prod. flesh

lyrics: 
made amends with a brick wall  
get that through my thick skull
nothing that i say means much after long
cause nothing matters after all

craving structure, chasing whims
only when i'm caving in
paint my rupture, taint my skin
sate my hunger, taste me sin 

hate too much
following a djinn
make me blush
leave me with a grin

clutching potions, a grace so sour
so much commotion, i'll sing it louder
a first communion, abased with power
erasure loaded, a wasteful hour

a pain about it, precious moments
fire flowers, complaints and roses 
way too often the great unknown gets
traced or drawn with fake atonement

when it's all fucked, and screwed up
should we move on to a new one? 
is it worth it, to truce up
and rebuild this, are we ruined?

after

prod. flesh

lyrics: 
twigs to logs
grains of sand into rocks
i was lost
i still am but i'm holding on
none of us can make this work 
with just our hands
no i don't think a soul on earth 
can understand

so tell me how i'm supposed to talk about it
when i dont wanna scare away what little friends i got
my thoughts are so erratic
they make me feel like i'm a person that i'm not
who's this impostor? 
how did they find me?
every step further
i watch behind me

tired of the storm
that's churning indoors
it's tearing me apart
i'm laying on the floor
the air is getting hard
to bear, it's getting dark
i swear it's nothing more
than carelessness in heart and i

got an explanation
i cannot translate in
words that i can say
a wrong communication
fighting everyday
alive enough to feign it
finder tucked away he's
hiding from the pain

who knows
what you hold
inside of your heart
it's two-fold
and you know
the truth, hope
you're searching inside you
just go it alone because

go it alone

Big thanks to @carlby for being on this one. Mixing this was hard, because no matter what I did, everything I did to my mix made it sound worse. It got to a point where I basically just said "screw it, it's never gonna be good enough, I'm gonna drop it just how it is" so I hope you guys enjoy my suffering xD

Like A Forest Fire(Feat. Carlby) | Prod. HeyRick

backyard beetle - not the same w/ maesk (prod. heydium + 5head)

It's been far too long since I got Teddy on one of my tracks.

I haven't been doing well in regards to my mental health lately, so this song paints a small picture of how I've been feeling inside my head these days.

Lyrics:

(HeyLee)
I jump to a freefall, end it all
Everything that I see seems so small
Everything that I do doesn’t matter
You got my heart going pitter patter 
Bloody spatter, take my hand
Razor blade is my only friend
Things that never seemed to matter
You got my heart going pitter patter

Explain away the reasons I can’t find my way back to the way I used to be before
You changed me, and I don’t know why
I’ll starve myself to see the ribs poking out of stomach like a sore
And I can only bring myself to cry
I don’t see a reason to be here anymore
But reasons lead to treason that I cannot ignore

I jump to a freefall, end it all
Everything that I see seems so small
Everything that I do doesn’t matter
You got my heart going pitter patter 
Bloody spatter, take my hand
Razor blade is my only friend
Things that never seemed to matter
You got my heart going pitter patter

(Teddy)
My health doesn’t matter
I’ve been going too hard
See a blade jump to my skin
It goes “oo la la”
Like “oo la la”
I’m addicted to it
Like “oo na na”
Like “oo na na”
I’m tired of coping the way that I have the last couple of years, um
Starving myself because food disgusts me, I hate the feeling
I hurt myself because you won’t do it, jump from the building
Freefall, heart beats, love is an illness

(HeyLee)
I jump to a freefall, end it all
Everything that I see seems so small
Everything that I do doesn’t matter
You got my heart going pitter patter 
Intrusive thoughts will be my end
Rewind the clock so we can start again
Any of this even matter?
It makes my heart go pitter patter

Pitter Patter! (feat. teddyboi)| prod. shinju x gauge

a mutual sickness report

taylor swift cover
very personal 2 me
hope u enjoy
<3

august (cover)

prod. sorrowbringer
safeatlast > @safeatlast

grace

Stay a while, stay a while
Listen to what I've compiled
Maybe I could make you smile
I could make this worth your while

i been
back on my shit
my futures undecided
i dont wanna own up but my thoughts are drowned by sirens

takin over every damn decsion i confide in
takin over every single home that i reside in

theyre multiplyin 
i dont wanna fight it
division is unnecesary
they say im a flight risk

changin all my habits just in hopes that you will like this 
song that imma make for you but im too indecisive

truthfully
i like what u do 2 me
my life is like a movie scene

i just wanna make it big in the scene
i just wanna make it big and be seen

is that 2 much 2 ask for
i been sober whym i pullin out the flask for
i dont wanna see you can you walk out the back door

bre

im different
"you changed" 
yes, i did
im questioning my
choices
yeah..
my voices
aye
my point is,
everybodys jointless
c'mon, dissapoint us
maybe even rejoin us
the trees look better than they use to
youre shining brighter than i knew you

jointless w/ safeatlast

www.carlbymusic.com
Production, mixing, mastering & additional vocals by @horoshavibes
Additional guitars by @user-757072975

LYRICS
I so regret the time we spent
But somehow still miss you
You stole all of my innocence
But swore you never intended to
Now I’m left alone
Alone in my room
No choice but to cope with the ghost of you

So maybe one day I’ll escape from my hometown
Or find out the hard way
That there’s no easy way out
There’s only so much that I can tolerate
Before I start to break down
Been told there’s hell to pay in finding my own route

Drive through these back streets
Comb over loose leaves
I’m turning the page to find
What’s hiding underneath
Free from my sense of constant urgency
I’m finally at peace

carlby, horosha, pnut - maybe she just fell asleep (Nitro Flip)

Nitro

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