Love’s A Loaded Gun (And I Pulled The Trigger)

Production by Saint Mike
Vocals & Lyrics by Me
- another blow to the heart again
- why do I do this to myself
- swimming up stream to get some air
- sometimes I wish I would just choke
- yearning for dreamscapes it isn’t fair
- I don’t know what is real
- the more I reach out, seems nothings there
- but still it won’t conclude 

- the minutes the moments, the seconds go by
- it’s still living rent free in my mind
- I drown it all out, pouring into myself
- I love me but I’m so fucking lonley 

- But why was it you
- And not someone else
- I’m dragging my feet
- through some made up hell
- I wish I could speak to my past self
- And tell her to never hit you up again

- new faces come by but I compare
- them to what I saw in you
- trying to fit a circle with a square
- it will never make a two

- the minutes the moments, the seconds go by
- it’s still living rent free in my mind
- I drown it all out, pouring into myself
- I love me but I’m so fucking lonley 

- But why was it you
- And not someone else
- I’m dragging my feet
- through some made up hell
- I wish I could speak to my past self
- And tell her to never hit you up again

- just drown it all out
- I'm just drowning it out
- just drown it all out
- I'm just drowning it out
- just drown it all out
- I'm just drowning it out


#grunge #alternativerock #alternative #alt #emo #deftones

Limerence

Here are 10 of my songs written from the heart and soul of what I love. Music. All kinds, all genres, and all flavors. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did making them.

Rock'N'Roll Crackers

All songs copyrighted 
Lyrics

Intro – Spoken/half-sung, atmospheric]
Yeah, they trim the trees,
They rake the fire away.
Build fences strong,
But can’t outrun the laws today.

[Verse 1]
Juan’s got a scar that runs ear to chin,
Said it came from Sonora, not from sin.
He brings his boy on Sundays, just to play
Near the pool he’ll never swim in anyway.

[Verse 2]
Mowin’ lawns under redwood shade,
Hands in dirt while the rich get paid.
Sings to the birds in broken slang—
Every word feels like a chain that hangs.

[Verse 3]
They came last night in unmarked vans,
Took three men like they weren’t even men.
Left their tools in the morning dew,
Leaf blowers still, boots filled with truth.

Verse – Chicano’s Voice]
I send my pay to a border town,
Where mamá lights candles when the sun goes down.
My name’s not ‘hey’ or ‘you in the hat
I got stories, but no time for that.


[Bridge – whispered, rising tension]
Is this freedom, is this fear?
Do we only welcome those we mirror?
My friend cries but hides his face—
Guilt’s a shadow you can’t erase.

[Final Chorus – crescendo, all-out delivery]
They build your world and vanish in the smoke,
Names unspoken, dreams that broke.
You walk on marble, they crawl through flames,
Still you can’t even learn their names.
No green card, no last call—
But they stood taller than us all.

Eucalyptus Blues

Bodies (looking for help lol)

This song was written years ago at a time in my life when I was tired of holding on to the self doubt I had about myself or the outside “Noise” from people who didn’t believe in me. It was a message to myself of finally letting go of people’s opinions. It also expressed how I was reflecting on myself and how I just “didn’t care anymore”. I was just wanting to let it all go.

Smile & Wave

If you've ever felt like a ghost in a getaway car...

★ Raw • Haunting • Cathartic ★

Dive into a ghost story where pop-punk’s confessional rage meets hauntcore’s eerie intimacy. This acoustic-driven track wraps desperate highway imagery ("headlights, red lights, sirens bright") in stripped back guitar rawness, capturing the exhaustion of outrunning your own shadow.

Key themes:

☠️ Self haunting (“I’m my own worst memory”)

🚗 Escapism’s dead ends (“Can’t outrun myself in either lane”)

⚰️ Resignation (“Dig myself into a little plot of grass”)

Lyrics:

I distanced myself to see what would stay near
Admittedly I don't see much, all too clear
Head lights, red lights, and sirens bright at the rear
But the subject in the mirror is much closer than it appears

And I see it now, the ghost I tried to leave
Following me down these empty streets
I believe it now, like you used to say
I'm my own worst memory

Windows down, July rain as cold as your glare
Heavy is the head, cold wind, silence in the air
Better left unsaid, can't speak what's not here
Never tried my best, couldn't make myself seem to care

But every mile I drive is a roadside flare
Double parked going sixty, lighting a cigarette, texting "I'm almost there"
Can’t outrun myself, in either lane, always left, right, disappear
Wind blows tumble weeds down a familiar road of tears

