https://soundcloud.com/caspywaspy

swear im okay
im just sick of all this bullshit
and she dont go away
i need a doctor before i lose it

i need help im on my own
theres no sun inside my home
and i could call u but i wont
if theres a door i hope its closed

feels like i stepped on a landmine
i hope that your all mine
im wasting my damn time
your wasting your own life

i was never okay but your fine
this aint even fighting theres one side

feels like i stepped on a landmine
i hope that your all mine
im wasting my damn time
your wasting your own life

i was never okay but your fine
this aint even fighting theres one side

i stepped on a landmine
it blew my body to pieces everywhere
miss ur body on mine
we went from everything to nothing, nowhere
coexisted now we collide
i think us being apart is for the best 
no more a part of my life
i wish it was as easy done as said

i stepped on a landmine
it blew my body to pieces everywhere
miss ur body on mine
we went from everything to nothing, nowhere

feels like i stepped on a landmine
i hope that your all mine
im wasting my damn time
your wasting your own life

i was never okay but your fine
this aint even fighting theres one side

feels like i stepped on a landmine
i hope that your all mine
im wasting my damn time
your wasting your own life

i was never okay but your fine
this aint even fighting theres one side

landmine w/ casperrr (king theta)

\ lyrics /
noooo i dont know whats wrong
you're fuckin everything up, i never wanted to
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you

noooo you never tell me wrong
i'm left with all of these texts i ain't responding to
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you

and she said "don't go, you were my everything"
gave you my heart but then you break it like it's anything
retrace my steps back to you
i'll tell you everything i couldn't do

and you walked away as the leaves would fall
and i reached my arm but you didn't help
and under my skin you'll uncover and hide
the darkest place that i can reside

and i replay the moment when you leave and depart
while i just lay in my bed with open arms
and i don't wanna hurt myself again and again
but it seems like the start of the end

noooo i dont know whats wrong
you're fuckin everything up, i never wanted to
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you

noooo you never tell me wrong
i'm left with all of these texts i ain't responding to
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you
i swear ive gone through too much to fall in love with you

too much w/ vislyn [prod. michael harrison]

it's hard

lyrics:
i scribbled symphonies of peace to cope with finding out the truth
worked as needed reaching what middle school me would think was cool
fiddling pens and pencils pensive wasn’t picky with the tool
i’d use for some naive translation of my angst and fragile mood

i can’t afford it now

growing pains replaced with what the bills are like in winter now
since the cold ascended i can’t shake the taste of poetry
phonetically imperfect pretty speech protruding out of me
im cramming syllables to cry of colder temps and picture books
reliving twisted memories romanticizing what it took
to be alive surviving prerip jeans and social trends
extending my insistence on reliving those remember when’s

it’s a fucked up toxic endeavor

middle child needs attention to feel valid who’da guessed it?
choose an evening to feel hollow with my grief i’ve been selective
been a lot of things over the years but never been objective
i’m a passive dude

some would call it sitting fence and when i’m honest i probably would too
at my expense i picked the easiest escape when i could
now im desperate to do something i should

cause there’s something bout finality that scares me
wavered care perpetuated the impression that i’m distant and aware
of ticking hours minutes seconds sticking strictly to my regiment
rejected any message i was yet to learn my lesson
started strong and i accepted that’s enough to use the leverage
and projected progress farther now it’s a little more than hard
to understand i’m on a limit always finish weaker than i started
know how to begin but stutter further in the tempo how ironic

looking in the mirror a song by melmige thank you for listening [prod. eeryskies]

cover kinda of "take on the world" by you me at six


just say the word
and well take the world
just say ur hurt
and well face the worst

i can see
see the pain in ur eyes 
believe 
believe me i have tried
i wont
i wont pretend to know what uve been through
u should know
i wish it was me not u

just say the word
and well take the world
just say ur hurt
and well face the worst
nobody knows u the way that i know u
look in my eyes i will never desert u
just say the word
and well take the world x2

worst (you me at six)

produced by (me)
guitars by ( @auburnleavesfall )

lyrics:

swear to god i seen you in another dream again
i'd fucking kill myself but i dont even have a plan
i sit here tastin death, and thats my whole life span
i wanna go back to the smile i had way back then

