I adore this <3 I'm honestly just in luv with all that U create 🐙💗

just wanted to thank everyone for liking this song :)

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG BESTIEEEEE❤️❤️❤️❤️

this song is very old. i wrote it when i was 13 on july 18 2019. idk i just wanted to say that.

lyrics
why am i so left out
while everyone else has company
i think it’s just cause
i’m too much for people 
i don’t want to feel alone
it’s not good for my health
but i just can’t do anything about it

why the hell do i 
always feel anxious and panic in public
it feels like i’m trapped in a box
and everyone is staring at me
please stop staring at me
stop staring at me

i’ve been crying everyday
i don’t wanna get out of my room
it’s just that i’m too tired to get out
and start to live like everyone else
what am i gonna do about that

chords - f, am, em capo 3

mental breakdown

shut up kiss me (angel olsen cover)

Unreleased early version of Pixy Stxy and Crack

Studio version in: The Self-Titled EP

Unreleased and Crack!

Vyncent Flaw - Pixy Styx and Crack (Early Version)

Stardust (ft. Girls Rituals)

bloodcute - Real Feelings From The Underworld

lyrics:

so this is the first time i dreamt that you raped me
im used to the nightmares i remember them faintly
i couldn’t breathe cause your body was too heavy
i tapped on your shoulder as to ask you to not break me

i woke up in cold sweats the dreamt lasted weeks
standing on the train station holding back tears
dream became reality and reality too real
so i just laid in silence and waited to not feel

and im pretending to be ok when i know that i am not
i am cutting so much lately everything i see is blood
and i am waiting at the bus stop i am sitting on a chair
everything around me is moving and im barely here

i skip school again today like all the other times where i just choose to lay in bed instead of waking up and doing things and trying hard to reach within to find a tiny piece of me that isn’t too sick to live

living is a curse but i’ve committed to the crime
and i am here and i am breathing i am doing my time
i am sick of all the waiting but i fear what will come next
id like to sit in peace and quiet with a clock that never ticks

and i am tired of my brain and  i am tired of myself
i just laid in bed cus everything inside me is a mess
and nothing ever makes me happy except for slitting my own skin
even though i finally know why its the painfullest of sins

and im pretending to be sleeping when i know that i am not
as to rewrite my own dreams so once i’ve hopefully forgot
cus my brain likes to take good things i have and quickly make them rot
so i dont like to close my eyes cause everything i see is mud

i should just give up today like all the other times where i just choose to lay in bed instead of doing stuff and being happy and having hope for something that maybe will come along out my brain like in this song i realise that i am way more sad than i would ever have known had i just stayed in my bed watching stupid shows and pretending even to myself
cause i dont know how i can fix this shit
i dont know why im still like this
depression is a hole 
and no matter what i do i still sink
i still sink

Sinking

FUZZYFACE - Earthworm/X cyst

lyrics:

i got a gay little brain and a gay little heart
got a shitty guitar where i play songs  call it art
i am dumb in my brain   i was dropped as a child
not by my parents   but by the gods

i see a girl in the bus wearing dragon ball socks 
and i look like an asshole as i fall in love
maybe 5 minutes pass before its her stop
and she smiles at me before she slowly walks off
self induced heart attack from projecting my shit
onto a stranger who probably thinks
im a weirdo as i sit and stare at her socks
smiling politely  because i look dumb

got a gay need for love  and its gross and amazing
ever since i was a kid i always found it overrated
i hate other people  yet can’t live without em
is that normal? is that a problem?

never understood flirting  never rly got the gist
seeing people putting cherry stems into their mouths and shit
as a kid i never saw someone like me on television
only people who were straight and seemed to really enjoy kissing
i feel alien enough almost alien too much 
and i am shy and reserved and barf from others touch
earth girls are easy   as an alien man said
i just laughed and said: then you haven’t tried to be gay!

its not too easy to be weird and sad
and also a hopeless romantic who hates
things that are romantic and other people yet
nothing will top how much i hate myself
still if ur up for it come take a walk with me
we can go thrifting and eat something  i will be
awkward and shaky ill try not to die
can’t promise anything   hope thats alright

i got a gay little brain and a gay little heart
got a shitty guitar where i play songs  call it art
got a gay little gut that confuses love
with the human needs connection and distraction
but love is just a chemical reaction after all
so fuck these awkward interactions
id rather live in solitude than face the things i probably should

