HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER: SYNTH & SPITE VERSION

Lyrics:

i used to decorate my bruises 
glitter smearing all over my bad ideas
with strawberry gloss and smokey puffs
turns out wanting freedom kept me cuffed
glitter smearing all over my bad ideas

they called me sugar, they called me sweet
but never asked what’s underneath
killed my confidence, then called me friend
isn’t that how monsters are made?

dead fairies in my room
dead fairies in my house, (they can’t fly)
guess if you want to love, you have to be willing to die

dead fairies in my room
dead fairies in my house, (they can’t fly)
guess if you want to love, you have to be willing to die

i lit a candle in their coffins
just to see if their ghosts would dance
they went crazy, like all my ex-girlfriends
then vanished when i took a stance

i stitched my mouth with safety pins
to keep all my monsters within 
but damn i look so pretty when i bite
and smile with cyanide

i buried her
the girl who glowed
under pink skies and clouds of smoke
now all that’s left
is teeth and thread—
a myth reborn
from all she bled

dead fairies in my room
dead fairies in my house, (they can’t fly)
guess if you want to love, you have to be willing to die

dead fairies in my room
dead fairies in my house, (they can’t fly)
guess if you want to love, you have to be willing to die

i used to be so nice, 
but everyone took advantage
made a joke out of me
now i'm the one bursting into laughter (hahaha)

everyone i ever  loved 
slowly pulled me apart 
now fairies are dying inside of me
like a pixie plague of dust

isn’t this how monsters are made? 
i don’t know who i am without all this pain

isn't this how monsters are made? 
i don’t know who i am without pain

isn't this how monsters are made? 
i don’t know who i am without pain

DEAD FAIRIES (Demo)

Lyrics:

 i think i was born different 
a little magical, a little rare
 like while people star-gazed
 i saw worlds in my head
it felt lonely 
that no one could understand

 i’ve never been able to be  fully here 
because half of me died  before i was ten
 i’ve never known  a life without grief 
but i promised myself  i would create something out of it
 and despite the downfalls
 i followed those dreams 

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

i was too young  to know betrayal  
the way i did 
some days i wish  i just got 
to be a kid
so i think it’s time  to return to her  
and seek out justice for all the times
 everyone pretended  they didn’t notice
i was getting hurt

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

no one loved me hard enough
 for me to believe it 
i became an orchestra of longing
to be found— except no one ever did

so i tucked my thoughts  so deep within 
i woke up one day  and i was out of reach
it was different once i turned sixteen
and my wounds became  
displayed on my skin

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

i murmur spells 
while the world sleeps
 i still got magic
growing inside of me

i murmur spells 
while the world sleeps
 i still got magic
growing inside of me

GRIMOIRE (Demo)

Lyrics:

my blood is cold, 
my mind is bright 
i’m a runway-walking
 warning sign

rocking my black dress,
 hell’s bells chime 
revenge tastes like power — 
now i’m beautifully malign

 i used to cry myself to sleep 
now i lick blood off knives 
(like it’s cherry lip gloss )

 i look so pretty when i bite 
i kissed God then left him behind 
your prayers won’t reach my high 
my female rage is undressed
 the whole earth shakes in fright 
tell me how does it feel to be
 deeply horrified?

 i sleep during the day
 and haunt men when it’s dark 
 feral wolf 
i’m more than just a bark
(mary jane laced with violet flames)

 i’m no longer that girl you contained
 sexualized and vandalized
 i’m the ending you deserved

 i look so pretty when i bite 
i kissed God then left him behind 
your prayers won’t reach my high 
my female rage is undressed
 the whole earth shakes in fright 
tell me how does it feel to be
 deeply horrified?

 tell me, how does it feel
 to have your fate in someone else’s hands? 
your dignity distilled
into venomous wine 
you made a monster 
isn’t she great?

 tell me, how does it feel
to press on your buttons 
 and collect poison in packs
 you covered me in wounds,
 but i eat my enemies like snacks

 i look so pretty when i bite 
i kissed God then left him behind 
your prayers won’t reach my high 
my female rage is undressed
 the whole earth shakes in fright 
tell me how does it feel to be
 deeply horrified?

