soul

deep end

8/23

lyrics:
you only call me when you're drunk
you only text me when you're high & all alone
and after all these years i'm stuck
and i'll come over with the message from my phone
cause you told me
it's not what it seems
but it could be
you're pulling the strings to control me
just a puppet and the master
and i'm wrapped around your fingers
is it obvious, i'm falling for you
need no audience to tell you the truth
i'd do anything just to make you mine
oh, this time
oh, this time
and it's obvious i live in a dream
where everything is not what it seems
and i'd do anything just to make you mine
oh, this time
oh, this time
oh, this time
oh, this time
you told me
it's not what it seems
but it could be
you're pulling the strings to control me
just a puppet and the master
and i'm wrapped around your fingers

puppet master

spent the summer of 2022 making this. wrote the original draft in 2021. not much compared to what i can do now, but i figured it was worth putting out since there's a bit of an emotional attachment for me. Represents a different era of my life

yes the export/sidechain is glitched because the file is corrupted and i could fix it by jumping through some technical hoops, but it's been like that for so long i kind of just consider it part of the song

ann j gardner canyon park 2012

(plays are botted)

prod.me

i move, i move flawless
talk down to my brothers 
we gon' pop shit
telling me to shut up
i ain't toxic 
yea, find the key to shit
but i ain't lock it 
up ...
i don't move back
they know that i'm done
why you so mad? 
why you so sad? 
did you think i'm dumb?
if you doubt yourself ...
guess i already won 

i could NEVER fail
do this shit twice
i don't need help
yea, you see me goin up 
don't know how to feel
yea the message still stands
HOPE YOU GET WELL

cuz i move i move flawless
cuz i move i move flawless
cuz i move i move flawless
i move. 

[-50]

flawless

produced by me
written/mixed/mastered by me
cover illustration by server (https://serverxyzz.carrd.co)
interpolates jishoumushoku by sasanomaly

[lyrics]
~verse 1~
i like to keep things close to the same
got personal problems adapting to change
i always plan things so far away
but when i get started its far too late
i like pretending i know what to do
like if i really feel at home then itll all come true
i like pretending ive made it on my own
when it could all end with a phone call home

~bridge~
god, its so hard
to juggle all the things that have been handed to me
but i cant stop
ive got to get back up

~chorus~
so im step, step, stepping it up
im catching up in a rush
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
step, step up and jump
im reaching up and above
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop
maybe i just need something,
something to keep me down
it feels so lonely when i dip
my head into the clouds
this gravity's too open
sometimes i miss the ground
it feels so weird to kiss the earth
i wanna get right back to
step, step, stepping it up
im catching up in a rush
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
step, step up and jump
im reaching up and above
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop
(step, step, step step it up)
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
(step, step, step step it up)
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop

~verse 2~
i try to sleep well, but every night
i cant shake the feeling im wasting time
ive gotta sink before i can fly
but im still afloat and i dont know why
maybe its all gonna slow way down,
thats all i can hope for, but i still dont know
i roll with the punches, i live in the now
i take a step forward and i double back

~chorus~
so im step, step, stepping it up
im catching up in a rush
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
step, step up and jump
im reaching up and above
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop
maybe i just need something,
something to keep me down
it feels so lonely when i dip
my head into the clouds
this gravity's too open
sometimes i miss the ground
it feels so weird to kiss the earth
i wanna get right back to
step, step, stepping it up
im catching up in a rush
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
step, step up and jump
im reaching up and above
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop
(step, step, step step it up)
im always some ways away
from where i wanna end up
(step, step, step step it up)
im always running away
when i dont know how to stop

Steps

hypnotized
if you come down to the garden we could verbalize
for the hollow of your mother
you could chase the time
and turn it into something else
all the things you did to me are poisoned
with immaculate intelligence that i feel
whoever told you that You can turn it down at godspeed

its ok now
but all i wanted was a feeling

one free fall
shutdown
rising me from the above
smacking me into the ground
if i could
i would let you know the truth
but all i see is staring at and waiting for me
cant let it decieve

all the morning routes
and the night sky
we're just falling out
in a new time
line the feeling
open my eyes
break the ceiling
as the wall cries
about meanings
no regarding
only live it
in the timelapse
and believe it
like do magic
like the kids we used to be

one free fall
shutdown
rising me from the above
smacking me into the ground
all i see is burning colors
i dont wanna see the light

