based off the original version of the song
song credits to blood girl (^-^*)ノ
chords used are a, a7, d, d7
on capo 4

lyrics:

i haven’t felt like myself for so long
i dont know who I’ve become
in the meantime
as the world passes by
I’ve been bedridden almost for a month
caught up cabin feber gone
in the meantime
everybody moving on

i cannot focus and now i am on my own
i am utterly alone   i am left to die again
all my friends all my friends
are so dear but far away  i am cooped up in my bed
dissapearing without trace

the worlds is caving in around my skull
making me forget that i can talk
making me forget how to reach out
making me forget that i am loved

but i can’t sleep in any longer
i can’t stay like this for life im not sick enough 
but sick enough to never be alright
i am wrongly wired  really tired
fighting for my right
to have a little hope that i will someday turn out fine

i haven’t felt happy for so long
i dont know where it has gone
in the meantime
I’ve been sleeping quite a lot
I’ve pretended everything was going fine
so i didn’t have to lie
if somebody asked me  if its gotten worse

i am sloppy with excuses  always covering my ass
i am scared of getting help
cus what if that shit doesn’t last
im on meds but still depressed
and therapy it doesn’t help
so im just tired of the fighting
can i ever catch a break?

i am happy for you happy for you but im so afraid
i am trying i am trying but i want this shit to end
i am lonely i am lonely yet avoiding all my friends
i am scared yes i am scared that i will one day kill myself

in the meantime - blood girl (cover)

it’s my birthday today (o´∀｀o)

song credits to blood girl
chords used: c, g and am

lyrics:

don’t give up if u don’t want to give up
but i give up cause i’ve had my share of stuff
why shud i continue if i all i do is fight
and if i don’t continue
is that all right
i prayed to god as a kid when i was sad
and i’ve accepted that he doesn’t rly care
what shud i believe in when i am all alone
why shud i not sleep in when there’s no one on the phone
at the suicide hotline
and there is
nothing to wake up for and i’m slowly getting older 
which is scary when ur 20
and u watch ur life pass by
and there is
nothing to stay up for so i lie down and just doze off
u want some sadness ? i got plenty
i could hook u up sometime
this brain im tryna fix
im the only only person in it
the only person who’s tryna fix it
using what im fixing
im lonely i’m so lonely
and i’m in this selfish pain
im tired i’m so tired
but i’m always so awake
i did my best but i don’t think it was good
it wasn’t much but it was what i could do
why should i continue if all i do is fail
and if i do continue will everything just change ?
i haven’t lived for a lot of years by now
i’ve grown so used to feeling emptiness inside 
all i want is something to pick me off my feet
not new meds 
not a bandaid
but something that is real
that is not just sleeping
and there is
nothing to wake up for and i’m slowly getting older 
which is scary when ur 20
and u watch ur life pass by
and there is
nothing to stay up for so i lie down and just doze off
u want some sadness ? i got plenty
i could hook u up sometime
this brain im tryna fix
im the only only person in it
the only person who’s tryna fix it
using what im fixing
im lonely i’m so lonely
and i’m in this selfish pain
im tired i’m so tired
but i’m always so awake
im lonely i’m so lonely
and i’m in this selfish pain
im tired i’m so tired
but i’m always so awake

dont give up - blood girl (cover)

song credits to twilightmewmew ฅ ̳͒•ˑ̫• ̳͒ฅ♡
they’re very underrated, go give their music a listen ! (‘∀’●)♡
chords used are c and fmaj7

lyrics:
everyday everyday is the same 
everyday everyday is the same
biting bloody fingernails wondering how to hurt myself next
will i eat too much again
will i feel like texting him
why cant i ever feel human
i dont have a pretty voice
i dont rly have a choice
im stuck here in a loop
im just 16
i feel like the world hates me
how do i feel normal 
when everyday everyday is the same
when everyday everyday is the same
tears welling up on the way home from school
why cant i be like everyone else
am i cursed or just depressed
even i dont know how i feel anymore
days go by
weeks go by
months go by
i still dont feel a thing

everyday is the same - twilightmewmew (cover)