its a issue when ur not around,
i,ll take her heart when im numb inside
i love it when i am alone, i dont wanna see ya smile
i think shes the love of my life
but i aint even met her in real life
but oh my gosh she's got such pretty eyes
i wanna know what she thinks of mine
nevermind it was all a lie
you broke whats left and whats all inside
if u need a man then i will try
but we both know that u want me to die

pls just stick around and i will always wish the best
think about all the times that we will fall into a mess
dreams of you appearing in my bed god just get outta my head
stop appearing with my dread i wish that i was fucking dead

i dont wanna fight someone thats always a mini me.
take apart my heart rip away every piece of me
TAKE UR TIME CAUSE I WONT EVEN TRY TRY TRY
but bitch im cautious
always nauseous, i brought the thompson
and im not afraid to shoot someone that i despise

pls just stick around and i will always wish the best
think about all the times that we will fall into a mess
dreams of you appearing in my bed god just get outta my head
stop appearing with my dread i wish that i was fucking dead

ILL TAKE WHATS MINE, WE'RE SO ALIKE
CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE. ARE YOU ALRIGHT, WHY YES IM FINE
BUT IM CONFINED WITHIN OUR BOND, THAT'S INTERTWINED 

"you think that i was done? haha"

i swear to god i seen you in another dream again
i'd fucking kill myself but i dont even have a plan
i sit here tastin death, and thats my whole life span
i wanna go back to the smile i had way back then

deceit

msitreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same 

over you in my head
in my heart u still there
my body's a mess
feel u eating at my flesh 


feeding off of me
ur drinking what i bleed
acting like you love me 
then use me like a leach

how ain't u ashamed of ur-self~
keep on acting like ur the-best
i think u should just let me-rest
stop trynna find where my body-at

deep down, covered in dirt
x marks the spot i got hurt
under a tree, where the sun won't burn
is where i wrote this song

mistreated, misplaced
scars on my face
smoking so much lately
my teeth got yellow stains

no feelings, erased
hate how people change
bloody knuckles hit the wall
but life's still the same (2x)

mistreated, misplaced (caves)

im sorry that its been a while
the time had made a heart to mend
find me in another life
i swear id try as hard again

a catalyst in heavy dark
your voice and how the bleeding stops
breath in a cold room to comfort
the surface im under for two years in sunder

fade out, start to forget me
soften the dead leaves of somebody else
brave now, but i know its early
and you couldn't hurt me but try to again

i know its been a long time

silence feels like dying
i dont mind it
i cant find you in colours i had learned to know
olive skin in amber tones, cedarwood in maple grove
eyes low the night before i drove you home
said one day we could have our own
so why am i still here alone?

did you know then it was broken?
thought you cried in the car cause it still felt so far
but instead its just not what you want

fade out, start to forget me
soften the dead leaves of somebody else
brave now, but i know its early
and you couldn't hurt me but try to again

all that it brings
cold in the spring
whats the point of waking up
if not for you again?
i dont know me now
i dont know me now

Mount Hood

@xobroken @jolst


and i can tell when you're lying
you can see it in your eyes
you can see it in your smile
fucking hate when you're vile

its like you get a fucking knife
and you stab me in the vital

ur only nice on your birthday
get your cards and open them up
the writing on the inside are lies open it up

and i dont wanna feed your ego
if i could get out of here
id be heathrow

guess i pay the price now
fuck it its a time out
i just turn the light out
tell me whats important
6 in the morning
i left in the morning
i just want a foreign

"take a seat"
i dont wanna sit down
ive been all up on my mind
n idk where im going

dont act like you know
dont act like you know whats going on
cause you fkn dont

It’s a cycle
She hit my vitals
No survival 
Expect apologies when I’m dying, ya so entitled
Feelin like I lost myself since your arrival
Saw this Shit coming but I was in denial

I been deceased 
She not missing me
Turned into fiend
Full of grief
Xanax make me lean
Weak up in the knees
Puffin trees
Just to get some sleep
Unable to dream
White tee
Blood drippin on me

Didn’t see you leaving, what should I expect? Im so dead,  there’s no way to resurrect me
Said you loved me 
Then you left
What’s is that?
Everything’s a mess

smile w/ xobroken (jolst x radkoun)

prod by stezzyxl
enjoy

lyrics:
(𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺?)

