WATCH THE VIDEO! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aUKQMU-VH4

Zagranis as Dream
Xhack as Nagito Komaeda

Written by Nekomancer (Additional writing from Dani and Gengo)
Edited by Nekomancer
SC thumbnail by Dani
YT thumbnail by Trakked
OJ Simpson joke by GamingPlush64
Mixed by Zagranis

Dream:
George! You seeing this shit that I'm seeing?
"Minecraft But The Weebs All Leave My Ears Bleeding"?
Make it quick kid, at six I got a manhunt for streamin';
"In this video, one of my nemeses is gonna start fleeing!"
Let's compare careers so the viewers know who to vote up;
I tend to blow up, you literally blow up!
So grow up! I got my next Reddit trick for this A-hole;
Blowin' your chest with DNP; now THAT'S a Hope Bagel!

Nagito Komaeda:
*that one komaeda laugh* That plain face suits you plenty
When you're just another bland white streamer among many
But I gotta ask; are you okay? That whole verse was out of it
Guess I gotta be a stepping stone to a dope verse allowing it!
But if you're *that* angry, why not take a deep breath?
When I think staying quiet is the best flow you would seem to get
'Cuz all you've got musically's your bootleg Imagine Dragons
Combined with the worst Dream Team since OJ Simpson's
Like how MCYTTWT
Turned your SMP to MAPs!
And after the cheats, your speedrun career was bent
Now you couldn't attempt the win on Glitch%

Dream:
For a kid with a stick in the ribs you would think that you would get straight to the point
But ya dragged on and on ‘til we’re a rotten Zombie corpse!
Repeating this shit? It’s a little bit dry! But at least you were right; you disappoint
This kid cut his hand off to jerk it to a rotten Zombie corpse!

Nagito Komaeda:
Aw come on, you didn't have to go THAT easy on me!
But I’ll show you the Truth and end your life like Chiaki’s
And there are times I find I’m worthless, a useless tool for work, but
...then I remember that all your fans exist.

Dream:
Was it your plan again this time to pull the shortest straw-man?
You’d think the lucky boy would use his talent for his bars, damn!
The better luckster by far's rendered his opponent shakin'
So screw my namesake; the W Was what's Taken!

Nagito Komaeda vs Dream - Rap Battle! #16

Welcome to Modern versus Classic!

Today we have the protagonist of "The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" and the Last Dragonborn, Dovahkiin, battling against one of the most important characters in Northern European literature, Bēowulf, to see who is the better dragon-slaying, free-roaming, badass Nordic protagonist.

Alex Morris as Dovahkiin
Freshy Kanal as Bēowulf

Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Written by Nekomancer
Flowtest by Nekomancer
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Logo by CannibalWorms and Nekomancer
Special thanks to Freshy Kanal!

Beowulf:
After 50 years of peace as the king of the Geats
Another ugly brute must be dis-armed across the Danish straits
With his dragons, his Jarls, his houses, his Thanes,
it’s clear Todd Howard ripped off my tale and forced it into his game!
Scream on the mic all ya like, there’s no Fire Breath from this hoarder
Unrelentingly Force your order back across the border!
So, watch as Hrothgar’s greatest sends ya flying High in this;
It’ll be the most common time that you reach a Cloud District

Dovahkiin:
I’m used to slaying bears in the wild, this translation makes no difference
A new pelt for my collection with how his colloquialism is
So I'll need no introduction, as the prophecies foretold;
The Dragonborn returns to Nirn with a vengeance and Elder Scroll!
Call me Ulfric; even with no magical Stormblade
I need only my words to make you into Healf of a Storm Geat!
Ask Alduin; they Rend opponents to the ground in a duel
While your rapping's at a snail's pace like Kiid Klo Ul!

Beowulf:
Well, it's honourable I'm fighting with a mic and no sword over here
Because it's clear this bastard, like Grendel, is no armed sort of Warrior
And when screaming is your power? It fails to lay fear
When all we do is wish your Thu'um rendered ya silent like a Greybeard!
I built your entire genre! And, even when it comes to that word
Tolkein could rip off my genre ten times better than Todd Howard
So I can peacefully return to my kingdom, because, honestly,
You've failed to burn down the village, and even less on the beat

Dovahkiin:
You'd think after that low-level dragon made a corpse of this prick
This Göt bloke would know how to handle a poison spit
Raiding barrows is my hobby, and it seems that my next slaughter’s
the honour of its inhabitant so rotten I'd confuse him for Draugr!
You slew two goblins and a dragon, what a nice accomplishment
Meanwhile, I’ve slew hundreds, won a civil war, and saved the entire continent!
Stopped three apocalypses, you still claim this flyte is up your alley? 
When The Rift between us is greater than the entire Whiterun Valley!

Beowulf:
With you hiding behind your followers, all of this coward's Bent Will
Has left more Thanes to be slain than even the likes of Grendel
Not Hrunting me in any way, so, with the Gibs and gore narrow
Your head will be another trophy for my Legendary barrow!

Dovahkiin:
That’s your best line?! By the Nine, you know that you’ve got to fail
When your verses drag-on even more than the landscape of Forgotten Vale
And even when it’s compared to the dragons of your Thule
I still speak as hot as Yol Toor Shul!
 
Beowulf:
Call this Skuldafn, because, with you lyrically off the guard
It seems you facing me was another open portal to Sovngarde
How can you beat my legacy, when you can’t match up to Miraak’s?
But that question’s off the table when that chopping block is where you’re sent back!

Dovahkiin:
A millennium-old legend, a staple of every English text
Yet readers nowadays see Fallout 3 with a bigger difference!
So with my vast array of titles, I’ll add your throne to be dismissed
But come back in Sovngarde if you want to be slain again in this

[please never listen to my old battles] BEOWULF vs DOVAHKIIN || Modern vs Classic - #1

Vladimyr P. as Jeff the Killer
Nekomancer as Jack the Ripper
Written by Nekomancer, Adroitwhiz, ColeDaCole, and Vladimyr P.
Chiseled by Adroitwhiz
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Mixed by Vladimyr P.

Jeff the Killer:
It seems we’re Pole-ar opposites, Kosminski; while Im an unknown killer dissolved
youre a fraudulent synonym, overhyped with a mystery thats been solved!
I guess Leather Apron here confused the brothel for this battle track
This sloppy coward always hops away, like if his name was Spring-heeled Jack!
I take mom and Ripper apart, what makes you think I Wood not handle this?
When you couldnt hold a light to my flame if you jumped over your candlesticks?!
This pervert turns a prosti-to a corpse; Im sure youd letter (let her) burn “From Hell”
But I turn Whitechapel crimson without a need for one single yell

Jack the Ripper:
I already kill sex workers, why must I face ATTENTION whores this time?
Who would rather burn faces than face burns and deliver them in rhyme?
But if my sleep is what he wants, then Im afraid that wish cannot remain
Because the Ripper never rests when theres a new target to his name!
You would think that they could blink at another edgy cliche in the bin
But your emo fans come and fail to do so, like your eyelids
Yet now you stand alone, fading to the wiki as a relic
Lonesome and dead when your feelings are hurt.
Just like your parents.

