Full battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/QsGaN92zD4c

► CREDITS:

JoJoVo as Plankton

RaccoonBroVA as Gilbert Huph

Written by PowerPoint Rap Battles

Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan (SIR Rap Battles)

Art by BMB

Beat produced by Anywaywell

Cover Art by JK03

Plankton vs Gilbert Huph. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Full battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-FQaX1d6ZVk


Kyubey Verse 1

I know it must be odd for you to hear another’s words
Since you’re living in a prison that took centuries to unearth

Your greatest strength in battle used to be the words you speak
But most recently you barely open your mouth more than me

My kind saw our dying universe and now we give it help
We make more energy than a fallen star like yourself

We harvest energy from emotional teenage girls
I could grant a wish to Claudia and wipe out your whole world


Aaravos Verse 1 

This is the champion who’s been appointed to defeat me?
He’s just a predator who wants young girls to get some grief seed

You don’t know true magic, I make tainted mages black out
So stay on my good side and you can be my little cat pal

Your sole purpose is repurposing souls
It took Madoka just a couple days to learn your true goals

When I reveal mine to others you’ll find me burning some holes
In Lux Aurea’s throne, now Xadia’s under my control 


Kyubey Verse 2

The way the world found out your motives is even more tragic
Young girls figured out us both, but yours didn’t even need magic

Now your name has been erased from all of Xadia’s history
I can’t even imagine how small your soul gem must be

But why do you cause this chaos, you don’t get an upper hand
And your power never grew, pride is hard to understand

Logically, you were arrested and the dragons had you sentenced
To a life in prison where you face eternal self-reflection


Aaravos Verse 2

Maybe put some of your energy towards your performance 
Since your voice has become the primal source of my boredom

It’s clear that you would lose even the most simple of feuds
Because Kyubey is even less powerful than my cube

Now King Harrow is gone due to the peril I’ve caused
While your whole plan has been stopped by made up anime schlock

So your mind has now been shattered like my prison and my king
Your story wrapped up with ribbons while I still pull the strings


► CREDITS: 

Tibbie as Kyubey

ForgottenSon as Aaravos

Written by PowerPoint Rap Battles

Art by 3ple

Beat Prod. by Tone Jonez

Mixed by Danii

Cover art by JK03

Special thanks to Kobe van Bogaert, SwordTee40, and RNG

Aaravos vs Kyubey. PowerPoint Rap Battles (ft. Tibbie and ForgottenSon)

Full battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/XrRrCOoQIEA


Condiment King Verse 1

I was scared by this nefarious nuclear boy
But I mustard some courage after hearing his voice (ha!)

I cleverly conceptualized each crime I committed
While you’re powered by the sun and you’re still the most dim-witted (moron!)

My guns top this beef, while you’re acting pretty hammy
And you lost it ‘cause you couldn’t start a nuclear family

Man, you wished to have a girl after one look at her face
But you couldn’t even take her breath away when you took her to space


Nuclear Man Verse 1

(RAAA) Your love life’s not better than this
I will not even bother asking you where a woman is

You think brains beat brawn? Well I don’t care
But if what’s inside matters, I ignore your underwear

I generate heat like Venus (RAAA)
There is a big gap between us (RAAA)

Bigger than the ones that I made in Chinese wall
I am powerful god of the Sun like RAAAAAA


Condiment King Verse 2

My condiments earn compliments, I’m confident my consonants
Are competent, the consequence? I’m conquerin’ your common quips (woo!)

I’ll relish in glory, assert my dominance
You’re just the most forgotten villain novice in Metropolis


Nuclear Man Verse 2

(RAAA) I hurt people, and that includes you
(RAAA) You are a freako, like Luthor’s nephew

I will squeeze red out of you, and I do not mean ketchup
You will not even be healed by a mayo clinic checkup


Condiment King Verse 3

You act very strong, but your critics do better bashing
Since your foe fixed the wall just by… looking at it? (what?)

You have have Wolverine press-ons but aren’t sharp when you’re attackin’
Since you died and the cause was a nuclear reaction?

