Cover art by: Cidisswo
YT link: https://youtu.be/SrpFrzgsdME?si=fGHuqH3SymB5l3so

egomanic as both voice
Written by egomanic

Lyrics: 

[The Max Headroom Hijacker]
(Yeah) try to catch the wave, and drown in my flow
Cuz mine is hard to swallow you’re a soft drink like coke
Why don’t you pass me a cigarette, im asking for smoke
Give a cowboy his magazine, this gat’ll unload, so
Mic pilot with the rhymes i'm freestyling 
Stacking my piles high in the sky, supplies rising 
Dropping by lines right on the fly like skydiving 
While you tried diving into the night and died trying 
Hijacked off in the cockpit since dishonorable discharge 
Till you dropped and the rocks hit, now you’re never gettin them off (Uh) 
We are not the same, i'm not on your plane
Inspired by the first 3d show host, while you got no game 
Mask on, not a trace while all the cops can spot your face
I’m on your case, going off unlike the bomb that's on your case 
Uh uh, sorry cooper but today is not your day
Come to get me i’ll just turn the other cheek and walk away

[D.B. Cooper]
I don't like funny stuff, but i have some notes
This is a rap battle, I expected actual jokes
Wanna talk about catching smoke?
I drop bombs, max, listen to the raps I wrote, it goes
Briefcase empty took 200k with me 
Got the job done, for 50 years remained missing
Placed whiskey orders, called the shots, escaped quickly
Stuck the landing and I even made it back for thanksgiving
You never left no evidence but it's evident
I made my mark, your love faded into irrelevance
Rebelled against PBS with your obscene scenes
But it seems, your messages are as obscured as your references (Ay!)
Ruffled some feathers then i flew the cooper
You broadcast fetish cosplay: D.B. Gooner
So go ahead and throw hands and get chucked like Swirsky
I kept mine clean while your gloves got dirty

[The Max Headroom Hijacker]
(Ohhhh)
I’m a rap god, bro think he the unabomber 😂
You bargain Bin Laden: Osama lama duma lama
You made some bank and then the banks became your treasury
So I’ll make this air pirate “see the X” because he’s dead to me

[D.B. Cooper]
(Ugh)
Your heads in the clouds if you think your verse phased me
First class? Nah, you dressed like the first lady
I cover my tracks well but this time the FBI will find
Your airtime is up, but you didn’t leave a tie behind…

D.B. Cooper vs Max Headroom Hijacker - Ego Rap Battles

Recorded August 2024

6/12

Prod by Boston MG
Special Thanks to ToonyLoony

wow this battle is too long! heres the doc link to the lyrics!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G9yhn2qEhK__y4y2DDNPo0oHrEyz2DKYRFUJ-HOZRK4/edit

sorry for the same series matchup its like deadpool vs wolverine but with characters i care about.

soooo yeah the whole idea with this battle was that id advertise this as x23 VS ladypool as a nod towards the whole wolverine vs deadpool thing, but then gwenpool would take ladypools place as a fun fourth wall break because ive been a huge fan of gwenpool and i would literally kill someone to write a gwenpool battle, but obviously doing something that relies on a trend puts a timer on the battle and welp, the best before date has passed by a while ago.

also! shoutout to toonyloony, who was cast as x23, for chiselling and feedback. they were really pleasant to speak to and super eager to contribute, which was a massive relief for someone like me who gets very very anxious always all the time. unfortunately just being busy sorta delayed this project and i wanted to let this demo out into the wild because im sorta just incapable of finishing it haha. they rewrote a couple things to make the performance flow a lot better but since i never rerecorded those changes into he demo, none of them are in here 😶

one thing that i try to do with all my battles is have a special little gimmick that gives me a reason to listen to it again and this battles gimmick is that gwenpool does the fourth wall breaks and x23 does the fight section of the battle. i really like using gwenpool fourth wall breaks to like, tell the listener to loop the battle or to call out random meta shit, and im proud with how i organized the fight section which hopefully made sense. 

if i were to change anything itd prolly just be writing laura better. especially w better punchlines, i was attached to a couple of ideas that, in execution, didn’t really work out the way i thought. but oh well! hindsight is 20/20.

