This is the last time I do anything for that fuck shimario

BobcatXtreme as J. Jonah Jameson
TaigaTonic as Benson
Writing by Alchemyking
Additional help by JoJoVo
Art by Teimunity
Beat by kulture.
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by Kamren the Person
Special thanks: Matt Raichous, WoodenHornets, MetaStarVA, J.G. Quintel, & Shimario

JJJ:
HOFFMAN! Get this gumball machine out my office!
Against the Jameson, he can’t recoup his losses
Ego so big, your head is bigger than Pops’ is
But I’ll show you who the boss is!

Let me get my pen and print a headline:
“Jameson Hits Deadline, Makes Moron Choke Because His Bars Are Eggcelent!”
In comparison, he’s stretched more thin than the Spider-Menace’s webbing is
So I’ll put my two cents in, then dispense of him!

Think you’re some kind of master at handling your temperament?
It’s obvious that Benson flips the second that some slackers leave him upstaged
PARKER! Snap some pictures of his red face
Then you’ll get paid, and I’ll put it on the front page

Such a cowardly hothead, you’d prolly get some chicken wings to eat
And down it all with some Mississippi Queen
And then you steal employees’ lunch when they’re already tired?
Sit down, please. …You’re fired.

Benson
Mordecai, Rigby! Don’t slack on the beat
I know that you hate picking up trash from the scene
But you’ll get a raise if you make like the vigilante he seethes at
And kick this dirtbag from the streets!

It’s plain as day, the way you slave your place is brutal
It just takes whistleblowers to shut down the Daily Bugle
Think they’re making stacks, then you drop stacks of files on ‘em
With that mug, you look like you’d go “Sieg Heil!” on ‘em

You’re losing this bout
Cause this time, it’s the gum that’s chewing you out
Your seed in the Big Apple is rotten, I’d say it’s rather obvious
You stretch people’s hands in your offices like Doctor Octopus

You’re the real villain, keeping teens hobblin’
And withholding pay so Peter keeps jobbin’
Your profits only go to your nicotine hobby
Yet you ended up smoked by a different Green Goblin

JJJ
I’m not Susan, but don’t mind if I copy 
‘Cause your own mug ain’t even fit to hold my coffee!
Spent your past playing hockey games and hitting on drums
It fits you turned from a badass to a stick in the mud

That dome head won’t protect you, even if your residence blasted off
Either way, I’d still be sonning this astronaut
And speaking of domes, you went nuts when you were shut in
So you have no right to snap when people push your buttons

Benson
I’m used to irregular shows, but it’s out of the ordinary
How a man with no heart can still suffer a coronary
Maybe it’s ‘cause you added to Spider-Man’s foes in the ring?
Honest, the way you treated Scorpion stings

You got me pissed off, banking off of fear and pain
I’ll go ballistic on you, leave a smear campaign
You wanna say my mug’s ugly? Your plans were for nothing
‘Cause it’s abundantly clear your wife can’t handle a mugging

J. Jonah Jameson vs. Benson - AK Rap Battles

WARNING: This battle contains substance reference, as well as strong profanity. Listen at your own risk.

Welcome back to MC Fawful Rap Battles! Today, two ADHD vs Autism mentalities clash, with the rapper famous for the Wednesday saga of albums, Chris Webby, against… The Autism Creature? Look I couldn’t think of anything better, I had another TBH matchup but it just didn’t feel right. Uhhh, who will win? Will Christian come out as the highest in the room (that’s his song right)? Will TBH wow the audience? That’s for you to decide!

CREDITS:

Zander as Chris Webby (audio)
Ego as Chris Webby (video)

Kurobane Azia as TBH

Written by MC Fawful
Beat by Clinstrumentals
Mixed by jort
Art by Evrywunzf8vrit
Cover-art by JotaSeis
Special thanks to PotFork

Alright, I think that’s it; stay tuned for the next installment of MC Fawful Rap Battles!

Chris Webby vs The Autism Creature - Rap Battle!