Wait scratch that, mad brat, weaker than the Pack Rat
At least he had a gat strapped when dealing with the black bat

And even he’s not that daft to be inside a shaft trapped
A packet of Tabasco would outmatch all of your wack raps


Nuclear Man Verse 3

You are pathetic, check my genetics
Strong and athletic, far from synthetic 

(RAAA) Win by more than a hair, you’re not strong
And I put the nuke in nuclear when I drop bombs

I threw, zapped, jumped on, and tossed rocks at Superman
(RAAA) Your head is not the only thing in pickle, stupid man

Nuclear Man rhymes get a radio active
With stronger flames than the one that put you in casket


Condiment King Verse 4

You’re powered up now, but your prototype was not impressing
You were stoner Scissorhands, (ick) and badly needed dressing (yikes)

You aren’t scary, you’re out cold without power
I’m the czar of sauerkraut, you're making the crowd sour


Nuclear Man Verse 4

Silence! Destroy Condiment King
But first I have fun, remove mind control thing

Let us see if Buddy Standler has more writing skill
I bet you are even less funny on your free will


Condiment King Verse 5

Wait, where am I? What am I doing?
Hey, aren’t you that villain from the 4th Rocky movie?

Or that Superman foe whose ratings were so low
He was non-renewable in comics? Well, gotta go


Nuclear Man Verse 5

(RAAA) Do not to try to run, my speed is supersonic
In more than one way I will destroy failed comic

You wasted my time so I knock your lights out
And…

► CREDITS: 

RaccoonBroVA as Nuclear Man

Matt Raichous as the Condiment King 

Pixel Chris as the Condiment King 

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Beat prod. by Simon Bates of the Audio Network

Mixed by Nikki

Cover Art by Taiga

Nuclear Man vs The Condiment King. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Full battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/JvajhkTNjZo

► CREDITS: 

Vanessa as Ms. Frizzle
Twitter: @VanessaBenVO

KingSpirals as Mary Poppins
 Twitter: @KingSpiralsVA

Written by
PowerPoint Rap Battles 

Ms. Frizzle Art by WAN

Mary Poppins Art by SkydivingQuagga

Beat Prod. by Tone Jonez & Leo Barqui

Beat arranged by Theme Park Avenue

Mixed by Nikki

Thumbnail by SPM1000

► LYRICS:

Mary Poppins Verse 1

Spit spot, Miss, you’re facing Mary Poppins
I’m punctual and don’t appreciate your tardy pop-ins (Now…!)

Zip your lips, we are not a codfish or the tuna you were in the mouth of
This is the second, wait, third time you’ll get devoured

My knowledge and umbrella are the envy of a Weather Man
You have a flying bus, yet your lessons are pedestrian and treacherous!

Now let me get your measurements
Oh, eccentric lecturer whose bus is the one thing that isn’t reckless

I’m laughing with the Banks, while your outings don’t end happily, so Valerie
You don't even deserve a teacher’s salary (goodness!)

You put your pupils in danger on nearly every trip
The truth is very cold, so please don’t take off your helmets, kids


Ms. Frizzle Verse 1

Good morning, class! Please excuse Nanny McFreaky
Her style’s just a little bit too old school, right Phoebe? 

She thinks she can’t be rattled, so let’s buckle up, kids
And prove how easily some teaching can get under her skin! (Woo!)

We’ve traveled Mary’s whole brain, and our findings are outstanding
Based on all the nooks and crannies, she is quite a crooked nanny

She leaves Bert in the dust when he can barely get by
It seems the only thing that she can teach is class… divide!

While you have the kids tidy your room
We find cocoons and then we fly to the moon, and I’d invite you too

But you’re already on a trip with your magic flying nonsense 
Be careful when you’re blitzed, lightning strikes the highest object (get it?!)


Mary Poppins Verse 2

A woman like myself doing drugs? You must be joking
But if that’s your finest comedy, my uncle won’t be floating

Though he’s often very positive, he thinks your show’s the grossest
With its imagery so sickening, I couldn’t sugarcoat it

Oh, the winds have changed, and Miss Frizzle’s flows are blowing 
There’s little else to say, I’ve clearly bested my opponent (oh!)

