You were my friend

Jump into the river of diversity. Let the water carry you around.

Jump In the River (remix)

"The beatings. The coldness. You never saw a smile."

Jimmy Stewart recounts experiences which are piercingly harrowing - but not uncommon.

He is one of thousands of survivors of institutions for children in Northern Ireland, where abuse of young residents was widespread.

When he was eight, Jimmy was taken into Nazareth Lodge in Belfast - a place he quietly describes as "a nightmare".

His mother had died of cancer, aged 32. His father was deaf and unable to speak.

"Though he tried to look after us, he couldn't," Jimmy says.

He remembers the nun who met him and his younger brother Patrick at the door called them "wee mongrels".

The boys didn't know what that meant at the time, but later learned it was a reference to his parents' mixed marriage - one was a Catholic, the other a Protestant.

Jimmy Stewart remembers getting "the mother and father of all beatings" after he ran at a nun when she was physically abusing his younger brother, Patrick.

The vivid nature of his memories are clear when he describes how a nun beat him "with her weapon of choice - a rung from a baby's cot, with piping and light blue paint on it".

Explaining how he became an alcoholic, Jimmy says: "If you ask anyone who's a heavy drinker, they'll tell you that you don't dream in a drunken sleep.

"You don't have nightmares. You don't have flashbacks. It numbs you. Keeps all that stuff away. Until the point it's going to kill you. Which it nearly did to me."

He describes spending "three years behind a locked door in my own house".

"I hadn't bathed or shaved. I think the last three months I spent in the same bathrobe."

He began to recover after he went into hospital.

But his older brother, Victor, "drank himself to death".

Jimmy becomes particularly emotional when he talks about how Victor was "so much changed" by what happened in Rubane House.

"We were always close. But those years took it out of us."

As an adult, Victor "couldn't discuss it - he probably didn't think there was any help for him".

Jimmy regrets deeply that Victor hasn't lived to hear the state apology.

Lyrics.

Hello little mongrel
Come on in
This is just the place
To cure you of your sin

We'll beat you black and blue
With whatever comes to hand
You'll learn to obey
All of our demands

I drink to hide the flashbacks
I drink to numb my mind
Therapy's no good for me
I'm afraid what I will find

You took me and my brothers
Took us down to hell
We never had a smile or love
Became an empty shell

I can't believe in afterlife
I wish I could at times
They'd throw you in the darkest place
To pay for all your crimes

I drink to hide the flashbacks
I drink to numb my mind
Therapy's no good for me
I'm afraid what I will find

You got away with everything
Now you're not here to find
The children trusted to your care
You left broken and maligned

Suffer The Little Children

The debut album from Perth artist Nocturnal.

Setting Sun

Carry Me Home

Don't you think it's time to put your shiny toys away?

Riding the Tiger

looking outside my window I see the rain coming down
don't wanna let this stuff get to me dammit no not right now

there's got to be some kind of misunderstanding
we're all in need of a bright sunny day
I'll admit it just might sound a bit demanding 
but don't you think it's time to put your shiny toys away

riding the tiger we know not to ever let go
but tonight while we wonder the beast is out there on its own

is this the worst of times or just the constant state of humankind
you know Heraclitus and the Mayans said we're bound to make the same mistakes
all over and over again
(but I do want to be on the good side)

someone is waiting her eyes are the death of winter
I still can't explain it but tonight I know that we last forever

she left a note and said the worst is almost over
the medication on the table should be all that you need
remember to include me in your prayers
we're all subject to the forces of entropy

Riding The Tiger

The backing is a layered series of experiments in creating textures, primarily using the Noire piano. Helen then improvised a vocal performance we might describe as a dreamlike stream of ideas and motifs. After some initial hesitancy wondering what it was we were creating, we decided we rather liked the end result and thought we'd share it to the cloud.

