rupture (w/ leatherfacebeat)

HOLD UP! (prod. ROMA JONSON)

snuff (feat. crows peak) [prod. squall]

YOUR KNIFE, MY HEART

its my 18th birthday today. 
made this in 5 hours after getting out of the icu a week ago

produced by me
guitar solo by me
recorded/mixed/mastered by me

lyrics:

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go?
Bullet in lung?
Oh way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?
(Isn’t life wonderful!?)

And I hate to fall to the war with self,
Man control yo self
Always looking for something to be wrong even when there’s no goddamn problem at all 
“Oh keep pushing through brother, you might as well deal with the pain, you’ll just get stronger anyway, It’s gonna be okay”
Well sure, then fuck this game me and countless others playing, 
Well, why don’t you stitch me up crochet?
And I have all these scars to say things like how I got em, 
“How the fuck did you breathe?” 
Oh bro, I didn't bother
Breathing was venting and I never just let myself be fucking fostered
That’s why I struggled with the fucking mental doctor
Too stubborn for therapy and 
I’ve been the same weight for four years with a fear to eat, not supply. 
Weigh 125 (LBS)
And I might take some amphetamines just to give me a better reason to say that I need help, ugh

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go?
Bullet in lung?
Oh, way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?

“911, what’s your emergency?”
Agh, agh,
“Oh I feel like I’m gonna fucking hurt myself!”
“Calm down sir it’s gonna be okay,”
It’s gonna be okay!?
No it’s fucking not
Cops take me to the fucking ICU
Now I rot on top of a fucking hospital bed
While you just fucking living not knowing what I’ve almost done
And you wont know

You wont ever know
But why’d I make it this far to throw away all I sewed?
“Oh he was packed with talent”
Oh, but you don't get it though 
Being good at something comes with a malice-filled price 
You either give and you get and/or you give and you're met with the in-equal shares of bets you cant even make with yourself,
Cant wait to say fuck it and just off myself
Don't want attention but this a fucking cry for help

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go? 
Bullet in lung?
Oh way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?
(What have I done?)

ISNT LIFE WONDERFUL?!?
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
WHERE DO I GO?
I DON’T KNOW
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
HELP!
ISN’T-ISN’T LIFE-ISN’T LIFE WONDERFUL?!?

ICU, i see you

ICU, I See You

“VANISHING ELYSIUM“

Produced by Theo & ZYROM.

OUT NOW EVERYWHERE

VANISHING ELYSIUM [co-prod. zyrom]

produced by: https://www.instagram.com/hxllshade/ & https://www.instagram.com/maestrowons/

lyrics:

I’m a dog, when all this pain wants to follow
Myself through the night, it will fuck up my tomorrow
Re-visit some old pages, to seek answers I don’t know
Cause I threw it all away and now it’s buried in the snow
A being made of poison, let myself bleed out
Filler pages all throughout, in this life we seek out
Either love, either sorrow, whatever makes us feel numb
I’m a living tragedy to my pain I will succumb

Fought time and time again, to seek out the right way
Cause I’d yet to realize the price I will have to pay
Do I regret seeking love, do I regret feelin the pain?
At the end of all of this, a pistol and a message will remain
On my path leading to hell, see the reflection of a smile
Missed a shot at being happy and I missed it by a mile
It falls into place, and for that I’d give it all
But what will I do? When there’s nowhere anything can fall?


I’m a dog, when all this pain wants to follow
Myself through the night, it will fuck up my tomorrow
Re-visit some old pages, to seek answers I don’t know
Cause I threw it all away and now it’s buried in the snow
A being made of poison, let myself bleed out
Filler pages all throughout, in this life we seek out
Either love, either sorrow, whatever makes us feel numb
I’m a living tragedy to my pain I will succumb

It hurts to know that I’m the problem, yuh, can I fix it?
I’m not trying out my hardest but the chance to life, oh god I missed it
Imma see u another life where I’m comfortable and dead
Place a pistol to my temple, let my ceiling turn to red
I got nothing left to say
Parasytes inside my skin and I’m rottin all away
Smoke mirrors, pain killers, bein one with the smoke
I keep it to myself, I regret and hate the times I spoke


I’m a dog, when all this pain wants to follow
Myself through the night, it will fuck up my tomorrow
Re-visit some old pages, to seek answers I don’t know
Cause I threw it all away and now it’s buried in the snow
A being made of poison, let myself bleed out
Filler pages all throughout, in this life we seek out
Either love, either sorrow, whatever makes us feel numb
I’m a living tragedy to my pain I will succumb

lyric video

- old pages //prod. HXLLSHADE x MAESTRO WONS

prod. @killoceans 💜💜💜

LYRICS:

They tried to bring me the light
But still I get lost in my mind
No matter how hard I try
Hell finds a way back to life

Waking the dead just to hear
I'm lost, don't know what I should fear
But I'll just keep fighting the tears
Darling it's gone on for years

And she's the angel
Singing in my head
I'll watch the stars fall
If she was here warming my bed

Break me, tear every sin right out of my flesh
I'll work on escaping the prison I've built inside of my head
Oh break me, tear every sin right out of my flesh
I'll work on escaping the prison I've built inside of my head

My head

i'm still trying (prod. kill oceans)

COMA6