featuring @nothomex

i let that shit get the best of me 
now i be rockin on therapy 
i do this shit all so carefully
the weight on my neck is just killin me 
pour down sleeve 
i can't fucking sleep
watch my eyes close
yeah 
this shit like 3d
i like her nose ring 
lil bitch got tagteam
her love like bad dream
i pour my once all alone now
i whip it like green and i lay out
all of my boys trynna hang out 
but i'm just trying to smoke till i black out

It’s weird when I have future in my head 
Because before 21 I see myself dead 
I can’t see any color , how can I not be mad 
I don’t have an expectation for the start of my life only for the end
I can’t see anything I cannot blend 
In between the society , I’m on a deep end 
Will I be able to stand ? 
Find myself in this shitstorm 
Did they already know my end before I was born

Last summer I was more lost than found 
Was left picking up the pieces scattered on the ground
Couldn’t talk couldn’t sleep 
Couldn’t walk couldn’t eat
Lost some pounds I lost some weight 
Now all pants fall from my waiste 
Scars on my wrist tears on my face 
The deepest wounds are the ones you can’t see
I’m the only one who can feel
All the pain they reveal 
I hope I’ll get better this year 
Sometimes I stand still 
I tried i tried i tried i tried 
i cried i cried I cried i cried
I tried i tried i tried i tried 
i cried i cried I cried i cried

dead b4 21 (ft.not home.) prod.nadiak & marlas dreams

So what if I leave you 
Still stuck in my head cause I need you
I hated the sequel I wonder if I didn’t call would I see you
So whyd she go and lie to me
I keep my head down I’m running from what’s inside of me 
And I can love you but honestly my anxiety 
I’m cutting wrists to avoid that there’s nothing of me

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

And I can give you everything you ask of me 
It’s not blasphemy 
You don’t have to leave
I’m a tragedy
It’s always one after the other, never after me

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

And I can give you everything you ask of me 
It’s not blasphemy 
You don’t have to leave
I’m a tragedy
It’s always one after the other, never after me

So, go
Leave me in the bottom of a hole
Staring down a barrel with my soul at stake
I wanna fade away
I wanna die today
I tried yesterday

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

So, Go (prod. jolst)

1st @strivemusicau | 2nd @kuriositylol | 3rd @noxious-nights | 4th @autumndropsdead | 5th @user-411557229 |

(strivesad.)
yeah i won't play nice
am i doing this right
i'll confine
in my sadness tonight
and i'll never say goodbye
to torture my mind
turn this darkness to light
gotta fight for my life (ooh)

(kuriosity)
lately ive been nauseous
cant eat right
ive been throwing up
smoke a L so i can eat
i put my feelings in the trunk
smoke till i cant see
drink till im throwin up
what am i waiting for
no im not blowing up
cheap liquor i put it on ice 
if it aint me u aint doin it right
lil bitch why u switchin up sides
lil bitch why u switchin up sides
fuck u ion play it nice 
fuck u ion play it nice
fuck u 
fuck u 
fuck u ion play it nice 

(noxiousnights)
i just took a break from that drink and that weed
i'm sober as fuck and i'm so fucking exhausted
working on my health, i was killin myself
had to throw away all the pills on my shelf
but i don't give a fuck, i could die tomorrow
they would run over my body if it was on the road
heart like stone and broken like my phone
i'm left in the cold and it's freezing my bones

(autumndropsdead)
can’t correlate with my head 
even though i try 
i don’t feel any better yet
so i sulk instead, life’s on the line
never knew where my shelter is
but we never knew what we started
people talk, but i choose not to worry us
at least i go all in, fuck your polish 
you ain’t gonna make me trust

(residential.)
wasting time
wasting shit
i been in my head
blew a stack
cause i can
now the beamer red
talking less
to my friends
now im in my bed
where the fuck
do you go
when your better dead
smoking gasoline under evergreen bleeding
sold your daughter green now she on my screen feening
never showing up
i been in my room leaning
i think i enjoy when my fingers lose feeling

Darkness 2 Light w/ autumndropsdead, residential, kuriosity, strivesad & noxiousnights [+ sogimura]