And I know just the way to end this most triumphant moment 
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious


Ms. Frizzle Verse 2

Your fame has joined the other nannies gone in the gale
I quizzed my students on your novel, and all of them failed!

Walt said you’d never be forgotten but that promise was frail
Now you’re like Liz, no one cares about the loss of your tale

You hate logic, but it takes little explaining to know 
That Magic School Bus is the greatest educational show (that’s right!)

While my viewers’ brains grow, all your viewers’ brains go
Mary Sue has been schooled, guess she should have stayed home (oh!)

Ms. Frizzle vs Mary Poppins. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Watch the battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-AS7ppwvFvA

► CREDITS:

Theme Park Avenue as Slope Dude

Luke Reardon as The Abominable Snowman

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Slope Dude Art by Valonide

Abominable Snowman Art by BMB

Beat Prod. by Diamond Style

Mixed by Nikki

Thumbnail by LimJJ

Slope Dude Vs The Abominable Snowman. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Watch the full battle on YouTube: https://youtu.be/BuMYwDHW4p8

► CREDITS:

JoJoVo as Mr. Peabody

M!CAH as Tock

CKVoice as Sherman

Mancha (UBERocity) as Christopher Columbus and Louis Pasteur

AbacusWizard as Milo

TheMonarchy as The Humbug

ThanosQuack as The Dodecahedron

Leo Barqui as King Azaz’s Advisors

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Art by 3ple & BMB

Beat by Tone Jonez

Beat Arranged by Theme Park Avenue

►LYRICS:

Mr. Peabody Verse 1

Peabody here

Mr. Peabody, is this somebody we oughtta fear?
No, my boy, a basic way that we can beat Tock is clear

Using all of our words wisely he will be brought to tears
He’s quite the sheepdog my dear (mm hmm)

Your author seems awfully weird, look at his and my abilities 
He wrote some trippy dreams (eh), I rewrite history (hm!)

Your boy needs your help to think? You must be kidding me
I sent mine on his own, now he’s a citizen of Italy (yeah)

Here’s the activities that I do in an average week
Prove the laws of gravity, capture the Apache chief

Scale a massive peak then hatch a scheme to travel seas, bail out his majesty from tragedy and have a feast then redefine the rapping scene (that’s right)

I’m not your average bow wow
I’m in the penthouse, you're in the doghouse now

You tried to use words, but when the demons found out
They beat the clock and quite fittingly, you wound down

Tock Verse 1

Milo, they look lifeless, are they from the Doldrums?
I know why they’re like this, they didn’t wake Chroma

They really lack color, expected in their days
Since they race against time from a time against race

You went to the Inca, and had them colonized
My lessons are ageless, while yours are lost to time

Look at your currency, it’s clearly reached its end
I’ll get you up to speed, China doesn’t use yen

As a parent you’re an idiot, with your abusive influence
You liked to kid a little bit, then your son bit a little kid (loud growl)

You aren’t innocent, yet you had Sherman disciplined
His orphanage was pretty grim, but you’re somehow more strict with him

You’re no King Azaz with your quips, the awful stuff you’re spitting in
The stu makes me feel really sick just like the Mathemagician’s did

(Ahem) This mutt’s wit isn’t quick, and he challenged our brilliance?
Of course that’s quite ridiculous, and I can’t stand a hypocrite

Mr. Peabody Verse 2

Hey, Peabody’s the smartest! Quiet, you (Ahem) 
Sherman’s biased but despite this you will find his claim’s entirely true

A quick history lesson will provide some proof, Sherman! Yes?
Set the Wayback! What year? Let’s start with 1492

This dog showed me the world is-a round, he changed the map
But I’ll never be convinced your personality’s not flat

He named pasteurization, he’s a clever gent (oui oui)
You’re ticked off since your parents named you for your birth defect

Why yes, and I’ve had less than two minutes to speak impressive words
Yet they’re the best you’ve ever heard like I’m addressing Gettysburg (uh huh)

Your relevance is getting old, like the thing on your side 
Now you’d fit in another book: A Wrinkle in Time

Tock Verse 2

Great references, but now it’s time you meet some
Of our own, like the Dodecahedron

Tock, what math do you know? Well I know Mr. Peabody’s box office
Subtract that from his budget! It equals lost profits! (right!)

