that which punishes ourselves

Heaven

produced by deathbed. 

featuring @emofruits

I was wrong w/ emo fruits (prod deathbed.)

the last song i finished in cali <3
you'll always have my heart


lyrics:
Don’t you ever say that
You miss me again
I’ve been driving all
Weekend

Maybe I’m not good
Enough for her
Maybe I’m not good
Enough for me
X2

Last summer
I can’t erase the thought
Of every color
Last summer
I saw that red bikini
Going under
I love her
Or maybe I’m just too
Infatuated
Last summer
I thought that we would be
Together forever

Take it all
One step at a time
There’s no going back
No rewinds

[Breakdown]

I know that it’s ok
To be alone
Sometimes
X2

Maybe I’m not good
Enough for her
Maybe I’m not good
Enough for me
X2

It’s a long drive home
So please don’t argue
I know it hard to
Stay emotionless

When the drugs are
Kickin in
they’re
Kickin in

Maybe I’m not good
Enough for her
Maybe I’m not good
Enough for me
X2

Baby I know that it sucks
But this is better for
The both of us
Better for the both of us

red bikini (prod. dead yami)

you never cared about it 
i still like making you sick 
when i feel like giving up i roll up and takin a hit 
you never cared about shit 
i dont care about this shit 
could give less of a fuck for a bitch
cus i know that this isnt it 

hit u up some other time 
i dont feel like wasting my time
with stupid bitches like that
remember days up in the trap 
fucking up then i take a nap 
end my life that shits a wrap 
GRIP THE TRIGGER THEN I PULL IT BACK 
GRIP THE TRIGGER THAN I PULL IT BACK 
now im dead watch my brain splatter blood all on the bed
now i feel like im flying away 
maybe something that you said
something spinning round in my head 
fuck around up until youre dead
i just wrote this shit in bed
wish i was just fucking dead.

my own demise (100) [prod me]

CENTIPEDES & WORMS  w/GIE (prod.nevrfall x branwen)

Water leakage from the faucet creates a wishing well
Had a penny, then I lost it wishing for herself

All I’d need is right here in front of me

Crush, crush, crush
Everything in front of me gets
Crush, crush, crushed
All the tiny memories get
Crush, crush, crushed
You can blame it all on me, ‘cause I’m
Fucked up, huh?

Everything I touch just falls apart

After all the water damage I hope she’s doing swell
Had a dream, and then I lost it reaching for her belt

All I’d need is her sitting here with me

Crush, crush, crush
Everything in front of me gets
Crush, crush, crushed
All the tiny memories get
Crush, crush, crushed
You can blame it all on me, ‘cause I’m
Fucked up, huh?

Everything I touch just falls apart

crush

Tethered in separation
Newfound desperation
Thru me, thru the moon
It’s in my imagination 
In a perfect situation 
With me, is you

You cut right thru me
With rusty spoons
You make me blue, baby
You cut right thru

(You cut right thru
You cut right thru, oh yes you do
You cut right thru, you cut right thru)

Smothered by medication
Newfound inspiration
Thru me, thru you
It’s all an amalgamation
With a big stipulation
For me, from you

You cut right thru me
With rusty spoons
You make me blue, baby
You cut right thru
You cut right thru me
With rusty spoons
You make me blue, baby
You cut right thru

(You cut right thru
You cut right thru, oh yes you do
You cut right thru, you cut right thru)

cut right thru

Other End

@demxntia

produced by myself & demxntia.

[lyrics]

i cant find myself, am i stuck in hell 
just an endless wave of thoughts i think i need help
thoughts are coming in, i cant seem to move
and im running out breath im running out of room

i got shivers down my spine i can feel it in my bones
i got water in my eyes i hope that i will never feel alone again
in the end, im just lost in the depths
i got a headache coming up and im just dying in my bed
in the course of living im not sure on why im here
i got my brothers in the cut and no one else is coming near
run it all back and i still feel dead
two steps back and its all in my head
demons in my face and i cant see shit
target on my face and i feel that shit

i cant find myself, am i stuck in hell 
just an endless wave of thoughts i think i need help
thoughts are coming in, i cant seem to move
and im running out breath im running out of room

