i know you hate me but i'm proud of myself
---
Follow @adronn , @distantx_x , @rainsweptmusic , @rocormusic
Art by andrewcockroach and casieldg
https://linktr.ee/andrewcockroach
https://www.instagram.com/casieldg
---
Call me reckless all you want now
I'll do it on my own
Cause I'm tired of this selfishness
You never tend to show
And burning in the fire
Won't save you from the cold
Cause this everlasting restlessness
Is nothing but your fault

You're pushing your luck
If you think you can come on top of this
You live on the edge
But you can never see the point of it
I'm losing my mind
It's hard to sleep cause I keep seeing the
Disgust in your eyes
I know you hate me but I'm proud of myself

I know you hate me but I'm proud of myself

Undecided
Uninvited
Maybe you should be reminded
Undecided
We're divided
In my life you're not invited

Call me reckless I won’t find out 
There’s only so much I can know 
I just sit back here and reminisce 
How did I get so low?
You call me a liar 
You think that you know it all
Why do you never make any sense?
I always take the fall

You're pushing your luck
If you think you can come on top of this
You live on the edge
But you can never see the point of it
I'm losing my mind
It's hard to sleep cause I keep seeing the
Disgust in your eyes
I know you hate me but I'm proud of myself

I know you hate me but I'm proud of myself

Undecided
Uninvited
Maybe you should be reminded
Undecided
We're divided
In my life you're not invited

Guess I don't need you anymore
Leave me alone
I'm tired of this life that we both chose
And this fear of giving up keeps getting worse
And every second wasted staring at the wall
I'd rather spend it all alone

Undecided
Uninvited
Maybe you should be reminded
Undecided
We're divided
In my life you're not invited

CALL ME RECKLESS

CALL ME RECKLESS w/ Adronn, Distant, Rainswept & Rocor

Victory

Close

what if I lived a different life
had no scars never cried
never flew

what I had
wasn’t fine 
wasn’t fair
but was mine
what if I knew

i’d have never of learned
all the lessons that brought me to you

if I had it better
never cried
never fought for my life
i’d be through

I’ve tried to quit so many times
you see the surface of my life
what I’m going through

but it lead me to learn
all the lessons that brought me to you

I’d have never of learned
all the lessons that brought me to you

running circles in my mind
sing the same words every time 
you see right through me

but I sing them loud 
even when it hurts
if theres no fire
I’ll make it burn
pour on the gasoline

I will die by those words
and the lessons that brought me to you
I’d have never of learned
all the lessons that brought me to you

Worth It

Six months since I last called
Why bother trying if I won’t get through my own walls?
Wasting my time lying
One mistake and I’m better off dying
Oops, fucked up
Try again
Keep replaying in my head
Tough luck, had enough
I could run off and regret
Our lost time we left behind
But I hope you know I tried 

Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever
Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever

Isolated, isolated
Apathetic, understated
What we could have is out of reach
And all that’s left has faded
So fucking isolated
I don’t know how to face it
We’re left for dead, left for dead
Became who I hated

Do I show you the villain that I see in myself
Or spend every waking hour tryna be someone else?
I’m a hollow husk of the whole I try to sell
Just an empty kid with my frail shell
So I’ll try to hide, try to look you in the eyes
Try to tell you that it’s fine
Without stepping out of line
I’m terrified of my own mind

Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever
Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever

Isolated, isolated
Apathetic, understated
What we could have is out of reach
And all that’s left has faded
So fucking isolated
I don’t know how to face it
We’re left for dead, left for dead
Became who I hated

Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever
Cuz I can’t fix what’s not there anymore
Maybe it’s for the better if this doesn’t last forever
Cuz I won’t find the place I left behind

Authenticity, honesty used to be so easy
But now I know no matter what that it’s a fucking pipe dream
Honestly I don’t know what I’m even thinking
Trying to convince myself that there’s even a real me
Honesty used to be so easy
But not I know no matter what that it’s a fucking pipe dream
So why?
Why try if I’m so terrified?

Isolated, isolated
Apathetic, understated
What we could have is out of reach
And all that’s left has faded
So fucking isolated
I don’t know how to face it
We’re left for dead, left for dead
Became who I hated

Mastered by @distantx_x

Isolated

Check out the full album:
poniesatdawn.bandcamp.com/album/survivors

Evr! - Disentangle

Massive thank you to Silvery SKY https://soundcloud.com/j3zjwlcp4tg4 and Moon Jelly https://soundcloud.com/moonjelly0 !

