I LOVE working with dialogue and maybe you do too!! Here's all my dialogue works in sequential order!

Dialogue Ditties

Satirical Sultan

This is the product of the recent outpouring of creative validation! THANKS, EVERYONE!!!! This piece is inspired by anyone who has commented, liked, or followed in the past week. I'm so encouraged by you!!! <3<3<3

Bubble Beats

This song paints the overall atmosphere of my psychotic break. It was actually rather ethereal and enjoyable. IN THE MOMENT I had a blast, all things considered.

Whimsical World

This song is dedicated to my best friends during psychosis; the hallucinations in my head. They (hallucinations) aren't always awful. I used to talk to them for HOURS at a time. They were some of the most supportive and comforting entities at the time that just wanted me to act on impulse (bad) and have fun (good)

Harmonious Hallucinations

The only tactile hallucination I've ever had was the night I felt like I was constantly being touched. This track sounds like how it felt to fight off an army of attacking ghosts.

Gravitating Ghosts

I was at my ma's the other day and found this lecture by Alan Watts. When I started hearing voices, I thought of my harmonious hallucinations as bhodisattvas meant to guide me through life - all I had to do was go with the flow. The same concept proved true to this day; follow the path of least resistance/the path with the least stress. Wu Wei.

Wu Wei - Feat. Alan Watts

The vocal samples are from Terence Mckenna's discussion, "The Anatomy of Insanity." The man gets it.

Divine Madness - Feat. Terence McKenna

This ends my psychedelic lectures kick, I think.

While I was psychotic, I experienced a myriad of delusions. My FAVORITE delusion was that I had inherited a cult that had just lost it's leader. "Mindfulness, Meditation, and Marijuana" were my tenets. 

Meditation is the bees knees.

Musical Meditation - Feat. Alan Watts

Just a fun little ditty about acid. 

I, personally, am a huge fan of hallucinogens. I'm taking a responsible hiatus, though, and waiting one year after psychosis breaking to minimize the risk of a bad trip.

Only a few months left!!

Labyrinthian Lucy

It's not as if a person wakes up one day believing they're a god; the nature of delusion, as the most detrimental part of psychosis, is much more insideous.

My first delusion was that I was being fired. Despite my stellar performance at work, I had cleaned out my desk, working every torturous day as I awaited the call into the head office. Experiencing too much tension, I quit. 

Then, the paranoia started and I was constantly being watched. There were imperceivable cameras everywhere, I was CERTAIN of it. This certainty was grounded in the most powerful hunch ever experienced. 

These delusions ceased to be supported by facts(however twisted) and grew from simple musings. Throughout psychosis, it was as if my intuition was posessed by a science fiction author as I began to question if I was even human. 

My last delusion before psychosis breaking found me gearing up for a multi-dimensional battle with aliens from my "home dimension". I gave Braveheart -style speeches to the voices in my head daily while interpretting messages from Aztec gods speaking to me through the wind. 

Then, 8 months later, the delusions started being disproven. One by one, they faded until I found myself grounded in reality again. 

It started with my job.

Downtempo Decay

I've been on a bit of an Alan Watts kick lately and the biggest reason is because of his understanding of insanity. For months, the only thing that was real for me was who I was as a person. No amount of institutionalizations could touch that and no delusion could call it into question. 

Not my standing in the world - be it superhuman, god, or angelic vessel - but what made me ME. My personality and character profile were the only things that stayed consistent through the most tumultuous time of my life. 

This time last year, I had just begun to lose my mind. 

But, hey, "all life is spontaneous"

Spontaneous Self - Feat. Alan Watts

Cerebral Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

Celestial Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

Catastrophic Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

I have all this nervous energy pent up from this semester ending in a few weeks and my full psychological evaluation next week so I decided to make a fun song trying to communicate my mindset! I actually focused really hard for this one and put effects on nearly every clip!!

Beguiling Bazaar

Fluttering Flute

I'm absolutely in LOVE with Mongolia. Everything from their nomadic culture, to astounding history, to their Buddhist practices, AND their musical stylings!!!! I couldn't think of a better way to close out the school year than to play with the Mongolian sample pack that was just released!!!

Novel Nomads

Not only have I become OBSESSED with creating AI art, I've also found a new worldly sample pack! The stringed instrument is called a Qanun, and although it's assosciated with Israel, it actually has roots dating back to ancient Egypt! And these samples are in SUCH a funky key!!!!! 

I'm especially proud of this one because although the melody doesn't seem like much, I stiched it myself from a series of one-second samples! Commonplace, sure, but a first for me and I'm so excited I loved it so much!!!!!

Electric Egypt

I stumbled across this sample pack that featured an artist just rhythmically exhaling and I knew I HAD to do something with it! A few tutorials and new effects later and this mixed-genre, oud-infused song was born! 

I started learning about proper spacing and balance in the process!

Bass-ic Breathing

It's been a few months since I've posted anything and while part of that was my dealing with school and facing the WORST writers block yet, part of my absence was also prompted by my quitting my antipsychotics. This may have prompted the writers block, now that I'm typing this out, huh. 