(demxntia)
whats the point in even trying anymore
when im feeling just the same as before
got my bands up flexed and my brothers by my side
but it doesnt help the fact that i still wanna die
but i dont give a fuck anymore
about the demons that are knocking on my door
yeah ima fake til i make it and my life is for the taking
i dont care about a thing anymore

i cant find myself, am i stuck in hell 
just an endless wave of thoughts i think i need help
thoughts are coming in, i cant seem to move
and im running out breath im running out of room

all for what w/ demxntia

manga for cover art: misu misou

[lyrics]
everything hurts but i gotta keep it moving
dying everyday and i dont know what im doing
days go by never see the sunset
its always night fall wonder am i dead yet?
cant catch a breathe
now i wanna die
balling up a fist
i just wanna feel alive
sick of everybody that wanna be sad
wanna disappear and ill never come back

anxiety clutching my chest
freaking out im just doing my best
paranoid i dont think this is real
confused i dont know how to feel

same dreams same nightmares
dead nights and youre right there
same tears same headaches
dead body so why i feel this heartache?
(x2)

everything hurts and its only getting worse
miss the days that i didnt even feel hurt
but its all gone why do i go recollect?
ima go and snap my neck from reading all these fucking texts
self destructive
its my fault
my head that im stuck in i cant call
but i hope youre doing alright 
can i see you one last time?

anxiety clutching my chest
freaking out im just doing my best
paranoid i dont think this is real
confused i dont know how to feel

same dreams same nightmares
dead nights and youre right there
same tears same headaches
dead body so why i feel this heartache?
(x4)

too many headaches

prod. @demxntia

[lyrics]

im right here but youre still so far
through the looking glass youre just a fallen star
ill be here when you come back
even when my whole worlds black
(x2)

i know that youre there but youre never around
been too long and i wonder will you ever be found?
wander through the void when i first wake up
sick of everybody and the space theyre taking up
night time hollowed out got me moving slow
static on the screen just another show
error, nightmare i dont like the terror
been going on forever its whatever
i just wanna find you

im right here but youre still so far
through the looking glass youre just a fallen star
ill be here when you come back
even when my whole worlds black
(x2)

passed out again with some dreams of you
and i know that you hate it but shit me too
and i know that youre worried and i know that you care
everything is stagnant and youre still not there
just another movie with a bad sequel
im the reoccurring dream that doesnt make sense
always good intentions never feel evil
just a reoccurring cycle and i want it to end

im right here but youre still so far
through the looking glass youre just a fallen star
ill be here when you come back
even when my whole worlds black
(x2)

gg i guess [prod. demxntia]

w/ @leorinda
mastered by @demxntia

[lyrics]
(pageant queen)

i never asked for this
i never asked for death
you came into my life quick
and i dont wanna want you here im about to dip
i dont know you, why are you here?
can you go away? please dont come near
guess ur kinda cute, why you so sad?
is it my fault? i dont really get that

one week left, i dont wanna spend it here with you
one week left, i dont think i wanna spend it with you

(leorinda)
don't wanna die like this
my life's been loneliness
since the day i saw the light
one chance to make things right
it's no use cos i'm stuck with u
but i won't take the pain
steer clear, cos i won't save u

(pageantqueen)
sorry for ur pain and im sorry for ur loss
but youll always have me in case you forgot
i dont wanna die you dont wanna die
but one gotta die tonight lets decide
i dont wanna see you suffer again
and im sorry this has to end
youll take the fall and ill take it all
the pain the suffering without you 

one week left, i just wanna spend it here with you
one week left, i just wanna spend it with you

(leorinda)
i never knew how to feel 'til i found u
u broke my fall, i learned my truth
and i can't save u
but i'm fine like this because i met u
i'll keep this last piece of u with me forever

half and half w/ leorinda

prod. @demxntia

[lyrics]

i could walk a thousand steps under the sea
deep void pitch black i dont ever get sleep
stay haunted, livin a nightmare
blade in the tuck dont give a fuck i dont fight fair
(x2)

i dont even know where i be going broe
everybody toe to toe cause everybodys moving slow
and everybody wanna fuck up everything i see
cause everything i see is always fucked up and then they see
"i just wanna see how u doing now"
well i dont wanna fucking tell u bitch
"why you sound like you always down?"
can i get a fucking breather quick?

i could walk a thousand steps under the sea
deep void pitch black i dont ever get sleep
stay haunted, livin a nightmare
blade in the tuck dont give a fuck i dont fight fair
(x2)

another day everything is different
everybody stay the same but everybody moving different
i be on the ground but they be up in the clouds
and i be telling the truth but im just bringing them down
posted in my room getting drunk again drunk again
and i dont give a fuck cause i wanna get fucked up again
fucking hate this shit i dont think i wanna do it broe
kinda wanna quit whats the move whats my motive tho

too many headaches

pageant queen

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