Peabody lies to people in each new place
Is there a less ironic way to call him two-faced?

How about deceitful? Double-dealing! Insincere! Duplicitous!
Dishonest! False! Crooked! Untrustworthy! Perfidious!

The Trivium would love to watch your show, it’s a waste of time for sure
But after seeing it there’s one thing I have learned

I know you teach Sherman words since you’re the mentor he looks up to
But you always fall silent when you try to say “I love you”

Mr. Peabody vs Tock. PowerPoint Rap Battles

► CREDITS:

Belle Beniko as Larry the Lobster

Eric the Audible as Mr. Poolcheck

Luke Reardon as Spongebob Squarepants

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Larry Art by 3ple

Poolcheck Art by Valonide

Beat by Khwezi

Beat Arranged by Theme Park Avenue

Mixed by Serena

Thumbnail by LimJJ

Special thanks to Chaotic Rap Battles, JoJoVo, RaccoonBroVA, Alchemyking


►LYRICS:

Larry Verse 1
“Larry! We’ve got a guy who’s drowning in tears!”
I’ll handle this, I haven’t seen good lifeguard action in years

“Be careful, Larry, this guy looks pretty shredded!” Oh yeah, I’m with you
But dude, he’s so uptight, I bet his pants are ripped too

And his face is even redder than mine, that’s pretty troubling
Excuse me, sir, you really need to put on sunscreen

And please don’t pass emotional burdens to little kids
If you want to lift the weight off your shoulders, then hit my gym


Poolcheck Verse 1
Hmm, you’re shallow, you treat this job like free time
You’re not fit for the deep end, you’re more fit to be deep fried

If you applied to be my assistant, I’d have you kicked out
Since you’re the only lifeguard who almost let a fish drown!

You insolent fool! 
You need to show some more respect to the municipal pool and her magnificent rules

You have no character, and based on the pH level I tasted
You’re throwing off the balance of this place ‘cause you’re so basic

In Gravity Falls, we face a lot of great threats
What with the Gobblewonker, zombies, talking nacho, and Jeff

And yet the pool’s the only one who left a scar on a man
So if you think my job’s a joke, then you can talk to the hand!


Larry Verse 2
Whoaaa, that’s gnarly! But I’m not dumb enough to lose a claw like that
And even if I somehow were, then I’d just grow it back

Ha! So clearly I have the best physical features
Your body’s living off bleach, my body’s lifting the bleachers

And my beach is always bustling with the best guests
They love me ‘cause I’m tough yet laid-back, like a bench press

You’re only getting bad press because of how you yell at folks and leave them scarred
The city pool is dying thanks to you, you need to see PR

And save your breath, man, your swimming skills are nada
In the water, you’d be one more filter-feeder at the bottom 

I’ve destroyed you like your skimmer, now I’m off to hit some waves
But I’m gonna have to wait for an hour, ‘cause I just ate


Poolcheck Verse 2
Enough! I’ll give you props for using SPF 100
You have the lifeguard look, but you really like to rub it in 

I think you use the white stuff for the wrong kind of exposure
And you like to flex your muscles ‘cause you’re nothing but a poser! 

You don’t care about the job, when you wanted a tan, you left your station
A lifeguard needs to be dedicated, not desiccated!