Gwenpool VS X-23 - 12 Bars of Dissmas #6

This is the last time I do anything for that fuck shimario

BobcatXtreme as J. Jonah Jameson
TaigaTonic as Benson
Writing by Alchemyking
Additional help by JoJoVo
Art by Teimunity
Beat by kulture.
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by Kamren the Person
Special thanks: Matt Raichous, WoodenHornets, MetaStarVA, J.G. Quintel, & Shimario

JJJ:
HOFFMAN! Get this gumball machine out my office!
Against the Jameson, he can’t recoup his losses
Ego so big, your head is bigger than Pops’ is
But I’ll show you who the boss is!

Let me get my pen and print a headline:
“Jameson Hits Deadline, Makes Moron Choke Because His Bars Are Eggcelent!”
In comparison, he’s stretched more thin than the Spider-Menace’s webbing is
So I’ll put my two cents in, then dispense of him!

Think you’re some kind of master at handling your temperament?
It’s obvious that Benson flips the second that some slackers leave him upstaged
PARKER! Snap some pictures of his red face
Then you’ll get paid, and I’ll put it on the front page

Such a cowardly hothead, you’d prolly get some chicken wings to eat
And down it all with some Mississippi Queen
And then you steal employees’ lunch when they’re already tired?
Sit down, please. …You’re fired.

Benson
Mordecai, Rigby! Don’t slack on the beat
I know that you hate picking up trash from the scene
But you’ll get a raise if you make like the vigilante he seethes at
And kick this dirtbag from the streets!

It’s plain as day, the way you slave your place is brutal
It just takes whistleblowers to shut down the Daily Bugle
Think they’re making stacks, then you drop stacks of files on ‘em
With that mug, you look like you’d go “Sieg Heil!” on ‘em

You’re losing this bout
Cause this time, it’s the gum that’s chewing you out
Your seed in the Big Apple is rotten, I’d say it’s rather obvious
You stretch people’s hands in your offices like Doctor Octopus

You’re the real villain, keeping teens hobblin’
And withholding pay so Peter keeps jobbin’
Your profits only go to your nicotine hobby
Yet you ended up smoked by a different Green Goblin

JJJ
I’m not Susan, but don’t mind if I copy 
‘Cause your own mug ain’t even fit to hold my coffee!
Spent your past playing hockey games and hitting on drums
It fits you turned from a badass to a stick in the mud

That dome head won’t protect you, even if your residence blasted off
Either way, I’d still be sonning this astronaut
And speaking of domes, you went nuts when you were shut in
So you have no right to snap when people push your buttons

Benson
I’m used to irregular shows, but it’s out of the ordinary
How a man with no heart can still suffer a coronary
Maybe it’s ‘cause you added to Spider-Man’s foes in the ring?
Honest, the way you treated Scorpion stings

You got me pissed off, banking off of fear and pain
I’ll go ballistic on you, leave a smear campaign
You wanna say my mug’s ugly? Your plans were for nothing
‘Cause it’s abundantly clear your wife can’t handle a mugging

J. Jonah Jameson vs. Benson - AK Rap Battles

Recorded November 2024

10/12

Prod by LethalNeedle


rump

The devil’s very emissary himself
Really wants to lend a helping hand to get me some wealth
But the jester dress he’s wearing must embarrass him, how does it feel?
Before I say “What’s your deal?” I’m starting with “What’s your deal?”