TaigaTonic as Ticci Toby
Reese Hsiao as Natsuki

Written by: TaigaTonic
Art by: Blast03 & 3ple
Mixed by: SIR Rap Battles
Beat by: or.1ove
Thumbnail by: M!CAH
Special Thanks: Fightmarker, Dilly!, Gamingplush64 & Commander Jacob


Ticci Toby:
Motherfucking Ticci Toby! Back the fuck up you don't know me
Got 2 hatchets in my hands have the haters 6 feet below me
You burn bridges with your friends, I set the street ablaze and watch it grow
Cause I put holes in those who cross me like Tic-Tac-Toe 

Your friends are happy and you’re upset it isn’t you
So you start to get snappy until your eyes decide to ditch you too
Now come up short when next to Yuri, cause you think the problem is
They’re a cut above the rest like it’s another one on her wrist

Fuck cupcakes, you enjoy cooking up drama
Till you feel bad reading back on all of your issues like manga
And back yourself into a corner cause no one seems to give a fuck
Guess there's no hard pill to swallow since all you’ll do is throw it up

Natsuki:
Great we barely started, this is already the worst meeting
I don’t think a single one of your pasta’s deserves reading
Ugh! I hate horror, it's always the same bad clichés
Like your amassing hate cause everyone had left you Kastoway-ed 

Guess creators can’t be saved when it comes to breaking banks
Unless they’re painting Satan as some sort of Patron Saint
And now you fake a face cause you dwell on your past
So I guess that it makes sense your muzzle was turned to a mask

We all know eagles can fly but your migration was sloppy
Cause ever since you flew the coop you were a failure by proxy
Used to flock to a warm embrace, but now nobody can be your beach
Since when you had your head in the clouds, your sis wrapped ‘round a tree

Ticci Toby:
It just took one line of code for your love story to turn tragic
Best put down the pen ‘less you wanna be buried with that hatchet
You don't have a fucking spine, I can read between your ruses
Kept to the books cause father left you hard cover-ed in bruises

Bit off more than you could chew, guess that we’re both tongue in cheek
How do you keep so much on your plate and have no food to eat
So how ‘bout I make like your anorexic ass and drop it
Cause now I guess you can be just another skeleton in the closet
 
Natsuki:
SHUT THE FUCK UP! That's the only thing that they all want
Every creator wished for nothing but to have you gone
The fans keep trying to bring you back, I don't think that slop’s worth
When everyone you love is lost every time: like Clockwork  

Look at you- Pathetic- Ew- It's all in your head
The only life flashing before your eyes? Your sister’s last breath
So you follow the one entity who only aims to maim the truth
Now the voices in your head are the only ones to play with you

Natsuki vs Ticci Toby (Doki Doki Literature Club vs Creepypasta) - Rap Battle! Ft. Reese Hsiao

SIR Rap Battles as Harry Potter
JustGamer as Harry Truman

Written by SIR Rap Battles and Athena
Additional help by AdamDRB & 3ple
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Dansonn
Beat arrangement by SIR Rap Battles
Special thanks to Discord Rap Battles and TheMonarchy
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOREWORD:
New battle coming soon I promise! But for now, here's another project from the archives that I wanted to release in some state out of respect for the people that contributed to it. This battle was originally worked on by Discord Rap Battles, hence why a good number of people who make up that channel appear in the credits here. At some point in 2022, they decided to scrap the matchup to which - being the greedy draft stealer that I am - I stepped in to adopt what was written for the battle and finish it for my series. Why exactly? I happen to be very interested in the FDR-Reagan era of American history, and Harry Potter is something I've naturally been exposed to by proxy of me growing up in the UK.

The majority of Potter's first verse was written by Athena, with some line ideas scattered about the document by other members of the DRB crew. From there, I wrote the rest of the battle in 5 days, given I already knew both people extensively, and a first draft was written and demoed in October 2022. AdamDRB generously offered to purchase the stems of the beat I wanted to use for my take on the matchup, and I really appreciate him for doing so. 