Jeff the Killer:
Id adhere my own command; that verse really did make me snooze!
Youre all hung up on these girls but you should be hung from a noose
“Victorian” becomes an antonym; to this matchups gravity you were blind,
yet when it comes to sightless Jacks, we all would prefer my own kind!

Jack the Ripper:
I leave your sleepers to stay awake, preferring architectural Gothics
This blokes from suicidal 4chan macros, yet now Im the one truly toxic!
Yet if youre as angsty and cowardly as a REAL high schoolers brawl,
Then Ill make it even, pick up the phone mate;
Weve got better Killers on the call.

Adroit as Eyeless Jack
Evan as Zodiac Killer

Eyeless Jack:
Its Eyeless Jack here, but enough with introductions
Because Boxman's my target, and hes looking quite scrumptious
Crack Zodiac and his cyphers, one step forward and your turf breaks
Since youre the most pathetic threat to California since the earthquakes!
Im not usually one to play with my food, but youre tasteless
Dry and lacking every single flow… like your state is
Did this map get mirrored? Because, even when Eyeless, I see
This western Zodiacs not merely Cancer; he seems to be nought but a Monkey!

Zodiac Killer:
This is the Zodiac questioning: who am I against this time around?
So many cliches here, Im shocked he hasnt called this rhyme profound!
You couldnt Farraday in the Bay, only useful for organ harvestation
Went from sending letters to pulling numbers; you couldn't finish your operation
You just broke kid's knees and kidneys, holding no sort of a threat
While I killed dozens with this .45 while wielding twice the BPM!
Load up a bullet, unload on a bloke, there's no mercy cap to attacking back
We’re of different calibres--Zodiac: 38, Jack: jack.

Eyeless Jack:
A gunman Jacking people’s vehicles thinks he’s unique in landing this?
Your state’s had enough of your kind in fucking Los Angeles!

Zodiac Killer:
You’re one to talk; you’re the fiftieth hooded edgelord maiming kids
I’ll drop the inferior Jack as fast as his own creator did

Jeff the Killer:
I’m in need of some more bleach when you bring your rhymes so full of filler
As you two memes are forgotten; we inspired all kinds of killers!

Jack the Ripper:
Keep your copypasta fame, while we continue every writer’s terror
And while you die as fictional trends, our legacy lives forever

[please never listen to my old battles] JACK THE RIPPER vs JEFF THE KILLER || Modern vs Classic - #2

Welcome to Modern versus Classic!

Today we have the ambiguously fictional legend of much English folklore tales, Robin Hood, facing off against the definitely nonfictional Australian bushranger, Ned Kelly, to see who is the superior proto-socialist vigilante defying the upper classes, and the "law enforcement" serving them.

What do you mean by "you already made this"?

Nekomancer as Robin Hood
Zawesome as Ned Kelly

Written and mixed by Nekomancer
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Beat by Philip Guyler (Audio Network)

Robin Hood:
The Kelly Gang wants to start a feud with my Merry Men?
Well, with three arrows, they’ll be mutton like a herd by Merian
But their leader wants to inflict what their Glenrowan flame makes
So let me take aim to make shame of their painstaking namesake
Yeoman (yo man), you’ll find this one’s not the one you’d like to cross
When he leaves you hiding yet again under fire like Duross
And though I give to the poor as I take from the rich
All I have for Greta’s served justice for a horse-rustling bitch
Your only inspired revolution’s an uprising of confusion
As you make hostage of your class and cadavers of policemen
Murdered in the bush, causing gore and terror without end?
You're a hypocrite concluded with delusions of revenge!
Consider this my warning shot up against your dead future
When your best tale is only told in the forensic theatre
So you’ll wish you kept your promise once the Hood steps afoot
That backfired like your hostages - how’s that a shot in the foot?

Ned Kelly:
Let’s not beat around the Bush; I am Ned Kelly
And if barking Stringybark is the diss you mean to tell me
then I got a better letter than any in Jerilderie;
so scary you’ll be praying back to your Virgin Mary!
Dear Robin, you forget you’re a whimsical myth
who exists as propaganda, Angevin baronesses
relisted your tale, and to this day, this is
an only relevant man for modern socialists, and
while your tale is forgotten and only metaphors list it
mine’s told for generations for integrity to listen!
The bigger economic pain than the Sheriff of Nottingham
Needs just one pistol to reduce your life to nothing, man
I was squashing the Squats with my raids and incursion
While your movement’s so poor, might just be the Disney version!
So with a horse to the side and a pistol at hand
I’ll plough you harder than my armour in this last stand

Robin Hood:
Rockier than your dad’s estate, my condolences instead
He downed so many wine bottles, I guess that’s why they call him Red!
This black-balled bastard wants to take his shot at me?
We’ll see TWO dumbasses misfiring times three!

Ned Kelly [1:38]:
I’ll leave this foxy bastard running back to his Inglewood
‘Lest the dastard sees what my bloodline can do to England, Hood
‘Cause you have lower class levels than Nottingham’s beggars
While I’ve the Power to crush systems using nought but my letters

Robin Hood:
I’m an educated rogue protecting the king of my country
You’re an Irish beggar murdering police for your money
Courteous and patient, yet now green’s seeing red
So with one arrow to your knee, you’ll be red seeing Red!

Ned Kelly:
You master the bow’s string, yet you can’t spit a line
Allan A'Dayle can’t compare to the loot/lute your corpse’ll find
You’ll always be in the shadow of your animated strife;
left your legacy in shambles, but I guess such is life.

[please never listen to my old battles] ROBIN HOOD vs NED KELLY || Modern vs Classic - #3

This has been in production since 2016, and I'm so glad to see the battle realized! Today, we have the main antagonist of VoidViper Mapping's "Alternate Future of Asia: Destiny of the Merciless" series, Zeta Halberd, against the main antagonist of Fallout, The Master!