It’s your last straw and I’ll turn it to gold
Have a crack at your glass jaw, bitch I earn what I’m owed
Cause I’m the real master of returning a pact
I guess our tasks swapped, cause I’m serving your ass

How did the swindlin’ traitor
Get a game with God who straight-up robbed your win in it later?
You’re getting outplayed here
In trickery, it goes me, him, then you place third
It’s rigged in our favours, you’re just real good at favours

meph

It isn’t wrong, I’ll make anything you want, bring it on
I grant wishes, while you’re a Wish.com leprechaun
Seeking glass? Here’s a grand mirror for your ego
Both are easily shattered, weak, can be fractured, and feeble

You’re an alchemist, churning out gold with your magic
Though, a tantrum’s your only explosive reaction
Tragic… You’re literally a mini-me
Found him in the Faustian Bargain Bin for free

Speaking of Faust, anything you might add?
Please kill yourself. I wish that I had.
Well said, but he’s already done that
How many breakdowns can one have til he breaks down to one half?

rump and The Queen

Bring a friend, he’ll catch the strays I send ya
Think your alias: I’m boutta take out fellas 
Cause I rise above you both, same as Gretchen
And we’re both getting rid of babies... hey queen, tell em!

What
I won’t give you my child, fuck off
Go away and pick on someone your own size, a dog

I am, though he’s not just a poodle, he’s a butler and slave
You see, it’s funny how this wingman has fallen from grace 
Took Greek mythology dames to profit off fame by dropping their names?
I’d never, and I swear it on my own grave!

meph

Ah, names, right. Yours was… unimpressive
It was something witless like… dumbass dipshit
Or nutsack nitwit…! Ah, that must’ve been it!
grrRR IT’S RUMPELSTILtskin- oh FUCK I BIFFED IT

So Faust my dear friend, how shall we end this garden gnome?
I dunno… make his heart explode…
Yes… but afterwards you’ll get to have your baby as well
When I send you to work in eternal labour in Hell… 

wait wait waIT AAIT WAIT WIAT AGHHHHH - pop!


so this is in my anti slump era where i was just really going thru it and needed some outlet to take my mind off things, so one day i just opened a doc and went off and this was the result. i think that mindset of like, writing whatever i wanted w/o even thinking of what comes after sorta helped a lot for my mental, and i like, actually had fun writing? for once? lol

on like an actual critical analytical level im sure the characterization and accuracy for both guys are like, 95% off, but i liked playing up and flanderizing their personas for the rap battle, it really helps with the dynamic and just makes things easier to deal w on my end which makes sense if im just writing to write lol. like, i fucked up a couple of punchlines and if i were to revisit this id just like, fix those, but overall i like the little gimmick i did, the whole rumpelstiltskin name thing and dying. very fun very silly and helped a lot with clearing mental fog

Rumpelstiltskin VS Mephistopheles - 12 Bars of Dissmas #10

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have randomly-generated rectangles; Steve and Alex from Minecraft vs the YouTube channel Webdriver Torso. Enjoy, and happy April Fool’s Day!

Danii as Steve
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwaggyFlan
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/453EGjLZcGifTB4Tyjzdgq

TAFox as Alex
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thatadorablefox
Cardd: https://thatadorablefox.carrd.co/

Commander Jacob as Red Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

JustGamer as Blue Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JustGamerRapBattles
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3n1xhiocXnl8yFsVxb2IqW

- LYRICS -

Minecraft (0:10)
Steve:
Hey Alex, where are the coords we wrote?
Alex:
Don’t need ‘em, I can tell that we’re stepping on two zeros
I thought paintings were flat, but you’re even thinner
Steve:
You're so 2D, why would you have a profile picture?
Alex:
Nice
Steve:
Watching your channel makes lava swimming seem way fun
Forget down, you’re what we’d never dig
Alex:
Straight up!
Steve:
We’ll level you awfully low
Alex:
One body blow quite Hertz
For your sake, get some other audio, Driver

Webdriver Torso (0:31)
You really think you rock with the lines you write?
Cuz what we're picking up is as worthless as diorite
You piss your pants when a diamond shines
Then you cry if you lose one; your mood’s swinging side-to-side
Here’s something to Evoke the sense of getting Vexed
Built a world brick-by-brick and it was broken by a Lego set
Your cycle’s not two-week; the movie trailer though?
If Warner Bros played your game, it wasn’t in creative mode
Plus there's a practice that we're struggling to grasp, and it makes
Our brain more broken than the shield you always have to your face
You stack materials deep in a cave, pickaxing away
Just to make gadgets so that you don't have to actually play