Gay Little Heart

lyrics: 
i have mood swings so bad i am scared of going out
go from happy to depressed in twenty minutes and i doubt that i can
focus even function if i try to go to school
when half my day is crying laying in a pool of my own drool
i hate these days where im frustrated and upset and overwhelmed
where i am happy then i hate myself and wish that i was dead
then im excited go out thrifting and then as im walking home
i feel so bad i feel like shit and i just wanna be alone
tired of trying  and slowly detaching
then randomly smiling and feeling fantastic
then laying in bed for an hour just staring
then reading and cleaning and laughing and caring

i have mood swings so bad  that i cant fathom i am real
i have one too many feelings for just one person to feel
im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open at best
yet for 4 hours i lay awake not sleeping in my bed
i spend my money oh so recklessly i dont have self control
and then i feel so bad about it i just wanna stay at home
my one big problem is that i have shit to do i cant just sleep
the other is i am so energetic i cannot sit still
frantically browsing the apps on my iphone
lights my face up like an sos signal. “come home”
i feel so alone but i just wanna fake it  we’ll
pretend i am happy till another moodswing  makes it real

and i eat until i almost puke, i smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, i pet my cat and i do laundry then my body is in pain, i wake up from my nap, another nightmare creeping to my brain, i get my stories straight, im ok if they ask, forget my meds and eating then i shower 3 times in a row cus its nice to feel the fake warmth to pretend im not alone. laying on my body like a caring sillhoute, instead of a chalked up silver showerhead
i am so lonely and so happy im alone
i am so tired of my phone
i am so worried bout my friends
but are they worried bout me too?
i am so scared that this is it
then i feel patient as can be
then i feel reckless and confused
then i dont know what to do
and the man strongly implied
that i was faking being sick
to somehow make music about something
where i dont know shit
and i was angry as i sat
in my pjs  on the counter
in the late afternoon
having skipped school  and a coward
told me to get therapy and get medicated well
both are things i eat for breakfast
both are things i need and hell
i am doing what i can and surviving so you know
i am singing bout my struggles
cus theyre mine to sing about

Moodswings To Do About Nothing

new remastered version of this song.

lyrics:
this is blood cute and whatcha looking at 
or watcha looking for here
can i help you with anything else 
than standing in the corner looking weird
i am just tired 
of being alone
but when i am not
i want to go home
to be on my own
what the fuck!
i wish i was drunk
happy and loving
and not so messed up

cause life is worthless at times
but sometimes it feels alright
should i stay then
is that good enough for me?

if half my food is moldy
i would throw it in the trash
so why should i  continue   
living isn’t it like eating the rest

so when my friends go thru a breakup how should i help them 
can i even help them?
and if i have a crush on someone should i just kill them? 
or maybe kill myself?  
i dont know how to act i dont know what to say
my only purpose is helping but i can’t even do that
i dont know how to act i dont know what to say
my only purpose is helping but i can’t even do that

so if im ugly inside  how should i change that
does it even change anything that im aware of it?
i am a huge disappointment to everyone!
i wish i was happy and i wish i was fun

i remember when we walked thru the museum
so much anxiety i could barely speak to you
but you said: you dont have to think your thoughts anymore
cus now ill think them for you

im a crying machine im waiting for the train
hoping you are in it  cause i miss the things you say

ill miss them even more
when i one day must go
i know that things will change
i just know
and even if you say
that maybe they will not
they have always done before
so i just dont trust it
and even when you say
that maybe they will not
they have always done before
so i just dont trust it

so when my friends go thru a breakup how should i help them  
can i even help them?
and if i have a crush on someone should i just kill them?  
or maybe myself?  

i am drinking blueberry ice tea like a real girl
i dont want anyone to think i am a real girl
what the fuck is quote unquote a real girl
i dont ever wanna fucking be a real girl
i am drinking blueberry ice tea like a real girl
i dont want anyone to think i am a real girl
what the fuck is quote unquote a real girl
i dont ever wanna fucking be a real girl

lyrics:

just because i survived 
doesnt make me stronger
i dont feel like a survivor
i feel like frankensteins monster
artificially alive
with shackles stapled to my ankles
carrying weights that aren’t mine
with a body torn and tangled

i am still alive just like a cockroach
hiding underneath your sink
i survived but not on purpose
and what do i have to show for it?
a repertoire of sorry songs
and calloused fingers playing chords
i write and write with no prevail

i have a backpack full of rocks but all the rocks build up in time
and whilst i know their mine to carry , they were never really mine
i have to bear your heavy burden, have to bear it and survive
but god i can’t keep pushing rocks up hills when they keep rolling down

so im staying in my dirt hole
like an ostrich saving face
leave my tossed out dirty clothes around
like a makeshift bed
and if i curl up in the corner
to cry until i sleep
that’ll be another question
i’ll avoid and then repeat

not saving myself for anyone
im saving you from me
cus im as toxic as a wasteland
and as awful as can be
im like candy good in portions
but ill carve holes in your teeth
and ill smother all your organs
till you grow tired of me

i have a chain that jinge jangles all the way home to my bed
and if my bodys scarred and mangled that means im making progress
i know moving on will hurt and holy fuck it hurts like hell
but god i can’t push rocks up hills without hurting myself

Hurting Myself

a small person who makes songs.
ig - anaveragealien

july ???

spotify https://open.spotify.com/user/iy8tqcinyu21gf13r3hkv84nt - my music is not on spotify for now i just make playlists

mental breakdown

cankersore

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Eco Gioggi

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lizzy :3

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