post-graduation

coward

model home

i wouldn’t call it a mutiny but

emotionally intellectual

scar tissue

somethinginmyheadismissing

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

it used to be so easy
just put the words together in a string
but now I’m so needy
still don’t know what it is I’m needing
I used to be so easy
used to say what you wanted to hear
do you still want me here?
but now, I’m so ugly
can’t believe anyone really loves me
is that what you wanna hear
is that what you wanna hear?

it never did come easy
I ignored all of the warning signs 
and I just kept on drinking 
I think I lost my head that night
I remember the flash of the headlights
wet asphalt in the dead of the night 
wandering drunk with death on my mind
and it seems to be it never felt right
sad to say but you don’t cross my mind 
broken pieces reflect in my eyes

pick up the shards, you’d give them to a
perfect stranger for the right price

I take it back, so glad to say that.

wandering son

I’m slipping into a pit
your face made me sick
can’t eat can’t sleep and
you didn’t do a thing to me?
I want you to say it to my face
tell me now, did you really do nothing?
I still see your face in my dreams
you haunt me, you hope you haunt me
I hope you die obsessively thinking about me
thinkin about me, thinkin about me
you made all of them doubt me
your orchestra is playing off key
mastermind behind absolutely nothing
you may have won the battle but
you’ve lost the war
cause what the fuck was that
look on your face for?
am I happy? oh
I’m so fucking happy without you
am I happy? it’s never even been about you
your life’s so boring you gotta
make sure the rain is pouring on
my side of town before you go out
petty.

cherish (slipfunc/jwtf)

they built a home

buzzkill

if you stay

I called it a draw (yeah, this one’s for you)

sometimes i feel like if
i'm not careful i could absorb
all of the pain in the world in
an instant
in an instant

the rain falls differently here
she says i seem unfamiliar
but i could say the same
yeah, i could say the same about her
about her

when i die i want to be forgotten
i want release of a third death
i want it to be as inconsequential as it felt for me

and will my desperate mind show me your face, please?
be quiet now, its okay
or will i see nothing?
a race to celebrate?

and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they gave no eulogy

do you know if there's a
place for me?
do you know if anyone will wait for me?
wait for me
wait for me

and i accepted eternal damnation at eleven
but when and how the hell is it gonna happen
like father, like son, i'll die before i'm done
i'll die before i'm done
i'll die, i'll die

and all my old friends, they gave no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll keep no memory, no
no memory, no, no memory
no, no.

no eulogies

!!!!NOT MY PICTURE/ART!!!!

wrote a song for french class last year about the book by antione saint-exupery, le petit prince. used the same chords/pickings as my other song hydrophobe bc I wasn’t looking to work too hard on the project itself (lol). thought I’d upload it regardless. I’m sorry if your native language is french and I butchered anything but I promise I tried my very best.

ma maladie (old french project)

i guess i took the words pop punk too seriously

you say you really care but I just can’t 
believe that
it’s my fault, things have just gotten bad again
my best friend just seems to make me feel like shit
but I don’t really care cause I think I deserve it, yeah

I’m building up walls that I think will protect me
but I’m not an architect, they keep falling in on me
I should just go to school, get some kind of degree
but the thought of waking up again
just makes me wanna go to sleep

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

and I’m sick of being sad like
all these celebrities
seems like there’s not a single person
that doesn’t have GAD
and this might be a hot take
I don’t like controversy
but why they only care when a billionaire
says somethin’s beyond me

and maybe it’d be easier if I 
just played along
but I’m sick of hearing all these stupid corporate songs
designer clothes, money comes and goes
for some reason they all buy in to these
teen drama tropes

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

afterparties

i'm trying to forget everything
we talked about
before we even knew what we were
talking about
i'm ignoring my friends more often
but i'd pick up if it was you

i'm falling back to asking
a deck of cards what it means
what it meant
cause to me it was 
everything
i'm falling asleep hoping to hear
from you again

do you still have that blue
little bear
i told you to hold when you just
couldn't bear
the thought of breathing
the thought of leaving was all that
you could keep repeating
your brain was a monster
when you tried sleeping
you heard the words of
those that couldn't love you enough
i'd say it over and over
still say it over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

i hope he's good to you
i'd still break the bones
of anyone who ever hurts you
i know we were young
but i know that i loved
every word that you said
they meant i was enough

that halloween
when we danced inbetween
what we wanted to say
and what i still really mean
i still dream of your laugh
and the trampoline
do you still think of me
i'm just a memory

my brain is a monster
when i try sleeping
i hear the words you said
when my soul was bleeding
in need of a doctor
or some kind of meaning
you were my life preserver
but now i'm sinking

if you ever hear a song
that makes you think of me
i hope you sing along
cause i sing over and over
over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

halloween, 2015

i think i'm falling back into it
that's okay, i think i've gotten used to it
another empty bottle on my desk
another pill that makes it easy to forget

i think i've grown to hate the sunlight
or maybe i've just grown to hate most things
can't really ever get the words right

i feel so lonely but i'm never quite alone
always at my house but never quite at home
rather listen to modest mouse than look at my phone
cause its just another message from someone
who doesn't really know me

wish i was dead
i know that's depressing
but it's easier than living to see
the office taken down from netflix
then what would my life be
if i wasn't self projecting on
anything that looks like
who i'd like to be

talking heads
isn't that just poetic
feels like i've got nothing but
a mindless introspect
a numbing monologue
i think i've grown to hate my thoughts
or maybe i've just grown to hate most things
and have nothing to say at all

wish i was dead
i know that's depressing
but it's easier than
watching all seven seasons
of parks and rec again
what would my life be
if i wasn't self projecting on
anything that kinda looks like
who i'd like to be

if i ever say a word
if i ever text first
just know that i'm probably
thinkin about leaving this earth
what a fucking waste of time
what a fucking waste am i
to be sitting around doing nothing
but wishing i was something

wish i was dead
i know that's depressing
but it's easier than living to see
the office taken down from netflix
then what would my life be
if i wasn't self projecting on
anything that looks like
who i'd like to be
wish i was dead
i know that's depressing
but it's easier than
watching all seven seasons
of parks and rec again
what would my life be
if i wasn't self projecting on
anything that kinda looks like
who i'd like to be

talking heads
isn't that just poetic
feels like i've got nothing but
a mindless introspect
a numbing monologue
i think i've grown to hate my thoughts
or maybe i've just grown to hate most things
and have nothing to say at all

post-graduation

justwatchthefireworks