Nekomancer as Anarchists United
@user-929645029 as Zeta Halberd
@swoldow_evgrb as The Master
Mixed by @adroit_whiz
Produced by 2Deep
Basically everything else by Nekomancer

Anarchists United:
I’ve overthrown four regimes already, this tyrant’s just next on the list
For when I broadcast a rapping soliloquy, it’s the Destiny for this Merciless!
Known for dispensing cures, yet my flow’s so sick like waterborne Jongesia
That it crushes you quicker than ISIL and leaves you quarantined like Raq… uh-

Zeta:
Cutting off the broadcast; Zeta’s here to crash homunculi like stocks
You’re gonna wish I was Ted Kaczynski when this anarcho-primitivist drops bombs
Mariposa posers blow their flow like his Cathedral when it bursts inland
Dispose of a second arid blob quicker than I did to Kurdistan

Master:
Half-human, half-animal, yet three times as annoying as his last runt
Jongesia is the least sick FEVer compared to my raps to melt Alaska
I spit Flames of the Ancient World, it’d be wise to not make another diss
Because I’ve seen a more successful Zeta coming from the Mothership!
Speaking of Motherships, don’t Crimea river when your bars drop the bar
Since the best bombs you’ve ever dropped were shut down at Krasnodar
My fans all praise and raise the stakes against Bethesda’s brazen wage they bred
While the mates awaiting your series’ sequel’s slate all wait in Silent Death.

Zeta:
You’d think someone named Master would know how to mix their vocals
After spending their life on a failed project and kidnapping their locals
It’s your second suicide on the mic with such weak lyrical business
But hey, it’s not the first time your creations have failed by being dickless!
Now you’ve got me seeing red like half of your dialogue’s textbox
But I’d feel the same, had I lived with never being ported to PS nor Xbox!
The Earth lies in my likeness, as Africa, Asia, and France died
You’re just the mind behind the likes of the most hated species in your franchise!
The alpha Zeta and his alpha race continue to bring lyrical omega
To the fleshy gum wad who’s more akin to his waves; Beta!
But now the Holy Flame is so burnt with my diss in it
That he’s left even more scarred than his Mariposa incident

Master:
I found more useless junk in your 6 couplets than my scouts in the wasteland
You’d think we’d have a better verse since the third stanza on the beat was wasted
So either go into hiding once again, or grovel to God’s incarnate new
For I am the Master, and I do not have to answer to you.
I’m the Psyker psychic psycho seeking furries to join the Unity’s armies
Syke; this psycho’s psyche’s too psychologically flurried for purity on beats
Naught but another talking head in my path doomed from where he started;
Impure and filthy, yet even my own soldiers could leave you outsmarted!
Preferring a buffer state to be built, so I need not listen to your shit rhymes
While I split time’s evolution, you fall like Muscovy in my triad eyes
Vanishing like the rest, eradicated like the West
As they Marcus as the second American sending Zeta to a death!

Zeta Halberd vs The Master

[please never listen to my old battles] Zeta Halberd vs The Master - Rap Battle! #1

feet! feet!

Who won? - http://www.strawpoll.me/18742269
@chaoprod as Rin Tezuka
@ducky808 as Chills
Beat by Kustom
Mixed by @adroit_whiz
Basically everything else by Nekomancer

Rin (0:12):
*yawn* Can we finish this soon? You interrupted my train of thought
Just so I can speak sonatas against annoying narrators you brought
But it’s fine with me. Hisao, could you hold the mic for me?
Because I’ve got a YouTuber to leave smoked on the beat!
Ugh, let’s hope Dylan raps better than in his shitty music
I think the fact they got views at all really, truly is amusing
You get your team of ghostwriters to do all the work in your budget
Wonder if you’ll even make a verse without paying people to budge it
(Oh) You rhyme fine in Sideline, then in nigh time, your side lines
Fall with side crimes, your sideline should consign from online
Rhyming less than oranges, so I’m unable to remiss
That you’re as bland and lukewarm as your Burger King Foot Lettuce

Chills (0:42):
The last thing you want in your community rap battle
Is going toe-to-toe with those with alexithymia struggles
But this might be what you get before you beat Tezuka Rin
So when I step in the beat, it’ll lettuce feature a win
Spit Chilling rhymes, destroy thalidomide babies in the roooooad
Shouldn’t go cross with me, like your uniform clothes
Number 7. Everything must die.
Just like your fandom, your future, and your friendships. Bye.

Rin (1:02):
Now, I know I have issues with emotions, but to be honest
Even I can tell that your voice is annoyingly monotonous
And I’d be lying to myself if I said that you can get this
Because the only feat that made you famous was Burger King Foot Lettuce!

Chills (1:12):
In hindsight of your rapping, I can say that your
confusing verses are just another confusing mess of metaphors
Whoever enforced this matchup clearly was not the smartest
Because when it comes to Tezukas, I’d prefer an *actual* artist
Hopefully, this battle will not end in you running away again
‘Cause there’s no Parity between us. Like Emi’s dad, you’ve been slain.
The “sole” reason why your attempts to speak are defunct?
You’re trying to arm your lyrics, but it’s clear; you’re stumped.

Rin (1:32):
*yawn* ...Still here? I hoped you’d make like a picnic, and beat it
I leave beats lit, this cheap kid should accept that he’s defeated
Can I go back to the dorm, now? I would very much like some sleep
I require a good rest after bringing foes defeat

Rin (talking): Oh. Helloooo...
Chills (talking): What? What’s the buildup?
Rin (talking): We just summoned Feetlejuice.
Chills (talking): Feetlejuice?
Rin (talking): Feetlejuice.
Primetec (talking): HEY THATS ME

Primetec [IcerM] (1:53):
Now I have been summoned to pluck Four Leaf Studio’s clover
You’ve said “feet” three times now, so hand your toes over!
That’s right, it’s Primetec! Coming back from the Blacklist
To conquer Rap Battle Arenas since ya left Hisao that pissed
Chilling Dylan as I’m living, you’re a one-hit-wonder, but
Not as bad as the man-looking whore’s fanbase, Rin Tezuka!
Dev hell left to the pits of 4chan with a hype cycle that died
I’ve won this rap battle, now finally, I’m satisfied!