You puff yourself up as devoted,
But you should hang the whistle up, you don’t have the drive to be a blowfish

Larry the Lobster vs Mr. Poolcheck. PowerPoint Rap Battles

► CREDITS:

Isaac Romomo as Aladdin
https://www.castingcall.club/isaacr

DuelSkiller as Gwonam
https://www.castingcall.club/voiceplay

Written by
Theme Park Avenue

Beat Prod. by
Insanebeatz

Mixed by
Danii

Thumbnail by
JK03

►LYRICS:
Aladdin Verse 1

Gee, you sure have some nerve disturbing royal Persians
If you’re an advisor, join the other hermit in a turban

You’re worthless, singing squadala, I sing as king of Agrabah
While you ain’t never had a friend, I always bring my squad along

With your appearance, guards would cut your ear off if they faced you
You’re ugly and aged, dude, Genie can’t even reanimate you

And with those seedy eyes, this creepy guy just needs to die
But I don’t even need my sword, this bread’s enough to steal his life


Gwonam Verse 1

Your majesty, on a technicality
Jafar and his minion had your palace seized 

And trapped princess Jasmine because you kept your friend jailed like Ganon
You tried to get a kiss, now look what has happened

You were broke when your mother took her final bow 
Could have looked for a job but didn't try that route 

You're a crook, but I think your mama might be proud
If you just have the vision to find a house!


Aladdin Verse 2

That’s rich, there’s no denying that my life was pretty tough
But Link’s is worse because you didn’t give him time to get his stuff

Now he can’t even buy the oil that would light this battle up
Your meager rubies are lackluster, I’m the diamond in the rough
You gotta

Be quite a jump behind if you still think I have no worth
I was Jasmine's perfect suitor, and I hardly had a shirt!

Ask Jafar, it really burns when you’re pitted against me
I’ve bested a second wizard, now you’ll go with many blessings


Gwonam Verse 2

You escaped the Cave of Wonders and created slaves in hundreds
Link, see how both Aladdin and Harlequin make their puppets? (Huh?)

Then you stormed the palace for some power, won the lass with charm and swagger
But her cash is all you’re after? You’re a magic carpetbagger! 

I navigate so Link can grant wishes to millions
I’ll split you down the middle, kid, I’m the prime Koridian

I won, the Prince of Purse-Pinching is once again imprisoned
And he’ll finish his little swim with the fishes, it is written

Aladdin vs Gwonam. PowerPoint Rap Battles

The demo for my battle Aladdin vs Gwonam. It's not mixed so be weary of that if you care about mixing.
Watch the full battle here: https://youtu.be/CJ3iopwIEpQ

Aladdin vs Gwonam DEMO

► CREDITS:

littleflecks as Feathers McGraw

Matt Raichous as Mojo Jojo

Narrator voiced by Alchemyking

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Mojo Jojo Art by Luke Reardon

Feathers McGraw Art by TreToonzz

Beat Prod. by Teimunity

Mixed by Serena


Cover Art by JK03


►LYRICS:

Mojo Verse 1 

Ah, the chicken from the wanted posters, I have been expecting you
I heard you were in Townsville and knew you would need to rent a room

And that is why I, Mojo Jojo, made that stupid ad
To lure you to my lair, and you have fallen right into my trap

Because you are here, you are in my presence and defenseless
I will beat you with my battle raps and have you apprehended

And collect the bounty money to help fund my plan to conquer the Earth
Then finish my breakfast, but the chicken comes first (evil laugh)


Feathers Verse 1 

Alright, the glove is coming off (What?!)
Yeah, I’m not a chicken but I’m certainly the cock of the walk

No other robber’s on the watch of every copper in the county
Man, I’m worth a thousand pounds, you’ve taken several thousand poundings

From the Wonder Triplets you seek to destroy, but even with your freakish toys
You still have weaker evil ploys than the Amoeba Boys

You tried a million plans but always wound up overpowered
You couldn’t even get a leg up with the right trousers


Mojo Verse 2

No, this cannot be, I wrote both of my verses
Based on the fact that I assumed you were a chicken, cuuuuurses

Mwahaha, I am now well-versed in your movie roles
Though you have very little material, like your studio!

