CRASHWAVE

Morning light feels wrong on my skin,
Empty bed, lets me breathe again.
My heartbeats slow when there's no rush,
The silence is loud, but not enough.

My eyes look so empty,
Just wanna sleep, my lids heavy,
Colors are so dull, yet still new,
I keep seeing brand new hues.

Strange to feel, strange to stay,
Strange to heal, to just walk away.
My scars still hurt I cannot lie,
I feel the burn all the time.

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

These nights feel so calm,
All of it feels so wrong,
Used to crave the sugar sting,
Now I feel the realest things.

Miss the rush, not the ache,
Miss your voice, not the break,
Did you know love doesn't burn?
A lesson I struggle to learn.

Bottles kept me calm at night,
I can't seem to sleep tonight,
Trusting is so slow these days,
You cursed me in the worst ways.

All the stupid shit you'd say,
It was still hard to walk away,
What even happened to me?
How am I trapped yet free?

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

This shit is so hard,
I don't know what to do.

Strange

Your touch still clings like fabric glue
Cheap and rough, but feels like you
Think of you when I taste orange cream,
Hurts my heart, but fuels my dreams.

All the colors left one day,
Your pastel words faded away,
Still see your ghost roaming my halls,
The floor's felt, know it all too well.

Soft yet sharp, it tears my skin,
Comfort hurts from deep within,
Empty warmth just feels like guilt
Heart still wrapped in love we built

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started

Synthetic love that won’t let go,
Fuzzy scars that never show,
Holds me close and cuts me slow,
Stings so sweet, still need it though.

Heart still bruised in pastel hue,
Better numb than missing you,
Even when the high is gone,
Felt remains, still lingers on.

Warmth that cuts, soft decay
Felt you leave, but couldn’t stay
Even silence pulls your name
Softest hurt that feels the same

A rug that cuts me every time
Clings so close, feels like crime
Discomfort that scrapes my skin,
Sometimes my demons win.

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started


Can't even get started.
I can't even get started.

felt

These empty nights are bad for me,
My demons call to me again,
They say I could be free,
Need a "pick me up" now and then.

A confident look on my face,
But inside I miss your taste,
Cherry poison's, what I crave,
"Just drink this, don't be lame."

Crave the hurt you always bring,
Miss the pain more than the sting,
Hands still shake, voice still cracks,
Begging you'd pull me back.

Please

I need to float up high,
One drink can get me by,
I need something else to blame,
Please I cannot feel the shame.

Please, Please oh fucking please.

I need a pill, I need a line,
Swore this would get better with time,
I need this in my life.

I am slipping down the slope,
Lost all my god-damn hope,
Tried so hard to cope,
Recovery's a fucking joke.

I drank a 5th to myself,
Took five Xanax from my shelf,
I don't need fucking help,
This is the hand I've been dealt.

Cravings twist and wrap me tight,
Begging for that pastel night,
I just need a lil' taste,
My empty veins still know your grace.

Crave the hurt you always bring,
Miss the pain more than the sting,
Hands still shake, voice still cracks,
Begging you to pull me back.

Please

I need to float up high,
One drink can get me by,
I need something else to blame,
Please I cannot feel the shame.

Please, Please oh fucking please.

I need a pill, I need a line,
Swore this would get better with time,
I need this in my life.

Please, just once, just once again
Soft regrets are my best friends
Please, don’t fade, don’t fade away
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away.

please

I painted my lips a sweet,
Candy red
Hid the storm that swirls,
Inside my head
Said I'm fine,
didn't know what it meant,
Just tell pretty lies,
I can't forget.

They clapped their hands,
I played my role,
Couldn't fix my broken soul,
Now I'm up here on this stage,
Praying you'll see my face,
And not think I'm,
A fucking disgrace.

They ask why I look so rough,
They thought I was good and tough,
"Since when are you so stressed?"
They only cared when I was at my best.

These motherfuckers asking where my stress at
I was forced through hell and had to walk back
They say “sorry, didn’t mean it” — I don’t wanna hear that
Popping pills and downing shots to get the old me back

Bubblegum venom on my tongue
Taste's so sweet, I feel so numb
They don't care when you're down and low,
They only care if you're putting on a show.

I've been so stressed, tryna stay clean,
Pretending you aren't what I need,
I turned to drugs when I couldn't stand,
My sobriety lost almost on demand.

They ask why I look so rough,
They thought I was good and tough,
"Since when are you so stressed?"
They only cared when I was at my best.

These motherfuckers asking where my stress at
I was forced through hell and had to walk back
They say “sorry, didn’t mean it” — I don’t wanna hear that
Popping pills and downing shots to get the old me back

They wanna know how I got so low,
But nobody helped me when I was moving slow,
I fell on my own fucking face,
I can't believe I lost a one girl race.

They didn't care when I was depressed,
Only when I faked happiness,
All the fucking time,
I just can't get these thoughts off my mind.

I used to be so strong.


Stress

You told me I'm your only reason,
That you like to keep living,
I'm trying to keep you here,
But I keep slipping, sorry dear.

Your problems are manufactured,
Like you're not happy with laughter,
You need chaos, you need drama,
Like you get off on your trauma.

Wading through the storms you made,
Hoping you can still be saved,
If I'm the life raft you keep 'round,
Then why are you weighing me down?

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

You put so much on me,
It was selfish, that's not for me.
I still love you, you know I do,
You just kept making me a fool.

I can't fix your problems,
Even when I solved them,
It's like you made more and more,
Just kept showing me the door.

If I am the only thing keeping you up,
Why do you act like I'm not enough,
You put this weight on my chest,
Is this a test, I need some rest, I wish you the fucking best

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

I feel so selfish myself,
I need professional help,
You leaned on me too much,
But to this day I crave your touch.

We're poison for each other,
You smothered while I suffered,
You keep doing this to yourself,
I put your pieces back myself,

I've got a chip on my shoulder,
Every day I get colder,
Every day I get older,
I just get colder as I get older.

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

Baby I'm so sorry...
I'm so fucking sorry..

w e i g h t

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

I saw your name in,
The corner of my phone
Didn’t press it,
Just let it go
You’re probably drunk,
You’re probably fine
I’m just here, wasting my own fucking time

I walked past the bar,
Where we first met,
Saw someone laugh,
Like you did then,
I almost called,
I sent you a text, You ignored it,
You’ve probably found a bunch of new friends

I tell myself it’s for the best,
I tell myself it’s all progress,
But some nights I still check the clock,
Waiting on a text that never drops.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I keep your hoodie in the bottom drawer
Pretend I don’t, it's there for sure
Every time I’m feeling weak
I wear it just so I can sleep

I see your favorite coffee shop
I turn around before I stop
‘Cause what if you’re in there with someone new
And I don’t know what I would do

I tell myself it’s for the best
I tell myself it’s all progress
But some nights I still check the clock
Waiting on a text that never drops

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

Maybe someday we’ll run into each other
And laugh about how we couldn’t recover
But for now, I’ll smile and pretend
That this isn’t still the end

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I swear I am okay,
It's alright you didn't stay,
I promise we're both better off,
I've been online too long, it's time to log off,

I keep watching your fucking stories,
Don't know where you are, I'm always worried,
I'm gonna run into you,
Something I always fear, but we never do.

Bonus Track:  I Swear, It's Okay That You Moved On

I crash and crave, tryna find my wave.

Cravecore and Crashwave need to be genres.

PA 44 - 1/2

Bonus Track: I Swear, It's Okay That You Moved On

q.exe