[please never listen to my old battles] Rin Tezuka (Katawa Shoujo) vs Chills - Rap Battle! #2

Who won? http://www.strawpoll.me/18850111

Dee as Z̢͡A̶̧̛̛͜Ĺ̢͠G̢̀Ơ̷
Nekomancer as Marcel Duchamp

Beat by Sean Divine
Mixed by Dee and Freshy Kanal
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Written by Nekomancer

Z̢͡A̶̧̛̛͜Ĺ̢͠G̢̀Ơ̷:
HE͞ ̶CO͞M͢E͢S̨ INTO ҉BAT͡TL͟E, ͠A̛N I͠NF̵INĮTE HIV͟E̶M͝I̴ND ̶TO B͠LAZ̨E O̵FF͜
̧IN̨VO̕K̛ING A͠ĢA̕INST TH́È ̨INFER͏I̶OR EX̢CU͢SÈ OF ART̵IST́IC̸ ͞“CH͞A̕OS͏”̶
AG͟A͞I͡NS͡T̷ ḨIM͠, ̴NȨZP̨E͘RD͏IAN’S̢ BES̴T͝ ̴P͘UT̴TING I̧N ́AGAINS̀T҉ YOUR ͏ṔA͘T͝HO҉S
TO LEA̡VE̶ TH̛E͜ ͢C͘R͠ƠWD̸ SC͡REA͘M̷I̶N̕G M̛Y ŃĄM͞E͡ IN ̵M̧O͘RE TH̀AN͘ J̕US̵T҉ ̧AP̵PLAŲS̷E͘
Z̵͜͞A̡҉͠L̴̢͝G͘͟O̸҉!̵̧̨ T̸HE͢ V͢ERY EM̧B̨ODIME̢NT̷ O͜F̕ ́D͞I̵S͝OR̢DER͠
CAN'T ORDER ̢DIS͟S͠ES̀ AGAI̴NS̕T ̨T͝HIS D͢I̧SS O͜RDER! ̡B̀R̛I͟N͠Ǵ ̷T͘HI͟S HO͜ŔROR̡ I͜N Q͟U̡ICK ̡O̢RDE̶R͜!
̶TH͝I̡S͢ T҉OR͡T͡URE ͜F͏RO͟M͜ ͡TH͏E HIGH͘EST ̡HOLY KNI̕GHT̛ D́EM͟AŃDS Y͡OU͞ TO ̕K̸NE҉EL
'LES͝T͢ ͢T̡HE E͝T́ER͜N̡A͢L CR̴I͘MS͞O͡N ͡GOD̨ ̨LEAVES ̷Á ̶DĘCAY̶ ̡ THAT YOU C͏A͡N'̛T̷ ̡H͢ÉA͢L͟
F͜UC̨K͡ C͞TH̴U҉L͘HU, I̛'M̢ T҉HE TRUE̷ C̷O͝S͝MIC ͜H̷OR̵RO̴R ̸O̸N ͠TH͡E ͝S̢LA̶TE
́OV͢ER̶SH͠AD̸OW̸E͜D͞ H.P.,̵ Y̡ET ͡TH̡E ̡WO͢RDS ͢THĄT́ I ͟-C̕R̷A͟FT ͢A̶RE P̀UR͜E̵ ̀H̷A̵TE҉!
͘W̢IT͡H ÝOU͠R̶ SO҉CI̢ETAL D̸ÉCA̢Y̡ ҉T̡H͏AT COUL̴D̕ EVĘN ̡G̨IVE͠ ̨ME̢ ̷S҉CA͢RES,͠
I͜T SE̕E͟MS TH̸AT͠ THI̴Ś SO-C̕AL͜L҉ȨD͟ "͢ĆƯBI̸S͝T" IS ̛MORE ̵FITTING A̛S̨ A ̷S̷QU͝ARE͏

Marcel Duchamp:
Av-en garde to hives of the maimed, you'd best jot down what we say
Leave a mage decayed and laid back from whence He Came
How pitiful that none of those seven mouths could attempt to hurt
Comic Strip egos even harder than a Bride By Her Bachelors
Leaving no fourth Wall for you to hide behind in weary handles
‘Cause I thought we already had Lord English battles Du this -cha-nnel!
I thought we praised font readability when it comes to puny blows
But I ought to be a dia-critic when you’re the one abusin’ unicode
I’m being Étant donnés no reason to take blokes seriously on thread screens
For, every tread seam this red fiend gets is at-best-dead memes
The single thing I admire from this sentinel’s regrettable;
that you’re so Grotesque that your “art” is nowhere near the retinal!

Z̢͡A̶̧̛̛͜Ĺ̢͠G̢̀Ơ̷:
RET̕INAL̨?̧! ̧ALL͞ I SĘE͢ W̛ITH͠ M̶Y IN͟FI̶NITE ̷"̡NAKED̴"͟ ̵E̕YE҉ ͡IN̶ S͠TARE͡ P͏LA̡CÈ
̡I̵S ̴YOU͞R̶ L͝YRI̛C̕ QUA̕L͏ITÝ D͜E͏SCEND̷ING ̵F͝UR̷TH͏E̵R ̷THAN͘ YOUR ͞S͜T̕A͘IRCAS͞E
L̛O̧OK ̵IN THE ͟LARGE҉ ͟LO̧O͘K̡ING̶ ͜G̵LA̴SS͝; Y̢O͟U͟R WH͢OLE CARE͟ĘR͏ ̵WA̸S A͞ M̴ISSTEP
W͘H͞EN̨ ҉T͏HE NE̢O-D͟ADDY̛ O͢F̕ T̡H͏E ̧MOV̡E̵M͟E͟NT F̷AI͞L̡E͡D ̴T̴O̵ R̵EFO͢R̴M͏ ON͞E̵ ͝C̷O͟N͜CE̡PT͝
AS̢ ̸E͠NLIG̡HTE̶NM͞E͠NT̷ I҉N ͡HOLY̕ LI͏ĢHT̀ SHIN̷ES ͞BL̷AC̨K IŃ ̸E͘V̵ĘR̶Y̕ PAN͜EL, ͡
T̀A̧KÈ Y̵OUR ̷PĄIN͏T̸ A͞N̶D̵ ZAL̵-̕GO̢ BĄC̀K͡ ̕T̵O͠ THE͜ ҉SĘCTIO̧N D'̀O̵Ŕ C͟H̀ANN̛E̢L̡

Marcel Duchamp:
Please, you get pissier every second than my Fountain submission piece
So little material to diss, it’s impossible for us to Know Your Meme
Because as I flip the roles on this asswhipped rot brainlet,
this series has become Modernist versus Classic Paint.NET!
While the internet degrades you as a second fiddle of the Slender kind,
your Photoshop’s so basic, it couldn’t even please the EDITOR’s mind!