Sparrow

New EP

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/mcmlxx

Music, lyrics, mixing, production: Verulium
Vocals: Amanda

Crazy crazy - help me through the night
Maybe maybe - I’m wrong or right
I don’t care - I’m outta sight
I am blaming you

Platform shoes - tricky balancing
Candy stripes - just wanna sing
Penny rounds - they were a thing
I am blaming you

Can you keep it in the fast lane
You’ve got me feeling like a jet plane
And you know
It’s all down to
Glittering stardust stuck to my face
Hey hey hey come back to my place
Everybody’s there
We are having a good time

Listen to the records spinning around
Yeah yeah yeah we bought them in town
Everybody’s here
We’re all having a good time, so come on

Take me back - I love the 70s
I don’t care - could be the end of me
Stamping my feet to Slade and Sweet is all I want to do
Stamping my feet to Slade and Sweet is all I want to do

Got my hair - in a new feather cut
I’m out here - looking kinda good
Something’s wrong - with this neighbourhood
I am blaming you

Set those dials - on the time machine
Send me back - I’ve been wondering
if there was - ever such a thing
I am asking you

Can you keep it in the fast lane
You’ve got me feeling like a jet plane
And you know
It’s all down to you

Glittering stardust stuck to my face
Hey hey hey come back to my place
Everybody’s there
We are having a good time

Listen to the records spinning around
Yeah yeah yeah we bought them in town
Everybody’s here
We’re all having a good time, so come on

Take me back - I love the 70s
I don’t care - could be the end of me
Stamping my feet to Slade and Sweet is all I want to do
Stamping my feet to Slade and Sweet is all I want to do

I Love The 70s

I LoveThe 70s

a bit of 'emotional zen' 😂 ☸ ..........  .......  ...   .
the pastor sings along with a 'new age' radio station and his memories
everything is ephemeral...sometimes.... :)

sometimes you rest
just right
into the day
sometimes your
little troubles seem
to fade away
on the divine wind
that blows
why ? i don't know
some.....................times

blows away
all the sins
leaves you clean
again...

and underneath that burning sun
we found a place where life 'begun' (😂)
again, anew
me & you
in the wil-der-ness

and under stars
at night
me and you dreamed
big
until the morning light
came in again
over the surface
of your skin

and we were not scared
by the universe
and we didn't care for distance
but distance is all we got
now

tell me the story
of the silver sea
the one where the waves
were lapping on the shore
sing me the songs
of your history
and all that came before

cause we are strangers
in an alien wilderness
wondering will we
ever see
all that happ-in-ess
is

underneath that burning sun
some times
we float free
you and me
bound in between
the rhythms and the rhymes

and it's
summertime

summertime
...again

summertime ('the pastor's drive - divine wind' version)

Written after escaping a bad relationship. For me, the most damaging thing about traumatic experiences are the believes formed about ourselves and the world as a result. These voices of trauma continue tormenting us long after the events have passed. The words “just let it go” sound so obvious, but finding the courage and path to let go can seem insurmountable. This song is for all broken spirits to help connect and give space to their inner voices and in doing so find some moments of peace.

Voices

Thanks, once again, to @Rosindust for all the skill and passion she has put into the interpretation.
Here you will find other music in which I had the enormous pleasure of having her by my side:
soundcloud.com/francescocartocci/sets/grazie-tatiana

Composition and all arrangements: Francesco Cartocci

Suspended - with Rosin dust

We are pleased to present our new album, 'Squaring The Circle,' the fourth solo album by Amanda, music by Verulium, now available on Bandcamp, we hope you’ll enjoy!

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/squaring-the-circle

Our brand new album ‘The Shores Of Time’ is now available on Bandcamp. Please do drop by and check it out. Limited edition CD also available 💿

We hope you’ll enjoy!🙏

https://outstation.bandcamp.com/album/the-shores-of-time

New Luxury Rock Cover Collection EP available on Bandcamp, hope you enjoy!

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/luxury-rock-cover-collection

MCLLXXs EP available on Bandcamp, hope you enjoy!

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/mcmlxx

Latest album, 'Automatic Karma Situation,' available on Bandcamp:

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/automatic-karma-situation

 Many thanks to all who take the time to listen and support, so much appreciated! 

New Outstation album on Bandcamp: 'Malevolent Energy.' Hope you enjoy! 

https://outstation.bandcamp.com

'Spirits Of The Witchwood' available on Bandcamp:

https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/spirits-of-the-witchwood

Debut album on Bandcamp, 'Time and Tide' with Verulium :
https://amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/time-and-tide

Lead vocalist of Outstation, Entropy at the Edge of Chaos: 
https://outstation.bandcamp.com
























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I LoveThe 70s

Amanda Kim Sanderson

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