(i look so pretty when i bite 
 strutted deadly through the night
i look so pretty when i bite)

PRETTY WHEN I BITE (Demo)

Lyrics:

I talked about you to the moon
i hadn’t done so since last June
she told me i was ready to let go of the wounds
you left in me

its been 4 years
and i still cry about the way
you wouldn’t stop crying

‘cause you hurt me
in invisible ways
wether you meant to or not
it all stings the same

but the day i left you 
and hopped on that plane
you must know i left myself too

i had a dream about you last night
my subconscious keeps bringing you to light
i told you i was in love with someone else
and you didn’t take it so well
 
‘cause you hurt me
in invisible ways
wether you meant to or not
it all stings the same

but the day i left you 
and hopped on that plane
you must know i left myself too

and i stayed with you
after you lost your mind
and closed your eyes
and crashed your car

and i stayed with you
after losing all my friends
and all my dignity
and all my worth

while you made me responsible
for your depression
(i know you didn’t mean to gash me)
but don’t you know actions speak louder
than intentions?

‘cause you hurt me
in invisible ways
wether you meant to or not
it all stings the same

but the day i left you 
and hopped on that plane
you must know i left myself too

you must know i left myself too

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU (Demo)

Lyrics:

i remember leaving 
quietly closed the door 
i didn’t say goodbye to you 
i was too tired out

i took all my journals
left most of my clothes
i couldn’t fit 6 years of my life
and drag them to the airport

we got married
somewhere in central park
i had dreamt of new york
for so long

but once i got there
it never felt like home
just my blood packed in a suitcase
for 11 months

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

i still like the sound of the rain
the way it clobbers the ground
and touches it just enough
to melt and spread around 

i recall our fire escape
and my old college town 
and the way you would burst into tears
while i was holding it down 

i left my friends and went to New York
i had no job, so i had no choice 
and i cried on the bus, flooded the floors
from beginning to end of the road

once i arrived, i wanted to go 
brooklyn was nice, but it wasn’t my home
6 roommates and i, smoking some dope
hotboxing the place, sliding the slope 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

for those 2 years and a half 
something in me just shut down
surviving your fluctuations
like fall leaves tinged with brown

every winter
i died a little more 
and by the time summer arrived
i just didn’t care for the sun 

some parts of it were fun
like the smoke in my lungs 
but most days i just wanted to run 
undo the love that was already done 
my body was there, but my mind was gone
it wasn’t just you, we both did it wrong
‘cause you pulled the trigger, but i held the gun

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same?

HOTBOX (Demo)

CHAINSMOKE (Final Final Demo)

Lyrics:

 Platform heels, I’m five-foot sin, 
they wish they could see me lose
but I always win

Mirrorball, jaws all dropped
they try to fuck me over
but I come on top

 Baby, I invented heaven,
 but I’ll make you feel like hell. 
You hate, I evolve
 I love myself, you dissolve
Your ego is so frail

 I’m your electro pop princess
chrome heart, no forgiveness
Dancing through the static
sugar-laced and problematic

Bitch, I’m built from synth and spite
dripping glitter mid-fight.
You hate me ‘cause you missed this
bow down to the electro pop princess

 I ghosted every basic trend
custom-coded my own end
Too loud? Then mute me, babe
 don’t hate the artist, hate the game

Autotuned and unapologetic
 cyber-sweet and photogenic
 I’m a vampire in disguise
 a pixel-perfect bite

Baby, I invented heaven,
 but I’ll make you feel like hell. 
You hate, I evolve
 I love myself, you dissolve
Your ego is so frail

 I’m your electro pop princess
chrome heart, no forgiveness
Dancing through the static
sugar-laced and problematic

Bitch, I’m built from synth and spite
dripping glitter mid-fight.
You hate me ‘cause you missed this
bow down to the electro pop princess

 Swipe left, I’m still trending
Your shade? Not worth defending
Talk cheap, I'm streaming gold
I rock so blunt, and then I roll

 Swipe left, I’m still trending
Your shade? Not worth defending
Talk cheap, I'm streaming gold
I rock so blunt, and then I roll

 I’m your electro pop princess
chrome heart, no forgiveness
Dancing through the static
sugar-laced and problematic

Bitch, I’m built from synth and spite
dripping glitter mid-fight.
You hate me ‘cause you missed this
bow down to the electro pop princess

I'm your electro pop princess
I'm your electro pop princess

ELECTROPOP PRINCESS (Demo)

Lyrics: 

The American dream was more like a nightmare, 
But it kept calling, so I gave it a shot. 
At first it was hard, then it got harder

I’m an island girl born from the ocean, 
But I heard a buzz and it never stopped.
 The loudest city made me go quiet

I didn't always have a bed to lay in
so i had to choose between a home and my dreams

I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes, 
I left the ocean for that concrete jungle life.
 I gave it my youth, my pride, my blood, my time
Now I’m back home, but the ghost of New York  still
haunts me sometimes.

