A collection of raw, emotional songs about surviving the aftermath—numbness, struggle, and the search for meaning after everything changes. This is life, back from the blur.

Back from the Blur

'I'm Sorry' is a raw, introspective dialogue exploring the complex relationship we often have with ourselves during depression. Originally written in 2021 during a period of treatment-resistant depression, this piece has evolved from written word to an acoustic arrangement that pairs vulnerable lyrics with simple guitar strumming. The narrative style deliberately breaks from traditional song structure to maintain the authenticity of its origins as a written piece.

This track is part of a series of works, including 'St;ll Here' and 'Your Echo Fades,' that document a personal journey through mental health challenges. By sharing this piece, I hope to reach others who may see their own struggles reflected in these words and remind them they're not alone in their journey.

Content warning: This track contains themes related to depression and negative self-talk.

Lyrics:

I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you.
I’m sorry for the names I’ve always called you.
I’m sorry that I never gave you enough, 
I’d simply leave you locked in handcuffs.
I pushed you aside when I knew you needed help, 
you begged me to stop, you begged and yelped.
You begged to be treated with the simple kindness I gave others, 
but even the thought of it would make me shudder.
You stood as I told people they were gorgeous and pretty, 
but the sight of you would just make me sickly.
Others were always smarter, stronger, happier and stable.
Something I told you, ‘You’d never be able’.
We’d laugh together, cry together, even travel the world together.
But I never considered you my friend.  Not ever.
I can’t even recall saying that I loved you, 
even after all the shit I put you through.
You’re always there for me, through thick and thin.
You carried me through every loss and every win. 
So as I stare in the mirror it’s still hard for me to see.
That I am you.  And you are me.

I'm Sorry

"Just Breathe" is a raw exploration of childhood trauma, survival, and the ongoing journey of healing. Written from the perspective of both a child learning to survive and an adult learning to live again, this intimate acoustic piece traces the path from building protective walls to slowly letting them decay. With each "just breathe," the song transforms a survival mantra into a reminder of resilience and self-compassion.

Stripped down to gentle fingerpicking and vulnerable vocals, "Just Breathe" acknowledges that while some scars may never fully heal, we can learn again how to feel. It's a testament to the human spirit's capacity to endure, recover, and eventually find its way home - from dissociation to presence, from isolation to connection.

Just Breathe

'Goodbye Letter' weaves intimacy with gentle humor, carrying messages of love wrapped in honest reflection. Opening with soft piano and humming, building through a bold Spanish trumpet interlude, and returning to tender humming, this piece explores the delicate space between farewell and eternal connection.

The arrangement mirrors the journey of the message itself - starting with personal truth, moving through moments of strength and playful defiance, and ultimately returning to a place of peaceful acceptance. The Spanish trumpet brings dignity to difficult truths, while the returning gentle hums remind us that some bonds transcend ordinary goodbyes.

For those moments when words alone aren't enough, when laughter and tears dance together, when promises of haunting are really promises of lasting love.

Goodbye Letter

"Quiet Storm" explores the silent battles we fight behind closed doors. Through ambient textures and vulnerable vocals, this track navigates the contrast between outward composure and inner turmoil. A journey through darkness that ultimately finds solace in emotional release, "Quiet Storm" speaks to anyone who's ever worn a smile while drowning inside. The atmospheric production creates a sonic landscape where whispered confessions echo against gentle electronic pulses, inviting listeners to find comfort in shared vulnerability.

Quiet Storm

"Slipping Away" is a profoundly emotional ballad that explores the heartbreaking experience of grieving a loved one even before they're gone. With a delicate piano-driven melody, gentle orchestration, and soulful, expressive vocals, the song conveys the quiet agony of watching someone slowly fade away. The lyrics poignantly capture the helplessness and profound sadness of witnessing each cherished moment grow dimmer, yet desperately holding onto hope and love until the very last breath. It's an intimate journey through loss, memory, and the enduring struggle to find strength in the wake of immense sorrow.

Slipping Away

In a world full of noise, "Transparent" is a quiet confession. This lo-fi dream pop ballad weaves soft reverb, delicate harmonies, and vulnerable male vocals into a soundscape for anyone who's ever felt unseen.

Drifting through lush, atmospheric textures and hypnotic melodies, "Transparent" explores the paradox of modern disconnection – being surrounded yet isolated, seen yet invisible. The track's layered harmonies create an emotional depth that mirrors the song's themes of inner struggle and silent yearning for authentic connection.

The introspective vocals float above a bed of dreamy synths and muted percussion, creating an intimate sonic space that invites listeners to reflect on their own moments of feeling separate from the world around them. As the song builds through its emotional arc, it offers not just an acknowledgment of isolation but a gentle hand reaching through the glass.

Perfect for late-night contemplation, rainy day introspection, or moments when words fail but music speaks.

Transparent

"Familiar Stranger" explores the haunting space between recognition and loss when someone we know transforms before our eyes. With ethereal harmonies and atmospheric melodies, the song navigates the disorienting feeling of watching someone retain their physical form while their essence shifts into something unrecognizable. It's an intimate meditation on change, identity, and the bittersweet acceptance that sometimes the people we love become strangers wearing familiar disguises.