And I see it now, the ghost I tried to leave
Following me down these empty streets
I believe it now, like you used to say
I'm my own worst memory

Am I running from the past or chasing what’s ahead?
These sirens behind me can’t drown what’s in my dread
The lights are getting closer, fear is getting clear
Is it a dead end ahead or highway deer

Rearview conversations I never will outpace
Every mile marker takes a turn to make their case
Tires drift the shoulder, rubber stays in place
Fell asleep at the wheel trying to erase

And I see it now, where I was supposed to be
Spent to much time at lights in disbelief
I believe you now, I just don't trust the memory
Cause you can't get that far with a tank on E

I missed my turn a while back
Think I'll park in the shade
Dig myself into a little plot of grass
I tire of taking winding paths too fast, too fast

Free Download

Flat

Step into a primal soundscape where the earth speaks, drums awaken, and ancient spirits dance through fire. Ritual Fire is a deep tribal journey blending pounding percussion, hypnotic basslines, and ethereal melodies.

This track evokes the energy of ancient ceremonies, where desire burns, the soul stirs, and the rhythm pulls you into a trance. Flutes cry in the wind, voices rise from the ground, and the night becomes alive with movement and magic.

Ritual Fire

1966 Nova

Christian College Indie Rock



[Verse 1]
Pages torn fingers bleed
Words like swords cut what I need
Digging deeper for the truth unseen

[Prechorus]
Can’t fake it
Can’t shake it
The weight of knowing

[Chorus]
Study to show approved
Am I enough am I enough
Through fire and proof
Am I enough am I enough

[Verse 2]
Late nights candles burn low
Questions rise answers don’t show
I’m searching searching will I ever know

[Prechorus]
Heart’s breaking
Hands shaking
The weight of knowing

[Chorus]
Study to show approved
Am I enough am I enough
Through fire and proof
Am I enough am I enough

Approved (Am I Enough?)

When I wake up, I don’t wanna
Face the mirror, I'm a goner
Fake my cool, my chest gets hotter
It burns like soda in my veins
Missed that moment, lost that dollar
Scuffed up ego, hot on the collar
Buzzin’ head, where's the gain?
Nobody’s driving me sane

You talk slick, I can’t stand it
Go ahead, tear your bandage
You just want to drag my name
While I cave in, you play savage
God, I hate it — but I manage
You make me sort of enjoy the pain

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up feelin’ like a fake, oh
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up - next to my mistakes, no
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Lose my place or lose my grip
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up - just to exist

Keep on loopin’, thoughts keep shootin’
Half alive and half rebootin’
Hold my breath like it’s a stunt
Play that role and keep disputin’
Truth’s diluted, mind’s polluted
Choke me gently, call it blunt

You're so proud, I can’t mute it
Tear me down and refute it
You make me want to burn places I've seen
But I still stay, barely rooted
Freaking out, wired, deluded
You make me wanna claw through my screen

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up feelin’ like a fraud, oh
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up prayin’ - oh my god, no
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Keep losing sleep I can’t recall
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Keep being your light in the hall

Told myself that it gets better
But I’m still taped up with tether
Every day I come undone
Take my face off, switch the weather
If I break, well, call it clever
Say I ran — but I never run

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up stitched into a mask, oh
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Rehearse answers, you never ask, no
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Chase the lines that they made bleed
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
Wake up just to not succeed


I Don't Wanna

Jeremy Ryan Martin is a solo rock artist with a sound forged through raw emotion, real-life struggle, and years of hands-on experience in the underground music scene. His passion for music began at 13, when he formed his first band with middle school friends in the early ’90s. By 17, he was already writing original songs and fronting local rock groups, honing his voice and presence on stage.

Throughout his 20s and 30s, Jeremy played in several rock-driven projects, spending countless hours in recording studios learning the craft of mixing and production from seasoned audio engineers and musicians. A self-taught songwriter shaped by hardship, he grew up with a single mom and younger brother, often turning to his guitar as a way to cope and make sense of life.

Jeremy draws inspiration from the gritty rock legends he grew up on—Metallica, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Candlebox, and other icons of the late ’80s and early ’90s. While those influences echo through his music, it’s his unique voice and deeply personal songwriting that set him apart. Every track he creates is a reflection of resilience, struggle, and healing.

“I love to play my guitar and write songs, but there’s no better feeling than seeing someone else connect with what I’ve created.” – Jeremy Ryan Martin