The audio as you hear it was finished in March 2023, and from that point on the battle never really went anywhere. I was currently occupied with production on Henry vs Scar and, immediately after, Mario vs Link at the time, and new battles kept popping up that I wanted to work on which pushed this one into the back-burner even more. As time passed, the quality of the battle degraded, and I knew if I ever picked it up again that I'd have to rewrite some sections and have it re-recorded (the "wronged nation" quatrain in particular was a rough one that I wanted to change immediately).

However, in 2025 I decided to ultimately scrap this and pursue other projects that warranted a better use of my time and energy. I absolutely do not endorse JK Rowling and the horrible actions she has been taking against transgender people - a point I wanted to make clear in the lyrics of this battle. I wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ+ community, and in doing so I felt like trying to work on a full release of this on YouTube would give Rowling an opportunity to take advantage of any royalties it would make for worse. So, the furthest this project can ever go is here on SoundCloud, where I don't make any money from it and mainly use it as a public archive of my work, scrapped or otherwise. Regardless, I hope you can enjoy this piece of SIR Rap Battles history, and hopefully I'll be able to properly return to battles this July.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LYRICS: 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mWxX6q5QhLl5M9AE_PLKCBb4qKZcHD3iHaidedhIw-c/edit?tab=t.0

[SCRAPPED AUDIO] Harry Potter vs Harry Truman. SIR Rap Battles (ft. JustGamer)

Written by King Ducky
Mixed By Jort
Art by Grasman & Tompuffs
Chiselled by Raisu
Cover by SPM
Writing help by Futurefilmmaker, Forgottenson & Supergamerbro
Prod. Epistra & Glitchdude

Spinel (Langlelee):
Well Well Well…
High time I slice a runner up when like a gate I shut her up 
Leave a bummer crunched till theres nothing but Charlotte's guts
Ya just a Bendy clone that can bend who decides to side with violence 
Only stuck with kids on the web by swiping my schtick! 

Wooh!…It’s quite the stretch to think violence can
Solve your fights as when you tried and ran at a guy when manic 
You died in a panic and winded up diced because you got tied in the end
Got caught right in a grind machine like a Fly In A Web! 

The fight got in-tense, her upper half snapped like a rubber band!
Much like her stubborn head when the only ones that loved her left
This mother lives below their land and still can't understaaaaand!
That kids can have Other Friends…

Only finds a match in a mindless transcript or the fine dust gathers of grime attached to
This spider's massive vibrant plastic albeit doll she is tightly yanked up by a hand! And
I can't stand tantrums bout being abandoned. I sat in a garden for years unattended! 
The Garten your fans have all cheered for is Banban, Windows you stick to aren't smeared up like that rep!

Mommy Long Legs (TheLoneSporano):
Your laughable tramp design's as scratched as a stone you're shackled to 
I rap as well as the vines lapped scant around your ankles do! 
A broken rubber hose, no one wants blobs of pouts you've slobbered out
The teardrops you've bawled out would toss me down the water spout!

Bonzo Bunny(GreenOwl)
Tried to right the wrongs when your fight had stopped (augh!)

Mommy Long Legs
Still, you’re reliant on Diamond palms
And now…

Mini Wuggies(GnomeYT, Elizikin, Fulmon)
Diamonds have good laughs at the pain you had felt
Why that track would have had them drifting away too, Spindel…

Pug-A-Pillar (Danii):
I’m troublesome but tons of fun, you do what master asks while
Like trusted pugs, you sat dormant- a doormat you’re stamped down!
Who feuded to become used anew to be lost once the movie dropped?

Mommy Long Legs:
Why bubble gum! You blew up then were spat out!

Spinel:
Would ya really like knowing the blunt truth?
No youth in their right mind would touch you!
Life was an on loop broadcast of this abuse
Even one, two of your death scenes were unused!

My injector launched on Roses homeland,  
Dropping with less flaws than project playtime 
God its toxins can’t cross with 
When heads called the shots in Paynes life!
The same kids ya trained, played with, loved
Stay caged because you, obeyed Greybers law
Then wail blaming them?! Paynes taking the Game Stations top Played Plaything!