I met a girl and everything changed
Not for the better, but for the worse. 
She was extroverted and colorful, 
Showed me love could be a curse.

We shared a room, eventually got married
But I felt trapped like a coffin in a hearse. 
I pretended to be happy
 Just to be strong enough for her.

I felt clipped inside, my smile was a lie
 ‘Cause as soon as she’d go to bed, I wouldn’t stop crying.

I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes, 
I left the ocean for that concrete jungle life.
 I gave it my youth, my pride, my blood, my time
Now I’m back home, but the ghost of New York  still
haunts me sometimes.

we moved to Pennsylvania to afford the rent
then she stopped taking her meds
by the time she crashed her car, our life was a wreck
and i didn’t have much stamina left 

for as long as i could, i stayed
i laughed at her jokes even on my saddest days
but at some point i had a hard decision to make
do i keep pretending or do i get on a plane?

so i found myself again with nowhere to go, 
no money, and in love with a broken soul 
and i still feel guilty for leaving her behind, 
I feel guilty i couldn’t cure her mind

I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes, 
I left the ocean for that concrete jungle life.
 I gave it my youth, my pride, my blood, my time
Now I’m back home, but the ghost of New York  still
haunts me sometimes.

I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes, 
I left the ocean for that concrete jungle life.
 I gave it my youth, my pride, my blood, my time
Now I’m back home, but the ghost of New York  still
haunts me sometimes.

Now I’m back home, but the ghost of New York  still
haunts me sometimes.

THE GHOST OF NEW YORK (Demo)

Lyrics:

nothing is scarier
 than facing myself

peeling off the layers
 like fruit on a shelf

monsters crawling out 
from under my shell

and no one seems to hear me 
when i cry for help

but i’m taking  all the darkness 
that was woven  into me 
and turning it  into something 
greater

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

i glamorized my sadness
 like decor on a wall

tears dripping down my cheeks 
tsunamis flooding the hall

but i’ve met what’s underneath 
and i greet it with grace

i’ve got people who would take me in 
when i can’t find my place

but i’m taking  all the darkness 
that was woven  into me 
and turning it  into something 
greater

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

 i want to laugh  'til my ribs explode
i want to feel every crack  in my bones
i want a ring from my baby
 i want to forget  all about new york

i don’t want the past to haunt me
 i was born with so much light
 before something 
died inside

but i found this superpower 
of flipping things around 
when life gives me lemons
i smoke them to the ground


LEMONS (Demo)

Lyrics: 

i sharpen the knife
you riveted into my back 
you should know by now 
i’m deadly inside 

do i scare you out? 
‘cause i don’t sleep at night
i saw horror too young
now i’m fucked in the mind 

i could plan 
my revenge 
i'm deranged 
i'm unhinged 

now 
watch me
put my 
gloves on
(like i'm dexter)

i don’t where to put
all the darkness you left in me
i’ve been hiding, drowning, drowning
in the weight of your memories

is it healthy
to fantasize
about your demise?
the things i'd do to you
(ugh, i wanna fucking kill you, man)

its been 20 years of silence
and restlessness 
i want to hurt you back
(and then wipe the mess)

puke out nightmares
through my teeth 
until your demons
beg on their knees 

now 
watch me
put my 
gloves on
(like i'm dexter)

i don’t where to put
all the darkness you left in me
i’ve been hiding, drowning, drowning
in the weight of your memories

you stole everything from me
my innocence, my security

you stole everything from me
my peace, my sleep

now 
watch me
put my 
gloves on
(like i'm dexter)

i don’t where to put
all the darkness you left in me
i’ve been hiding, drowning, drowning
in the weight of your memories 
(like i'm dexter)

i don’t where to put
all the darkness you left in me
i’ve been hiding, drowning, drowning
in the weight of your memories

now 
watch me
put my 
gloves on
(like i'm dexter)

HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER: SYNTH & SPITE VERSION

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