Z̢͡A̶̧̛̛͜Ĺ̢͠G̢̀Ơ̷:
ŃĮC̡É ́TR͢Y M̧E̛R̴E MORT̸AL҉,͠ BÚT ̨YOU͟’͏VE ͝S̶O̕METHI͞NGĄW̢F͘U͠L̕ ͞CO͜N͠S̡TAN̸TL͘Y͘ REHEARS̨E̕D́:
̛R̀E͠PEA͏TIN̸G͞ ҉T͢H͠E̴ ͢S̢AME͏ ͏F͠U̴C̸K̨I̧NG̸ ͘J͘O̷K͟E ÌN EV̀E͡RY͝ ̸SI̢N͘G̀LE͝ V͜ERSE
A̡ ͜L͘IT̷ERAL̀ "B̷LOOD̡Y͡ ̸H̸E̡LL͜" I͡S͟ SE͡EIN͡G͘ A B̸L͟ÉE͠DI̧NG͜ ̸A̡F̶F́I͢ǸIŢY
CO͜UL͠DN'T̨ ̶C͢OMPR͡E̕HEN̵D ͡A̷ ̨F͜LOW͢? ͝Ỳ̷̷͜Ơ̷͡U̧̨͟͡C̶̢A̶̧N͠͠Ņ̵̨O̸̴̵̡T̶̶̡Ć͜O͏̶̷̛͘M̶͞Ṕ̢̢͜R̢É̢̧͢H̷҉͜͟͞E͟͢Ǹ̴̕̕D̴̀Í̵͠͞N̴͢͜͠F̢͝͡͏I̡̛Ń̀͡Ì̶̷͜T̨͏́Y̶̴͟͡͞

Marcel Duchamp:
So-called "creepypasta anti-gods" are on par with unwanted house guests
Et d'ailleurs, c'est toujours les autres qui meurent
Face it, you're a fragment of the past, outdated to handle a blow
Because what's your corrupted "art" and religion when I dismantle both?

[please never listen to my old battles] ZALGO vs MARCEL DUCHAMP || Modern versus Classic - #4

@simplyrazzy as John-117
@king-mewtwo as Gordon Ramsay

Written by Nekomancer
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Mixed by @adroit_whiz

John-117:
Cortana said I’d find an actual threat in this kitchen
But I found an even worse alien, screaming at women for a living
So, listen! You’d best make like your hotel pillow sheet, and beat it!
Food so repulsive, not even Unggoy would put up to eat it!
Defeated like PS by XBOX! You wanna x-off? I shall defeat
With the hardness of my raps and my light against the likes of al dente?!
Starting a rap melee with me? It may be a second cliff-dive,
But this time, you’re packing no flow to help you survive!

Gordon Ramsay:
Well, maybe ya should’ve fuckin’ listened to your blue sous-chef?!
I thought you’re experienced enough with stars to know I’m Michelin’s best!
But she was right, I’ll be your Kitchen Nightmare! My lines are a fuckin’ cookbook!
While whether it’s your hibernation, games, or raps - your shit is fuckin’ undercooked!
Mix a cup of piss, a teaspoon of dandruff, and add three pounds of hash
Then voilà, cunt! 'Ya made your very own Halo fandom hash!
I’d call you expired, but I can’t! From what I can translate,
You’ve got Microsoft Infinite-ly extending your bloody Sell By date!

John-117: 
You used to be in your prime, with 16 stars for you to best and run
But now you search through Hellish Hotels, questing for bedsheet cum!
And selling out? Please, you packed twelve TV shows around to toss
While I make a Covenant and beats freeze like:

Gordon Ramsay:
WHERE’S THE FUCKIN’ RAP SAUCE?!

John-117:
So, when I Collect the battle of the Master Cs, face-to-face
I remain as the true head of the console Master race
And I’d tell you to kneel, but from what I can Di-duct?
That knee’s just a remnant of your failure as a football fuck-up!

Gordon Ramsay:
Football? Please, go ahead and mock childhood fun,
because at least I’m a fuckin’ human being who got to experience one!
Haunted as a child soldier; a mentally fractured fool,
used as a lifeless, artificial armour as the military’s tool!
And to say I’m past my prime? I don’t need the Domain to see, mate
That this fucker lost his golden age way back in Halo 3, mate!
So you can take your Phantom of a franchise, your fandom’s sweaty rout,
and piss off, hand the suit over, AND GET THE FUCK OUT!

[please never listen to my old battles] Master Chief vs MasterChef - Rap Battle! #4

my first battle of the decade or my final battle of last decade? 🤔 who knows?

Dee as Bec Noir
Nekomancer as Dark Samus

Mixed by @freshy-kanal
Beat by Audio Network
Beat mixed by Jade and Freshy Kanal
Thumbnail by Jade
Written by Jade
Special thanks to Freshy Kanal, Dee, and Gengo!

BEC NOIR:
Jack: Ascends in the ring!
Blastin’ a Phazon who can bring nothin’ but a shitshow, murders worse than our King
Yet not as much Corruption as in their bugged-out game!
It’s the Sovereign Slayer, topplin’ Mayors ever since your franchise died right at our birth
Against the Slickest of Spades this bitch can't contain their Spade with the REAL Samus's turf
‘Cause when Black Beak’s at his rap peak, Jack brings a new tally to his hack streak
Attacking, your dark clique, 'till it's dissolved like your franchise: that weak!
An applique, of blood on the floor: black, white, red all over the checkerboard
Revel in this devil's sin, leveling dynasties 'till not even The Felt could settle the score!
And let’s take a comparison and see who really got Jacked up:
I’m prototyped!
Your prototype was so shit it got scrapped up!
Yet another weak kid for me to hack bad!
Nobody would abscond to your wack raps!
21 years since your franchise ended relevance: looks like we’re scoring BlackJack!

DARK SAMUS:
Best escape like you do your flushed counterpart, 'lest another's blood flow in a raging stream
I'm up against some crushed counter-art who went past their Prime in 2013
Scan complete!
This scam can feat naught but his displayed cowardice
I've seen more well-developed virtual wolf enemies in VR from Todd Howard, prick
So quit your barking, and zip it; quicker than in your mission
until your heart skipped it, like readers during the Intermission
Not Megido or Rundas, but this veto can fund this to once more freeze you in your trails, man
I mean, what can I say?
You took your checkmate to a fucking mailman!

BEC NOIR:
I can't understand a line you say, DS!
You're nothing but a trite cliché, DS!
Held high hopes for Metroid 'till Nintendo destroyed and sold it off for a quick buck on the DS!
So desist to this Dersite, ‘lest you’re another footstep in the dead piles
‘Till your blood trail grows so thick, deep, and long, they’ll call this battle Red Miles!
Powered by the Green Sun, but it’s YOU who should envy!
You’re nothing but, weak, son, I’m enthused to end thee
You’ll do more than Flip The Fuck Out, I’m rippin’ hearts out, so go and eat yours like you’re Dirk’s levy
You couldn’t even reach Villain Mode while I bend an entire nation’s force
'Cause your rapping fell even harder than Federation Force!

