I'm sorry in advance...
A song about being a grub.

Lyrics:
---
In darkness my mortal vessel hides
Where even a roach dare not reside
In Gielinor my soul arrives
A virtual world where I can thrive
In game I sip on a stamina potion
In reality I hesitate mid-motion
For the floor's a graveyard of cans and cups
But which one's poison which is Gamer Sups?!

Oh the glow of the monitor barely breaks through
Revealing chaos but not the clues

In a wasteland of my own shaping
Bladder empty, thirst unabating
Oh, every sip a gamble I'm taking
Will I drink a liquid of my own making?

Piles of wrappers like a plastic tide
Pizza box mountains I build with pride
Clock's been silent since the battery died
Don't know the day don't know the time

Will I taste regret on my tongue tonight?
Is it beer, is it soda or my own urine (It's his own urine)
Ah!

In a wasteland of my own shaping
Bladder empty, thirst unabating
Oh, every sip a gamble I'm taking
Will I drink a liquid of my own making?

Bottles whisper secrets I can't decode
Do I drink for survival or wait till I know
Life reduced to a guessing game
Screw it! Let's try one, no need to hesitate

Yuck! Disgusting!

Wasteland Survival

A song about failing to make money in OSRS/RuneScape.

Lyrics:
---
I mined the rocks till my fingers bled
Iron and coal, dreams of riches ahead
My pickaxe echoed through the night
But the gold stayed hidden out of sight

Chasing gold
Chasing dreams
Every plan ain't what it seems
From the mines to the seas to the market stalls
I've tried it all, I've tried it all
Oh I've tried it all

I fished the rivers
The lobsters
The trout
Hoped the ocean would help me out
The nets came back with silver scales
But the bank stayed light my plan still fails

Cutting yews
Fletching bows
Searching for a way no one knows

Chasing gold
Chasing dreams
Every plan ain't what it seems
From the trees to the beasts to the crafting halls
I've tried it all, I've tried it all
Oh I've tried it all

I smelt the ores
I cooked the meat
I farmed the herbs
Ran on weary feet
Treasure trails and boss fights too
Yet every route left me feeling screwed

So I say no more I've done my time
I've had enough it's crossed the line
Letting go of wealth's elusive chase
No more running, no more rat race
I've traded stress for simple peace
Found freedom in this sweet release
A new day now, it's time for fun
In giving up, my new life has begun

Unmaking Money

A song about the Fight Cave in OSRS/RuneScape.

Lyrics:
---
Watched fights for hours, my insight grew
While in the caves a darkness brewed
A beast so great, oh me oh my
With just one hit I'd surely die
But I've trained for months, now it's my time
That pizza cape I'll claim as mine
The monsters swarm but I'll not tire
Oh I barely even feel the fire

The fight is long, the waves are cruel
But I've got a secret, I've got a tool

Yes I’m not afraid, I'll make my stand
A plug-in reveals the monsters' plan
Another maps the waves I'll face
Yet another tracks the health I erase

Oh, victory is in my hands
For RuneLite shows me where to stand
My goal in sight, TzHaar I smite
My shadow looming in their sight
I conquer all through strength and might
And RuneLite

TzTok-Jad roars, a titan’s might
He thinks he’ll win this fearsome fight
But I’ve got markers, tiles that gleam
A secret helper, the perfect scheme
I keep my distance, senses keen
Watching which way Jad will lean
He slams the ground and cracks appear
I pray ranged, have nothing to fear
He rears up, fire spewing forth
So I pray magic to block of course

Oh, with every prayer
Only zeros will I bear

I'll claim my cape when this is done
Then start again and slay for fun

As waves climb I bide my time
Oh none can stop me, this Fight Cave is mine

Victory is in my hands
For RuneLite shows me where to stand
My goal in sight, TzHaar I smite
My shadow looming in their sight
I conquer all through strength and might
Oh, victory is in my hands
For RuneLite shows me where to stand
My goal in sight, TzHaar I smite
My shadow looming in their sight
I conquer all through strength and might
And RuneLite

Through Strength And Might (And RuneLite)

A song about filling up your bank with stuff.

