asleep

what is life, love, fear, mind, thoughts

lyrics:
finally quitting nicotine after almost 6 years ive been
sucking down the gasoline lighting up my lungs and feeling
hollowed out  and thrown away living like a rat
and ive been trying to take care of myself  but im no good at that
ive watched all of my dvds and listened to the same songs on repeat and ive been crying more than usual and talking in my sleep
 and ive been neglecting my diary and favoring my phone , and playing new horizons daily cus i cannot leave my home
yeah I’ve been talking to my doctor and psychiatrist and shrink and ive been cleaning up my messes and then messing up again
and ive been reaching out in blindness just to grab somebodys hand and weirdly reaching bottom just to crawl back up again

hadnt rly pictured getting better but i have and i am
just as shocked as grateful tho i know it doesnt last forever 
maybe dealing with the ups and down  is crucial to exist
forgive myself for all those years i feel like i have missed?

holding onto hope onto hope
that the person i was once would be proud of the me thats not doing this alone
anymore anymore 
independancys a bore
reaching out is not a bandaid its a part of growing up

my shrink thinks i have tendencies to believe all the negatives
my brain is always feeding me, and over-sharing actually keeps
me from real vulnerability , and i just let it power me
a puppet to a lifetime of survivors muscle memory
so what if internalise and get depressive and go into
hiding   almost paralysed by this overwhelming urge
to just give up and sleep forever
just give up on getting better
but i am too stubborn to stand down and give up so i betcha

even if im tired even if my feet are sore that i will
walk this spiky road with much more passion than before
maybe getting blisters is a part of moving on
accept myself for all the things i feel like I’ve done wrong?

holding onto past onto past
is the thing holding me back gotta keep keeping on write an awful lot of songs
make some sense of this brain thats been keeping me away
from the things that i want
moving on and growing up
growing up growing up
is the next upcoming stop in this path that i took, tho its scary it is good
letting go,  getting well felt so far away but then
i became someone else  and im braver than back then

Holding Onto Hope

stranger than paradise

in yr dreams

spirals

i was too scared 
to fall in love 
to feel someone else’s touch 

all i heard 
wasn’t enough 
for you i fell so hard 

and that is why you’re so amazing
and that is why i feel frustrated 
and after all is set stone we’ll 
go on and regret nothing more

here i go now on my own
feeling lost and so alone it’s
what it is and was before 
nothings changed it’s you i’m leaning on

now it’s too late
to conjure up
the courage i felt so tough

i’m right there 
when you’re not
i shouldn’t have fell so hard
 
and that is why you’re so amazing
and that is why i feel frustrated 
and after all is set stone we’ll 
go on and regret nothing more

here i go now on my own
feeling lost and so alone it’s
what it is and was before 
nothings changed it’s you i’m leaning on

Nothings Changed

Fog Lake: "lost love letters"

http://www.vir2.com/instruments/apollo-cinematic-guitars/

Indie Rock

shiver

With a single breath You awaken my soul and call me back to You
Who is like You, Jesus? 
The One who makes me knew

With a single word the chains fall away and You call me to be free
Who is like You, Jesus?
The One who rescues me

As I draw near I find You're always here

With every single breath and all that’s within my heart calls Your name
Who is like You Jesus?
The One for whom my soul is aflame 

As I draw near I find You’re always here
As I draw near I find You’re always here

In the closeness, in the stillness You breath life
Joy rises up with the song of my heart
I adore You, Lord


Nothings Changed

Nick Brljak