letting go

If you just got dumped, here's a special playlist with some helpful content. Although it feels like the end of the world, this isn't forever and you will one day be happy. Much love xox Sarah May B.

Getting Dumped

Soothing and Emotional Self-care

Audience Q&A's

Letting go of someone or something you love can be a terrifying proposition.  This episode offers a small beacon of hope if you are confronting a painful loss. 

Episode 5: Letting Go

It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. 

To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful.

This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. 

This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you!

If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks! 


Ep 78: Codependency: I Need to Find Someone Who Will Make Me Whole

A power-up episode for anyone dealing with the pain of sorrow of grief and they don’t know where to put the painful feelings. This is a new meditation exercise I learned and I think it’s pretty amazing. I hope it works for you, too. xoxo


Grief & Deep Sadness - a meditation exercise for releasing and passing pain

This is a power-up episode for anyone facing change that feels too hard or too painful. Take heart and remind yourself that you will do what you need to do when you're ready and in your own time. xo!
Sarah May B.

A Grounding Talk for Confronting What Feels Impossible

Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing.  

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. 

If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Help Me Be Me

Ep 80: I Want My Ex Back - Best Practices Toward Loving Outcomes

An interview with Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD all about therapy and how it works. How long does therapy take? How do I find a therapist? What's the difference between all the different doctors? How much does it cost? We will discuss various techniques, plus why someone might want to go to therapy in the first place. Hopefully if you've had a "dumb" question about therapy, I will ask it for you! To find Dr. Sharon Flynn, visit https://goo.gl/Mg1yLO

Ep 84: Therapy 101 - What Kind of Help to Get, Why + How

If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. 

Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. 

Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. 

Looking for more? Head to YayWithMe.com xox
My theme song was created by BookerHillMusic.com

How to deal with rejection

A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo

Jung on dream analysis
http://amzn.to/2rOrX3U

Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
http://amzn.to/2s7gwSe

Bodhisattva mind
http://amzn.to/2quH3aQ

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Brain Clutter: Creating Mental and Spiritual Space for Yourself

We are invited to let go of what is standing in our light so that we can shine as our full, authentic self.  Yet, letting go can be harder than expected and easier said than done.  Allow me to help you let go of letting go.

When Letting Go Is A Struggle

When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take.

If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com

Ep 98: Resilience for Codependents and Those Experiencing Adult Hardships

A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works!

So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard.  I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that. 

For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com 

To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate

Healing a Possibly Scarring Experience Into a Resilience Booster

This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you. 

Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you’re in now.

When it comes to really dire, hopeless situations – chronic ones, you need dramatic big change. More than a simple tweak. More than a podcast. You need a big leap. You can’t do this all on your own – you need to involve reinforcements. 

Today’s podcast is dedicated to Catherine. Catherine your donation has literally changed my life – I hope I am able to repay you in some small way.

For more of my work or to make a donation, visit YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.

My Life Hurts: When A Problem is Really, Really Bad

In this episode I answer the audience question: Do you any tips on what to do about "social anxiety" around applying for a new job? I get overwhelmed every time I apply, feeling that I’m not enough and that I’ll hate the job when I get it…

For helpful resources around this issue check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qwq73O

And for skills around this issue, check out this book:
https://amzn.to/2Qs4kdx

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo

Audience Q&A's: How to Deal with Self-Doubt Around Applying for Jobs

This is a combo Q&A episode all about how to deal with the pain and courage needed to deal with a breakup. Four people had questions about leaving a relationship and struggling with that decision. The questions are as follows: 

>> How can especially sensitive people stand by their decision to leave a relationship and resist urges to go back and try harder? 

>> What are some healthy ways to deal with intense nostalgia when it strikes and convinces you that you left a perfect relationship?

>>Despite knowing this person is not right for me, my brain goes into survival mode and has this insane desperation to continue to reach out and repair. Also is hard to see red flags when you’re in it; hindsight is 20/20

>>Is it possible to stop loving someone when you don’t want to love them anymore?
I already consciously decided to leave the relationship I’m currently in but the thought of actually initiating a break up literally sounds like the worst thing ever. 

The book I think will help that I mention during the episode can be found here:
https://amzn.to/2SaZr6f

For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Aud Q&A’s: How to Stick to a Breakup When You Feel Weak and Confused

This is for anyone who get triggered around a family member or other person in their life, but you have decided that you want to continue to be around this person – despite this trigger. So really – these are management tools for tolerating these interactions. This is from a listener who has to endure some triggers around a family member. When this person is there, they feel drained and irritated – so these are some tools for a similar situation. This is a very difficult (and sadly, common) experience – the gist is how to manage the experience of being around a triggering person if you’re still working on your shit in therapy. As with all my episodes – three parts: What, why and how the tools. 

If you’d like to see more of my writing or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 115: How to deal with people who trigger you

If you are one of those people who debates things in your mind endlessly, shuts down, isolates – this is for you. This is for you only if you find that this is causing you issues in your communication with others, difficulty in your relationships or perhaps you notice that its affecting your confidence. 
 
This might be especially relevant for anyone out there who is heading back home for the holidays – if you return to your family of origin, all sorts of old drama can come up. You become a very sensitive organ reacting to very old wounds.  

There’s a lot in here about triggering family members and how to negotiate that situation. Shout out to two listeners in particular! Hope this helps! Xox

For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 121: Inner Dialogues: When Others Trigger Us + We Get Stuck in Our Heads

In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools!  How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future!

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon xo!

Audience Q&A’s: Dealing with Rejection

One of the hardest things to do is give up or accept a loss, even if we are unhappy and have been for a really long time. This is for anyone stuck in ambivalence over a decision to create a change in their life. 
Sometimes this happens when you are in a long relationship and you feel you can’t leave it – even though you are not happy and you don’t feel in love. Another common scenario is when you are in a field you don’t love but you have been to school for x number of years so you feel like you can’t leave now. It’s so scary to trust the feelings you have when you know they can sometimes change – especially when weighing this against something that is valuable in the eyes of the world. 

The book I referenced by Dan Ariely is here:
https://amzn.to/2DwW9bl

 
This episode is brought to you by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. If you want to help out this podcast, use our code and get 10% off your first month of therapy, visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe

Ep 133: Stuck + Ambivalent: When You Can’t Make a Decision or Let Go

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com