(𝘪 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨)
(𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰?)

𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘶 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮
𝘫
𝘫
𝘫
𝘫

[𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐥]

we used to dream
about the house that we will buy
needs room for 3
we used to speak all night 
about our family
hoping we can speak it into reality
we used to dream
about the kid that we will have
will come with stress
about the clothes that we will buy
and how they’ll dress
and start to fight on whether i’m cleaning their mess

(why can’t u let me go?) 

we used to dream
about the times that 
we would wake them up for school
about how much we would want our kids 
to think we’re cool
“always be there, and just love them” 
was our rule

now she’s fine
left 3 years behind
for another guy
and i wonder why

i used to lay down on ur chest
while u play with my hair
now when i’m sad, no one can hold me
you don’t fucking care
no ounce of sympathy or guilt 
what’s wrong inside ur mind?
i tried to kill my self recently
are u fucking blind?

and now when i speak to you
you sit there all stunned and paused
so i tell you about how much it hurts
you’re super shocked 
and i don’t think that you’re aware
about the things you caused
you never heard me out
that’s why i make my fucking songs.

[𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐥]

i should’ve known better
i should’ve kept my sweaters
i should’ve seen the signs 
so i could adapt to the weather
i have no to place to go
no place to call my home
i lived my whole life in this city
but sometimes it feels unknown

sometimes i like to think
about the life we always dreamed 
about the life we planned and set
and how our house needs room for 3
does that ever cross ur mind?
the love u left behind
my stuff inside of ur closet
building dust until it dies.

3 Years ll

produced by @nevrfall <3

https://open.spotify.com/track/37qROKHfy3JU9CC0UazJTd?si=9687b5613dfb4759

lyrics:
Can you hit me up? i just wanna be with you
Can u listen up, there‘s no other girl then you
Cant u just talk to me? Cant i just be with you?
Cant u just need me? Cause i need you
Talk to me again, i know i cut you off
Ur voice is just so gentle, everytime we talked
Meet me in my dreams, if i cant have u here
Its unfair, i cant get your tention my dear

Now i am crying out but no tear shows on my face
I think i used them up, all gon for your sake
You got me real sad, it’s always this way
God i am so depressed but i am always this way
Oh no need to ask, i‘ll just say i am a okay
I am waiting for a ring, on my phone just any day
See you in a fiction where u‘ll maybe stay
See you in a fiction where you give me a „hey“
Running in the wind, far away hear thunder break
Rain is droppin on my hair, runnin down my face
Forget where u comin from, i just want you to stay
You can tell me anything, i promise i‘ll keep it safe

Tell me anything you like, i’ll provide you shelter
Ask me what you wanna know about me, i‘ll tell her
My mind is such a mess when i am talking to her i get nervous
Oh my hands are getting really sweaty when u stare at me
Running down my palms i feel my face is turning red
My other hands around my neck cause i don’t know where to put it
oh my i am so nervous, oh my i am so nervous

Now i am crying out but no tear shows on my face
I think i used them up, all gon for your sake
You got me real sad, it’s always this way
God i am so depressed but i am always this way
Oh no need to ask, i‘ll just say i am a okay
I am waiting for a ring, on my phone just any day
See you in a fiction where u‘ll maybe stay
See you in a fiction where you give me a „hey“

funfact: i dont like this song :3

u can tell me anything, i promise i'll keep it safe (p. nevrfall)

lyrics//

iv been talking to god
iv been doing my part like you told me

was it always so hard
i know you think you were always controlling
but it was never thay part
i saw a light and it killed me slowly
and now im packing my car
i made you think
you dont even know me


i was lost in the fallout
you pushed me down as i climbed out
or tried to
ivy league to the dog house
wonder what they would say
if they got to?

now my comforters stained out
took it all to the grave like i told you
was i always a let down?
was i always a person that you once knew?

u can tell me anything, i promise i'll keep it safe (p. nevrfall)

seele♡

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