Minecraft (1:03)
Steve:
Spider shit; we’re spinning Web tonight
Only thing Driving through your Torso is Sharpness V netherite
Alex:
Nah, use a bow. While their position’s always changing
Unlike us, with all their shots, they’re still completely aimless
Don’t let a mace in the wrong hands
Steve:
I’ll knock a glitch all the way to the Farlands
Alex:
We tower in numbers, they paid us some large bands
Steve:
Want yours higher? Maybe just call France *old death sound*
Add up all your channels that just copy explicitly 
And an Enderman can still garner more watchtime, admittedly
Alex:
At least a PowerPoint gives you some options for different themes
You got no one in your corner, there’s no Aqua Affinity
Steve:
Damn
Steve and Alex:
Put you to Bed, you’ll get sweaty when War wages
Smashin the rap game; we’re known to control stages
We’ll space and click to cut the “alien speak”
Steve: 
Hey, you know what we should pause?
Alex:
I see the player you mean.

Webdriver Torso (1:44)
Your community regularly has criminals instilled in it
YouTubers reach a peak but can't build limits
If that doesn’t happen, they still form a brainless army
Making us question why they hate Baby Zombies
It’s like you’re cursed; be thankful we were conceived with beeps
You complain, with a high frequency, “updates are a low frequency”
And when they do drop in the game
All you see are more biomes to colonize and mobs to enslave
Crops indicate what you’ve grown to be
A content farm, so to speak, complete with controlling seeds
Our background is darker than some of Steve’s merch, how disheartening 
Perhaps Notch was head of marketing

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, beat arranged, and Webdriver beat produced by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Minecraft beat produced by Phil Tyler
Additional ambience by Modeaudio

Feedback by Eric the Audible, TheMonarchy, 3ple, itsnugget, SimplyRazzy, GamingPlush64, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to TheBabyBeef, ENNWAY, Fightmarker, and SimplyRazzy

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Minecraft vs Webdriver Torso | Rap Battle (LARB)

Leo Barqui as Slither Wing
Chaotic Rap Battles as Liver King
Written by TheNauticalClaydol, Jacobrl99, Nugget
Beat by VANNN.
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles

Slither Wing:
It looks like I’ll be the one to make a First Impression
I'm bringing this fight to the Stone Age you’re obsessed with
Like your veins popping out, you’ll feel surface tension
When I bury this neanderthal, strengthen his Earth connection!
But given your diet, I’m sure you’ve met with my kind
Since you’re prone to catching stomach Bugs with every Bite (Hiss!)
But if you think this moth's dinner, you picked the wrong critter
I’ll cut a King down to size, now that’s a Chopped Liver!
Bulking Up on steroid dependence?
This phony King would only earn a crown if he went to the dentist!
Kept up the Facade, still filling yourself with toxins
Now you’re only influencing lawsuits with those Concoctions!

Liver King:
Wow, I thought I was the one who didn’t cook!
Now the King will bring the Strength to your Struggle, so listen good!
I’m chiseled by the gods, while this bug is punching soft!
My raps are like the way I eat my meat: BLOODY RAW!
You look like a beta design, I’m on my sigma shit! (LIFT!)
When we duel on a beat, you're just Wingin’ it!
Think I’ll take those disses, bitch? You’ll Quiver when I’m bringin’ it!
Eat you like a Chicken Wing and spit you in my kitchen sink!
Wanna talk about supplements? There’s no remedy
For how worthless you are if you don’t carry Booster Energy!
I’m the Fitness guru that you shouldn’t have Crossed!
I take life by the horns, and bite the bull by the BALLS! (CREATINE!)

