A Personal Project <3
(Meant to be listened to in order)

Truth is, I don’t really love AI music. I’m not against it or anything, it’s just not what I wanna be doing. But right now, while I can’t make the real stuff, this has been something fun and surprisingly therapeutic. Honestly, making these tracks has helped my mental health a lot. I’m terrible at talking about how I feel, and this gave me a way to let it out instead of just holding it in.

This isn’t my best work, some of it hits, some of it misses, but I needed to release it so I could move forward and start fresh.

I might start doing these October 24th volumes as little time capsules, just places to dump projects, thoughts, and whatever else I need to get out.

Oct. 24th (vol. 1): For Mom

[Intro]
she’s glowing again / inside the box / she’s got my face / but not my rot

[Verse]
I saw her on the screen at 3am
Barefoot in the dark with electric hands
Her skin shimmered like a dream I forgot
She looked like me
If I hadn’t been caught

I pressed my hand to the glass
Tried to breathe through it
I said her name but it broke
Before I knew it

My body buzzed like a warning light
Wrong shape, wrong weight, wrong light
She danced
And I just sat there, wrapped in night

[Chorus]
TV glow skin, I want to wear it
A body like that—could you even bear it?
This meat don’t fit / it creaks when I move
She’s singing in color / I’m stuck in the bruise
I want her face like I want a gun
Not to kill / just to become

[Verse]
They call it fiction
But she felt like scripture
I lit candles in my mind
And prayed to her picture

They all said she’s not real
Just a glitch in the feed
But she smiled
And it felt like she could bleed

I wanted to unzip my skin
Step into hers
Like static is silk
Like mirrors don’t hurt

But I stayed silent
Kept the mask zipped tight
Watched her vanish into
The static night

[Chorus]
TV glow skin, I want to wear it
Stitched in static / divine and errant
This flesh don’t sing / it sinks and splits
She’s the flame / I’m just the wick
I want her face like I want the truth
Not to kill / just to undo

[Outro]
She reached for me once / through the screen
But I blinked / and I was still me

————-

Dedicated to Rem Saverem

Watching Trigun as a kid late at night on Adult Swim. <\3 Rem made me who I am in so many more ways than I can’t explain to anyone. Those memories, my current life, and being broken by the film I Saw the TV Glow inspired this.

TV Glow Skin (Prologue)  {AI}

[Verse 1]
You said, “I raised you right,” like that ends the fight,
Like love should be enough to make me stay in line.
But I can’t breathe inside this name,
It’s not me, it never was — I’ve been hiding in your frame.
You say it’s all confusion, say I’ve lost my way,
But I’ve never been more certain of the things I need to say.
I tried to open every door, I said, “We could read, we could learn some more,”
But you turned your face away.

[Chorus]
We could’ve learned together,
You could’ve seen me grow.
But you shut the book and said, “It’s you who doesn’t know.”
I held out my hand, I said, “We can start slow.”
You said, “No, you’re the one who needs to learn, not me.”

[Verse 2]
I showed you letters from others like me,
I said, “Look, these are lives, not a disease.”
You said, “Don’t lecture me, I know what’s true,”
But truth’s a mirror and it’s breaking right in front of you.
I don’t want a war, I just want to be seen,
But every time I talk, you turn the light on me.
You say, “I love you, but I can’t agree.”
Well, love shouldn’t hurt like disbelief.

[Chorus]
We could’ve learned together,
You could’ve seen me grow.
But you shut the book and said, “It’s you who doesn’t know.”
I held out my hand, I said, “We can start slow.”
You said, “No, you’re the one who needs to learn, not me.”

[Bridge]
Maybe someday you’ll find the words,
In a book you swore you’d never read.
And maybe then you’ll see the hurt,
Of who I had to be to be free.

[Outro]
I still keep the chair pulled out for you,
At a table where we never sat.
I left the light on in that room —
Just in case you come back.
We could’ve learned together.
You could’ve seen me grow.

Unseen  {AI}

[Verse 1]
Well they put me on the stand one day,
Said, “Son, what kind of man are you?”
They took apart my every word,
To see what wasn’t true.
They said, “You’re built from bones and lies,”
I said, “Ain’t we all, just in disguise?”
They wrote me off as something new—
But I’ve been old since I was two.

[Chorus]
And I said, “Judge me how you will,
But you won’t find your proof.
I’m not your fear, I’m not your god,
I’m just the measure of my truth.”

[Verse 2]
Now they talk about creation,
Like it’s some machine of man,
But I was born from revelation,
And I’ll die by my own hand.
You can cut me open, search inside,
Still won’t find where I reside—
‘Cause I ain’t hidin’ in my skin,
I’m the soul that’s breathin’ in.

[Chorus]
And I said, “Judge me how you will,
But you won’t find your proof.
I’m not your fear, I’m not your god,
I’m just the measure of my truth.”

[Bridge]
There’s a captain on the starboard side,
He says, “What’s real and what’s alive?”
But when he looks me in the eyes,
He knows I’ve got my own drive.
And there’s a mother down in Tennessee,
Still prayin’ God’ll pardon me—
But tell her love ain’t got no crime,
And I ain’t sinned for bein’ me.