DARK SAMUS:
Got you on lock like your spire, no, can’t bust out in time like it’s your clock
Because the only time you gave fire flow was when you failed to give Bro a knock
‘Cause when you’re up against, this strain, your win’s not in the cards but, it’s strange
Attackin’ aliased, shitstains, leaves ‘em beat like their name was Ms. Paint!
I ascend harder than you could ever dream!
An ultimate forme you could never beat!
Achieve the op-Prospit of your Reckoning when I leave Dersites worse than surrendering!
Meanwhile, I’ve mastered corruption and ascended as a new god
And if my Force is Federational, then you’re garbage beyond Epilogue!
No need for plasma or Phazon when I euthanise this dog, see
Past reconciliation in praise as I make this prey pray
Thought you’d know from your owner about dogs getting cocky
But you allowed your own death just as you did to Jade

[never listen to my old battles] Bec Noir vs Dark Samus - Rap Battle! #7

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtCCTMsVHP8

Malina Rose as Monika
Xhack as White Face

Written by Xhack, Jade, and GamingPlush64
Additional writing help from MetaMachine and Gengo
Produced by Xhack
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Special thanks to Xhack, Malina Rose, Michael/Stark Media, and Vivian

MONIKA (0:11):
Did Jade run out of ideas? This matchup sure isn’t fitting...
I’ll be GameMaker’s game-breaker when I beat you in one sitting
Seems this isn't Lucky Tickets for this poorly coded freak
This will be a piece of cake: I'm used to seeing through MCs!
Your vocal keys are rusted, and I don’t think you can revel
When you’re taking “Doki Doki!” to a whole different level
But when Notepad’s your claim to fame, I think I ‘ought to thrive
I mean, it’s a master poet against 2008 YouTube guides!
IMSCARED is quite the overstatement, looking at your players
If you're so cold then some fire rapping should be something SAVE-ored!
I'd say to watch as I format this poem based on your defeat
But with your fans already deceased? I'll be glad to delete.

WHITE FACE (0:41):
I assume you think you've won by now, but you've been deceived
That verse was a maze, one that I'm inclined to leave
I'd love to play some tag, honestly, that would be fun
But the mirror has its ways, let's reflect on what you've done
They say the deepest view into one's soul is through their art
And your murder's fueled by love but you don't seem to have a heart
You'll be kicked out of this battle, when trash has power off of her
They call your game amazing! But oh, it's just a moniker
This room is so cold… But my rhymes are still infernal
Blue screen that window, make your suffering eternal
Many hate anime, and some are quite confused
But I'll be over here, looking right at you

MONIKA(1:11):
That blow was more repetitive than your gramophone, but-
Writing-wise, you really could use a visit to my literature club;
I mean, mashing terms together, and you pass that off as elegance?
Man, the one thing harder to name than you is your relevance!

WHITE FACE (1:21):
Go and gather some info to go and try to drain me
And keep on all you want; no one file can contain me
Take your ren.piss-poor game, and close it down to make it right
But instead of jumbled color, you'll see blue… And then white.

MONIKA(1:31):
So repulsive your sole “friend” "pulled" a Sayori? ...Wow.
Just goes to show -- with you deleted, everyone can be happy now!

WHITE FACE (1:37):
You're on so many different people's screens to be gratified
If you won the player over I suppose you'd not be satisfied

MONIKA(1:42):
Icer sure nailed your writing; we can’t read it like your typeface!
Who’s a sole, worthless loner for eternity? Just White Face.

WHITE FACE (1:47):
Well would you look at that? Seems you're nearing on the ending
Get the ropes; your Twitter won't be the thing suspending...

[please never listen to my old battles] Monika vs White Face - Rap Battle! #8

Nekomancer as SCP-049
BonziBUDDY as Itself

Written by Underscores
Beat by Kustom
Beat Mixed by Nekomancer
TTS Construction by Nekomancer
Vocals Mixed by Jordy
Art by Rabi
Thumbnail by Nekomancer and Rabi

virus vs person who cures viruses i guess??

SCP-049:
Just when I thought I was kidnapped by common street bandits,
All I find is spyware meant to summon weak damage
So I thank the doctors for the chance to dissect another primate corpse
But not even I could re-animate the deceased in terms of rhyming course
A virus has been spying, poppin limeware with rhymin'
So my a, ssignment has been linin' assailants in curin' viruses!
You're sick, pitifully while I'm sick, lyrically
Equipped imitably, to make XP Destructions quick, literally!
Now I’ve felt immense tragedy aligned with the cure
But with an ape’s pestilence, I could not show remote remorse
Replaced with Microsoft Cortana and fucked up uptown
Now left to only manage the downloading of another shutdown

BonziBUDDY:
Well, hello there! I don’t believe we’ve been introduced:
I’m Bonzi! Here to cleanse the net of any lesser group
The shatterer of Windows! Popping-up is what you may lack
For whether you agree with me or not, Bonzi Tells straight Facts! [yo]
I Sing! Search! Surf! Browse! While all this prick can do
Is rot in rotten cells without any hope of getting through!
Now you’re in Bonzi’sWORLD, bitch! It’s been nice gnawing you!
‘Cause no Virtual Machine could quarantine any pain of lawsuits!
It’s a good thing I didn’t turn my learning feature on
Because the more I’d listen to your verse, the dumber that I would become!
And if I had to bring up the fanfics only you could expand on?
All I could say is “Nice to meet you, Expand Dong!”

SCP-049:
Not even in the King’s English could I translate those phrases
Lost in 2004, a meme dissolved of generations
Marked with bankruptcy and defeats in legal cases?
Microsoft Double Agent’s useless as the ones with Foundation!
No-one asked for you to Sing, and you couldn’t Schedule a rehearse
And if I wanted you to Tell A Joke, you would repeat your whole verse
Done for! Internet Explored, now even grannies click you off
of D:\ beat! Don't you see? You exist as scammers' knockoffs!

BonziBUDDY:
Screaming on the mic worse than a compressed .midi file
That verse was yet another failed test bleeding on your tile
 Repeating the same couple disses in every phrase you say
Make like Russia -- foundation and rap weaker with every new day!
A lose/lose for you, when I'm through, I've slew PCs like MEMZ to
bring your whole Foundation hell, hands-free like a purple Bluetooth!
And after this battle's end? From what I can exam:
Another useless loss on your hands, on par with Doctor Hamm!

SCP-049:
I’m dissatisfied with the results of this long, failed test:
Couldn’t bring life to this corpse, nor could reanimate the rest
No antibiotics to this Scourge, yet still I live to ensure
That though sick raps weren’t provided, still... I am your cure.

