The sweet taste of self-hatred III.

Twitch Snippets 4/16/2020

slowsad

nothing,nowhere. / never,forever.

nothing,nowhere.

even though you used to call my name, 
i turned a cheek; i looked the other way
my hands are weak, my soul is laced with shame 
'cause i'm the only one whose left to blame 

it is what it is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AquInPAmqR0

music video

i've been doing well

i'm sorry that i can't get out of bed 
i'm sorry that my heads always a mess 
i'm sorry that i missed your call 
for the third time in a row
i promise that i care much more than i show

i'm sorry, i'm trying.

wooden home

letdown

not my songs.

never,forever deleted all his songs
too good to not be on here.
support him and his other project n,n.
https://soundcloud.com/neverforevermusic
https://soundcloud.com/nothingnowheremusic

never,forever. - i wanted to cry, i wanted to die

demo.

never,forever. - Getting a Hulu Account Was a Bad Idea

never,forever. - Minor Threat Shirt

never,forever. - Repairable

i wanted to cry, i wanted to die.

why does this always end the same?
prod. erik ron & @jvbeats666 & n,n.

Edit - Mastered

hopes up (ft. dashboard confessional)

thanks to www.reddit.com/user/forest_thoreau
lyrics:
how can you wake up on time with a smile on your face socialize with others and not feel out of place content in your skin and always fit in
whats it like to be you?
the days go by and you don’t want to die you don’t like in the past and no panic attacks
I’m always in a bad mood and i can’t seem to move whats it like to be you?
i wanna know what it’s like to be you i wanna know what it’s like to be you

never,forever. - be you

producer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf3y4VT_13VNvU1NAWnfn7w

original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdeMXjttA-c

lyrics:

you can see the dread in my eyes
cause I'm struggling to survive
and you think that I'm okay
cause I won't let you see my true face

and you feel like there is no help
feel like I'm trapped in my own head
I want to see my happy end
can you save me, from my own dread

i'm not okay x4

I am not heartless, I just can't feel nothing
I may seem bit cold, like inside of a coffin
you left me, no problem
I've never been flawless
And no, I'm not okay

hear the voices, see the demons
feel the coldness, seeking for treatment

and you feel like there is no help
feel like I'm trapped in my own head
I want to see my happy end
can you save me, from my own dread

i'm not okay
i'm not okay

I'm not Okay

spotify/itunes

i'm not okay [prod. raspo]

smth happened that i'm not proud of and needed to vent

produced/mixed/mastered by me
lyrics:

it was for you
pulling thru
don't hit up my phone
you breaking my bones

you angry at me
so I'll set you free
cause it was for you
I did it for you

you don't really get me
I don't want u angry
I'm happy that you're doing fine
Less happy that you are ruining your life

I know that you are low
I saw this happen before
I know you don't want me to say
"It's gonna be fine, I'll stay"

Maybe I'm the one at fault
maybe I'm the one who's wrong
But I really want you to see
You can do it on your own

break my bones and break my heart
let's see who will stay alive
let's grab the knife and carve our faults
at the end of it I'll be bleeding out

spotify/itunes etc

i did it for you

If I died you wouldn't know
always see me smiling so
I don't blame you, it's my fault
my life is moving so slow

message me and I'll pretend that I am out of range
call me on my phone yea, nothing's gonna change
laying on my own is something I am getting used to
I would love to talk about it but don't want to bother you

On the inside I am falling apart
Ain't feeling no more, you can take away my heart
I am over the pain, I am fed up with lies
Imma take em again, maybe 3rd time's a charm
x2

I am not okay, I am not okay
yea
And I hate the way, I just hate the way
I am
I can't get it out, I can't get it out
of me
Imma hide my face, hide away the pain
til the end of me

my heart has stopped beating
because of the coldness
that I spread around me
and I haven't died yet

but my feelings did
time is frozen in place
everyday is the same
nothing has changed

and even tho i'm not okay
still you don't hear me cry every other day
maybe someday I'll open up
so at the moment i'm not givin up

On the inside I am falling apart
Ain't feeling no more, you can take away my heart
I am over the pain, I am fed up with lies
Imma take em again, maybe 3rd time's a charm
x2

I am not okay, I am not okay
yea
And I hate the way, I just hate the way
I am
I can't get it out, I can't get it out
of me
Imma hide my face, hide away the pain
til the end of me
x2

i'm not okay pt. 2

produced by micco.

lyrics:
i used to be
who nobody wants to be
who nobody wants to love
And i know that you best believe
theres something good in me

and the pain we feel
Its just a sign that we're meant to be
And i know that you best believe
That you're a part of me

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

i remember times
when i never had you
the pain inside my chest
So hard to take a breath 
when someone else fucking had you

I questioned myself
Will i ever have you
I mean who can love a man
Who can love the one
That needs to be fucking saved too

I Guess you do
And this Is what was meant to be
You found me...

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

i was stuck in the dark
closed in my room with a messed up mind
nobody helped, i asked for god
Love cause pain, but i want your love

They saw me drown
Saw me drown
You saw the frown hidden behind my smile
And thats the reason
That Is why
Thats why i love you

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

I Used To Be

i used to be

Prod. Mix me 

STREAM HERE: https://open.spotify.com/track/7ufBZhoPCyEimUBeTETQhW
Nicolas Sales © 2020

Lyrics: 

Be a friend of mine, 
I promise we’ll be intertwined, 
And you’ll feel better...

It’s such a waste of time,
Now I’ve got yours and you’ve got mine, 
We have forever...


Pessimistic tendencies
I got complex needs, no remedies...

Find the pain within yourself
You struggle with dependencies... 

Now it’s
Taking control, it’s soaking into your soul, and you don’t mind it, 
the answer’s there but you can’t find it, 

And it’s
Burning you down, 
The feeling’s buried in the ground, 
now you’ve been blinded 
identity, I’ll redesign it  

You keep,
Turning your back, you don’t know where to run, 
You ask yourself if you should buy a gun, and hide it 

Everybody’s out to get you, your luck’s run out, 
It’s about time you did without, denied it, but you can’t fight it...

nothing,nowhere. - MY BONES

n,n.forever