On Sundays, I like riding my Vespa in a red cape while reading ethnographic research on the 4-O-Fun and 427 freeways. I also can pilot tricycles up several inclines with unflagging speed, while cooking thirty-minute brownies in nineteen minutes. Canada is my nomadic home. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy drums. I also enjoy hunting wild urban sonics in the Annex on Fridays in rush hour. I have been known to scale a few buildings and crush ice with my bare knees to capture audio. I also enjoy dinning at Luna in full mid-evil battle gear with my research advisor Lou. On Mondays, I tear down and rebuild the Bloor and Ossington subway station on my lunch break, making it more efficient in the area of heat retention and on tuesdays I practice urban hang gliding. On Humpday, I repair electrical appliances free of charge for disadvantaged families. Currently my Thursdays are open and practice taking naps. I even defended Sarnia, Ontario from a horde of ferocious army ants using only a hoe and a large glass of water. Once while on vacation in Kitchener, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorist who had siezed a small bakery, quoting only Edgar Allan Poe. I own a small company in the Beaches that breeds prize-winning oysters, and on Saturdays the laws of physics do not apply to me.

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