"tried to break the silence, always made more enemies" too real, lovely song ras'^'

i'll tell you all my lies
want me living right
but i cant do that
everybody's tried
since my sister died nothing's working
i take all my pills
you give me my thrills
but i cant change
drugs just hide the pain
why's it all in vein?

i wont seek your love
too ready to run
beat you to the exit like it's fun
what did i just do?
it all fell through
ate a loaded gun
havent seen the sun in days since you
said i never loved you

you'd understand why you should go
if you know my plans to die
i'd rather leave you behind less traumatized
i'm sorry for that sacrifice

no one understands
if they do they'll tell
then i'm committed
send my cry for help
nothing makes me well
it just gives munitions
life's a living hell
i dont want to pull you through these conditions
let me right my wrongs
make a couple songs
maybe i'll feel different

i need to fight my past
need to find the reason that i'm so distant
i grew up abused
i was always used by people id call friend
i cant find the bounds
we wont make it now
im too far down

please forgive me
no pity
you dont know that you need this space
oh, im just keeping you safe
please don't forgive me
that's just litany
and you dont need that
no, you dont need that

In Retrospect

control

made a song about a mental breakdown i had over twitter today lol

lyrics//
you profit off of abuse, then ego acts rash
wonder what the victims think drowning in backlash
i can see the patterns made yards away
i see how i paid for the cards you played

and they're like "how you gonna back that?"
idk bitch, receipts and some screencaps
wondering what all yall see in victims to attack that
wonder where the hate comes from when illusions fade

look at the way that depp is shown as just a victim
abuse is mutual
especially in this system
you erase the people that hurt too cus they're not good enough
i was told that i deserved exploiting how i'm acting up
and acting up nowadays is speaking out
victimhood is nothing i could ever gain from bragging 'bout
people don't like cancel culture cus they have to break all their silence
this ain't real to you, and that view turns to violence

i pour my heart out to the void or more hatred
either or is better than leaving that urge unsated
bait me into a deathtrap
then act like an ally
everyone near me's vultures
my world was all lies

take all your medicine before you see reality
you could never handle your feelings in their totality
begging you on my hands and knees please let all my poisons free
once they see the predators without the masks made accordingly
i'm sure most you bitches would recant if you werent  breaking even
fucking twitter feeds got me freaking waking to sleeping
i'm sorry that i'm so broken 
i'm sorry i never quit
i'm there for myself where nobody wanted to be, that's it.

prescribed medicines

lyrics////////

most of the people round me look at me like i'm a loser
most of the energy you get's lost to abusers
no one seems to see
and those who do lack power
the ones who got the top spots never share the flowers
every taste is sour
i say it with my chest
i said leave this fucking setup
you need bigotry to buck it
while i duck it no stress
disconnect from the rest
and see how far group thought gets individuals
you can push buttons until that shit becomes physical
sometimes you do it without knowing when it's digital
hated your position but the need's subliminal
and we throw morals to the wind on that principle
you could ruin lives with your words on your best days
i'd get paid, reposition for the next play
every second felt like there was nothing to protect me
i gave him tail and got attention in the best way 

i know my actions disavow
but you know how to treat me when in need
i let you take all of that out
and now it's something that we've learned to feed

don't break this
don't leave
i know all your friends better than you believe
he could burn me down
he could put me out

widow

i know all your ammunition
hate that for me
love myself and hate my story
bent for allegiance
bent from grievance
i don't need these expectations
sanction me
i'm so worth breaking
passion to bleeding
mask the fiending

i dont need all of this taken from me
like what?
i messed up to you and you seek blood
wonder what they see in you that stuck
cruelty overshadowed all your bluffs

Distillate

Supply

with every new low, rediscover old highs
you lifted yourself up once 
why skip a retry?
got my old rage
and new motivations
all i want is distance, self control and patience

it's not lost on me, i just needed space

run cus you're mad
return when you're sad
how much of you do they have?
break off and dont go back

they got queer kids in their crosshairs 
and their deaths never make the news
i live every second building upwards
and i'll use that just to ensure that you lose
tell me that the dreams dead cus you want it to be
i failed the way they designed
couldnt feel safe with myself 
tried to improve it with time

peerless, led to crosshairs
would my death ever make the news?
we lived every second building up hatred 
i can see it in all of your views
wishing that a dream's dead cus you need it to be
fell out of what they designed
trauma wont dictate my path
removed for how i align

with every new low, rediscover old highs
you lifted yourself up once 
why skip a retry?
got my old rage
and new motivations
all i want is distance, self control and patience

saw the patterns before everyone else
i gave em warnings, didnt matter, i'd offend when i'd tell
i can feel subtext from miles away
doesnt matter, to this day i'm still turned into prey
with no chance

run cus you're mad
return when you're sad
how much of you do they have?
break off and dont go back

