sad ah ah playlist

they really might not be alike (in terms of vibe) ‌‌random uhhh masterpieces pieced together yall!

ꂟꀎꂵꉣꑄ꓄ꏂꋪ

1 tru king

i am mistake

'goodbye' produced by heylog

lyrics:
almost 5am, i find it harder to sleep
i crack the window and i hear every animal sing
with a wind blowing soft, rustling through the leaves
admire nature as it comes alive from winter to spring
the flowers grow so tall that they start to bloom
and i just took a couple out cus i picked them for u
hoping one day you'll travel here to see what's new
cus this bouquet is gonna die if u don't visit me soon
and i
have a difficult time
spending days
when ur on my mind
wish this
would just go away
cus i'm trying to push u away
why
do i feel lonely
knowing i
hurt to see
an outcast
no one wants to be
and giggled at
n always being teased

can someone give a valid reason on why i shouldn't die
in disbelief that i will never see a point in life
i'm on and off of feeling bad and for a second i'm fine
it's so messed up and i don't think that i will ever resign
i'm so bipolar and i don't want u to see me like this
cus i guarantee i'll scare u if i speak from my chest
i didn't mean for u to leave when u saw that on my wrist
and i'm so sorry for putting u through all of this 
so why
do u keep playing w me
is it cause
u get lonely
in the night
and think of us
well it's fine
cus i think of us too
why
do i feel like this
well nevermind
cus u don't care about this
and if i die
will u grieve
and will cry
and will u miss me

CAN SOMEONE GIVE A VALID REASON ON WHY I SHOULDN'T DIE
CAUSE YOU MAKE ME WANNA KILL MYSELF OR GO GRAB THE KNIFE
I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN NEVER SEE A POINT IN LIFE
IN DISBELIEF OF EVERYTHING THAT I'M JUST WASTING MY TIME
I'M SO BIPOLAR AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME LIKE THIS
CAUSE I GUARANTEE I'LL SCARE YOU IF I SPEAK FROM MY CHEST
I'M AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN WITH ALL OF MY REGRETS
THERE'S MANY THINGS I WISH WERE GONE OR WISH I COULD RESET
I STEP INTO THE LIGHT AND DID THIS WITHOUT A GROUP
AND SO YOU NOTICING ME NOW WHEN I'M STEADY ON THE MOVE
AND YOU JUST THINK IT'S ALL OKAY TO HIT ME UP OUT OF THE BLUE
I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND OR TYPE OF BENEFIT TO SATISFY YOU
SO PLEASE GIVE A VALID REASON THAT YOU WANT ME DEAD
IS IT SAFE TO EVEN KNOW THAT THIS JUST MIGHT BE A TEST
FOR YOU TO TRICK ME INTO THINKING I'M NOTHING BUT A MESS
DELETE YOUR IMAGE THAT I LONGED FOR AND NOT SEEN AGAIN

if i can't love
will i end up
alone and forgot
or spend it w someone
i can't fall in love
my hearts dead
probably numb
i miss u my dear
it feels like it's been years

no way home
i was never close
the path ends here
don't know where to go
stone cold lies
i knew i was right
so farewell
cus this is goodbye

spotify

goodbye

'shredder' produced by heylog

lyrics:
at night i wanna end it all
in bed as tears begin to fall
water seeps through my pillow
i had to let it out
why won't u let me be
is it revenge you seek
too bad i cared for u
more than u could ever care for me

right now my only focus is on you
but if i die, i promise that i will warn you
but i cannot guarantee if i'll make it or not
so i'll cherish every moment with u
stay here, i gotta go i'll be right back
i head to war when voices causing this impact
but i cannot guarantee i'll make it out alive
so i'll try my best to stay intact
oh we out here alone with no one there by my side
i keep on hearing these screams and hearing people cry
but i don't know if it's real, don't know if it's a sign
i just know that i'm frightened and horrified
say where is log, i don't know where they went
i vanish into thin air and wait until i'm in
love for who i am
and love for within
u took that away now there's a shredder on my skin
if i were you i would hide
cus u don't know what u caused
u put on quite a show
let's give a round of applause
so are u done hurting me
and are u done w my head?
keep using it like a toy
you must forgot i'm human

