a little song i made while bored :)
track creds to @heydium on youtube!

!CALLME (prod. heydium)

This song has a bit more meaning than most. As most of my songs in my albums are like chapters in a novel, this one's a stand alone and the entire story is encapsulated in this one song. I don't usually include a behind the lyrics as I like to leave the interpretation up to the listener, but I felt like this time I should share the story I meant this song to portray.

Behind the lyrics

"Chasing the clouds, wish I could turn back time" - The protagonist is consumed by regret and wishes they could go back and change what happened. They are constantly looking for signs, for anything that could indicate that someone they love is considering suicide. The protagonist is extra vigilant now.

"These pictures they last and I regret the pleas that I passed by" - The protagonist is haunted by the memory of the girl and feels guilty for not recognizing her pleas for help.

"Like you're a mirror I see my fears, they're staring back at me" - The protagonist sees their own fears and insecurities reflected in the memory of the girl and the tragedy that occurred.

"I couldn't endear her, the edge of her trust is falling way too steep" - The protagonist failed to earn the girl's trust and feels responsible for her suicide.

"We live in red hotels, and there's no story to tell" - The "red hotels" represent places of despair and uncertainty, and the lack of a story suggests that the protagonist is unwilling to share the details of the tragedy.

"She's gonna take her life, she's gonna kill herself" - The protagonist is plagued by thoughts of the girl's suicide, and the repetition of these phrases emphasizes the impact that it has had on them.

"Rubies all over her shelf" - The "rubies" are a symbol of the girl's blood splatter, which is evidence of her tragic end.

"We live in red hotels, and there's a story to tell" - The protagonist can't bear the weight of his guilt any longer; the story of her end and his experience in dealing with the trauma must be told.

"These walls are crying for help" - The walls represent emotional barriers that people put up when they are emotionally distressed or have experienced an event that causes them to second-guess every relationship they are in or will be in. The protagonist feels that the walls of the hotel are the girl's emotional barriers, and the repetition of "red hotels" emphasizes the impact that the girl's suicide has had on them.

"They scream in my ears, it's getting deafening" - The memory of the girl's suicide is overwhelming and difficult to bear. The protagonist can't get her pleas out of their mind, and they are so loud that they can physically hear them, making everything else around them go mute as the PTSD of the situation completely overwhelms them.

"If I could turn back the time, these clouds that fill in your sky, the chains you left me in I would give you everything, I'd give her everything" - The protagonist wishes they could go back in time to prevent the girl's suicide, and is consumed by guilt and regret.

"She's in a red hotel, rubies all over the shelf" - The repetition of this line reinforces the impact that the girl's suicide has had on the protagonist.

"They sparkle shining with wealth, these chains that I'm in, the gems imprisoned me" - Her blood, or the 'rubies' sparkle in the sunlight as it rises. She took her life before sunrise, and the light shining on the blood through her window is making it glisten in a dark, sorrowful beauty. The gems are the rubies. The memory of the scene forever imprisons the protagonist, as their life will never again be the same. The guilt and regret are like a prison, trapping them in a cycle of pain and despair.

Escapist

Lost in Time

Twisted Fate

Solace (prod. myss)

Stream ETHN "Idolism," out now on ALL platforms!
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Prod. myssbeats

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Idolism

Stream ETHN "Fault Line," out now on ALL platforms!
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Prod. myssbeats

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Fault Line

prod racky (rest in peace)

imma call you later, and imma hope you pick up
i can be your biggest hater, and biggest lover
feel, like, you, dont care but you count the thousand times i look in the mirror and insult myself
why do you get it good?
while my lifespan keeps subtracting
you saved me only by a fraction
now you're leaving me, i'll really miss all of that action

a song while im not sober cause i rlly wanna fucking die

weight on my heart 
thinking romance 
i needed advise 
i needed a plan 

slowly we dance 
and stumble and laugh
im holding your hand
and slipping like sand
-
say its too soon
but i fucked you

why you even let me touch you

cant hold back 
feeling love you 

when i came 
told you thank you
-
thinking im stupid 
to fall to your plan 
you told me you want me 
then give me your hand

only want you 
i dont care where we stand 
just run to my arms 
we kissing in france
-
say its too soon 
but i fucked you 

why you even let me touch you 

cant hold back 
feeling love you

when i came 
told you thank you
-
-
know that you want me to touch you 
fuck you
finish inside
you scared if i love you
taking a test 
then tell me the answer
say its too soon 
but promise you fortune 

touch your thighs 
when im driving
all i want do is fuck you
cant decide where to touch you 
in your mouth where i cum to 
-
holding me tight 
never with loose lips
tell me its fine
im scared if we do this
finish inside
now we feeling stupid
buying the plan 
but wishing you threw it
-





hold me like you do
show you want me too
touch all over you
fuck and leave you bruised

-
love me like you do

TryingOverYou

Coming Undone

COMING UNDONE (PROD. EEM TRIPLIN & STEVEN SHAEFFER)

I am sorry for the reverb I have no clue why I did that, I was just a kid messing around on after effects.
THIS IS NOT MY SONG THE OG IS BY ALEX BUREY

TryingOverYou

MANSICK