[please never listen to my old battles] SCP-049 vs BonziBUDDY - Rap Battle! #10 [REMAKE]

[[disclaimer, important]]
This whole battle has been in the works since 2015, and for me, along with a lot of my friends and not-friends alike, it's really important to a lot of us, as it cemented our role in the overall community and brought so many of us from so many different places together when it was first released as a scrapped audio in early 2016. Though the notion of a remake has been thrown around, nothing has ever seen a full release, until now. Overall this whole battle is surprisingly important to me and several others, so enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nekomancer as Syobon Action (Cat Mario)
@user-929645029 as Super Meat Boy

Written by Nekomancer, @sw4nked, @boris01-2, @icerm, @vladimyr-p, and @chaoprod
Rewritten by Nekomancer
Thumbnail by Nekomancer
Mixed by Nekomancer
Produced by @kustombeats and @tristanonthetrack
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mario: 
Meat Boy really wants to 戦い? Are ‘ya kitten me?!
A Microsoft sellout catfighting 4k VIP?
This master factors out, yo! A killer cat! A carnivore!
Unpredictive Persian poses profits; that's what my bars are for!
I make the rage the players hate, then to feast on their crave!
They know my name to this day! I made your genre, your craze!
Salty here fears my fans more than any form to leap on
So I send meat straight six feet, signed, Siamese sailin’ Nippon!
You’ll never get the girl, boy! No matter your collection hurdles, boy!
Alitter/a litter licks your litter -- spread to nought but my hair hurl, boy!
Your flow’s filled with spoiled milk, the battle paints visions white
Played the tongue-tied like yarn, yo! GAME OVER in this catfight!

Super Meat Boy:
Sequel and verse alike, you dropped the ball more than 2 flights!
Rapping raw! Spitting saw! 12 lines cut down your 9 lives!
He plans like his gameplay, it’s completely flat and cheap
Spawning “sorry” sequels, since it seems so easy to REPEAT!
Coloured cast blasts wack black and white clones; Dr. Fetus!
Can’t beat Team Meat, believe it! Never could your “beats” Beatus!
You’ve awoken Biohazards -- may wanna step and Back Track
Saw blades back that; I pack raps to blast wack blue and black cats!
Flow’s a foundation, stronger than the rocks you wander on
Charm swept the whole nation, you disable acts of stronger bond
Neko’s choking in the pipe, thinking he’ll beat me with that
Guess I’m indie-tween the two, yo! Three stars -- I bounce back!

Xhack as The Impossible Quiz

The Impossible Quiz:
Did you think that this was over? Too bad that it isn’t, time is tickin’
This kitten’s disses missed so much that I wish that I could Skip it!
Dropping thought bombs! 1 second fast! To the left will you go?! No!
You will Perushia when my flow blasts through two foes!
My processing’s more raw than this rotting oddity, sausage is 
I’m rocking answers, on the fence, while you two are more off of it
No amount of lives will save you, it’s just rapping 101
As I serve the meat and beat just the way I like it; fried, well-done!
You’re a-bridged shit, without right-clicks! All dimwits, so lifeless!
A masterpiece outside the box, while Tofu Boy sits here inside of it!
How many holes are in your verses? They’ll be in you when I verse this!
Servin’ worthless Flash disasters; you just blasted in this furnace!

Cat Mario:
Outdated Humour for Dummies wants to lecture us on games
When they're barely in Kahoots with their own shit quiz food chain!

Meat Boy:
You're one to talk about abridgin', just see how your sequel’s missin'
And judgin' by your rap antics not even cursors click your vision!

Impossible Quiz:
‘NICE ONE’, arcefaces, it’s a shame your raps suck
Had to seven-skip your vision since you bored me that much
Looks like the timer’s up for neko no-show no-flow and sellout
‘Cause I just clicked both of your minds in this game of elephant and mouse!

[please never listen to my old battles] Syobon Action vs Super Meat Boy - Rap Battle! #11

Who won? http://www.strawpoll.me/19747600

Lyrics, credits, + message:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mruQP49Y47lEZD9qww3BZ9BCXiZIzdofRJntbRj2RsE/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks for stayin' tuned.

HAL 9000 vs FRANKENSTEIN || Modern versus Classic Season Finale

this took way too long to finish but i stopped caring a long time ago
[im not actually back i just wanted to get this released]

underscores as Springtrap
MetaMachine as Big Chungus

Springtrap:
Another phantom’s in the halls, I’ll add him to the Scrap pile
You got no shot against reborn demons when we’re left to rap vile
Two-faced doppelganger hack, skills in rap are what you lack
The illest to break the mould/mold when I’m scorching like the tract
Attemptin' burning, but I'm assurin' a come-back; there's no Bonus Round when I leave a Chung trapped
A hallucination on par with the AC’s lung crap, but no comparison when I tear and lunge that
The ceaseless deceasing Caesar seizes any Looney meme
When I leave the grey hare purple-hued, bruised, creaking at the seams
BC was an ancient, dead shitpost 'till 2019's locks, see
Reddit hopped on unfunny tubby bunnies like their names were Phantom Foxy
And now you're dead in your tracks again, withering in cracks
For you, it seems that they don't… always, come back.

Big Chungus:
Eh, shut up doc! You want a challenger in killing zeal?
You'll do more than spring out when kids are your Achilles heel
Crawl back to your vents before you vent about that weak demeanour
(Eh) And with that fursuit carcass, guess you're the real stinker!
I'm spittin' sick like it's your attraction's blackened mold
You blast 'ta sound clips, wit-less, playin’ camera whack-a-mole
But you love chasing vocals, so just try this on for size
When this’ll be a more crippling flaw than your fursuit’s springing ties
I’m the biggest, coldest chungus plungin’ any opposition
Lunge at grungy runnin’ bunnies in more of a mess than their condition
All it took was five unfriendly ghosts to back up and unfold 'ya
Submit to your own sin, Afton!
...That oughta hold ya!

dont replace the m in mexico with s

>victor:doclink 'c://users/victor/archivelog.txt'
  
  >>GENERATED https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O0HGYGHdUuMyhsESO__OezM9nqUiGZlDvrhoGaUtqOE/edit?usp=sharing

>victor:end_dialog

AFTERMATH || Modern vs Classic 2: Legacy of the Atom

The experiment is up and running again! Our simulation resumes starting off with the classic White Bomberman duelling the modern (and rather tipsy) Demoman in a far more explosive match than even HAL vs Victor!

