its getting really bad again

HATE ME (prod. splashgvng)

prod. bycian //

long nights when i take my own meds
long nights keep coming in my head
long nights next to you in your bed
and now
and now its 4 in the morning
its pouring 
everytime that i look down at my phone
cant ignore it
im thinking to much cant export it 
and my heart doesn't beat without blood to absorb in

now that i took a step back 
everything you said i never could forget that
you been lying thru your teeth just like the dead plaque

now im back in my zone like the old me
i really wish you didnt control me 
wish that you could stop let my nose bleed
now im hanging by a not by your door key
i didnt know it got colder
can we please go back to october
ill never be okay till its over
im drinking till im done being sober

now im drinking till im done being sober
no closure
im losing composure
breaking down not even a stoner
bipolar 
im so mediocre

and now its 4 in the morning
its pouring 
everytime that i look down at my phone
cant ignore it
im thinking to much cant export it 
and my heart doesn't beat without blood to absorb in

Spotify

4 in the morning

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Dream Drift

I feed on what’s left of me.
day after day.
it’s not hunger, not really.
more like… maintenance.
keeping the rot from falling apart too fast.

the demons
they don’t scream anymore.
they hum.
soft, constant,
like the sound behind silence.

I tell myself it’s discipline.
that I’m fighting.
that I’m becoming.
but I know what that smell is.
I know what it means when the mirror looks tired before I do.

sometimes I think the rot isn’t decay.
maybe it’s transformation.
maybe I’m not breaking, I’m… refining.
yeah.
refining.
that’s what I said last time, too.

there’s no redemption.
no release.
just the slow rot of trying again.
again.
again.

I forget what I wanted to fix.
I just remember the shape of the wound.
it’s familiar.
it’s home.

and I feed on what’s left of me,
day after day,
so the demons won’t starve.

two_o_three_no_more_me

☆gOt mE tRiPPiN iN mY HeAd LiKe hoW tHesE drUgs dO☆
produced by @sihk66

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LYRICS:

bitch i love you
but you hurt me, now i treat it like it's fuck you
got me trippin in my head like how these drugs do
looking back, i'd press my Mac, i'd be like undo
i'd be like undo
x2

i take a hit of the blunt
pause for a second and stunt
she's looking at me like she wouldn't
but i know she would
if i ever felt sad can we talk about it?
cause you always get mad when i talk about it
shit been on my mind and it really need to go
every time we're in a fight you always feel the need to go
so go
nobody's stopping you
just go

bitch i love you
but you hurt me, now i treat it like it's fuck you
got me trippin in my head like how these drugs do
looking back, i'd press my Mac, i'd be like undo
i'd be like undo
x2

its getting really bad again

Hashu