You try to fly solo, but on your own you are no menace
You just met some random cheesehead and depend on his inventions

You cannot take the heat, for when your plans go off course
You start sweating like a pig, resembling mojo pork

You had an excellent plot, till it went off the rails and then you were caught
I shall refer to you as Fettered McGraw

That is to say you were a failure, your scheme was ineffective
It was thwarted, foiled, prevented! Well, actually, maybe not prevented, uhh

But you went to jail, the place of your residence was a prison
While the only lengthy sentences I get are from my diction

When you broke out of your cell you tried your heist again in hopes of doing better
And repetition really ruffles my feathers


Feathers Verse 2 

That’s enough, let’s flash back to your past, you were a lab assistant
Smashing tons of crap and getting chastised by your master

In fact, you broke the glass that made the Powerpuffs by accident
So Daddy kicked out and you went back to the lab again

And then you thought you’d found a prime mate for companionship
But she was just a plant, and she ordered a banana split

You’re really weak, if I got cheated by some madam
I would never feel a pain in my soul, ‘cause I don’t have one

You must be sad, being an unwanted villain is crazy
I’d suggest you call the Hotline, but you’re beyond saving

So how about I put you out the misery you’re facing
As I finally take a shot at a mad scientist, say "cheese”

Narrator
So once again the day is saved, thanks to…
Feathers McGraw the evil penguin?
I don’t like the ramifications of this one


Mojo Jojo vs Feathers McGraw. PowerPoint Rap Battles

► CREDITS:

Sanpie as Azula

TAFox as Ursa 

Snakebite126 as "Mighty Steel Leg" Sing

JustGamer as "Golden Leg" Fung

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Edited by Theme Park Avenue

Azula Art by 3ple

Beat Prod. by Midex
 
Mixed by GlitchDude

Beat Arranged by Theme Park Avenue & GlitchDude

Cover Art by JK03
 

► LYRICS:

Azula Verse 1 

Greetings, I’m Princess Azula of the Fire Nation
And you’re the second monk I’ll leave annihilated

Now, I could have lied and claimed I wanted you on my team
But I only flatter people who are useful to me

I see your story in your eyes, and your shoes, you were poor before your tournament
And you don’t have the power I was born with

And you’re a thief, I’m calling timeout on your vile life
And I won’t be penalized, ruling’s my divine right


Shaolin Soccer Verse 1 

(Whistle) Pay attention, it’s your turn!
Oh, uhh… you’re a firebender, right? Well now you’re gonna get burned

And it’s crazy that the Firelord trusted you with his dynasty
You’re 14 years old, and I thought I was in the Minor League


Azula Verse 2

Stick to soccer, you speak worse than Sokka
But that’s not a surprise, so I’ll give you a real shocker

Honestly, you should be grateful, thanks to me, you’re making history
As you’ll be the first soccer player who’s not faking injuries


Interlude 

My power is coming back, I can feel it

Kill him


Steel Leg Verse 2 

I use martial arts for every kind of practical function
You just use them for the narrow-minded path of destruction

And your attacks are always just a hair off from being significant 
Your technique doesn’t cut it, maybe next time try a scissor kick

And you’re too serious, you need to try some tai chi or chai tea
Just loosen up like your old friend Ty Lee

If you joined her at the circus you’d give splendid performances
Since your brutal childhood made you quite the mental contortionist


Interlude 

My own mother, thought I was a monster
No, I love you Azula, I do


Azula Verse 3 

Do you think I got to where I am by trusting in others?
Everyone’s scared of me, I wasn’t even loved by my mother

So I used fear to sway an army, then we started getting things done
Screw being down-to-Earth, I brought down the Earth Kingdom!

I’m perfect! I don’t even smear my makeup when I have a fight
While your disgusting girlfriend looks like she lost in an Acne Kai

And she’s your strongest player? You’re all dead if you don’t pledge to me
Your coach’s leg is broken, and I’ll still ensure he bends the knee

I’m everything my father ever wanted in a daughter
I have conquered, fought, and slaughtered in his honor

While my mother always shunned me “No, I love you” No, you saw me as a monster
So I shut out everybody and I’m not just talking soccer


Steel Leg Verse 

Aww, now I feel conflicted about fighting someone mentally unstable
Don’t hold back, Sing, rapping is war