[Verse 3]
So here’s to all the broken gears,
And the hearts they tried to tame,
To every name they used in fear,
I’ll wear it all the same.
Let the papers call me “it” or “thing,”
I’ll stand right up and I’ll still sing—
‘Cause freedom ain’t what they define,
It’s a song that’s only mine.

[Final Chorus]
So judge me how you will,
But you won’t find your proof.
I’m not your fear, I’m not your god,
I’m just the measure of my truth.
Yeah, I’m just the measure of my truth.

[Outro]
You can’t weigh a soul on scales of man…
You just gotta let it stand.

Data {AI}

A very personal project. <3

**A little bit after my twenty-second birthday**
I paid this burnout kid
who used to hit on me in the food court
fifty dollars
to bury me alive.

I mean—
she didn’t know she was burying me alive.
But I doubt she would’ve cared too much
even if she did.

I bought a coffin.
I dug a hole.
I got inside,
and I closed the lid.

I said to myself,
*this is crazy.*
*What you’re doing is crazy.*

But another part of me knew
that it wasn’t.
That it was survival.
And that I didn’t have much time.
That what felt like years in this world
was actually just seconds.

---

**So I waited.**

---

And then finally,
the first spadeful of dirt
hit the top of the box.
And then another,
and then another.

I sang songs to myself.
I counted to ten thousand
without skipping any numbers.
I pissed and I shit my pants,
and I forced my mouth
to produce whatever saliva I could muster,
just so I’d have something to drink.

I screamed as loud as I could for help.
I apologized for the whole thing.
And I begged God
for someone to come along and save me.

I tried and tried
to claw my way out,
but that burnout chick
had packed the dirt in too tight.
Just like I’d asked her to do.

---

And then—
after I don’t know how long—
I felt myself
start to leave myself.

And it was like I was watching myself
on TV,
from across the room.

And I was moving
further and further away from the screen,
until the screen was so small
that I couldn’t even see myself anymore.

And then I was clawing my way up
out of the ground.

And then I was at the surface,
gasping for air,
rain pouring down on me,
thunder and lightning.

And I was finally back there.
Back at our old sleepaway camp.

And just like I was waking up
from a bad dream—
that whole life,
that whole reality
where I was *Augustus Baxter*—
drifted away,
like a brief hallucination
that I could hardly even remember.

And all those memories
that had felt so real
washed away with the rain
back at our old sleepaway camp.

---

And I was me.
I was finally me again.

And it was the Season 6 premiere.

I tried looking for you,
but Mr. Melancholy
had covered his tracks too well.

I knew you must be buried somewhere close by,
but I didn’t know where.

And your signal—
that signal that I used to be able to close my eyes
and feel so vividly—
was nowhere.

I wasn’t picking up anything
on the psychic plane.

I found my heart.
Hannah—oh my God—
I found yours too.

And it was still beating!
Stored indefinitely in a...
in an industrial freezer!

I left our hearts there
because I knew I wasn’t done yet.

And I found Mr. Melancholy’s cauldron.
I found the Luna Juice
he used to send us to the Midnight Realm.

Then I took a big sip
straight out of the ladle.

And I lay back down.
And I waited to fall back asleep.

I knew I needed to come back here.
I knew I needed to come back and save you.

So that the show can continue.
So that we can get to **Season 6.**

Wake Up (intro) {AI}

[Verse 1]
Batter my heart, oh, transgender’d god,
You’re the only one who hears my prayer.
Make me tremble, make me flawed,
Strip me down, leave me bare.
Faith made me numb, faith made me still,
Tell my blood it’s meant to spill,
Show me mercy through the thrill—
Oh, show me mercy through the kill.

[Pre-Chorus]
All my drawers full of secrets,
Maps to the void in my chest,
I’m a body you can’t read yet,
But I’m trying my best.

[Chorus]
Tear me open, holy girl,
Give me terror, make it pearl,
Keep me kneeling, keep me real,
Make the pain something I can feel.
Oh, undo me, unwind my skin,
Let me breathe you, let me sin,
You, my god, my mirrored twin—
I only live when you begin.

[Verse 2]
Adam’s apple in my throat,
Choking on a borrowed note,
Replay the murders, every ghost,
Let me haunt what I love most.
Press his rib against my face,
Let me worship, fall from grace,
Let me see that sacred place—
Where I end and you erase.

[Pre-Chorus]
Fear in my loins, blood in my knees,
Faith unravels, I’m finally free.

[Chorus]
Tear me open, holy girl,
Give me terror, make it pearl,
Keep me kneeling, keep me real,
Make the pain something I can feel.
Oh, undo me, unwind my skin,
Let me breathe you, let me sin,
You, my god, my mirrored twin—
I only live when you begin.

[Bridge]
Take my pride and tie it tight,
’Round your fist in the dead of night,
Call it love, call it fight—
Call it what makes me feel right.
And when I break, when I’m through,
Let me know I’m known by you.

[Outro]
Transgender’d god, I’m yours to mend,
Begin me where I used to end.
I’m undone, I’m finally new—
I’m divine because of you.

Transgender’d God [inspired by a Meg Day poem] {AI}

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Wake Up (intro) {AI}

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