Lyrics:
---
Granite helmets
Candy canes
Choc milk buckets
Forgotten gains
Every trinket tells a tale
Can't forget my first dragon mail

My first rune bar
First rune scimitar
My first kebab
Still in my first bank tab
My first dragon hide
Loot I stole from some guy
Dozens of purple dyes
I pick them up as I walk by

Bank slots full
I can’t decide
What to keep
Or cast aside

I hoard it all
Can’t let go!
What if tomorrow
I’ll need that bow?
A thousand ores
Piles of seeds
Oh I can’t discard my future needs

Arrow tips
Abyssal whips
Crossbow stocks
Unfired pots
Random boots
Piles of roots
Dragon bones
Uncut gemstones

Jar of eyes
Redberry pies
Chef's delight
Unused blurite
Asgarnian ale
Ivandis flail
Severed leg
Easter egg

Overloaded
Yet I cling
For every scrap's
A precious thing

I hoard it all
Can’t let go
What if tomorrow
I’ll need that bow?
A thousand ores
Piles of seeds
Oh I can’t discard my future needs

I hoard it all
Can’t let go
What if tomorrow
I’ll need that bow?
A thousand ores
Piles of seeds
Oh I can’t discard my future needs

I hoard it all

Hoard It All

Song about the "One Small Favour" quest in OSRS/RuneScape.

Lyrics:
---
I set out from the Village with a grin upon my face
Yanni wants a favour done, I’ll help him in good grace
It’s only one small errand, shouldn’t take me very long
I whistle while I’m walking and I hum a cheerful song

Oh, the logs that Yanni asked for aren't at the forester's site
Her axe is dull and useless, wants my help with her plight
“Just one small favour" she says with head inclined
I nod a little slower now but still I can’t deny

"One small favour" that’s all they say
Just this little task and I’ll be on my way
As a hero and adventurer, I’ll see this journey through
So what’s the harm in one small favour, maybe even two

From Port Sarim to Feldip Hills, I’m sent across the land
Every time I think I'm done, another’s close at hand
A witch witness, missing apprentice, chickens for a feed
By Guthix, how’s this favour now a hundred quests, I'm peeved

"One small favour" that darned cursed phrase
I’ve been running errands for what now feels like days
I should be slaying dragons or smithing bars of rune
Instead I’m running ragged and I’ve lost my afternoon

They’ve got me handling cages, and herbal potions too
I swear I'll toss this gnome around if one more job comes due
Just "one small favour" it echoes on the breeze
I’ve done so many errands, no more I beg you please

"One small favour" changed how I behave
Once helpful hero now a knave, quest cape I no longer crave
If Yanni asks again I'll rage, and kick him right in his rib cage
I've never felt this much outrage, I've had enough of this digital age
So I look outside, turn life's next page... Then sit back down and re-engage!

No More Favours

Song about trying to get RuneScape membership as a kid in the early 2000s (and the tables turning on you now as an adult).

Lyrics:
---
Just a kid with a far off dream
Mining ore on a pixel screen
I see a member in full dragon
In a free world? He just be braggin'

I want it too
Oh, what to do
For without pay
I have no way
Dad says "ask mom"
He doesn't know
I already did
And she said no

To become a member, tried and true
I do my chores, behave well too
And now I have my very own cash
Though not as much as in my bank stash

I slay hoards with a trackball mouse
Internet cuts, someone's called the house
I beg you all, oh please don't call
I'd surely fall and lose it all

If only we had DSL
My RuneScape life would sure be swell

Want broadband too
Oh what to do
For without pay
I have no way
Dad says "ask mom"
He doesn't know
I already did
And she said no

As time moves on and I grow old
I get a job and life takes hold
High speed networks, no more pain
But also far less time to game
So no more skilling till sun comes round
If I don't sleep now, I'll hit the ground

Get home from work, it's been a day
My kid walks up in a nervous way
He needs V-bucks, wants me to pay
I think on what my dad would say

I did it too
And so will you
For without pay
You have no way
I say "ask mom"
He doesn't know
I know he did
And she said no

Oh, I did it too
And so can you
For with my pay
I earned my way
So don't give up and do your chores
Mow the lawn then ask for more
Don't let up, go make that dough
Then no one else can tell you no

Don't give up (don't let up)
Do your chores (then ask for more)
Make that dough (he means money)
No one else can stop you, go!