Räuberhöhle-I'm Not Part Of The Shit

▴◭Δ◮▴

New 'Natural Dog' EP out now at haord.bandcamp.com

Proxy Rock

lyrics:

today i had an anxiety attack in front of somebody
it began in my stomach then it went to my throat
then i sat on the floor and i thought “oh no”
my legs were shaking really hard
i couldn’t swallow my spit
its times like these 
when i just feel
how much im completely out of it

today i had an anxiety attack and got comforted
i felt like screaming and crying but i didn’t
thank god
instead i just apologised a million times
if you’re bodys used to icy cold
then you never freeze, or so im told
and i am used to never feeling
so i just dont

even as im shaking
body quaking 
bones that creek 
when i move

eyes glazing
lips flaking
numb feet
when i should

get up and go
i dont know how to
my body doesnt work
like a body should work

so i think ill be sick
or i think: this is it
the death of blood girl and my messed up head
the walls cave in 
and the building stars crashing
apocalypse is nearing and i can’t do anything

but all that happens is i shake for a bit
an earthquake in my chest and it feels like shit
i’ve learned how to breathe thru all of it though
after some years you just start to know

it surely feels like an attack
like my body is just pulling a prank
like: there you go
now you know
how it feels before you die

Today I Had an Anxiety Attack

lyrics:

poisoning my body with bad things
like telling me that i am not good even when i try
isnt that the same as doing drugs
getting addicted to not being enough
cause now i’m so used to always making myself smaller

than most
than others
the outside world as i see it
the people i interpret to being healthy and happier than i’ll ever be and
it is so sick to think people hate me
and kind of thinking that hey maybe
that would be best 
cause i deserve to be alone

i hate getting used to being depressed
i want to get used to feeling content
so i dont just accept this way i behave and can actually believe that things will be ok
if you’ve been untreated for 3 whole years
with therapists just screaming in your ears that nothing is wrong and that you’re not depressed
its hard to get the courage to go through that again
or believe in any positive thinking shit
even if thats probably better i think
i’d rather drink a smoothie than kill myself
or do some yoga or whatever they think will help
often doesnt help
but i know i am the responsible adult
when its in regards to my own being
i can’t pin everything on my new psychiatrist 
take medication and think “now everything fixed”
i gotta wake up 
i gotta go to school
i gotta take showers
and act like its all cool
i gotta treat myself like i’d treat a crying friend
tell her: hey dont worry, cus sadness will end
depression can be cured
and so can ocd
and so can many other mental illnesses, you see
nothing is permanent
and even if it is
its your responsibility to tackle that shit
which i know you can
which i know i can
with this amount of tough skin  and these walls
i wont let anything get to me i’ll claw my way out
i’m sometimes disappointed in how my life turned out
but existing’s kinda magical cause i can turn it around
with the help of my friends
and therapy and medication
but especially my friends
i feel strong enough to face it

and its the end of 2017
i hope by the end of 2018
this song won’t be so sad because i will look back and think
“holy shit i’m so proud of myself for surviving this"

The Bettering

lyrics:

saying that im fine made me realise that i wasn’t
made me realise that i haven’t been for long
so ive chosen to keep playing
in a game that i can’t win in
like im just support for others
or a creature pretending

but i wish i knew how other people felt
how it would be to be well like i can’t pretend that im good
if im not its like it should be better by now
like my brain should fix itself and be fine
but it hasn’t but hopefully i will be medicated soon
thankfully so

so i keep on living for a new day
i keep on breathing in the toxic waste and i keep on waking up and living
getting up and feeling shitty
but im here
thankfully so

bloodgirl has depression
cause without she would simply be too strong
she needs a little bit of sadness to string her along
sometimes i pray to god and apologise for everything
but then i realise he doesn’t exist and i am over it

saying that im fine made me realise that i wasn’t
made me realise that i haven’t been for long
so ive chosen to keep playing
in a game that i can’t win in
like im just support for others
or a creature pretending

Saying That I'm Fine

FUZZYFACE - Human Heartbreak

ddos jam 6/15/20

trying to figure out music 4 myself,
thanku if u take time to listen it’s nice jus to feel heard ʕ•̫͡•ʔ♬✧

[content warning for suicide, self harm, mental illness, etc. i find music a therapeutic outlet for this stuff so keep this in mind before listening to music on my account. ur mental well-being comes first]

in the meantime - blood girl (cover)

Wurmii

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