produced by sleepwater
piano by melon musik

wait for me in my next life
i swear that ill be fine
got three new chains on my neck fye
tell me im divine
got a deer trapped in the headlights
in a road full of pine
its coming near, following through me
i dont really mind if i die
through the window my neck and spine
i watched my body die
on the ground theres blood on the floor
never leave my side
tendants broken to the core
pendants my neck when im sore
penance she let her mourn
permanance purgatory
in doors

It's october, branches casting 
dont let go were everlasting
antidote w car fumes rising
way too close my hairs nearly frying
check his pulse a boy here is dying  
dont convulse a tear, see him trying
release from every joy now im crying
convinced u not to steer, into the dying

chemicals in my heart i feel so gloomy
with you youll tear me apart
im scared youd lose me

me
her

mourn

i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 

w/ @heylog

prod: https://soundcloud.com/eric-godlow
master: https://soundcloud.com/ezraspandora 

looking back baby,
i already was hollow
toss it back 
way too fast 
till i get through the bottle
i don't wanna leave this club
i just wanna drink 
until i throw it all up
(lock me up)
want you to squeeze until i'm leaking out blood
i wanna see just how it feels to go numb
i wanna feel it on the tip of my tongue
let's fuck it up until we're going out bad 
let's break it all apart until there's nothing fucking left
cause i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 
and i want you to tell me i'm a waste of fucking breath
oh i'm terrible 
i'm the reason you're falling 
unbearable 
i'm the bones in your closet
i still just wanna see you get out 
there's nothing left for me to be now

damn it all 
pray for what 
there's nobody there
(i'm too far gone)
tell me why 
i wanted you then 
i want you now

heylog:
i'm chillin at a party, why'd i decide to go out
wish i just stayed home but i been stuck inside my house
i don't even care, i'd much rather be sober
she hung around the bottles and i could tell it broke her
i'm glad i can't relate cause i've never had that problem
you told me i'm rude for that but hey, i'm being honest
i would never lie to you, just want you to stop it
i could up and go, i've got plenty of options
quit talking, ur just holding me back
it's safe to say, tonight ur getting trashed
take a second to breathe, ik ur sad
you don't have to drink it away, could you relax
she phones her girls for a ride at 3am
can't even walk to her room, she needs a hand
throwing up all the time, she's used to it
friday night rolls around and repeat it

tip of my tongue (w/ heylog) (prod. eric godlow)

Wrong One

(self prod)

[Intro]
i cant fix this mess from the past that you left me
im a broken glass that you left half empty
try to tape it up, just conceal it and forget me
havent been the same in my head since you left me

[Chorus]
We fall into fragments (fall into fragments)
and i dont wanna let you down (i dont wanna let you down)
its prolly better that we dont talk now (I dont wanna waste right now)
Its prolly better that we dont talk now
We fall into fragments (fall into fragments)
Im sorry that I let you down (i dont wanna let you down)
its prolly better that we dont talk now (I dont wanna waste right now)
Its prolly better that we dont talk now

[Post-Chorus]
We fall...
We fall...

[Verse]
sitting on the floor and I start to fall apart 
bury all your blades where you're ripping out my heart 
tryna catch my breath but its stuck behind the scars 
ain't nobody left that I trust enough to guard

Now I’m falling again
Taste the blood in my grin
Say you wanted it real
But you sink when it sticks
Got me cracked at the seams
While you sleep through my screams
Said you needed the truth
But you choked when it breathed

[Chorus]
We fall into fragments (fall into fragments)
and i dont wanna let you down (i dont wanna let you down)
its prolly better that we dont talk now (I dont wanna waste right now)
Its prolly better that we dont talk now
We fall into fragments (fall into fragments)
Im sorry that I let you down (i dont wanna let you down)
its prolly better that we dont talk now (I dont wanna waste right now)
Its prolly better that we dont talk now

[Post-Chorus]
We fall...
We fall...

[Outro Sample]
"Who am I? The fear is sinking in
Your hands are getting colder as my talents wearing thin
All I ever wanted was the space to put my head
You took my need to be loved, and you hung me from a bridge
I'm your poster, I'm your trend
I am your lover, am I your friend? Oh"

Fragments

prod. me (dawsin)
guitars by me (dawsin)
written by me (dawsin)
-
im bored

lyrics :

like im noir
on her knees
on her knees
on her knees

huh
yea
like im noir
ahhh ahh

black and white pages
all on the floor
i hunt my prey from the dark
like im noir
"you have a bad taste"
haha
then why you craving more?
she look at me like
like an omnivore

i can see visions in the light
maybe its just a trick of the eye
yet they haunt me at the dead of night
they want me dead or alive
dead or alive
dead or alive
like dead or alive
dead or alive
dead or alive

i own a thermal scope i bet you dont have one of those
icy when things get hot, i see it when your bones get cold
i can feel the filth, i smell like blood and daffodils
she says i give her the chills
but bae that's a part of the thrill, real
hm
hea- hea-
but bae that's a part of the thri-
hea- hea-

got 10 bounties on my head, head
every one here, want me dead
but bae that's a part of the thrill

huh ya
baby i won't kill
but bae that's a part of the thrill

what
it's not my fault
... 
no..
it is.
i'm the one to blame
it took a lot of blood for you to learn that lesson
just sit there wallowing in ur own guilt (like im noir)

