I LOVE working with dialogue and maybe you do too!! Here's all my dialogue works in sequential order!

Dialogue Ditties

I was at my ma's the other day and found this lecture by Alan Watts. When I started hearing voices, I thought of my harmonious hallucinations as bhodisattvas meant to guide me through life - all I had to do was go with the flow. The same concept proved true to this day; follow the path of least resistance/the path with the least stress. Wu Wei.

Wu Wei - Feat. Alan Watts

The vocal samples are from Terence Mckenna's discussion, "The Anatomy of Insanity" where he spoke on the psychotic perspective from a firsthand perspective. I couldn't help but notice certain statements stand out as they were reflective of my own experience and I knew I had to record them SOMEWHERE!

Divine Madness - Feat. Terence McKenna

This ends my psychedelic lectures kick, I think.

While I was psychotic, I experienced a myriad of delusions. My FAVORITE delusion was that I had inherited a cult that had just lost it's leader. "Mindfulness, Meditation, and Marijuana" were my tenets. 

Meditation is the bees knees.

Musical Meditation - Feat. Alan Watts

Just a fun little ditty about acid. 

I, personally, am a huge fan of hallucinogens. I'm taking a responsible hiatus, though, and waiting one year after psychosis breaking to minimize the risk of a bad trip.

Only a few months left!!

Labyrinthian Lucy

I've been on a bit of an Alan Watts kick lately and the biggest reason is because of his understanding of insanity. For months, the only thing that was real for me was who I was as a person. No amount of institutionalizations could touch that and no delusion could call it into question. 

Not my standing in the world - be it superhuman, god, or angelic vessel - but what made me ME. My personality and character profile were the only things that stayed consistent through the most tumultuous time of my life. 

This time last year, I had just begun to lose my mind. 

But, hey, "all life is spontaneous"

Spontaneous Self - Feat. Alan Watts

Cerebral Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

Celestial Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

Catastrophic Consciousness - Feat. Alan Watts

It's been a few months since I've posted anything and while part of that was my dealing with school and facing the WORST writers block yet, part of my absence was also prompted by my quitting my antipsychotics. This may have prompted the writers block, now that I'm typing this out, huh. 

It DEFINITELY prompted another psychotic break that burned HOT and BRIGHT and FAST like the stars I believed I was talking to. This bright, intense break stood in stark contrast to the slow-burning first one. I thought there was only one shade of psychosis for everyone and I'd just have my harmonious hallucinations pop up whenever I got too stressed. It was honestly the ease and gentle nature of my first break that prompted me to stop taking my medication. I could handle anything that came my way, I already had! 

I was incredibly wrong. This October proved the most intense, thought-provoking, traumatic, and surreal 4 weeks of my life. I will NEVER stop taking my medication without a professional's guiding hand again. The hallucinations identified themselves as celestial bodies, extraterrestrials, even "Jesus" at times (INCREDIBLY confusing for an athiest with eastern religious interests). There was one moment where the hallucinations made it appear that I had caused a supernova because I looked up at the night sky without "permission" from the voices in my head. That I was filling our surrounding space with black holes because I could not stop looking up. 

Psychosis is STILL one of the biggest mysteries in modern psychology, despite "madness" and "hysteria" being among the first recognized abnormal mental states. Since the first psychotic break, I've been trying to musically simulate what psychosis FEELS like. 

With my Desert of Delusion album, I tried to paint a picture of the varying storybook-like genres I had experienced during my eight month break. With "Downtempo Decay", I tried to simulate the decaying nature of reality as it is substituted with increasingly absurd delusions. Now, with "Pseudo Psychosis", I've found that I've replicated the experience of having audible hallucinations(through the dialogue) while simultaneously expressing the fluid nature of reality (through the line of melody). 

The first vocals are positioned dead center, between the ears. This is to represent your internal monologue. Audible hallucinations, when inside the mind, are like dynamically-voiced thoughts that have specific positions in the head. As the song and psychosis continue, though, these positions become muddled. While it's initially easy to tell the difference between your own thoughts and the hallucinations, soon there isn't any way to deiscern between the two. That's where people get hurt. 

Those in the depths of psychosis are actually much more likely to harm themselves than harm others. 

This was, possibly, my most challenging track yet as all of the dialogue matches exactly to hallucinations I have had, save for the introductory singing verse. That just sets the scene as it represents the last coherent and stable line of thinking before madness hits. 

I'll probably come back later and add more context to the dialogue but I was really excited to post this as much like with Desert of Delusion and Downtempo Decay, the creation and posting of this track has helped my processing of the traumatic event IMMENSELY! I'm now completely at peace!!

Also, in my mission to demystify stress-induced psychosis, feel free to leave any questions below and I'll be happy to answer them to the best of my experience!

Mastered by https://soundcloud.com/izero-7-9 !!

Pseudo Psychosis

Psychosis brought me to music production when it became the easiest way for me to communicate my ineffable experiences at the end of my first psychotic break, which lasted a long eight months. As you can imagine, there was much to express. My album “Desert of Delusion” was the strongest processing tool I had acquired to work through what was the most turbulent and invigorating time of my life. 

This wasn’t just a one-off, though. I would go on to experience two more psychotic breaks, with the most recent one being last month. BUT! I didn’t have to be hospitalized for that one. I’m getting better at this! 

I also have a wicked severe case of ADHD, which is where my name comes from! My primary personality trait is ENERGETIC and as such, I get bored very easily when a loop plays for too long. To combat this, I constantly vary up the instruments and samples I’m using! I aim to create ever-evolving soundscapes that take listeners on a grand journey of the mind, much like what I experienced during my MANY hours of disappearing into Shpongle, OTT, and Entheogenic while psychotic. I want to recreate that immersive experience for the listener and share how I experience music!  

I have a severe brain injury from being hit by a truck as a child. Because of this, my energy waxes and wanes and I’m rather inconsistent on here but I’m trying my best and slowly getting better! It affects my music production in the COOLEST of ways though, because I have a touch of audio-tactile synesthesia. You may find sounds that repeat themselves in my songs, like the deep bubbling of a tabla or the squiggly twang of a jaw-harp. I like to use sounds that FEEL good! 

I’ve only been producing for a little over a year and have VERY much to learn but I LOVE to meet new people! If you have any tips or questions or just want to say hi, PLEASE feel free to drop me a message! I PROMISE I’ll respond as soon as I’m able! 

I hope you enjoy!!~ 

(All digital images made with AI)

Dialogue Ditties

HopelesslyHype