But… you’re no deadbeat mom
I don’t want to grind your gears but that’s an mcs job
Although we both had our backstories render past hurts
At least I got my happily ever after

TV:
Mommy Long Legs!/ BrAnd NEw /with/ tunes n' beats
Unlike/ BOnZo!/ And!/ Spinel…/who?/ are TwO!/Clingy!
(*ooooh)/ YOU!/ were in/ quite the/ sticky situation 
Even those/ sHOeS/ we're in a!/ sticky situation 
Don’t whine/ over Stevens/ speech of peace
InSTEAD…/ repeat this scene on the tv!
Say did she lie/ Did SHe?

Mommy Long Legs:
Playing HIDE… AND… SEEK?

TEN!
I'll thrash you through dust, the best you could do is mood-swinging!
NINE!
I'll drag you through the mud so let's view the slew which you bring in

EIGHT!
Quite an uptight gal, want to talk unused when you might have been cut right out?
SEVEN!
Then subside down on a dime when it got cried out almost like the gems upside down

SIX!
Thousand years clinging onto a dead memory singing songs: an obsessed melody!
FIVE! 
Pity Pot had the best weaponry which she lost!

FOUR
Ment for staging mentors plaything yet your temper stained it 
THREE
 You’re never making ever-fated entertainment!

TWO! Pedals withers, love is forced, oh how you lose
She has come up short, no wonder Rose outgrew you…

Spinel vs. Mommy Long Legs - Royal Rap Battle! [ft. Langlelee & TheLoneSporano]

#pacman #namco #goodpizzagreatpizza #italy #rapbattles

pacman namco good pizza great pizza chef rap battle

Hello! Welcome back to Teimunity Rap Battles! In today’s episode, we have Namco’s ghost chomping pellet popper, Pac-Man, up against the mobile pizzeria sensation owner, The Chef! Who will win? Who will lose, You Decide!

DumbShlop as The Chef
Fightmarker as Pac-Man 

Beat by Thwosen (Additional Instrumental by Teimunity)
Mixed by Sir Rap Battles

Art by Teimunity and GrenadeGames
Edited by GreenOwl and Cidisswo

Special Thanks to: Alfking49, The Dub Squad, and You 🙂

Pac-Man vs. The Chef (Good Pizza, Great Pizza) • RAP BATTLE! (TRB)

Full video coming later this year (Hopefully September).

Kurobane Azia as Cirno
Snakebite126 as Papyrus
Writing by AshleyMagica
Beat by Diamond Style
Mixing by Jort
Temporary cover art by TheToppo

Cirno:
Cower before my might, ‘cause I am the brightest!
Like a yokai-shaped lamp - I could fool you without hiding
I’m magical, adaptable, you know I’m a natural
Try and capture the ice fairy? You’d only catch a cold

Now students, here’s a math problem:
Five royal guards face off with me - the strongest 
Subtract all the ones that got slaughtered
‘Cause Papyrus was their only option
Aren’t you supposed to get buried when it’s dogs and bones, kid?
Anyway, who’s left to defend from the one whose heart’s so frozen?
The answer is zero! There are no royal guards in Snowdin!

And you haven’t gone yet, but I predict that your lines are written in Papyrus script 
You should try a different font, ‘cause to me, that’s like Egyptian hieroglyphs
I got more fans, ‘cause I’m cooler! They wrote you hate mail, now I’m sending it
Let me spell it out for you: those are the only letters you’ll ever get

Papyrus:
THIS IS GENSOKYO’S STRONGEST? MY, YOU SURE FELL FAR
YOU’RE SO ILLITERATE, YOU CAN’T HANDLE YOUR OWN SPELL CARDS
AND WHEN THIS JUNIOR’S JUMBLED, YOU SOB LIKE, “WAHHH! IT AIN’T FAIR!”
THEY NAMED A DAY AFTER YOU? THEY SHOULD’VE NAMED A DAYCARE

YOU’RE A PAWN FOR ZUN’S GREED! YOU DARE CALL ME THE MONSTER?!
HE MILKS YOUR NAME SO MUCH, YOU SOLD OUT TO DAIRY SPONSORS
CHIRUMIRU HAS NO SAUCE, SO I’LL GO BACK TO MY PASTA
AND FURTHERMORE… SKELETONS CAN’T CATCH COLDS, YOU BAKA!