Check out the full album:
https://poniesatdawn.bandcamp.com/album/survivors

Evr! x Silvery SKY - Say Goodbye (ft. Moon Jelly)

widescreen problems 
portrait lives
canvas stretched tight
right on the cover of your
drip feed comfort
paradise
charades brought to life

it’s raining
your paint stained the air I breathe

some die young
while few will thrive
make up your mind
I bet if I said I was
8 feet tall and
never lied
the paint would never dry

you made me
I envy the life you see

I’ll see this through to the end
so I can live again

brain stem fried on
power lines

you made me
I envy the life you see

it’s fading
your paint stained the air I breathe

the race that never ends
bad start, turn two
they wave the checkered flag
what am I supposed to do?
I’ll write my own end
front page and center spread
cover your paint with my pen
so I can live again 

(I so badly
wanted you to see
what I couldn't be

well grab a seat
failure is about to repeat)

you made me
I envy the life you see

It’s fading
your paint stained the air I breathe

Left Handshake

w/ @distantx_x
@rainsweptmusic
@noirskg
@adronn

I’m drowning in this temporary ecstasy
I’m never quite who I intend to be
And seeing the world like you never did
Growing up but still a stupid kid

I wanna fill the empty space
Just today
This feeling never stays
Tomorrow we’ll be alone again
’Til then I’ll swallow the poison

Four years flew right by
Stuck here, I can’t decide
Wanted to feel alive
Wish that I had the time
Chasing
Changing
I’m so uncomplacent 
I just want another day

Another day to fill the space
Another chance I can’t replace
Among the crowd I’m just a face
Don’t worry, I’m ok
But if it all comes crashing down
I don’t know if I’ll come around
Another war I should’ve fought
Don’t tell me what I want

I wanna fill the empty space
Just today
This feeling never stays
Tomorrow we’ll be alone again
’Til then I’ll swallow the poison

I’ll swallow your poison
Your flesh and your bones
And I’ll stay here with you ’til it’s over
Time took my friends
And I’m nothing without them
The ink turns to black in the winter

I wanna fill the empty space
Just today
This feeling never stays
Tomorrow we’ll be alone again
’Til then I’ll swallow the poison

I wanna fill the empty space
Just today
This feeling never stays
Tomorrow we’ll be alone again
’Til then I’ll swallow the poison

TOMORROW WE'LL BE


who decides who’s worthy of fame
most dreams are others’ makings
curse blighted
sleep depraved
a part of me
integrity
still worth saving


late at night 
up naming my fears
they burn like hurtful cravings
this steady heart is breaking
down

I’ll earn your respect
when I learn I’m finally enough
I’ve made enough friends
but every part of me’s still numb
I gave you my best
am I finally done
I’ve learned to accept
that I should’ve won

no surprise my fears learned to wait
return with perfect timing
numbing nights won’t stop the pain
breathe it in
weed it out
fuck, it’s still trying

double down
I consecrate
my perfect life
the future you hate
glory bound 
these iron chains
rust but never break

I’ll earn your respect
when I learn I’m finally enough
I’ve made enough friends
but every part of me’s still numb
I gave you my best
am I finally done
I’ve won
I’ve won
I’ve won

VICTORY
suffocating
fighting alone
eliminate the doubt and breathe
learning my success is my own

no fangs 
all broken teeth
half a smile
but i know
it’s enough
it’s enough
it’s enough

I gave it up
came back to me
that little dream is changing 
I’ve grown 
willing minds
accept defeat
failure’s not the future I chose

realize reality’s
guided by what’s inside of my head
I’ve won
I’ve won again

Reading in Dust

Listen on Spotify:
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https://fanlink.tv/dPFh

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@user_n33t

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@pookikitty

out in the deep waters you keep all of your secrets
far from me, and i cant keep on hoping you'll return
and in the past i didn't feel complete
now i know why

i'm cold without you here
constantly filled with fear
and you promised you'd stay near

so where are you now 
i don't know how i managed 
to let you go
live out on your own
and ive traveled the seas
but there's no sign of me 
or you
or where you've gone to

and its cold without you here 

so cold without you here

and its cold without you here

and i know, that you're gone
never to be found
but it's hard to break free
without you here, it's hard to breathe
feels like the waves are crashing in

and its cold without you here

how come you promised you'd stay near
where you now
i don't know how i managed
to let you go

live out on your own
once again 

yet i swore id protect what i had left
and now i have nothing
and its cold without you

Close

Puppet