Familiar Stranger

"Beautiful Poison" explores the intoxicating danger of a relationship that destroys even as it captivates. The haunting melody weaves through verses that chronicle a toxic romance where awareness of harm only deepens the craving. Like the white rose against darkness, purity becomes stained with addiction's purple veins, while piercing vocals chronicle the painful contradiction of healing yet still longing for what nearly killed you. This song captures that rare, terrible beauty found in the space between knowing something will destroy you and wanting it anyway—a poison so sweet you'd willingly drink it again, even as it spreads through your veins.

The aching vulnerability in the lyrics mirrors the experience of countless hearts caught in the paradox of toxic love—where what feels like salvation becomes your undoing, and even after escape, some part of you would trade tomorrow for one more taste of yesterday's beautiful poison.

Beautiful Poison

"Where It Hurts the Most" is a raw exploration of invisible pain and the aftermath of abandonment. This heartbreaking spoken-word piece, set against a backdrop of melancholic acoustic guitar and soft piano, follows someone silently drowning in the wake of a devastating loss.

The track delves into the quiet suffering we hide behind practiced smiles—the midnight scrolling, the unanswered texts, the endless replaying of memories that offer no closure. With unflinching honesty, it confronts how we blame ourselves when someone walks away, turning to whatever numbs the ache while still calling it love.

But beneath its portrait of heartbreak lies a promise: that our wounds don't define us. Every scar is evidence not just of pain but of survival. This isn't just a song about breaking—it's about the fragile, fierce hope that remains when everything else has been taken away. It reminds us that even in our darkest moments, we are still breathing, still whole, still carrying something beautiful within us that no one else can break.ncept beautifully, creating a cohesive emotional experience for listeners.

Where It Hurts the Most

"Echo Chambers" explores the quiet struggle of putting on a brave face while battling with isolation and mental health challenges. Through raw, intimate vocals set against minimalist acoustic guitar, the song navigates the disconnect between the person we present to others and who we truly are when alone with our thoughts. 

The track captures those moments when text messages are answered with emojis that hide our true feelings, when simple tasks feel overwhelming, and when the silence of empty rooms becomes deafening. Yet beneath the melancholy, there's a fragile thread of hope—a recognition that acknowledging our struggles is the first step toward healing. With its UK grime-influenced vocal delivery contrasting against delicate guitar work, "Echo Chambers" transforms everyday vulnerability into a universal experience, reminding listeners that it's okay to not be okay.

Echo Chambers

“Back from the Blur” is a haunting fusion of dark pop and theatrical storytelling, channeling the raw emotion of post-trauma survival. With brooding vocals, cinematic piano, and modern synth textures, this track captures the ache of going through life’s motions after everything has changed. It’s a powerful, soul-searching anthem for anyone who’s ever felt like they came back from something—only to wonder if they were ever truly whole again.

"Weight of Air" explores the invisible battle of depression and anxiety—how something as imperceptible as air can become crushing when filtered through mental illness. The song documents the exhausting experience of carrying on when simple existence feels overwhelming, the frustration of well-meaning but hollow advice, and finding meaning in small victories when major ones seem impossible. It's about the contradiction of suffocating in open space and the courage it takes to keep breathing anyway.

Weight of Air

"Pieces of Myself" is a raw exploration of emotional fragmentation and inner turmoil, delivered through haunting atmospheric guitars and intense vocal performance. The track combines dark indie-emo soundscapes with pulsating rhythms that mirror the lyrical journey from isolation to reluctant self-acceptance.

The song captures the silent struggles of mental health through vivid imagery of broken mirrors, black ink stains, and building walls—metaphors that reflect the invisible battles many face alone. With its introspective lyrics and emotional crescendos, "Pieces of Myself" offers listeners both catharsis and connection, creating an immersive sonic experience that resonates with anyone who has ever felt broken or incomplete.

Pieces of Myself

Xak Stahl: Alchemist of Sound, Architect of Emotion

Xak Stahl is a genre-blurring music artist, sonic storyteller, and relentless experimenter. Every track he creates is a new world—a kaleidoscope of indie folk, alt-pop, electronica, and global flavors—infused with raw emotion and boundless curiosity. Xak’s music isn’t just heard; it’s felt.

From Shadow to Spotlight

For Xak, music is metamorphosis. His journey began in the shadows, transmuting heartbreak and struggle into songs that glow with hope. Early anthems like “Neon Dreams” and “Rising Through the Darkness” invite listeners to find their own light. His newest project, Major Arcana, channels the mysteries of the Tarot—each song an archetype, each lyric a step along the path from the Fool’s first leap to the wisdom of The World.

More Than Music: A Multisensory Universe

But Xak isn’t confined to sound. As a visual artist and writer, he crafts immersive stories that spill across genres and languages—sometimes haunting, sometimes playful, always honest. Whether he’s conjuring lush soundscapes, weaving bilingual lyrics, or creating striking visuals, Xak’s art dares you to feel deeper and dream wilder.

An Invitation to Transformation

Join Xak Stahl on a sonic odyssey that blurs borders—between genres, between artforms, between you and the music. Each release is an invitation to explore, to heal, to become. For Xak, every song is a spell, every album a universe. The only question is: are you ready to step inside?

Back from the Blur

XAK STAHL