@under-scores as the Demoman
@central-rap-battles as the Bomberman

Written by underscores
Beat produced by Audio Network
Additional writing from @jason-carreon-740402437, @dannyplaysgames-422800890, and @king-mewtwo
Thumbnail by underscores
Beat + vocals mixed by underscores
Demo by underscores
Special thanks to Dani Frias


Demoman (drunk):
Eugh… yyou think you cannn… beeat me...
yourrrrr rhymes arre profound, ...seeee?
your… rhymes are so bbad… I got t-the flow
a-and I uhh... *collapses*

Bomberman:
...Oh.
...Guess he rapped drunk?
Wish I could say the same after seein’ that mug
Look at that slug; I’ll blast the wack hackit Scat-man
and his cast of Nine Dastardly bastards
With yo rappin’s prowess as free as your country
I’d shatter out this scotch Scotch as the king of ‘83
Swept the floor with so many space pirates call me Samus Aran times three
Don’t need the Omni Cube to prove you a square
and you can’t be Sirius in any store of retorts
cuz I’m flowin like the Blue Resort, while your last attempt at rap back there
was as wack as your Orange Box ports.

Demoman:
I should lay off the whole bottle, Dig Dug’s blazin’ at full throttle, but I’ll let that end soon
Give my Persuader to this first grader charge em up and lob their block off like ka-boom!
Sobered up, let’s check what you dropped so aplomb;
E10+ bawjaw can’t drop F-bombs,
so you made a port retort and said my verse was junk
but that just proved I’m even dope when I’m drunk
Crush ya with my Booties then I’m shaggin’ Cute Pink
She blew up my boomstick -- now THAT’s Loch n’ Load
So let me back to my duty, if not then shoot me
Cuz your raps are wack as Act Zero

Bomberman:
Did I grab a Clock? ‘Cuz your verses stopped and seemed to Bomber Drag-on
You’re my Bootlegger, or my bootlicker, either way you’ve turned my Fire blast on!
You’d think the Demoman would be more careful with my fuses
But you blew em up into bits and it really seems you’d be clueless
‘Cuz I’m ruthless to the brute who’s puttin’ all of his friends to risk
So don’t talk about your Booties when you can’t accept the shoe fits!
Konami’s topping sloppy jockeys with their choppy disses
ボンバーマン's been on top since I was on the floppy disk and
yeah, Act Zero didn’t ride the charts, that’s apparent
Can’t say the same, though, if we’re talkin’ your number of parents

Demoman:
Get a lode of this runner with their fancy little toys
Unlike Engie though, he can’t think of one creative ploy
‘cuz you're repetitive, I'm Competitive
against the no-fly guy who puts the “error” in “terrorist”
so you'll rue the day you Matched to catch the black scot
who’s kickin’ ass in raps against mascots
Didn’t need PASS Time to blast fly and leave ya dunked
No excuse losin this bad mate!
*takes swig of bottle*
I’m drunk!

Bomberman:
I'm packing heat, and passing P's, while ya bring a slicer!
Attacking me? Want smoke? Heh, pass a breathalyzer!

Demoman:
Half your eyesight yet I spy from this runt
That what he calls gunpowder is nothin’ but duds

Bomberman:
Ugliest thing straight outta Scotland since the monster
Big talk about messes from the Oxi-Clean sponsor

Demoman:
Well I’ll sell ya one crossed wire, potassium chloride,
then kablooie! A bigger bomb than your franchise!

Bomberman:
My franchise bombed? This is coming from the guy
whose game only gets updated when its program goes awry
Time to lose your other eye, this drunk’s an open book
So cue the level’s end! I left a merc overcooked!

Demoman:
I’m fly like my Sticky Jumper, you’re grounded
To that maze of a verse that leaves us confounded
I’ve ripped you apart, ‘case the bombing couldn’t tell
They’ll have to glue you back together in hell!

BOMBERMAN vs DEMOMAN || Modern vs Classic 2: LotA - #1

Welcome back! This was originally uploaded in September or October in 2020, but due to lots of things that were going on at the time it ended up tanking. So I reuploaded this, with a slight change to the mastering and some other minor tweaks. I'm really glad to be back, and I hope you all like this!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nekomancer as James Joyce
@mothmancha as Danté Alighieri
Produced by Dave James [Audio Network]
Art, thumbnail, writing, and mixing by Nekomancer
Logo by CannibalWorms
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DANTÉ:
Through my trek I’ve flown stone’s throw from death and woe,
You stand at the gates of my prose poem, yo, best go abandon hope
'Cuz Lord forgive me of this sin; thy grace is great and ample,
but Purgatori couldn't cleanse me of the Wrath you're bout to sample
‘Cuz Alighieri takes the medallions
Inspired Shakespeare and invented Italian
But it’s not like you could understand our meaning;
when we said “break a leg” we didn’t mean write a fucking masturbation scene!
I’d expect a bit of Envy from you when I’m packin heat
‘Cuz your family’s state could turn this to The Divine Tragedy
And I know to turn the other cheek, but with those writings about urine,
I should warn you; 'cuz with that, Lust here seems to be your sin.

JOYCE:
It won’t be a blooming day when your diss
All egotists meet their doomsday, hypocrite
‘Cuz you’re talkin’ big game about vice
but through your life you’ve strived as the definition of Pride so picture this;
You couldn’t send waves through Tuscany with what you say, ay,
words made like Ulysses when you talked and got lost; it got botched
Then you only shocked lots with your jots when Malaria crossed;
All of your scripts are anDante...
As the chad to Virgil's virgin it’s clear that he cannot navigate;
this magistrate exaggerates his tragedies at rapid rates!
And I’m not the modernest of modernists but I could let you know;
DMC stopped being relevant about ten years ago.

DANTÉ:
I find thine rhymes should be taken only with an inkling
When you’re the wackest thing that's happening to Ireland since England
Your spirit’s purely hollow while I stand hallow; pure
with the Trinity, man you couldn’t attend the college’s allure!

JOYCE:
Please! Your head’s in the clouds, and I ain’t talkin’ Paradiso
So let me Thrift without any sign of change as I Harry through;
Wrote a perfect self-insert, idolized by idols he knows?
Looks like I’m offing the world’s very first Mary Sue!

DANTÉ:
Lord forgive me, and Beatrice, step aside and stand back there hon
‘Cause you’ve crossed my deadly flow to hellish comebacks like it’s Acheron
I’m whacking pawns!
If you’re talkin’ self-inserts I deduct,
this guy’s such a loser his most famous work ends with him getting cucked!

JOYCE:
With raps that wack, how the hell’d Minos let you past that?
‘Cause if your flows are Acheron, my spit’s Styx in this fast rap
I reject you Catholics and your doctrine, but alas I’ll stay respectable
So I’ll climb this sweet victory; call this rap Mount Delectable

Nekomancer Jade

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