fabuloussss i love your music🥺🥺💗

lets just say 5 years in and my anti depressants work
no more therapy except for when the symptoms get worse and i get
not depressive just sad

will i be alright? do i have a job? do i have a lover and do i have a dog?
do i feel the world  can i see the sun   do i play guitar  or do i bite my thumb
do i dream of real stuff or am i still in bed
laying in my own filth clawing at my head

do i see the real world
as it actually is
will i kiss a real girl
and finally feel bliss

fuck my brain   fuck the haunting pain
fuck the world that tells me that its not really there
if i wasn’t sick  why am i like this?    wouldn’t i be not depressive just sad

but will i have life? will i have enough time? will i get a wife? a family that i
feel safe in, will i run? will i see the sun? or will i keep on crying and crying and crying

do i see the real stuff
do i ask enough
or do i ask just too much
just too much

Shit

lyrics:

im not coping very well
and im cooped up in my cell
what i call this brain, this hell
this loop im stuck in

always knew something was wrong
did my best to carry on
lately i dont feel as strong
as i used to

everytime a layer is peeled back
another layers underneath
im just so tired of the peel

and everytime a thing gets to be fixed
it always ends in shit
always bring more things with it

i am tired tired tired tired tired of being sick
im tired tired tired tired tired of living like this
lately I’ve been thinking
maybe i should be committed
but i dont think they think im sick enough

im not living just spending time
watching shows that make me cry
so i can feel alive
instead of just laying there

i just think everything is wrong
somethings just been feeling off
i dont know how to tell whats up
i dont know anything

everytime a layer is peeled back
another layers underneath
im just so tired of the peel

and everytime a thing gets to be fixed
it always ends in shit
always bring more things with it

 i am tired tired tired tired tired of being sick
im tired tired tired tired tired of living like this
lately I’ve been thinking
maybe i should be committed
but i dont think they think im sick enough

Tired

Deviltown (Daniel Johnston cover)

Unfucktheworld (cover by Blood Girl)

lyrics:

right now i know you are having sex with someone
and im smoking in my kitchen making pasta salad for my lunch
i hate the way my heart it ached when i found wrappers for a condom
on the floor of your bedroom last summer

im trying not to feel lonely im trying not to feel rejected
as im picking basil pouring pesto in a lunchbox and the
basil it is dried cus the basil plant it died i still feel
weird about the fact that you are probably inside

somebody elses mind
and i am picking dying leaves of a plant that didn’t survive
a year has passed since it began you dating other people and its well
fine i just forgot how much it sucks to have to share you with em

but i loved you a lot and i love you even more now
didn’t think it possible but somehow it just happened how
when you kiss me on my neck or hold me in your arms
im butter melting sideways down a oven filled with warmth

and when you kiss me on my lips and i taste your morning breath
when im waking in the sunlight and were laying in my bed
in my lucid dreaming wake i cuddle into you
id rather be around you than alone and that is new

and new things are coming
like knowing you are interested in people is comforting
cus it makes me feel like you  are going to be fine
the way we both feared none of us would make it out alive

and i am eating the pesto straight from the glass
and outside a couples walking by hand in hand
it makes me think that i am just the worst person alive
i know its not true but i can’t shake this feeling inside

that the only reason you  dont want me now
is because you know me inside and out
and you saw all the ugly that i hide from the rest
and you knew it best to get away from this mess

and right now i know you are having sex with someone
and i hope you’re comfortable and having fun
im falling fast asleep and thinking bout the day 
how everyone around me feel so scary far away

and right now i know you are having sex with someone right now i know you are sleeping next to someone
right now i know you are waking up with someone right now i know you are gonna fall for someone

Right Now

Funeral Home by Daniel Johnston (cover by Blood Girl)

lyrics:

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own songs
spending my own days
tired of always doing everything
doing it for everyone 
with nothing to say

i can’t feel things
i’m just tired
i’m lonely and i’m tired
i feel like i am 15 again
with expirary dates on my friendships
sorta just wasting time alone

why is it that just because i am depressed
i have to feel totally disconnected from my friends
being alone is healthy  sometimes
but i isolate myself then i wanna die

why is it that just because i’m empathetic
people feel like they can fucking forget me
i am needy too,  desperate for love
im sensitive and broken and depend on other people a lot

i cant always be strong
i cant always be tough
i've learned that no matter how bad im feeling
its never bad enough

tired of seeing my own face
hearing my own voice
following my own pace
tired of always giving second chances
third and fourth chances
to everyone

i’m hurt too
i’m tired
and hurt too and i’m tired
i feel like i’m 11 again   
accepting life means isolation
means you just keep to yourself

why is it that i dont know myself
that used to be the only thing i knew well
being depressed is bad
sometimes
but it also makes me look at all the things i dont do right

like feeling that i’m the one
whos supposed to carry everyone i love
im  a fucking idiot too
i’m not always great
i just want somebody to hold me and tell me i’m ok

i cant always be good
i can’t always hold on
i’ve learned that no matter how shitty someone is they’re never shitty enough

Shitty Enuff

lyrics: 

whatever i draw whatever i do whatever songs i listen to
im thinking of pain im thinking of death  it feels like a glue it sticks to my head
im seeing a corpse when im out for a smoke
it looks like my face just beaten and broke
i look to the sky ask: is this a joke?
if it is   its not that good

im not in the mood for answering texts
im not in the mood for anything yet
i am writing a song to feel like im real
that this isn’t just a truman show deal

if it was it’d be a horrible show
a feel-bad bummer type of series and yo
im all for some drama but my life is just sad
mostly consists of sleeping


wherever i am wherever i go   whatever i think that i know
is just my brain cells telling me stuff and why should i trust them knowing that all
the things that i deal with boils down to  my brain is a bully and i am the nerd who
always gets picked last  tripping and being laughed at

i am still sick so my voice is fucked up
and i am so tired of this gnarly cough
all i wanna do is make music and sing
but i am too tired to do anything

my whole room smells like a litter box
cus my cat does nothing but shit all day long
can’t crack a window to air the smell 
cus im pretty sure shed jump out killing herself


whenever i think or i use my brain  or im squatting in the shower pulling hair from the drain
i think of my body think of my face and how it is moving how it is shaped
i hate that im real and i hate i exist
i hate being aware of everything
i look to the sky like: got an explanation?
but all i get is static

Whatever

lyrics:
real life is a tiny bug
and it sucks blood from my leg
i let it suck,suck my illness out
cus it all sucks and maybe i should just give in and go to bed
a thousand eyes are staring at me
thru the darkness of my room
all my furbies, stuffed animals
looking at me like a loon
i get defensive,say im normal
but i know that its a lie
when living feels a lot like killing time

therapy is hard,working on myself
so much homework all with smiley faces 
saying: do not kill yourself
i wanna do the things i want i know i am my only problem
but it feels like i am at a loss and i can’t stop it

real life is a sweaty night
where im waking from a scary dream
and my brain is full of looters,stealing things that i may need
staring dead at my computer,never really feeling real
i still pretend that i am ok , still lie to peoples faces 
smiling tryna catch my breath from running all these races
why am i still sad sometimes? after all these years? 
why can’t i just get it right? live a life that i dont fear?

there is coleslaw on my plate
and theres a  coldsore on my face
and theres a monster in the closet
but the closet is too cramped for it
and my skin is full of maggots
so i cover it in batman bandaids
so the pretty girl on the bus
won’t notice my face is full of bugs

real life is a violent force
and it forces me to live it through 
others grow up,learning things learning stuff
i am so far behind at this point i will never keep up
lavalamp in my room ,are you tired of being used?
of others watching you go up and down 
and analysing your every move?
psychiatrist tomorrow to tell me bout my personality disorder
does that mean that i was the problem after all?