Work to Play

Roach Lord

Song about going from MainScape to Ironman then Hardcore Ironman then eventually Ultimate Ironman.

Lyrics:
---
The weekend's here, now it's time to play
But there's nothing left to do in-game
No pets to gain, quest points to claim
Nothing left to do but start again

My name should be something absurd
Something likely never heard
Like "speed limit" but in reverse
Then word order I'll inverse

But to start anew is not enough
Let's make it hard, let's make it tough
No grand exchange, no player trade
All I own will be handmade

Iron born I stand alone
Achieving greatness on my own
No shortcuts, no easy play
I'll forge my path the iron way

Time goes by, again I'm done
Nothing left under the sun
I think it's time, turn up the fun
Hardcore iron here I come

Iron born one life to keep
Every step the risk runs deep
No second chance were I to fall
The hardcore way is not for all

Years go by, I haven't died
My hardcore stats are ninety-nined
It's run its course, time to move on
And start the ultimate old school run

Iron born, I will bank none
Oh, every burden weighs a ton
Find other ways to store away
And learn to play the ultimate way

Iron born, I'll take it slow
No path too long, no seed unsown
The grind is all I've come to know
I guess that's how the story goes

I guess that's how the story goes
I guess that's how the story goes
I guess that's how the story goes...

I guess that's how the story goes! (Story goes)
How the story goes!

How the story go


Inevitable Progression

A re-imagining of the song about failing to make money in OSRS/RuneScape.

Lyrics:
---
I mined the rocks till my fingers bled
Iron and coal, dreams of riches ahead
My pickaxe echoed through the night
But the gold stayed hidden out of sight

Chasing gold
Chasing dreams
Every plan ain't what it seems
From the mines to the seas to the market stalls
I've tried it all, I've tried it all
Oh I've tried it all

I fished the rivers
The lobsters
The trout
Hoped the ocean would help me out
The nets came back with silver scales
But the bank stayed light my plan still fails

Cutting yews
Fletching bows
Searching for a way no one knows

Chasing gold
Chasing dreams
Every plan ain't what it seems
From the trees to the beasts to the crafting halls
I've tried it all, I've tried it all
Oh I've tried it all

I smelt the ores
I cooked the meat
I farmed the herbs
Ran on weary feet
Treasure trails and boss fights too
Yet every route left me feeling screwed

So I say no more I've done my time
I've had enough it's crossed the line
Letting go of wealth's elusive chase
No more running, no more rat race
I've traded stress for simple peace
Found freedom in this sweet release
A new day now, it's time for fun
In giving up, my new life has begun

Unmaking Money (Reprise)

No one quits RuneScape. You just take breaks...

Lyrics:
---
Through endless worlds I sought a spark
But none could light what’s in my heart
I tried to leave, I swore I’d roam
But every path would lead me back home

I turned away
Yet still it calls
A distant song
Oh it enthrals

In Gielinor, back to the grind
No other world can ease my mind
Though I may wander
Though I may stray
RuneScape whispers: "You’ll be back someday"

Mined for diamonds in endless caves
Jumped up platforms, wuthered waves
Fought for alliance, fought for the horde
Explored the stars, but I got bored

Time has passed, the graphics aged
Yet I’m still bound, I'm still caged

In Gielinor, back to the grind
No other world can ease my mind
Though I may wander
Though I may stray
RuneScape whispers: "You’ll be back someday"

Nowhere to run or escape
You may only take a break
You will return, though you deny
No need to lie and say goodbye

Inevitable Progression

Musical Hermit

Related tracks