Excuse

lyrics:

told all my friends i disappeared for a new energy
tried to break the silence
always made more enemies
worsen while improving
oxymoron entropy
fought off all the demons
phantom pain is everything

i'm sorry for the ways i've wronged you
i tried too hard to be less cold 
i'd normally break down in the distance
now rage always has a hold
i'm trying so hard to better for you
i know that there's someone better for you
you wouldn't deal with the shit that i do
it's devastatingly true

i know it's hard sometimes
but i can't get out of this state of mind
wish i could say i'm fine
without feeling like i'm lying
you take over
you take over

was i ever worth it
do i deserve this
is this the karma for me when young n imperfect
i guess i earned it
i guess i'll bow down
and meet the earth until we're one
this is my purchase
i need a clear soul
not a clear image
i dug my own grave
but i'm not in it
i'll fight tooth and fucking nail till i'm forgiven
know i'm never gonna fail
there's just this one thing
and i'll lose for it
i could die for it
this is more than fucking drama you killed life for us
and i'd like if someone really heard me right for once
everytime i fucking breathe bitches light me up
n i knew before it
that was new for this
normally the people targeted arent piping up
i said no to lying down but i ran low on luck
i could hate my decision but know that that shit's for the best

Orange

random song moment


i wanna stab you in the back
i wanna lay you in the ground
they know they're never getting saved
that's why i'm never getting found
look at me in different ways
as you throw me to the hounds
feel like i've made my last mistake
maybe there's time to cover ground 
i wanna lay you in a grave
i wanna savor all your fear
i'll force the lowest of your lows
like you did to me for years
push me further every day
with every single decision
i saved predators prey
still cut me down with precision

im a pro at always feeling i'm intruding
wait for bigotry /so much /it gets confusing
see a pattern in the wild and get shit moving
i know deep down there's no chance i'm losing
flow /state, i got an appettite to feed
momma said it's greed
seen the clothes, seen the weed
friends imply it's me, all the money that i bleed
i was perfect to you bitches, what went wrong now that you see  
patterns in the wild got shit moving
hate eluding, master of illusions
bounty on my head, gonna fake it till i lose it
want me bled
shot me down
still i'm moving
no pulse and a heart that's full of greed
money in my pocket, n i'm getting more this week
stared death in the eyes
you can never make me leave
i'll go down with this ship
i don't feel i need to breathe

Chimes

All 4 U

i feel like luupy
i feel like ive been fucking tired of the groupies
i feel like all you little bitches want to lose me
i feel like everybody's out here tryna screw me
i know they're mad cus they've been trying to outdo me
i know i'm sad cus all the ties im stuck with losing
i point the finger and they're sitting saying "who, me?"
i got vendettas and barettas, please

i know my close friends think im fucking smothering
i'm gonna kill myself and leave you bitches wondering
i point the finger cus i can't decide who's governing
past lives pass knives onto veins i'm cutting in
i see the patterns painted till i'm just another in
i see the ladders climbed and i decide to fall
i see an obstacle and make that shit a wall
and all you wonder why they unvite from calls

this is my note
this is me sticking a knife through my throat
this is me taking it out cus u gloat
this is me breaking from pressure from ghosts
i am a fool to the cool in their eyes
i am a tool to be tossed to the side
i am a
i am a

wait
i am despised
i see me speak and you rolling your eyes
i see my happiness push you aside
i see through faces what's hidden inside
i see me break in a way that you love
i see you climb till it's death from above
i see the knife you'll use when there's enough
cant fix the vacancy with just a hug

I Feel Loopy ft. TWINWOLVES

listen to my music

22 y/o nb gay artist n musician 

all vocals, lyrics, and instrumentals are by me unless mentioned
(i will credit any samples that are major parts of the song tho)

DM me for features/commissions

Orange

Ivory Rasmus

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