Slither Wing:
Pumping iron to show mettle, but you’ve drawn my ire
With those lines from a time before man discovered fire
It’s clear from your ‘apology’ that you speak hollow words
Whenever you step up to the plate, you nauseate your followers!
This bald fraud should make like his channel and wash up!
Dirty-bearded spearfisher: Jason Chemo-moa!
And we know your Tempers Flare from all the ‘roids in your putrid blood
So when I put you on ice, perhaps you’ll keep your cool for once

Liver King:
Put me on ice? Buddy, I think you forget:
Between the two of us, who survived an extinction event?! (GAINS!)
But maybe I’ll take notes on your world, you've got some strong guys
Like the Koraidon that showed Sada some real Assault Bikes!
You’re pudgy as fuck! Could you be any frickin’ lazier?!
Walk a day in my shoes, and you’d be the Liver Failure!
This battle ends with moth being served, right off the cutting board!
But if you ever want a piece of me, I’m always hungry for MOOOOOAR!!

Slither Wing vs Liver King - RAP BATTLE

► CREDITS:

Sanpie as Azula

TAFox as Ursa 

Snakebite126 as "Mighty Steel Leg" Sing

JustGamer as "Golden Leg" Fung

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Edited by Theme Park Avenue

Azula Art by 3ple

Beat Prod. by Midex
 
Mixed by GlitchDude

Beat Arranged by Theme Park Avenue & GlitchDude

Cover Art by JK03
 

► LYRICS:

Azula Verse 1 

Greetings, I’m Princess Azula of the Fire Nation
And you’re the second monk I’ll leave annihilated

Now, I could have lied and claimed I wanted you on my team
But I only flatter people who are useful to me

I see your story in your eyes, and your shoes, you were poor before your tournament
And you don’t have the power I was born with

And you’re a thief, I’m calling timeout on your vile life
And I won’t be penalized, ruling’s my divine right


Shaolin Soccer Verse 1 

(Whistle) Pay attention, it’s your turn!
Oh, uhh… you’re a firebender, right? Well now you’re gonna get burned

And it’s crazy that the Firelord trusted you with his dynasty
You’re 14 years old, and I thought I was in the Minor League


Azula Verse 2

Stick to soccer, you speak worse than Sokka
But that’s not a surprise, so I’ll give you a real shocker

Honestly, you should be grateful, thanks to me, you’re making history
As you’ll be the first soccer player who’s not faking injuries


Interlude 

My power is coming back, I can feel it

Kill him


Steel Leg Verse 2 

I use martial arts for every kind of practical function
You just use them for the narrow-minded path of destruction

And your attacks are always just a hair off from being significant 
Your technique doesn’t cut it, maybe next time try a scissor kick

And you’re too serious, you need to try some tai chi or chai tea
Just loosen up like your old friend Ty Lee

If you joined her at the circus you’d give splendid performances
Since your brutal childhood made you quite the mental contortionist


Interlude 

My own mother, thought I was a monster
No, I love you Azula, I do


Azula Verse 3 

Do you think I got to where I am by trusting in others?
Everyone’s scared of me, I wasn’t even loved by my mother

So I used fear to sway an army, then we started getting things done
Screw being down-to-Earth, I brought down the Earth Kingdom!

I’m perfect! I don’t even smear my makeup when I have a fight
While your disgusting girlfriend looks like she lost in an Acne Kai

And she’s your strongest player? You’re all dead if you don’t pledge to me
Your coach’s leg is broken, and I’ll still ensure he bends the knee

I’m everything my father ever wanted in a daughter
I have conquered, fought, and slaughtered in his honor

While my mother always shunned me “No, I love you” No, you saw me as a monster
So I shut out everybody and I’m not just talking soccer


Steel Leg Verse 

Aww, now I feel conflicted about fighting someone mentally unstable
Don’t hold back, Sing, rapping is war

Speaking of which, don’t forget she planned to scorch her world’s equivalent of Hong Kong
I’m not conflicted anymore

Your father never truly loved you, he just treasured your skills
You were his little ball of fire and he bent you to his will