It DEFINITELY prompted another psychotic break that burned HOT and BRIGHT and FAST like the stars I believed I was talking to. This bright, intense break stood in stark contrast to the slow-burning first one. I thought there was only one shade of psychosis for everyone and I'd just have my harmonious hallucinations pop up whenever I got too stressed. It was honestly the ease and gentle nature of my first break that prompted me to stop taking my medication. I could handle anything that came my way, I already had! 

I was incredibly wrong. This October proved the most intense, thought-provoking, traumatic, and surreal 4 weeks of my life. I will NEVER stop taking my medication without a professional's guiding hand again. The hallucinations identified themselves as celestial bodies, extraterrestrials, even "Jesus" at times (INCREDIBLY confusing for an athiest with eastern religious interests). There was one moment where the hallucinations made it appear that I had caused a supernova because I looked up at the night sky without "permission" from the voices in my head. That I was filling our surrounding space with black holes because I could not stop looking up. 

Psychosis is STILL one of the biggest mysteries in modern psychology, despite "madness" and "hysteria" being among the first recognized abnormal mental states. Since the first psychotic break, I've been trying to musically simulate what psychosis FEELS like. 

With my Desert of Delusion album, I tried to paint a picture of the varying storybook-like genres I had experienced during my eight month break. With "Downtempo Decay", I tried to simulate the decaying nature of reality as it is substituted with increasingly absurd delusions. Now, with "Pseudo Psychosis", I've found that I've replicated the experience of having audible hallucinations(through the dialogue) while simultaneously expressing the fluid nature of reality (through the line of melody). 

The first vocals are positioned dead center, between the ears. This is to represent your internal monologue. Audible hallucinations, when inside the mind, are like dynamically-voiced thoughts that have specific positions in the head. As the song and psychosis continue, though, these positions become muddled. While it's initially easy to tell the difference between your own thoughts and the hallucinations, soon there isn't any way to deiscern between the two. That's where people get hurt. 

Those in the depths of psychosis are actually much more likely to harm themselves than harm others. 

This was, possibly, my most challenging track yet as all of the dialogue matches exactly to hallucinations I have had, save for the introductory singing verse. That just sets the scene as it represents the last coherent and stable line of thinking before madness hits. 

I'll probably come back later and add more context to the dialogue but I was really excited to post this as much like with Desert of Delusion and Downtempo Decay, the creation and posting of this track has helped my processing of the traumatic event IMMENSELY! I'm now completely at peace!!

Also, in my mission to demystify stress-induced psychosis, feel free to leave any questions below and I'll be happy to answer them to the best of my experience!

Mastered by https://soundcloud.com/izero-7-9 !!

Pseudo Psychosis

What would it sound like if a woman from New England traveled through an ocean-side cave and went on a psychedelic, Alice-in-Wonderland-esque adventure that landed her in New Dehli?

Breaking Borders

The past few weeks I've been dealing with a bit of residual psychosis. It's absolutely chill, I dealt with MONTHS of residual psychosis when I was BIG psychotic two years ago so a few weeks is easy-peasy lemon squeezy. Now, if you picture psychosis as a fog of symptoms that clouds your perception of reality, residual psychosis is like that fog gradually clearing. 

How do I get it to clear? Grounding techniques! Mindfulness and meditation have assisted me in staying grounded in my present reality whenever I hear the voices start to kick up again. They've gone back to being harmonious hallucinations, at the start of residual psychosis they were mostly apologizing for letting things get out of hand, which is sweet. Like my non-concious self apologizing to my conscious self. BUT before I get wrapped up in all the good feelings I have to remind myself to stay grounded! And the BEST way to do that is with regulated breathing!!

Breathe with me~

Dispersing Dream

Inspiration for this song struck in the form of an experimental sample pack revolving around MUSHROOMS!!!! This sample pack is AWESOME! Two producers went out into Midcoast Maine and Rhode Island and played with mushrooms and fallen wood!! In particular, there was this harmony that was a conceptualization of what a mycelium network would SOUND like and it is one of the most beautiful samples I've ever heard. I had to do something with it!!! 

The phrase "Mechanical Mycelium" stuck in my head so I tried to conceptualize what THAT would sound like! I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed creating!!

Mechanical Mycelium

The COOLEST feature of my psychosis last year was that the music I listened to started sending me secret messages. Yes, I know, that's LITERALLY insane, but I ending up spending over 12 hours a day listening INTENSELY to Shpongle, OTT, Symbolico and other uniquely fantastic electronic musicians.

As a result, when I became lucid I was nothing short of INSPIRED and had amassed quite an array of eclectic, electronic influences! 
I’m (thankfully) no longer psychotic but music has helped me process some of the more terrifying or surreal experiences that I’ve had while practicing theoretical reality. 
Now, I just compose for fun! I LOVE to experiment with new genres but mainly stick to world, leftfield, IDM, and glitch music. Sometimes I combine them!

As I am crazy new at music production and am always learning new tricks, I will be constantly updating songs with their better-mastered versions. If anything sticks out like a sore thumb, please let me know! I can't WAIT to get better!!

HopelesslyHype

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