighty
Well you’re a fucking whore
I can’t
I’m not a man
Well grow up fucking mannnn

Who wants? x4
I want it x4
All! x4
(x2)


sorry, not sorry "dad"

thank you for showing me that episode of black mirror <3

everything by me

all the words i think at night but can't say 
i wanna write a song that captures us but you don’t know how to play
Any instruments or even use your own voice babe
Guess that’s why we aren’t friends anymore, can’t blame you though
‘Cause it’s a two way road and we both got broken sneakers
I wanna take and break the silence cuz i wanna feel

the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better but we’re out of touch
the pain in the awkward jokes that didn't quite land
the hug after our long-winded talk
i wanna teach you to sing better, don’t tell me we’ve grown apart

don't tell me we've grown apart

disappointment personified

everything by me

i walked out to the bridge
huddled over the edge
you told me:
"don't let it take hold"
take hold

don't let it take
x3
don't let it take hold

you're just another one of those suckers
you're just another one of those suckers
x2

just another

"passenger princess, let's cause a collision"

everything by me

Why’d you choose her over me, over all of us
Your indecision made you choose
I picked at my scabs for so long they opened up
Is that how it is for you too?

It seemed so easy x2 for you
It seemed so easy x2 to do
It’s so damn sleazy x2 of you
How could you leave me, did I ever really know you?

I can’t take, I can’t take it (x2)

i can't take it

this one is very directly to myself

everything by me

I can’t live in grievance, don't wanna keep breaking even
Wind got in my eyes, I’m not lying, it’s just the season
And I’m afraid I come off exactly how I look- 
a lazy crook pleading for mercy after putting in no work

lazy crook!


everything by me

I wasn’t clear about what I wanted
So let me say it straight to you
U don’t deserve my time you manchild
Yah you’re letting your colors show through

fuck
I won’t ever fuck around with anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to blame your actions on you 
(bi- bite into you)

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

Dude get out my texts and out my fucking life
Are you fucking stupid? Drinking and throwing shit at your wife
You need to learn some actions have consequences
You can’t call me a dick and say that i’m your buddy

fuck
Learned my lesson, i’ll ignore anyone like you
fuh- fuck
Why did it take me so long to say adieu

Since you’re manly
Bitch put up some hands please
I’ll rock your fucking shit just like my old man before me

At some point, she must've decided she would not feel her sorrows. I wish I could tell her that her heart is like a target with a quiver of arrows shot through the red center. It makes me sad. If I were her, I would find a private place. Somewhere kind of beautiful, and let myself go. 

Sometimes, crying is like a prayer.


mutually exclusive

"I can feel you fall"

everything by me 
samples one of my favorite songs in the world

I was wearing her boxers when she kept her distance when she said we were over 
I guess love lost is better than regret that she was never my lover
my body’s laying out a white carpet of paper towels
the scraps of our love story crumpled on the ground

your name is still humming in my chest

roi - be myself (ramonaheart leah) [2047 exclusive]

❀ she/her producer (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾
transfem singer/rapper ᕙ⁠(⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠∧⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠)⁠ᕗ
@100signs ily [x.x]

your name is still humming in my chest

grolth

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