don't wait for me now, i don't know how long i'll be
i'm too busy in the ground eating dirt u threw at me
oh u had your chance to let me go so i could breathe
now ur the one who's eating dust that i'm collecting on my feet
so how does it feel now that the roles finally swapped
i've been living too long feeling disgust inside this swamp
people love to talk but never wanna say a thing
when i be standing right there, c'mon and say it to my face
don't piss on my back and say it's raining from outside
i don't need no skin & bones for me to conjure every lie
i know i forgave but honestly i change my mind
cus i could not forgive a person who has stabbed me many times
say where is log, i don't know where i have been
i just stay as far as possible and locking every hinge
love for who i am and love for what i hold within
thanks for ruining what i had, this is where i shred my skin

you hurt..
you hurt
you hurt..
you hurt oh

don't look at me now, i feel so guilty in my chest
reflecting off the mirror is just a boy bout to collapse
i said i wanted peace, instead i got a giant war
and now i feel it slipping through as if this chapters gonna end
better start the next one bringing in new characters
maybe they'll respect me and everything will register
cus i don't need nobody who just screws behind my back
so tell me was it worth it throwing everything we had

shredder

'destroy' produced by heylog

lyrics:
often this summer we fight & start over
u were the best but this bye ain't forever
i'll make some space for ur tears on my shoulder
cus i'll still be here when ur ready to come home

don't cry i'm here with u
through every bump i still love you
don't give up, we'll survive the storm
i promise to keep u warm
babe i try but it's so hard
another boy is probably locked in ur arms
i have no hope of trying again
do u believe we've come to an end

i'm so goin numb, rip my heart out and my guts
love for me is lost and this pain is all for what?
(why)
i built an outer shell, ain't no one allowed in here
i keep my circle small and i shrink it every year
i'm still growing up and i fear the endless void
that i might get sucked in and soon to be destroyed
(destroy)
never would i want u to feel like ur not safe
i see fear in ur eyes when i found ur true place
why u always lie
don't joke it's not the time
i'm not here to pick sides
i'm just here to sit tight
she leveled to my waistline
and give me the rude eye
no something don't sit right
emotionless incline

I ALWAYS GET WORSE BEFORE I GET ANY GOOD
WHY CAN I NOT LEARN WHEN I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULD
I LOOK AT MYSELF AND I HATE THE FACE I SEE
YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE WORDS TRULY MEAN
	
i just need to isolate before i go and lose it
on some stupid situation i have no control with
watch me think over my head
at this point i'm useless
i won't match up to your degree
who in here is uncommon like me
just leave me alone
before i destroy us
away with everything
and everyone

destroy

https://open.spotify.com/album/2erLjZg3vJPYobdmKrexhW?si=Iu-yZ4N-Qc-Ec5v5DKoxrg

prod. @deademane

(heylog)
between the glass
is filled with poison
i feel like trash
apply the ointment
just stay back
he needs some time alone
cus through the cracks
is the widows home
don't come inside here
i would bounce
we're not alive here
don't stick around
when ur minds clear
come in the house
cus i'm not safe here
so get me out

don't come inside here
you might fear
people always die here
bloods along the cabinets
he sacrificed a lot here
everything was gone he loved
and now there's nothing left here
he said he wants to make a change
so he cuts every piece of hair
don't come inside here
you might fear
everybody dies here
walls are colored red
and i see bodies lying everywhere
roam around the room
can you tell there's nothing left here
you're quick to quit imagining
that you brought me inside of here

(casperrr)
oh she
she is lying thru her teeth
i swear that she wants to kill me
lay with my lifeless body
while staring at the ceiling
her actions are deceiving
she cuts herself she's bleeding
the blood is running and she really
fucking loves to see it

welcome to the widows home
there's cracks and holes in every wall
the emptyness fills all those holes
this place really tourments my soul
but you can't leave neither can i
i'll go into a room and cry
i'll try to just make up my mind
cut my hair lock myself inside