Cirno:
HEY, BACK OFF! I’m not six nor am I sixteen! I’m sixty!
I’m not your type, you sick creep! I know with children, you like getting Frisky
And despite living in snow, you reek of flop sweat
Carry my fairy status with pride, while you’re a skeleton in the closet 

Maybe try Chirumiru - it strengthens your gains
It’s good for your bones, and it’s the best thing you ever did taste
Besides that kid’s blade that got you sent to your grave
You’ll never change that human’s genocidal ways by giving them a friendly embrace
Couldn’t keep your head in the game
So you got reduced to a head in your game

Papyrus:
WHY, YES! YOU’RE AN EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO GENOCIDAL TOLLS
THE POINT I’M MAKING IS: YOU SHATTER POOR ANIMALS INTO ICICLES
AS A ROYAL GUARD, IT’S MY DUTY TO WARN THE FROGGITS!
PAINT ME AS THE VILLAIN? I BET YOU’RE JEALOUS OF THEM ‘CAUSE YOU CAN’T MAKE THAT LEAP IN LOGIC

I SEE YOUR VILLAGE HAS COME TO REPORT A PROBLEM
THEY SAY YOU’VE ACCRUED A FORM MORE MONSTROUS…
WAIT! DID YOU JUST MAKE THAT CLAIM BECAUSE THAT ONE TIME, YOU WERE DRAWN WITH DARK SKIN?!
THAT’S YOUR CUE TO LEAVE, 9-BALL - YOU’RE OUT OF POCKET

DID YOU SEEK ME JUST BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT POTENTIAL RECRUITS OUT?
YOU THINK 9 COMES AFTER 2 - I HARDLY THINK YOU’D COUNT
JUST A LAUGHINGSTOCK WHO GOT THROWN OUT OF KEINE’S SCHOOLHOUSE
THAT’S GENSOKYO’S SPECIAL ATTACK! YOU ARE BLUE NOW!

Cirno vs Papyrus - AM Rap Battles

► CREDITS:

Sanpie as Azula

TAFox as Ursa 

Snakebite126 as "Mighty Steel Leg" Sing

JustGamer as "Golden Leg" Fung

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Edited by Theme Park Avenue

Azula Art by 3ple

Beat Prod. by Midex
 
Mixed by GlitchDude

Beat Arranged by Theme Park Avenue & GlitchDude

Cover Art by JK03
 

► LYRICS:

Azula Verse 1 

Greetings, I’m Princess Azula of the Fire Nation
And you’re the second monk I’ll leave annihilated

Now, I could have lied and claimed I wanted you on my team
But I only flatter people who are useful to me

I see your story in your eyes, and your shoes, you were poor before your tournament
And you don’t have the power I was born with

And you’re a thief, I’m calling timeout on your vile life
And I won’t be penalized, ruling’s my divine right


Shaolin Soccer Verse 1 

(Whistle) Pay attention, it’s your turn!
Oh, uhh… you’re a firebender, right? Well now you’re gonna get burned

And it’s crazy that the Firelord trusted you with his dynasty
You’re 14 years old, and I thought I was in the Minor League


Azula Verse 2

Stick to soccer, you speak worse than Sokka
But that’s not a surprise, so I’ll give you a real shocker

Honestly, you should be grateful, thanks to me, you’re making history
As you’ll be the first soccer player who’s not faking injuries


Interlude 

My power is coming back, I can feel it

Kill him


Steel Leg Verse 2 

I use martial arts for every kind of practical function
You just use them for the narrow-minded path of destruction

And your attacks are always just a hair off from being significant 
Your technique doesn’t cut it, maybe next time try a scissor kick

And you’re too serious, you need to try some tai chi or chai tea
Just loosen up like your old friend Ty Lee

If you joined her at the circus you’d give splendid performances
Since your brutal childhood made you quite the mental contortionist


Interlude 

My own mother, thought I was a monster
No, I love you Azula, I do


Azula Verse 3 

Do you think I got to where I am by trusting in others?
Everyone’s scared of me, I wasn’t even loved by my mother

So I used fear to sway an army, then we started getting things done
Screw being down-to-Earth, I brought down the Earth Kingdom!