therapy is hard,talking bout myself
i am just a patient after all,im just a number well
i think about it often
depending is the problem
hating public hospitals but cannot live without em

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

everybody!

looney bin, the looney bin im going to the looney bin
get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

get me a diagnosis shiny and sad
im going to the looney bin and im never coming back

Looney Bin

lyrics:

breakdowns on my bathroom floor
mold on the walls im a scabless sore
care bears dance on television wanna
go where all the pain is forgiven

freak out strangers on the train
staring like they see thru my brain traumas
plastic pony playhouse parties i am
worried that im what you worry id be

am i even worse than i thought
or am i just completely brainwashed
will you hold my hand till you almost can’t stand me?
will you love everybody else but me?

do you even care at all about me?
did it hurt you when i said i was lonely?
had you forgotten that i existed
you are too nice but ive somehow grown resistant

sentient aware dyeing fry my hair
love me without a potion 
i fuck up everything to feel real i think
can i make myself change for you
everybody lies godless sacrifice
im a burden you carry
i pierce my ears again blood on porcelain
somethings rotten inside me

i am not to blame
but i feel ashamed
drifting out of my body
i know that i dont break
everybody yet
there are shards in my hands
and they
cut the ties ive built
overwhelming guilt
hello kitty on bandaids
to cover up the spores
bodys open sores

Bloodcute - Scabless Sore ♡

realised too late that the title is gramatically incorrect but oh well.

lyrics:
first time i told anyone that i had ocd
they almost laughed a little bit about the fact but not at me
because the fact was i was sick but everyone kinda assumed
that i could not have ocd when they took a step into my room
with my sheets half off my bed and half my closet on the floor
and torn up papers, bags of garbage, stickers splattered on my door
forever messy all my life, a joke that followed since i was a kid
so no one realised when i got sick and couldn’t do anything.

i didn’t know i had compulsions, never questioned them for long.
the things i did to make myself calm down was not what felt so wrong.
it was my brain and all its humming noise, its never-ending sounds.
and even if it wasn’t screaming static it was always loud.
before i knew about obsessions id had grown used to the fact
that sometimes thoughts or weird ideas would stick around but then they’d pass
of course they left after a while and was replaced by something else
but i just thought that that was normal, after all i was a kid.

when i was 16 something changed and the ideas stopped passing by
now replaced by one thought i could not get rid of if i tried
it overshadowed every other thing and kept me up at night
and suddenly it was the only thing id think of all the time.
ocd is such a guilty thing, it feels like being chained.
it feels like you are going crazy with the weight of all the shame
it feels like waking up in mornings fearing for your life
because your brain is tryna convince you that you deserve to die.
its like your toeing on the edge of what is true and what is fake
because your brain is suddenly an unfamiliar place
and like a meatcleaver it cuts your thoughts to pieces without name
and you can’t see whats up and down you only focus on the pain.
its like theres something in your eye so you can only see with one
and there is so much you are missing but you’re convinced you’re not.
you are aware that you are crazy but you’re doubting everyone
and you get lost inside this spiral of fighting and giving up-

its like a shadow in your skull that somehow controls all your thoughts
and there is no room for your rationality or normal stuff
so all you ever really focus on is everything you fear
and everything becomes a phobia until you’re barely there.
i cannot comprehend the hours i have spent in total terror
every night of secret punishments of pleas and empty prayers
every night id gone to bed so sure i wouldn’t wake up
and every time that i considered if enough was now enough
so the first time i told anyone that i had ocd
there was a lump so big inside my throat i almost couldn’t speak
and when they chuckled i was stunned cus i expected some relief
but instead i was forced to prove to them that i was really sick
i never washed my hands for hours, never sorted all my stuff
but i would freak out in the shower, cus i was alone with my thoughts
and after meds and years of therapy im better after all
but still i wish my illness wasn’t made out to be laughing stock

The First Time I Told Anyone That I Had Ocd

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 24 year old nonbinary creature that sings about sadness and bettering

Whatever

Blood Girl

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