there's nowhere to go to now
there's no1 to save you now

(heylog + casperrr)
don't come inside here
you might fear
people always die here
bloods along the cabinets
he sacrificed a lot here
everything was gone he loved
and now there's nothing left here
he said he wants to make a change
so he cuts every piece of hair
don't come inside here
you might fear
everybody dies here
walls are colored red
and i see bodies lying everywhere
roam around the room
can you tell there's nothing left here
you're quick to quit imagining
that you brought me inside of here

casperrr x heylog - there's nothing left here (deademane)

produced by xona, ruevi, & oc

big thank you to all individuals who helped make this song possible <3

@ruevi @prod-oc
@heylog
@hiraethsry
@sleepywater
@sinxi
@caspywaspy
@vilsynth
@valerii
@deadfishh

the lyrics were over 4000 characters and that's the limit for soundcloud ♥

-lyrics-
https://genius.com/Xona-avoid-ii-lyrics

xona

avoid II w/ ruevi, heylog, hiraeth, sleepwater, sinxi, casperrr, vil, valerii & deadfish

shrinking star

Want You Here

guitar by melonmusik 

lyrics:
no one to call my home 
you were gone before i had even known 
never safe when you were close 
youre not my home 
you were so unpredictable and now i know
it was never my fault 
nothing i could’ve done would have changed the outcome 
you were never my home
never safe when you were close 

always alone 
maybe i’m better off on my own 
do still think of us? 
and what once was

no one to call my home 
you were gonna before i had even known

abode

guitar by oc <3

lyrics:
gotta hide away 
i don’t wanna see my face
i don’t wanna know what i look like
running from my self
but she’s never not far behind 
i hate who i am now 
havent left this room in days 
bet everyone else has forgotten my face 
can’t continue on like this 
so i hide away 
not like you’d notice anyway 
so i hide away
i dont wanna see my face 
i dont wanna know what i look like 
running from myself but shes never not far behind 
never not far behide 
how do i get away from this place 
scars all over my surface

hide

guitar by melon 

lyrics:
in the meadow is where i lay 
of myself im so ashamed 
but here is where ill stay 
the trees wont judge me 
they watch peacefully 
is that u i see?
here is where ill stay 
i really hate myself 
but nothing here will judge me 

close my eyes 
more then ever now its hard to get by
it hasn’t been easy 
i wont lie
i think about you all the time
i’m not confident i’ll win this fight


animals in the distance 
if i blink i might miss them 
in the meadow is where i lay 
of myself im so ashamed 
but here i’ll stay  
here i’ll stay

meadow

sorry for the wait and thank you to everyone for being so patient with me <3

produced by chalyre𓍼

will i fall again
when all i am
surrounded by mountains know im no man
its all compounding in the words you said
im driving at night go as fast as i can
living in a lie
needed me to hide
dont run
leaving me behind
now im left of what you tore from

did you get all that you wanted
taking its toll and its broken
and it always comes around
but youre nowhere to be found

you could stop it
all this bleeding
stand where i stood
and youll see it
through your eyes
no im not human
waiting for my lifes conclusion

leave it all behind
take your own advice
dont make me say it twice
youre no longer mine

hearth

@hovis
Written by @hovis and I
Produced by @xona @prod-oc
Mastered by @xona

https://share.amuse.io/track/vil-synth-hometownn

hometownn

Stream

hometownn [xona + oc]

@decayinganyways @prod-oc 

// decayinganyways
black light seen the blood
seen it all on display
sometimes get bored and i play with this blade
i won’t ever stay complacent no way
undead fuck it up play it back no delay
and I’ll say i won’t go
got dead eyes seen it in the snow

threw out all the fakes
get 'em outta my way
i burn it down all around
it’s a bloody parade
cross 'em out
hide the rounds that I fired today
their bodies drop and they rot
they can watch

okay so

.308
hit my shot and it hits fast
fuck around i’m shroud in a bloodbath
decay’s T-T-K yeah it’s so fast
E-G-O yeah it’s so high unmatched
saw blade to your skull like what’s that
slicing up cut a limb yeah I’m so rad
and i know that a brain won’t grow back
yeah i kill no live no love laugh

// i'm geist
take it off
turn slowly around
put your hands right up
you know what you’ve done

and it’ll all burn down again
will you smile as u kill all your friends?