I’m perfect! I don’t even smear my makeup when I have a fight
While your disgusting girlfriend looks like she lost in an Acne Kai

And she’s your strongest player? You’re all dead if you don’t pledge to me
Your coach’s leg is broken, and I’ll still ensure he bends the knee

I’m everything my father ever wanted in a daughter
I have conquered, fought, and slaughtered in his honor

While my mother always shunned me “No, I love you” No, you saw me as a monster
So I shut out everybody and I’m not just talking soccer


Steel Leg Verse 

Aww, now I feel conflicted about fighting someone mentally unstable
Don’t hold back, Sing, rapping is war

Speaking of which, don’t forget she planned to scorch her world’s equivalent of Hong Kong
I’m not conflicted anymore

Your father never truly loved you, he just treasured your skills
You were his little ball of fire and he bent you to his will

Then he banished your mother and tore your family apart
It’s very clear he wasn’t trained in the marital arts

Your first attack on the Earth Kingdom almost had you killed
I could have broken through that wall with my practice drill

You tried to steal your brother’s throne and you ended up fettered
So thanks to your failure, he finally caught an heirbender


Azula vs Shaolin Soccer. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have two platforms for casual gamers, one for browsers and one for mobile devices; Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Cool Math
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: www.twitter.com/commander_jacob

TaigaTonic as Google Play
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TaigaTonic
Twitter: www.twitter.com/TaigaTonic

- LYRICS -

CMG (0:12)
Listen Talking Tom, let’s just speed up the chat
I’ll kill a record, you ain’t even up to Scratch
Park it. Whose site’s been driving since ‘97? Not yours
If you bring your bars forward, I’m flipping ‘em like Bloxorz
This Dude’ll Jump to a height he still can’t reach my peak from
I’m your Papa and you just entered the Beat-ya-ria
How’d we get you? This equation should cut it
Me, minus screen size and physical buttons

GPG (0:32)
There can’t be a Way To Die that’s a little bit Dumber
Cuz tryna catch up to me is just an infinite runner
It’s a crapshoot. You came to our platform and your app’s Pou
I have your appeal while not trapped in a classroom
Take the win off your wishlist, don't wanna level up your hope
Barely hanging onto life so I’ve come to Cut the Rope
Tweets and merch about your original game? Great plan!
… it’s still just Hangman

CMG (0:52)
Speaking of: personality. You’re not spelling it
Fireboy and Watergi- kid I’ve been in my element
But no, bro, I can tell you’re proud to be mobile
With your games you put on PC and controller logo
You’re constantly begging for reviews like you’re owed answers
Well here: "one star; iOS with no standards
Or quality assurance." And you’re claiming you’re dope?
Mr. CEO of “you got games on your phone?”

GPG (1:12)
You’re the start but I’m the end of Johnny Upgrade’s coins
E-rated Newgrounds is getting negative Play Points
Clashing our Clans is really asking for death
My brand Game On lock with how it PAX an event (Let’s go!)
I don’t even need Flappy or Red to fuel my Jetpack
Your prominence Bricked! Mine? You can’t get Half
Algebra, Geometry: type of stuff you Dashed from
Still being named “Cool Math” doesn’t add up

CMG (1:32)
The kids behind the screen? Brought their childhood radness
You green hogs are only tryna siphon their cash quick
“World's Hardest Game” for you is not piling ads in
No Candy, Crush you for free, fuck microtransactions

GPG (1:42)
This heat’ll shut you down; that’s a firewall. What I’ve gathered?
I’m not paying premium, but you won’t forget my past words
After you’ve Raided Shadows of Legends for your backlog
I made your numbers leave like your mascot or when Flash stopped

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Kelly Mac and Ben Fowler of Audio Network
Additional instruments by Splice and Neon Wave