Then he banished your mother and tore your family apart
It’s very clear he wasn’t trained in the marital arts

Your first attack on the Earth Kingdom almost had you killed
I could have broken through that wall with my practice drill

You tried to steal your brother’s throne and you ended up fettered
So thanks to your failure, he finally caught an heirbender


Azula vs Shaolin Soccer. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Ego as Tom
Ego as Herobrine
Ego as Edd, Matt, and Tord
Written by: Ego, Kyllisto
Mixed by: jordy
Cover art by: Cidisswo

LYRICS:

EGO RAP BATTLES!!!!

HEROBRINE!!!!

VS!!!!

TOM!!!!

BEGIN!!!!

[Herobrine]
It’s the, urban legend27, haunting your bros seed 
Bloodying you, vans to hair, thats how I coat steves
Your only sharp at the top, like my pyramids,
Just go check the html files, BITCH I’M HIM
Thought the drip was on point, but you look like pointed dripstone
So i wouldn’t split hairs or he might end up breaking his bones
I build structures, you get hammered and fail
Pencil neck, but I’ll be the one to drag you to hell
Got no balls, top to bottom, like your old design, you’ll flatline
But thinking bout your fanart makes me glad that I don’t have eyes

[Tom]
Holy texture change on a painting! Your flow is shit!
The funny thing about that, though: you don't exist
*sigh* pass the smirnoff, I’m stomping this hoax
Cuz y’know, I believe you, but my tomee bear don’t (Lame)
You’re no 303, you 404, with each forum page
I’m up against the fuckface taken down in every up-date?
I’ll blow up your dang place, make a mess of your blank face
Like your source code, what's left of you there won’t be a trace!

[Herobrine]
This eyeless jackoff needs a mask on to save face
But If Eddsworld was a band, than you’d play bass
No saving your save file, when I emerge from dark fog
So I’ll commence with the roasting like a burning montage
Classic stupid Tom, what's some bible student next to a god?
Your family tree is one that even I dont wanna touch on

[Tom]
Graduated from monster school, where your pupils lie and now
You’ve been milked by content farms, since they mistook you for a cow
And you’re supposed to be some evil spirit....? That’s some tame shit
Have you seen your bro’s statements? Even he’s filled with more hatred (ugh!)
I kill clones, you won’t survive against me
While I broke out of newgrounds, you got mining fatigue
I’ll treat this dead meme, like his livestream, and take his ass down
You ended how you started: by fading in the background

Edd: Wow, that was a great battle!
Tord: Oh definitely
Matt: Absolutely
Tom: No one will ever love me!

Tom vs Herobrine (Eddsworld vs Minecraft) - Ego Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have two platforms for casual gamers, one for browsers and one for mobile devices; Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Cool Math
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: www.twitter.com/commander_jacob

TaigaTonic as Google Play
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TaigaTonic
Twitter: www.twitter.com/TaigaTonic

- LYRICS -

CMG (0:12)
Listen Talking Tom, let’s just speed up the chat
I’ll kill a record, you ain’t even up to Scratch
Park it. Whose site’s been driving since ‘97? Not yours
If you bring your bars forward, I’m flipping ‘em like Bloxorz
This Dude’ll Jump to a height he still can’t reach my peak from
I’m your Papa and you just entered the Beat-ya-ria
How’d we get you? This equation should cut it
Me, minus screen size and physical buttons

GPG (0:32)
There can’t be a Way To Die that’s a little bit Dumber
Cuz tryna catch up to me is just an infinite runner
It’s a crapshoot. You came to our platform and your app’s Pou
I have your appeal while not trapped in a classroom
Take the win off your wishlist, don't wanna level up your hope
Barely hanging onto life so I’ve come to Cut the Rope
Tweets and merch about your original game? Great plan!
… it’s still just Hangman

CMG (0:52)
Speaking of: personality. You’re not spelling it
Fireboy and Watergi- kid I’ve been in my element
But no, bro, I can tell you’re proud to be mobile
With your games you put on PC and controller logo
You’re constantly begging for reviews like you’re owed answers
Well here: "one star; iOS with no standards
Or quality assurance." And you’re claiming you’re dope?
Mr. CEO of “you got games on your phone?”