"you have a bad taste", then why you cravin' more?
she look at me like, like an omnivore

noire

funny feeling (bo burnham cover)

Pull me down 
Hold me underwater 
Leave me breathless
Let me drown
Leave my body in the ocean near some wreckage
To be found
When they pull me out you’ll say you never meant it 
I’m unidentifiable 
My body’s been fermented 

It’s all about you 
Love it’s all about you
I hold my head in my hands 
Babe it’s what I’m bound to
Thinking of you
I can’t stop I’ve tried to
I’d let you do most anything, you felt you had to
Treat me however you wanted
Lay down my body, on mountains of rubbish
I broke my arm for you to hold it
Gave you a gun, point it right at your target

Oh it wasn’t worth it all
Watch it fade to black 
I could give my life to you, and still you’d want it back
When there’s nothing left to offer I could split in half
Give you the other part of me, the one I’ve never had

You can devour me, leave me with holes
Eat all my flaws away, rip from bones
Take what you want, just to leave me alone
If it’ll make you love me 

Pull me down 
Hold me underwater 
Leave me breathless
Let me drown
Leave my body in the ocean near some wreckage
To be found
When they pull me out you’ll say you never meant it 
I’m unidentifiable 
My body’s been fermented 

God, I’m restless 
You could take it easy now 
You’ve taken people that I love and you’ve left me with nowt 
So you can take the credit when I go to your house
This is not a joke
Please do not test me now

It must be funny walking round and everybody hates me
And I can’t shake that feeling, it’s how you made me
Is that amusing?
Is that your humour?
I find you stupid
I find you’re useless 
And when I see you
Oh if I ever do
And you compare me
To those infront of you
I’ll make it easy
Oh I’ll decide for you
When you can tell me 
What I was supposed to do

fermented

i've physically been able to relatively get back into releasing music like this;
recovery has been ridiculously difficult, but i feel lightyears more capable
compared to what once was, and the soul-crushing aspect of not being able to output like this is slowly but truly dissipating.

production; courtesy of @wraithontheporch 

thank you for being here, so much.
be safe out there


ignorance laced from the brain to the lips
"if it ain't worth shit, why wait to be there when it is?"
though belated of light, though faint and estranged,
though strained, no night's that blind
festered and caught in a wind,
silently ridden renewal beginnings
forgiving the spite dealt upon all i am,
i take and refrain for the cycle's expansion

i'll mention the faulty of fate,
when the frame's out of range,
have the soul act in place of a comet
to strike down upon this, enduring the promise,
mistakenly pompous, forsaken and rotten

splurging the truth yet perceived as a cheat;
guttural speech yet sewage conceived;
scour the hour once all has devoured the spirit of tone 
that i currently breathe

i'm ripping the bag,
you could swear i'm a coon with trash, being glad with the leftover meat,
but y'all are facetious to see the extent of believing, 
the moment you feel it impede
few to foresee what'll lie in the wake of a bribe,
for a mind doesn't mold what it reaps from you guys whom die and revive,
to come back as a cry, in the form of a grime with a greed

how you gonna lie when we built for the truth?
"how you gonna try what you ain't wanna prove?"
how you gonna cry outside of the booth?
lost too many times that i've slept life through
i've watched myself slipping back into blue,
i've seen defeat in the form of anew
told out myself that i'm seeing it through
told out myself that it's worth every bruise

feeling it out won't dispel,
alice was simply compelled
the bottom is treating you well,
no wonder we're now so frail;
i could use a light for the trail

scrapwork (wraithontheporch)

run away now, you know this is bad
i culled a forest with a tree in my hand
then let a noose dangle over a branch
this is worse way worse than i planned

i picked up the phone, are you not on the other side ?
i put it back down and hope that i sleep through the night
this is terrible, feeling like i am not your type
my stomach drops, im getting scared, but i tell you im fine

im insecure, i dont know how to tell you easily
cause if i did i have a feeling youd be mad at me

this is worse way worse than i planned

all this attention, you must have loved it
is this not everything, youve ever wanted
i cant pretend that, i never saw it
maybe ill hide again, praying for something to happen

all this attention you gather
im just not like you at all
i hate looking down at my phone
ive couldnt feel less alone

fermented

hiraeth