Soothing and Emotional Self-care

Audience Q&A's

savef

This is also known as gas-lighting – based on a Hitchcock film where Ingrid Bergman was made to feel crazy by her husband. 

What I am going to talk about is what to do and how to recognize when someone is intentionally keeping you feel off-balance or pushing your buttons to make you into the bad guy. It’s a control tactic, and it’s extremely cruel – not to mention, when done overtime it can make you believe you can’t trust your own instincts. You will start to lose a connection to your own gut instincts because someone is making you believe that they might be wrong, consistently over time. It can stall you from actually reaching the solution to an issue, and even blind you to real and dangerous truths happening right in front of you – on a greater and greater scale. Because over a long period of time – no matter how rational and confident you start out, eventually you catch “the sickness” of the manipulative behavior. Long story short – it’s DANGEROUS and NOT COOL and you shouldn’t be tolerating it or be around it – at all. This is an episode to give you a starting point for helping yourself out of this situation. 

Three parts – what why and how, the tools. 

Apologies for the background sounds - I recorded this after work in the car so there are helicopters around me!


Ep 76: Dirty Tactics: When Someone Uses Manipulation to Make You Feel Crazy

This is a power-up episode for anyone facing change that feels too hard or too painful. Take heart and remind yourself that you will do what you need to do when you're ready and in your own time. xo!
Sarah May B.

A Grounding Talk for Confronting What Feels Impossible

A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo

Jung on dream analysis
http://amzn.to/2rOrX3U

Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
http://amzn.to/2s7gwSe

Bodhisattva mind
http://amzn.to/2quH3aQ

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Brain Clutter: Creating Mental and Spiritual Space for Yourself

When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take.

If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com

Help Me Be Me

Ep 98: Resilience for Codependents and Those Experiencing Adult Hardships

A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works!

So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard.  I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that. 

For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com 

To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate

Healing a Possibly Scarring Experience Into a Resilience Booster

This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you. 

Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you’re in now.

When it comes to really dire, hopeless situations – chronic ones, you need dramatic big change. More than a simple tweak. More than a podcast. You need a big leap. You can’t do this all on your own – you need to involve reinforcements. 

Today’s podcast is dedicated to Catherine. Catherine your donation has literally changed my life – I hope I am able to repay you in some small way.

For more of my work or to make a donation, visit YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.

My Life Hurts: When A Problem is Really, Really Bad

this is what a toxic relationship feels like original

this is what a toxic relationship feels like

This is for anyone who’s in the throws of getting over a really toxic and yet, addictive relationship. I would otherwise call it the rock bottom part of your relationship loop. Maybe you’ve known this was not a good relationship for you for a very long time but you were always too terrified to leave it. Yet now that you’re mid-escape, you feel crippled by the intense pain that’s been brought on by it. If that sounds like you – first of all I want to say – get to a therapist’s office, stat. This can be a really scary thing to go through without support. Now of all times, it can be really helpful to even try meds to take the edge off. If you feel like you can’t handle your sich – dial 9-11. That’s the simplest tool. 

And second, know that this will not be forever – even though that’s what your feelings tell you, right now. It’s just gonna suck for a little while. You’re in the thick of it, right now. The only way to move is up. Here are some tools to help you start heading there. 

The book (The Five Second Rule) I mentioned in this episode can be found here:
https://amzn.to/2x8pUZa

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 107: Kicking a Toxic Love - Relationship Withdrawals

In this episode I answer the audience question: Do you any tips on what to do about "social anxiety" around applying for a new job? I get overwhelmed every time I apply, feeling that I’m not enough and that I’ll hate the job when I get it…

For helpful resources around this issue check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qwq73O

And for skills around this issue, check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qs4kdx

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo

Audience Q&A's: How to Deal with Self-Doubt Around Applying for Jobs

This is a combo Q&A episode all about how to deal with the pain and courage needed to deal with a breakup. Four people had questions about leaving a relationship and struggling with that decision. The questions are as follows: 

>> How can especially sensitive people stand by their decision to leave a relationship and resist urges to go back and try harder? 

>> What are some healthy ways to deal with intense nostalgia when it strikes and convinces you that you left a perfect relationship?

>>Despite knowing this person is not right for me, my brain goes into survival mode and has this insane desperation to continue to reach out and repair. Also is hard to see red flags when you’re in it; hindsight is 20/20

>>Is it possible to stop loving someone when you don’t want to love them anymore?
I already consciously decided to leave the relationship I’m currently in but the thought of actually initiating a break up literally sounds like the worst thing ever. 

The book I think will help that I mention during the episode can be found here:
https://amzn.to/2SaZr6f

For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Aud Q&A’s: How to Stick to a Breakup When You Feel Weak and Confused

Do you feel like you lost all power and autonomy in your new relationship? Are you always wrong, apologizing, groveling? Does it feel like you’re on drugs because of how intoxicating this person is? Do you obsess about them and yet you also kind of loathe dating them? Then you might be in a relationship with a narcissist. This is inspired by a listener and I thought it might be helpful to someone out there. And heads up - this is all information that is widely available out there on the interwebs so if you want to know more, give it a quick google – there are tons of resources. Here are a few books that I like if you want to dive deeper:
Book 1:
https://amzn.to/2MxkBd3

Book 2:
https://amzn.to/2Mz4BqO

And a book recommended by a listener (which I haven't read yet, but looks promising):
https://amzn.to/2RW4ZFC

To make request, see more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo

Ep 111: How to Tell if You’re Dating a Narcissist

This is for anyone who get triggered around a family member or other person in their life, but you have decided that you want to continue to be around this person – despite this trigger. So really – these are management tools for tolerating these interactions. This is from a listener who has to endure some triggers around a family member. When this person is there, they feel drained and irritated – so these are some tools for a similar situation. This is a very difficult (and sadly, common) experience – the gist is how to manage the experience of being around a triggering person if you’re still working on your shit in therapy. As with all my episodes – three parts: What, why and how the tools. 

If you’d like to see more of my writing or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 115: How to deal with people who trigger you

If you are one of those people who debates things in your mind endlessly, shuts down, isolates – this is for you. This is for you only if you find that this is causing you issues in your communication with others, difficulty in your relationships or perhaps you notice that its affecting your confidence. 
 
This might be especially relevant for anyone out there who is heading back home for the holidays – if you return to your family of origin, all sorts of old drama can come up. You become a very sensitive organ reacting to very old wounds.  

There’s a lot in here about triggering family members and how to negotiate that situation. Shout out to two listeners in particular! Hope this helps! Xox

For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 121: Inner Dialogues: When Others Trigger Us + We Get Stuck in Our Heads

In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools!  How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future!

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon xo!

Audience Q&A’s: Dealing with Rejection

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com