Speaking of which, don’t forget she planned to scorch her world’s equivalent of Hong Kong
I’m not conflicted anymore

Your father never truly loved you, he just treasured your skills
You were his little ball of fire and he bent you to his will

Then he banished your mother and tore your family apart
It’s very clear he wasn’t trained in the marital arts

Your first attack on the Earth Kingdom almost had you killed
I could have broken through that wall with my practice drill

You tried to steal your brother’s throne and you ended up fettered
So thanks to your failure, he finally caught an heirbender


Azula vs Shaolin Soccer. PowerPoint Rap Battles

► CREDITS:

Langle as The Pigeon

Kamren the Person as The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap

Narrator voiced by Theme Park Avenue

"No" Viewers voiced by MetastarVA RaccoonBroVA, AshleyMagica, & Langle

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Pigeon art by Hazelmoth

Beat prod. by Raias beats

Mixed by Serena

Cover art by LimJJ


► LYRICS:

Hello, viewer! I need you to do something for me while I run some errands. There’s a pigeon that wants to rap battle that bird, so I need you to tell him “no”. Whatever you do, DON’T LET THE PIGEON RAP BATTLE THE BIRD THAT CARRIES YOU OVER A DISPROPORTIONATELY SMALL GAP

Oh, hello viewer, you look great today


Pigeon Verse 1 

Say… can I rap battle that bird? (no!)
Pretty please? (no!)
Oh come on, don’t you wanna hear my sweet flow?

I just need 20 lines (no!)
I do it all the time! (no!)
Your mom would let me rhyme (no!)
I’ll offer you a bribe (no!)

Wait, the rule is “no rap battling” but technically
It’s not a battle if I don’t address the bird directly

So I’ll just change the pronouns and continue with my verse! (no!)
What’s the big deal? It’s just a bird!

And a quiet one at that, while I’m always down to squawk squawk
It can’t compete with me, I’m from the streets, like this hot dog

And few things make me sleepy, but when I heard this swan’s song
I just couldn’t resist a disproportionately long yaaaaaawn

My stories are the best
They clearly tower over Undertale, right viewers? (no!)

I love many kinds of transit, but your flight’s not very fun
My books raised a million children, you can hardly carry one


Bird Verse 1 (0:59)

I’m committed to assisting those who brave the gap
I have enough determination to SAVE this track

I’m from the Underground, but I’ve never seen such shady business
You reach your aims by molding children’s brains like they’re clay pigeons

You always ask for more and never learn your lesson
You’re not a carrier pigeon ‘cause you send the wrong message

And then you get aggressive when your begging is rejected
You’re built like the Reaper Bird and yet you’re never level-headed


Pigeon Verse 2 (1:19)

Now if this were a rap battle, here’s how I’d respond
“I’m no villain, ask Mo Willems. I’m his top dog

Your dog just annoys the players while I make my readers merrier
I’m never in the wrong, ‘cause I’m the main character

You’re almost unknown, but you remind me of the Duckling
Both of you unfairly always get the stuff you’re wanting

I don’t get squat, and I try whining, gaslighting, and grumbling 
Folks let you carry them after you do what? NOTHING!

But guess what? You’re just used as a tool to reach the other side
They take the ride and leave you behind, except for Undyne

She carried you, slowing your fall from grace like a parachute
But bad news, she perished, dude. Now no one’s left to cherish you!”


Bird Verse 2 (1:49)

THAT’S IT! You’ve pushed me over the edge
You need to show some respect, and don’t forget that though you brag about your story’s success 

Mo Willems left you in a jiffy
You’re irrelevant and pitied next to Elephant and Piggie

You’re a joke, but in all honesty I’m glad you’re at the Waterfall
Because you need a bath! Aren’t doves known for body wash?

(Sheesh!) You could have grown and learned to clean up your act
But you’re the same in every story like you RESET your path

So here’s one final ride, but you’re not crossing safely
Don’t beg me for mercy, I know you don’t say pleas

You can’t drive the bus, but you sure drove me mad with your mischief
So I’ll drop you off with all the other passenger pigeons


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