prod. mixed, and mastered by me 
shoutout @prodbyaustyn for the co-prod on this one :)
also @t3rmes for the songwriting on the hook when my brain hurted <3

---------------

20 now, this isn't how 
i thought it would work out 
breaking vows, might take a bow 
because i'm tired of feeling down 
put all my anger into a microphone 
it's no ones fault but my own please just let me be alone 
all my friends they were plastic, and i'm was silicone 
fit into molds, now watch me grow 
i won't see it through, to twenty two 
i thought i had nothing to lose 
maybe views, or my muse 
i hope these thoughts i have the chance to defuse 
buts it's looking that i might just have to give it up 
stay at the bottom while all my friends, they live it up 
i've got potential i guess i just gotta pick it up 
im getting up, i've had enough

falling out of touch with who i am 
revolving, my mind a door, it's turning 
am i deserving? 
stalling all the opportunities at hand 
to hear them applauding, is all that i want, but i'm so exhausted 

i've been so exhausted 
i feel like a hostage
in my brain, i've lost it, 
wilt away watch my friends all blossom
sun don't shine, upon me 
petals they're all falling 
in my head, it's daunting, 
being left behind in the dawning 

the sun never gon shine when i'm stuck all alone 
the stars won't align, when i'm left in the cold
the thought are benign, but they're taking a toll 
the sun never gon shine when i'm stuck all alone 
the stars won't align, when i'm left in the cold
a flower dead in the night, out of sight, decomposed

rumination

zinnia

[VA-T] X GORESET - lost on my own (rouri404 & swazy) [river & guda]

made this to vent bout my life. just know ur not alone <3

just a kid with a laptop
like to scream into a mic when the lights off
where did that kid go
cause i’m 18 years and i’ve never felt so alone
in my home

i was 14 with a big dream
with these thoughts in my head and my fingers on a string

what does it mean
to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online 

i was 16 with the love of my life 
but he lives on my phone only talks at night

and i wanted love from someone else
cause i’m young and dumb and i hate myself and it sucks

what does it mean
to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online

to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online

online

prod by me 
written by me
@pahtrk

and ima steal a car and ride out to the city 
i got 15 miles until it hits empty
i dont go nowhere to go and i got nowhere i need to be
and no one understands all the things that i need to see

i just wanted someone to lay on
someone tell me that it'll all be okay
i just need a little bit of reassurance
but you didnt ever give it to me x2

i needed time away from what im told 
i need to be by myself feels like forever though
i need to find a way cause i can keep it in control

i couldnt :/

and ima steal a car and ride out to the city 
i got 15 miles until it hits empty
i dont go nowhere to go and i got nowhere i need to be
and no one understands all the things that i need to see

i just wanted someone to lay on
someone tell me that it'll all be okay
i just need a little bit of reassurance
but you didnt ever give it to me

to the city

@pahtrk
prod. yungspoiler
mix, mastered, written by me 

ive been understanding way more than you can imagine
i was incorrect
caress your fingers down my neck
i was just a tool for your advantage 
can we leave this town i think we'll plan it 
its difficult but i got the advantage 
i think i tripped upon a different planet

ive been understanding way more than you can imagine
you lost an opportunity thats fine id probably reject
ill take the next couple months to fully reset
ill do what u did to me back right back to you 
but thats not who i am 
i think i need some time to reset

i saw ur heart
inside out 
the sun is calling me
the sun is calling me

yeah, they never come back less you back down
if u wanted it so bad you'd act now
i really wish i could hear the sound
and u cant luv me cuz im not around
i aint far away cuz ive been at home
but i hate it here cuz i feel alone
my insticts aint ever peak
bad choices always repeat

ive been understanding way more than you can imagine
i was incorrect
caress your fingers down my neck
with all i lost theres u i left
to be upset i cant
i think i need some time to reset

with all i lost theres u i left

reset (yungspoiler)

everything by me
@pahtrk
-
i got the last thing u gave me and that was your heart
i knew what i was getting into baby right from the start 
i cant avoid ur eyes
i need to reassure myself oh one more time 

i got a million fuckin problems u can keep urs to urself
i dont got enemies 
ur hatred for me spiked when i was up
dont got the energy
u envy me
ill hate until the end you'll see
im not ur enemy, im not ur enemy

ur a mind artist inside this broken home
u paint an image in my head and it starts to show
i wanna take the backroads just to make it home
i dont feel safe anywhere besides alone

ur a mind artist inside this broken home x4

i got the last thing u gave me and that was your heart
i knew what i was getting into baby right from the start 

ur a mind artist inside this broken home x2

mind artist

me and simon have once did it again 
shoutout goat @simonpopdiva ily<33

-
i broke the pattern but i didnt know the loop would repeat
i cant remember anything but it still bothers me 
no truth to set us free
it was nice spending time with you but i wasnt me 
but youre not2blame
youre not2blame

i think ill start this fire on my own
i dont need ur help ive been all alone
and i just didnt even need to ask for a hand
ive spent the past few months working on one big plan

understand my pain
amphetamines
theyre not good4me
and i hope you see x2

understand my pain
￼
theyre not good4me
and i hope you see

not2blame (simon)

slipstream +arid (k1ra + alyx)

ALSO PROD. SLAYINGIBIS & PROD. SADFACE

check it out and put it on your playlists :)
https://open.spotify.com/track/7cZk0JacsDmnXi9D2EOLEV?si=yYIw6wD1QRaFdgvJ91DKSQ&utm_source=copy-link

Carousel ft. weial (prod. Blvnkface) [ON SPOTIFY]

i'm changing very quickly... 

beat/vox/mix/master by me

lyrics:

faded, changing, metamorphosis
steel is stainless, hold extended clip
don't want famous, get the bag and dip
you won't make it, you ain't made like this
going harder every single time i go and hit the stu
moving quick i show and prove, all you bitches too obtuse
she put (Grey) goose up in her juice so lil shawty getting loose
i put deuce up in my faygo slow me down let me diffuse

sidewalk slammed they put me on pay-per-view
king of the damned, i got demons in my crew
i got feigns that need the boot, text that hoe i'm on the route
it say prada on my shoes, if you scuff em i'mma shoot
not in this for buddies, said lil bitch i need the loot
got me on a case, FUCK IT they don't got no proof
strap up in the storage with the hunnids 
just in case i need to be up on the move

AYYY, who are you? often forgot nigga i'm the truth
so you better come correct unless you wanna get the noose
leaning off a per*ocet, just what i need for the boost
CR-V no coupe, glass up in the roof
pass these niggas asking for a feature nail and tooth
lagging on me cause you can't go this hard in the booth
mad at how i'm moving quicker while you in a fucking stoop
plus i'm off a cup of goop, it's not fair how i accrue 
it's apparent that i'm bearly getting started i'm that dude
fairing better every single day with getting hella views
while yo shit is looking crude, put you in a badder mood
i'm not sorry that you lose