locked eyes
got her fingers in herself
but she’s got you wrapped round those same fingers you’re a simp
oh well buddy there’s no shame if you’re living in my shade
but you wouldn’t catch me in my 20s taking breaks

fuck this
i’m not one to feel bad
locked in and it’s straight to a blood bath
dual blades and a gun in my backpack
no scoped
no live no love laugh
talk shit
then you’re back just to kiss ass
but don’t speak to me
you’ve got no class
move swift and i leave you in the past
won’t find an ego here to match

no live, no love, laugh w/ decayinganyways [oc]

fancy / xvideos

fancy

@prod-oc

i can’t fall asleep
when you’re not here with me
so promise that you’ll pay a visit in my dreams
my eyes they start to bleed
but please do not worry
i rather wipe the blood than what’s left of my tears

oh oh oh

saw my angel’s wings tore apart again
now i’m gone adrift no guardian
so ive lost some friends
it’s all part of it
but when i’m on top
don’t say my name

there’s that girl in red…
everybody seems to adore
got blood on my fit
now im starting to get real annoyed
and when winter’s gone
you’ll wonder why it’s still getting cold
with severed wings
you’re all sanctioned here
left to be doomed

doomed

doomed [oc]

BITTER

BITTER (feat. Max Fry)

@onlyfriendyeah 

// onlyfriend
i'm just a spirit in your bedsheets
so hate me
fuck your friends and move on with your life
it's taking everything i've got to even try
now i won't say forever, forever's come and go
cause people change and people leave
it's just the way it goes

i'm just a spirit in your bedsheets
i've been dead and gone for six weeks
won't take you back
don't hold me down
please don't tell me how you feel alive
whenever i'm around

// i'm geist
ohh
you have a way with your words
to always get what you want
no
i’d tell you how much hurts
but what’s the point of it now

six weeks dead still in my bed
and the sheets stained red, holes in my head
and after all was said, i watched you burn it down
had me holding on tight, to a love in the ground
promised we’d be alright, so how is it over now?
oh if you just stayed the night, we would have figured it out
now i’m stuck here without you
minds plagued full of doubt
and there’s nothing to amount too
with these stains on my crown

six weeks

six weeks w/ onlyfriend [iof x king theta]

analyses

i shouldn't look back w/ scum & lil lotus [prod fats'e]

luna has risen

also available on:

itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1214071959?ls=1&app=itunes

apple music: http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1214071959

spotify, and all other major music stores.

lost and afraid of the world that surrounds me
i constantly let down everyone around me

my heart it glows
my soul it floats
i stay awake cos i cant breathe
when demons haunt me in my sheets

have you ever felt like you were dead?
like nothing feels the same 
so you just lie in your bed?

light a cigarette 
put your woes to rest
im a fallen angel baby im not like the rest

i try to hold on to the things that i once loved
my heart and emotions are something im void of

youre wasting away
are you okay?
please just keep your head up and just hope for better days

hold on to your memories and youll be safe
this may be our last chance to leave this place

its like i hold myself back
crying wolf to all the sheep
singing lullabies to ease my mind
safely drifting in the night

but nothings ever as it seems
waking up from fever dreams
ive counted every single sheep
but i still cant fucking sleep

luna

download

a fallen angel 🌟

your backyard

@youngburial
@familypet
@anobodyreally

me:
feels like im drowning and i cant breathe
the walls are caving in around me
i call out your name but you cant hear me
hold out my hands but i cant reach

fats'e:
i saw your face in a dream
staring blankly at me
and i cant let it go
cant you just let me be

me:
my gaze turns to the sky
as i fall backwards im
taken back to a time
when you were still with me

familypet:
I had a dream I was sinking at the bottom,
Wake up reach out and grab the bottle,
Drink a fifth just to stop my head from pounding,
In either state of mind I find myself drowning.
I really miss you now,
when I look out,
and see the ocean and the clouds,
smell the salt and hear the sounds,
I can almost hear your voice now.

fats'e:
leave my body out in the middle of nowhere
after im dead
so the vultures can pull me apart 
and i wont have this pain in my head

outro(familypet):
Emotional lies, 
in this pool I will die,
At the bottom I'll lie,
End my emotional life.

doomed [oc]

I'm Geist