PRODUCED BY TAURS AND JOLST 

usendflowrs: 

will you call home, just call home my visions clouded
wanna tear off my face when i think about it
x2

your love fills my health bar, can’t live without it
i’m low hearts, you’re cold i would never doubt it 
a lost soul in that cold, and never found it 
your personality lies in that cold snow 
she said she kinda scared
she want me to walk her home 
jus carry me thru everything
and please don’t let me go 
she a witch, she curse the medicine
i take when i’m alone 
she wanna lay me down 
and kiss me 
take my soul and watch me go 

nevermadeithome:

and i cant believe that i didnt see this 
she poisoned the apple when i eat it 
i cant read her books they make me speechless
one flick of her hair shes so reckless 

she'll eat your heart alive 
she gets her voodoo doll 
with a needle and she pokes me in the eye 
now ive gone fuckin blind 
i hope this is the last time 
that she conjures up a potion 
& im praying its the elixer of life x2

i kinda want you bad
but i know that youre no good for me 
youre just being sad so i fall for you
i kinda want you bad 
but i know that you’re no good for me 
and you’re just being sad so i fall for-

sendflowrs & nevermadeithome:

in that cold snow 
she said she kinda scared
she want me to walk her home 
jus carry me thru everything
and please don’t let me go 
she a witch, she curse the medicine
i take when i’m alone 
she wanna lay me down 
and kiss me 
take my soul and watch me go
x2

winterfell w/ nevermadeithome (taurs x jolst)

produced by hiraeth

remember to wash the socks u came in

And its so obvious
How can you not see me
See me
If I ran away would you need me ?
Played your last messages on repeat
This the last time that you’ll see me

So let me down
Pull me out
Of this hole im in
Baby would you cave it in 
What is happening
I can’t believe I shat again :p!!
Blood is everywhere
Im crawling out of bed again

Fuck with me for the last time 
This the last night
Fights getting outta hand now
But its alright
Fuck living ima die now 
Its about time
Thoughts sheltering my mind out
From the outside

Trying to run from the past
Tell me how hard does it get now
Living to die in a bed
No in-between to forget now
Call me when all of it ends
Im putting a gun to my he’d now

Fuck with me for the last time 
This the last night
Fights getting outta hand now
But its alright
Fuck living ima die now 
Its about time
Thoughts sheltering my mind out
From the outside

Fuck with me for the last time 
This the last night
Fights getting outta hand now
But its alright
Fuck living ima die now 
Its about time
Thoughts sheltering my mind out
From the outside

newmaker

produced by branwen

completely non profit

lyrics

turn it up turn it up for another night
getting drunk on a sunday till the morning light
waking up in a monday in a strangers bed
i think i finished all my drinks theyre in my fuckin head

holy shit here i go again
i been off my meds for a while
n im a god again
i dont really know who i am
n im alright with it
at least im being honest
if it hurts then u dont feel regret

ur head will hurt in the morning
u dont give a fuck
shes kinda cute might as well go n try ur luck
she thought that i was 25 holy wtf
so this wont go past tonight idgaf

19 i make connections when in drunk until i break them when im sober
in my heart im older
i bleed from underneath the scotch tape thats holding me together
its forever

why waste my time writing all these fucking metaphors
im still in love with the person that i met before
gave her my heart n she threw it on the fucking floor
i find it hard just to trust cus in the end
fucked my best friend
said she wishing i was dead
u live in my head
both u n him
and its such a mess 
that u have left
that u have left
that u have left

(hero)

i find it funny how we repeat such a cycle here again
shits so toxic its obnoxious she refuse to leave my head
and im okay with that, as okay with being sliced in half
"i got a thing for artists" oh i want ur take on that
chugging octane to experience a numbness when she on me
stop me, id like to see u try oh u could never
sulfate to really rub the cut into my skin
with scotch tape to wrap the fatal wound once again

scotchtape & sulfates ft. hero (branwen)

ｎｏ　ａｉｒ，　ｂｕｔ　ｓｏｍｅｈｏｗ　ｉ　ｂｒｅａｔｈｅ　ｔｈｒｏｕｇｈ

prod by my guy @solofttt
fucking love you all.
more on the way
stay strong
take care; drink water
try to get some rest.
thank you for being here

too much
i don't wanna feel too much
(like what?)
beat up; feet are clamped in the mud
no one
fuck this damper wood i'm hunching over every day
you shouldn't feed me love 'cause i'll regurgitate it anyways

that's the price that i'll pay
not to be overcome by my emotions
a hallow frame, left to be hung on it's own
where nobody'll noticed it's changed
feel that pain of your confusion
and just turn it into music
orchestrations of my patience
retrospective-made illusions

just be cautious not to lose it
'cause some bitch said something stupid
trust me, god i know it hurts
but know your worth and keep on moving
somewhere in the sky
just go outside and raise your head
there's reclusive ways to cleanse yourself
without this constant dread
but this toxin's running deeper
i don't know how long i'll last
i misplaced my faith with hatred
as i'm staring down the glass
i ain't hitting you up like i know you (but i do)
but i'm up a few notches, i'll understand
'cause the past, it haunts you (it does)
i try to reach out, but i got ghost hands