GPG (1:12)
You’re the start but I’m the end of Johnny Upgrade’s coins
E-rated Newgrounds is getting negative Play Points
Clashing our Clans is really asking for death
My brand Game On lock with how it PAX an event (Let’s go!)
I don’t even need Flappy or Red to fuel my Jetpack
Your prominence Bricked! Mine? You can’t get Half
Algebra, Geometry: type of stuff you Dashed from
Still being named “Cool Math” doesn’t add up

CMG (1:32)
The kids behind the screen? Brought their childhood radness
You green hogs are only tryna siphon their cash quick
“World's Hardest Game” for you is not piling ads in
No Candy, Crush you for free, fuck microtransactions

GPG (1:42)
This heat’ll shut you down; that’s a firewall. What I’ve gathered?
I’m not paying premium, but you won’t forget my past words
After you’ve Raided Shadows of Legends for your backlog
I made your numbers leave like your mascot or when Flash stopped

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Kelly Mac and Ben Fowler of Audio Network
Additional instruments by Splice and Neon Wave

Feedback by GamingPlush64, TaigaTonic, TheMonarchy, Freshy Kanal, RNG, JustGamer, Dilly Scott, Eric the Audible, 3ple, Danii, TheBabyBeef, Powerofdan, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to Mr. Tibbs, Fightmarker, ayjayyy, and Karen Lyn Davis

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games | Rap Battle (LARB)

► CREDITS:

Langle as The Pigeon

Kamren the Person as The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap

Narrator voiced by Theme Park Avenue

"No" Viewers voiced by MetastarVA RaccoonBroVA, AshleyMagica, & Langle

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Pigeon art by Hazelmoth

Beat prod. by Raias beats

Mixed by Serena

Cover art by LimJJ


► LYRICS:

Hello, viewer! I need you to do something for me while I run some errands. There’s a pigeon that wants to rap battle that bird, so I need you to tell him “no”. Whatever you do, DON’T LET THE PIGEON RAP BATTLE THE BIRD THAT CARRIES YOU OVER A DISPROPORTIONATELY SMALL GAP

Oh, hello viewer, you look great today


Pigeon Verse 1 

Say… can I rap battle that bird? (no!)
Pretty please? (no!)
Oh come on, don’t you wanna hear my sweet flow?

I just need 20 lines (no!)
I do it all the time! (no!)
Your mom would let me rhyme (no!)
I’ll offer you a bribe (no!)

Wait, the rule is “no rap battling” but technically
It’s not a battle if I don’t address the bird directly

So I’ll just change the pronouns and continue with my verse! (no!)
What’s the big deal? It’s just a bird!

And a quiet one at that, while I’m always down to squawk squawk
It can’t compete with me, I’m from the streets, like this hot dog

And few things make me sleepy, but when I heard this swan’s song
I just couldn’t resist a disproportionately long yaaaaaawn

My stories are the best
They clearly tower over Undertale, right viewers? (no!)

I love many kinds of transit, but your flight’s not very fun
My books raised a million children, you can hardly carry one


Bird Verse 1 (0:59)

I’m committed to assisting those who brave the gap
I have enough determination to SAVE this track

I’m from the Underground, but I’ve never seen such shady business
You reach your aims by molding children’s brains like they’re clay pigeons

You always ask for more and never learn your lesson
You’re not a carrier pigeon ‘cause you send the wrong message

And then you get aggressive when your begging is rejected
You’re built like the Reaper Bird and yet you’re never level-headed


Pigeon Verse 2 (1:19)

Now if this were a rap battle, here’s how I’d respond
“I’m no villain, ask Mo Willems. I’m his top dog

Your dog just annoys the players while I make my readers merrier
I’m never in the wrong, ‘cause I’m the main character

You’re almost unknown, but you remind me of the Duckling
Both of you unfairly always get the stuff you’re wanting

I don’t get squat, and I try whining, gaslighting, and grumbling 
Folks let you carry them after you do what? NOTHING!

