THE BOY WITH THE THORN IN HIS SIDE

prod. neltq*

i feel love thru my flesh, thru my tendons, thru my blood vessels
& so i ache, empty crankcase, grave dweller
I'm never safe, what's inside is a shape shifter 
I'm only saying i could really use a session

better yet a trip to siberian peaks, fuck the grass, i need my skin to come off at least
deep down had to lock it away with 7 keys
reached far just for the stitch to rip outta the seam 

///

fallen god, fallen king, ion care what u see
a god of suffering, the king of all that's scary to me
make the objective just to get across the message past your nails & your teeth
i see your feet but theres a ghost under the sheet



the boy

prod. neltq*

i cried alone, i know its scary to behold
vacant after tones, still & sacred to my bones
on nobody knows, time & time again im cold
extra sugarcoat
never told a soul

i stay out the way, better caged, seemingly safe
memory will fade then flood right back, i lost the game
felt like mace, my face absorbed, it's acid rain inside my brain
resemble Cain the way i drop what's sane and slay my blood in veins 

my reflection killed mid-gaze
never able to be tame, control is frayed
gifted space to u, spent time learning the trait
I'm gentle for today, by the grace
holy gates, locked and out of place

i cried alone
still don't know when I'll be home
i walk alone
i know..
i know im not your home
i might be wrong

forlorn

prod. neltq*

i dont wanna fuck i wanna love 

white sheets, canvas on the mattress
paint it with the passion, make it a habit 
lately yeah my skin is feeling famished
touch me with intent as if i matter 

tryna practice mind over matter
but in my chest theres white noise & its louder
the static after hours, only sadder
tell me what i do when only bad news

tell me why im lonely in the back rooms
eyes to the sky like wasnt that rude 
what the fuck?
i just- i thought i would know when its the last move
silent off the cuff, i look right at myself & wonder what the fuck
soft eye roll then it's back to cracking knucks
banking on the pain, always felt like i was tough 
sitting in the rain, the drops are mercury, im stuck
waste to the grave, no sense to make me feel the love
head squish like a bug 
crawling when we met & I'll be writhing when it's done
crucio the way the pain just twists before it turns
truth be told i always knew the code
stoic & look tall to brave the road
maybe lvtely i just wanna cleanse my soul 
silent off the cuff, i look right at myself & wonder what the fuck

the thorn in his side (mattress III)

What if
I told you
That
Daddy
Raised a bitch
What if
I told you
That
I made me the shit
Stuck
Under a fifth of Jim, I spit
Up, up
Right thru lashes, thats a dagger thru your lid

Off me, push it back, push it back, don’t react
Hypochondriac, frantic gasp, I relapse
Hard to make amends when each day looks like the end
Scarred and saving grace laid the days to the grave

You might say its great, I can’t see shit without my fade
Ash all on my face, I swallow hate just to sedate
Shaken, stirred the pot with all that serves to cause distraught
Always in my thought, can’t rest in peace when all is dark

dry cry

Just cause I don’t show it don’t mean nothing, you should know me
I don’t wanna feel this way again so could you hold me?
Slowly creeping on the edge, im closer than the old me
Silent when we met and ill be silent they throw me - away
Watch how I stand in my way
Glassy knuckles after staring at my face
Wouldn’t dare come over and play, won’t you?

scissorhands

Don’t think it
Don’t try it
Don’t say that
Don’t be that way

(I’LL CUT OFF MY HANDS)

Want you to want me
Need you to need me
I know that you see me

puppets [intro]

IF I DONT CARE THEN IM WELL IN THE HEAD
AND WHEN I CARE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE DEAD
NO ONE WAS THERE, RIPPED MYSELF RIGHT IN TEN
SAME TIME I FELL, BROKE THE VEIL, LET IT BLEND

LET IT BLEND
LET IT BLEED
LET ME BE
LET ME

deep shade of jaded [outro]

Be blessed the jester.. who has the means to cut with words
Cursed be the serpent, remaining in dirt
Consequences of the role you uphold
Started pressing now you stressed out and cold
Sign the line, its never gold
Awake til its early, the birds are up chirping, they sing about demise of all that you hold, I laugh
Punch til I bust thru the glass
Silent but top of my class
Most likely out the way cause I gas it
Ash lightly on the path when I pass it, misery magnet
Light behind my eyes, a different pole
Search for a sign while im on a doze
Skrt off the shoulder, face in a hole
Stood on my feet and I started to sink, had to muster hope, had to double down
Never switched the code, never fucked around
I was in the road, couldn’t see a thing
Stoned at the bridge, when I felt em pelt it had to show my wings and I blasted off
Looked at the pissants and scoffed, back to the base where im concocting often
Sloppy and bold
Low class villain rocking the boat
Lvtely I’ve been rly braving the storm
Levitate slightly to show u a form
Flow from the light at the top of my dome

Maybe just leave it alone

sanction

for u [interlude]

Wish I could really give u every single thing u ever wanted
Untie the ropes that squeeze your wings against your stomach but I
Feel like the weight u buried deep inside a bunker
Deep inside a whole where shadows wander and I wonder if you’d never go
Would u ever call me home?
Would u look upon my soul and see a stone cold stunner?
Im a hundred times worse than what I portray
Im so distant from the day, I think its so great
Really out way and took a different way, ancient pages laced across my brain
Never left a crazed, anxious state of waves
Ever since the wake, ever since awake
I was maybe 8…
[redacted] told me he would [redacted]
Unsafe and he [redacted]
Living on the brink of something drained
Tell me you’re in pain until you rethink it again
Never been so slated, ill slip in the rain
Even fought the grain, no avail
Silent tension, it was heavy, walking on eggshells
Never mentioned how it made me feel, I can’t tell u how it felt, I can’t bother
Toss it down the well, hope that water never swells
Seeing visions of myself

paragon

Am I perfect
Am I rly worth it
Tell me words, I don’t think that I deserve them
They hurt me
Inner voice is constant in the circus
Terminated person, ima purge it
Scurry off the edge, my mind burning
I dreamt that I was dead, ill never flourish

Eye contact make me nervous so I’m swerving

47 times I tried to tell you that my b47ance isn’t hopeful, I stay lonely in my circle, its hurtful
Stoic on the front, ill never show you
But if you listen close then it concerns you

security!

bold ass little fucking low class villain