felt too much
now i don't feel enough
felt too much
i may have dove a little deep in the ocean
for my lungs,
couldn't handle the pressure that they had been holding
y'all folding, but i'm focused
honestly i feel omnipotent
only when i get my hands on the potion
or i'm broken, i'm not joking
but maybe if i break daylight, then i'll get shit done
and i'll feel alright
with a tone so stale there was no real cry
on a blood-stained trail, we still bleed overnight
fuck, i bet that you feel it again
incisions embellish your skin
and now you're all alone again
deprived of the people you thought were your friends
i made a couple calls, did they go through?
it ain't fair, i really don't wanna miss you
take care, i'll be blowing on tissues
no air, but, somehow i breathe through
it's 4 in the morning, my guardian's snoring
i'm sorry i lied, i've been sippin away
i'd make me some porridge, but puke it by morning
the cycle is horrid, but i ain't complain

indefinite pain ain't just part of my day
it's been shrouding my brain
like a vulturous gate
this shit's an escape
i'm always afraid
of being locked out of my own mental state
try not to run away just yet, i feel you
breaching my skin, for the meantime

too much 
i don't wanna feel too much
(like what?)
beat up; feet are clamped in the mud
no one
fuck this damper wood i'm hunching over every day
you shouldn't feed me love 'cause i'll regurgitate it anyways
(anyways)

woodworks [prod. soloft]

ｕｎｔｉｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｄｕｓｋ　ｅｒｏｄｅｓ，　ｏｒ　ｆｉｎａｌｌｙ　ｇｅｔｓ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ

produced by @cartermetro & @gualabeatz

hey, 
workng on a lot; it's been difficult to come by many things lately, 
but i'm really trying to get there
thank you so much for all your support
thank you so much for listening
thank you for being here
take care of yourselves
i love you
drink water 

i don't wanna lose the emotion
i don't wanna sweep it under the floor
'kay girl fuel that substance
like, somehow it knows you need something more
i don't wanna feel real love yet
'cauese love ain't love, it's knowing your core
and i know you know that you're running
better shape up 'fore you keep that

this is not gonna work
imagine reinvention
tryna recollect my worth, yea
i hope you hear it in the words
or at least over the phone
i'm just a broken bird

when my neck goes stiff i try to stretch it
get some leverage into heaven
seen a lot of angry faces, disappointed my decisions
cold bed, lost friends, time spent just forgetting
sharp pains, dull fate; stimulate the seven senses

oh my, don't cry, feel fine that you're falling (2x)

fuck time killed over cheap thrills
like wine spills for some dopamine
i still that i'm unreal, so i choose to be who i wanna be
not swept up like room dust, when it turns dusk and i can't see
how i once felt, if i did well, for the person who had wanted me

never really know if it's a drill
am i really dying? wish i'd know that
write it all on the will
this windowsill really goes back
when all i had was to heal
now all i have is to collapse
coffee cans over pills
hands quake from the cold blast

this is not gonna work
imagine reinvention
tryna recollect my worth, yea
i hope you hear it in the words
or at least over the phone
i'm just a broken bird
(i'm just broken)

40 minutes pass uh
hot water still rolls off of back yo
never can relax, i
step out the moment the feeling retracts
now i feel in mass
got nowhere to go, so i'm making a track
easy as that
you know that you feel it so fade in the grass

neither fight or flight 'cause i'm aware of my abilities
i'll chalk it up until the dusk erodes or finally gets to me
i guess we tend to trust in what we fight for
but don't let a road become an eyesore
open up your mental, persevere and take a dip
just because you weren't there, it doesn't mean they ain't exist
i create to stimulate when no one's there to fill me in
'cause when your home's a hollow body, i could a little pinch, so

we can probably make it work
imagine reinvention
tryna recollect your worth
(worth) 2x
i hope you hear it in the words
or at least over the phone
i am just a broken bird
(i'm just broken)

cans [prod. cxrter x gualabeatz]

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

everyday is the same/ but just a little bit different
today i was the guilty one again, cuz i didn't listen
yesterday it was still my fault, but surely 4 anotha reason
i think/ shit never changes, despite us changing the szn
i suddenly went cold, like we're in a blizzard
sick of bastards who fold, n runaway like they lizzards
acting like u r dr connors, imma beat u like peter
ain't no way u betraying me, im sick of being beaten

not my choice to be born
not my decision
if it really was up to me
i'd be in a grave not breathing
all the bones that u broke 
r the reason 
why ur so bad for me 
but keep me from kneeling

so much pain in my heart
idk where to start 
i keep rollin up blunts
and smokin em all in the dark 
closed in the stu makin art 
about everything thatS a part
of my life and marked me 
to the point where i can't even talk

to anybody i know
bout anything that i go
thru everyday is a struggle
wakin up  wishin i don't
shit got me feeling so low 
going thru this all alone
i got nobody to relate to 
but a pillbox n a bong

So, Go (prod. jolst)

hiraeth

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