Feedback by GamingPlush64, TaigaTonic, TheMonarchy, Freshy Kanal, RNG, JustGamer, Dilly Scott, Eric the Audible, 3ple, Danii, TheBabyBeef, Powerofdan, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to Mr. Tibbs, Fightmarker, ayjayyy, and Karen Lyn Davis

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games | Rap Battle (LARB)

Not today (prod. roku beats)

► CREDITS:

Langle as The Pigeon

Kamren the Person as The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap

Narrator voiced by Theme Park Avenue

"No" Viewers voiced by MetastarVA RaccoonBroVA, AshleyMagica, & Langle

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Pigeon art by Hazelmoth

Beat prod. by Raias beats

Mixed by Serena

Cover art by LimJJ


► LYRICS:

Hello, viewer! I need you to do something for me while I run some errands. There’s a pigeon that wants to rap battle that bird, so I need you to tell him “no”. Whatever you do, DON’T LET THE PIGEON RAP BATTLE THE BIRD THAT CARRIES YOU OVER A DISPROPORTIONATELY SMALL GAP

Oh, hello viewer, you look great today


Pigeon Verse 1 

Say… can I rap battle that bird? (no!)
Pretty please? (no!)
Oh come on, don’t you wanna hear my sweet flow?

I just need 20 lines (no!)
I do it all the time! (no!)
Your mom would let me rhyme (no!)
I’ll offer you a bribe (no!)

Wait, the rule is “no rap battling” but technically
It’s not a battle if I don’t address the bird directly

So I’ll just change the pronouns and continue with my verse! (no!)
What’s the big deal? It’s just a bird!

And a quiet one at that, while I’m always down to squawk squawk
It can’t compete with me, I’m from the streets, like this hot dog

And few things make me sleepy, but when I heard this swan’s song
I just couldn’t resist a disproportionately long yaaaaaawn

My stories are the best
They clearly tower over Undertale, right viewers? (no!)

I love many kinds of transit, but your flight’s not very fun
My books raised a million children, you can hardly carry one


Bird Verse 1 (0:59)

I’m committed to assisting those who brave the gap
I have enough determination to SAVE this track

I’m from the Underground, but I’ve never seen such shady business
You reach your aims by molding children’s brains like they’re clay pigeons

You always ask for more and never learn your lesson
You’re not a carrier pigeon ‘cause you send the wrong message

And then you get aggressive when your begging is rejected
You’re built like the Reaper Bird and yet you’re never level-headed


Pigeon Verse 2 (1:19)

Now if this were a rap battle, here’s how I’d respond
“I’m no villain, ask Mo Willems. I’m his top dog

Your dog just annoys the players while I make my readers merrier
I’m never in the wrong, ‘cause I’m the main character

You’re almost unknown, but you remind me of the Duckling
Both of you unfairly always get the stuff you’re wanting

I don’t get squat, and I try whining, gaslighting, and grumbling 
Folks let you carry them after you do what? NOTHING!

But guess what? You’re just used as a tool to reach the other side
They take the ride and leave you behind, except for Undyne

She carried you, slowing your fall from grace like a parachute
But bad news, she perished, dude. Now no one’s left to cherish you!”


Bird Verse 2 (1:49)

THAT’S IT! You’ve pushed me over the edge
You need to show some respect, and don’t forget that though you brag about your story’s success 

Mo Willems left you in a jiffy
You’re irrelevant and pitied next to Elephant and Piggie

You’re a joke, but in all honesty I’m glad you’re at the Waterfall
Because you need a bath! Aren’t doves known for body wash?

(Sheesh!) You could have grown and learned to clean up your act
But you’re the same in every story like you RESET your path

So here’s one final ride, but you’re not crossing safely
Don’t beg me for mercy, I know you don’t say pleas

You can’t drive the bus, but you sure drove me mad with your mischief
So I’ll drop you off with all the other passenger pigeons


The Pigeon vs The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap. PowerPoint Rap Battles

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The Pigeon vs The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap. PowerPoint Rap Battles

PowerPoint Rap Battles

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