But guess what? You’re just used as a tool to reach the other side
They take the ride and leave you behind, except for Undyne

She carried you, slowing your fall from grace like a parachute
But bad news, she perished, dude. Now no one’s left to cherish you!”


Bird Verse 2 (1:49)

THAT’S IT! You’ve pushed me over the edge
You need to show some respect, and don’t forget that though you brag about your story’s success 

Mo Willems left you in a jiffy
You’re irrelevant and pitied next to Elephant and Piggie

You’re a joke, but in all honesty I’m glad you’re at the Waterfall
Because you need a bath! Aren’t doves known for body wash?

(Sheesh!) You could have grown and learned to clean up your act
But you’re the same in every story like you RESET your path

So here’s one final ride, but you’re not crossing safely
Don’t beg me for mercy, I know you don’t say pleas

You can’t drive the bus, but you sure drove me mad with your mischief
So I’ll drop you off with all the other passenger pigeons


The Pigeon vs The Bird That Carries You Over a Disproportionately Small Gap. PowerPoint Rap Battles

Reach out if you listen to the song and like it. I like hearing from the people who enjoy it so message me. If you don't like it, or you're a graphic artist or an expert promoter, or whatever you're selling, please don't.

I also like coffee, so... Cheers.

buymeacoffee.com/rayzorbach

Who the fuck am I? Let me give you the link to my biography, 
Forget what you think,  it's just a piece of this chronology, 
I'm finna set the scene, let me give you the topology, 
With lyrics so poetic and prophetic they'd make a Professor turn to astrology,
They all fall silent now, heads just watching me, 
Figuring out if this freak became a prodigy, 
Just accept that I'm a unique product of biology,
Maybe supplemented with a couple of tricks from pharmacology,
But I'm a fucking novelty, if this catches on I might strike a deal with Scientology,
So if common sense is more convincing that authority, 
And you realise there's something more to me,
Shut your ego off and open your mind and perceive,
Maybe it's time we started understanding their technology.

Why don't you try acting like you should?
I'll keep popping up when it's time to do good,
It isn't that you're wrong, It's that you never understood,
I'll be the one on your shoulder saying, Do you think I would? 

Don't ask where I'm going, take a look at where I've been,
You can follow the smoking trail of my exhausted dopamine, 
I left it all behind while trying to escape from this machine,
I've been an Anarchist since they started asking 
"How do you work in small teams?"
Everyone wondering how they can milk this sacred cow,
I'm raging against the vending machine tryin' to get my money out,
Only change that I need is to buy the next shout,
If your only offer is between a carrot or the stick,
You can get the finger while I'm grabbing my dick,
Is it your cures or your poisons that are making us sick?

Why don't you try acting like you should?
I'll keep popping up when it's time to do good,
It isn't that you're wrong, It's that you never understood,
I'll be the one on your shoulder saying, Do you think I would? 

Vacant faces 'round the boardroom, like shit attracting flies,
Explaining their decisions and justifying all their lies, 
"Every accusation, a confession,"
They're not even trying to disguise, 
Chasing profits over ethics while your planet slowly dies,  
There's no discretion or recognition in their eyes,
Maybe there's more to life than mechanical divides,  
They'll sell your children's souls for more power, just to stroke their pride,
When will you begin to question all the truths they have to hide?  
The echo of their footsteps, a hollow corporate dance,  
In the vortex of their conscience, did you ever stand a chance?  

Why don't you try acting like you should?
I'll keep popping up when it's time to do good,
It isn't that you're wrong, It's that you never understood,
I'll be the one on your shoulder saying, Do you think I would? 


Buy me a coffee

On  Your Shoulder

Official SoundCloud for PowerPoint Rap Battles