TEARS OF A PIERROT

Lyrics:

i met you one Halloween
you were wearing jeans 
and a purple wig 

after that night i’ve been
haunted my whole life
don’t know where to begin

when i hugged you 
it never felt warm
it just felt like thorns
puncturing my skin 

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading 

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading  

we smoked for breakfast
and for lunch
and i had a hunch
but toned it down 

in fact, i toned down
many things for you 

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

you were there
all the time 
like a shadow
i couldn’t outrun 

lurking over my shoulder
manipulating my brain
saying you want what’s best for me 

but If you wanted what’s best
why’d you keep me in chains?

If you wanted what’s best
why’d you keep me in chains?

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

when i loved you 
i was fading 
when i loved you 
always fading

f a d i n g (Demo)

Lyrics: 

you took away 
all the things 
that made me happy 

was your goal 
all along 
to make me disappear? 

one by one
you tumbled down
pieces of me
until there was nothing left

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and call it love? 

how were you able to break me
and make me go above
and beyond 

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and make me go nuts
and call it love?

you never gave
importance to my pain
(so don't call it love)

but if i didn’t care for you
the way you forced me to 
you’d lose your shit 

little by little
you manipulated me 

crying when i’d leave 
until i wouldn’t leave you no more 
(no more no more)

even if it meant
isolating me from my friends 
(where have you been girl?)

it didn't matter no
i never mattered no (no) 

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and call it love? 

how were you able to break me
and make me go above
and beyond 

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and make me go nuts
and call it love?

how can two people 
in the same relationship
experience very different things?
‘cause you were happy and satisfied
oh i wonder why 
oh i wonder why 

i don’t ever want to 
cover my mouth to cry
while you are sound asleep 
it wasnt fair to me 
and maybe it wasn’t fair to you
that i hid my feelings 
but i knew if i didn’t 
you’d never show up for me 

and my needs would’ve been ignored 
‘cause that is what you do 
tell me who took care of me
while i was taking care of you?  

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and call it love? 

how were you able to break me
and make me go above
and beyond 

how could you deprive me 
of my freedom
and make me go nuts
and call it love?

don't call it love

CONTROL (Demo)

Lyrics:

i'm turning off 
the stage lights
i'm closing up
the curtains 

the show 
is over 
im ready 
to tell the truth 

truth is, truth is
i lied, i lied
i hid my feelings 
just to survive
tonight, tonight
i'm undressing myself
i'm ready to display my bruises 
my bruises

i'm supposed to be
the funny one 
so I'm always there
to make 'em laugh
but who is there with me?
when i cry at night? 
who is there with me?
when i cry at night? 

i'm taking off my costume 
its over-used 
threads are sticking out 
frays are loose 

everyone must be 
so confused
like how can a girl so colorful 
feel so blue 

but has anyone ever wondered
why is that? 
why is that?
why is that?
does anyone see who i am
beyond this mask? 

i'm supposed to be
the funny one 
I'm always there
to make 'em laugh
but tell me who is there 
when i cry at night? 
who is there
when i cry at night? 

i am done 
hiding 
my terrors

these are 
the tears of 
a pierrot 

i am done 
hiding 
my terrors

these are 
the tears of 
a pierrot 

who is there
when i cry at night?

TEARS OF A PIERROT (Demo)

Lyrics:

i painted a happy face for you  
hid my tears on a loop 
put on a show, my debut

Constant jokes, aerial hoops
 i did it all for you
did it all for you 

you pulled my strings,
 i hung by a thread
 stretched me so far
 i forgot who i am.

i think i’m possessed now 
 a somnambulist doll now
you wanna see my head spin? 
i can turn it all the way around

reduced me to your pocket, 
used me like a puppet
 i could be nice, but fuck it
 i’m your diabolical ex 

i think i’m possessed now 
 a somnambulist doll now
you wanna see my head spin? 
i can turn it all the way around

reduced me to your pocket, 
used me like a puppet
 i could be nice, but fuck it
 i’m your diabolical ex 

do you want me to spell it out for you?
 h-e-x, i’ll hex you 
‘til you ooze

pour out of me like booze,
i got no better use
either way i lose

i think i’m possessed now 
 a somnambulist doll now
you wanna see my head spin? 
i can turn it all the way around

reduced me to your pocket, 
used me like a puppet
 i could be nice, but fuck it
 i’m your diabolical ex 

i think i’m possessed now 
 a somnambulist doll now
you wanna see my head spin? 
i can turn it all the way around

reduced me to your pocket, 
used me like a puppet
 i could be nice, but fuck it
 i’m your diabolical ex 

i fear no god
i'm possessed
don't you like me now
that you can't use me 
as your marionette?

MARIONETTE (Demo)

Lyrics: 

you said you wanted 
what’s best for me
but that was just code for 
what's best for you
you never cared 
for what i needed instead
my people pleasing 
was always abused 

didn't you notice
you suffocated me?
while demanding me
to breathe

you treated me like i was a fangirl
not like i was your partner, girl 
you told me you loved me
then took who i am
you took who i am
and kept it for yourself
like i was your fangirl 
like i was your fangirl 

i tell the funny parts of the story
and everyone laughs with me
its such a lonely experience
i don’t tell them the painful parts 
so nobody cries with me 
nobody holds me at night
when the tears start streaming
like my eyes are a fountain 

you treated me like i was a fangirl
not like i was your partner, girl 
you told me you loved me
then took who i am
you took who i am
and kept it for yourself
like i was your fangirl 

i was such an authentic soul
until you turned me into a ghost
i was so colorful
until you faded me into nothing at all

i was such an authentic soul
until you turned me into a ghost
i was so colorful
until you faded me into nothing at all

you treated me like i was a fangirl
not like i was your partner, girl 
you told me you loved me
then took who i am
you took who i am
and kept it for yourself
like i was your fangirl 
like i was your fangirl 

you treated me like i was a fangirl
not like i was your partner, girl 
you told me you loved me
then took who i am
you took who i am
and kept it to yourself
like i was your fangirl 


FANGIRL (Demo)

Lyrics:

so ironic
i keep forgetting
the memories 

so haunted
i want nothing
but to be free

smoking so hard
i keep forgetting 
i exist 

nobody knows
who i really am
underneath 

I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here

where have i gone?
i feel like 
i’m about to disappear 

ticking time bomb
my chest is aching 
need to switch the gear

loving you was a war
that i fought 
against my own will 

i’ve made it this far
i still don’t know how
i swam through the tears

I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here

i pinch myself 
i can’t if i’m real 
but this is not a dream
this is not a drill

i dissociate 
get distracted by my fears
i guzzle down my nightmares
keep my enemies near 

looking out the window 
car rides and a few beers
i think i’m seeing angels 
and they urge me to steer

I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here
I can’t tell if I’m still here

i can't tell if i'm still here (Demo)

every villain has an origin story 💜 🐙

i can't tell if i'm still here (Demo)

ØCTØBER