Break the pen
I dont wanna play nor pretend
That we could be something that would work
Only if we break all the amends
I dont wanna have you as a friend and i dont wanna hear from you again
Everything thats been on your mouth
You can let it have some air
I fall through the pieces of the glass
Always on my phone but left on read
I dont wanna feel like im a mess
But i really think that im a mess
I dont wanna have you as a friend and i dont wanna hear from you again
Everything thats been on your mouth

https://www.instagram.com/p/C-99kt1MsWI/

soft

art: @xaev 
prod.me 

she said it's cold but i wanna 
hear the wind outside, and i'll 
act like it's my birthday but
i'm not alright

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

she said it's cold but i wanna 
hear the wind outside, and i'll 
act like it's my birthday but
i'm not alright

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

just take what you want
i hate gain and loss
i've lost the whole plot

just take what you want
i hate gain and loss
i've lost the whole plot

close my eyes and i'll see

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

i don't wanna die
it's only sometimes
she says that i'm fine
it's all in my mind
i don't wanna die
i don't wanna die
it's only sometimes 

close my eyes and i'll see

just take what you want
i hate gain and loss
i've lost the whole plot

just take what you want
i hate gain and loss
i've lost the whole plot

close my eyes and i'll see

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

and i wanna die sometimes 
swap clothes? not quite
restart my life

close my eyes and i'll see

JUST TAKE WHAT YOU WANT
I HATE GAIN AND LOSS 
I'VE LOST THE WHOLE PLOT!!!!!!!!!!

close my eyes and i'll see.

gain & loss

Written by @hiisero, @ryanleahan & @trustt
Produced by @hiisero, @ryanleahan & @trustt
Mixed by @ryanleahan & @trustt
Mastered by @trustt

#2014Back

We made this in less than a day. (26/4)

[Intro: Ryan Leahan]
So won’t you go 
Go hang out with your friends
They’ll put the seeds in your hands
You found a reason to end you life, well
They found a spot to begin 
Well don’t you know 
Don’t you know in the end 
Were just the tracks that we spin 
So turn it up till the speakers blow
then I 
I wanna play it again 

[Pre-chorus: Ryan Leahan]
She's the girl divine 
Your always on my mine
Your the girl divine
She's always on my mind

[Drop: Ryan Leahan]
We’ll 4 ever love, we’ll 4 ever love again
We’ll 4 ever love, we’ll 4 ever love again

[Verse 1: Trustt]
"Just wait for a week
Just stay for a month"
But I feel so wrong
But I feel so dumb
Just go out
Oh god, why'd it get so hard now?
I feel so dumb

Tell me everything
Just tell me where to stay
I can't even eat now
I can't even sleep
So tell me everything
Just tell me where to stay
I can't even eat now
I can't even sleep


[Verse 2: Sero]
You find yourself, uh, 
looking for doors 
but they lead to the same damn place

You find yourself lying,
trying to keep trying
with a noose in your hands

You repent, you repent, you repent
while you wish to be someone else
You say "mother, I'm sorry"
I desire for one day to be the one

[Pre-chorus: Ryan Leahan]
She's the girl divine 
Your always on my mine
Your the girl divine
She's always on my mind

[Drop: Ryan Leahan]
We’ll 4 ever love, we’ll 4 ever love again
We’ll 4 ever love, we’ll 4 ever love again

[Outro: Trustt]
just hold on, cuz waiting forever
hurts more than missing you
and white grass, painted all over
our spring is meant for two
wait up, you're fading too fast
my eyes can't catch your moves
and white tracks, painted and older
this seat, i left for you

girldivine (with Ryan Leahan & trustt)

fallinflame

prod. me 

i watched the truman show and had a depressing existential epiphany
                  
   if this blows someday i wanna make a music video
     
  lyrics                                  
     
______________________________________________________________
call it progressive overload but i dont feel like im progressing

claim ill forever be alone if i dont learn all of these lessons

life is tearing me apart limb from limb just like a twister

and shes playin with my heart peelin slowly like a blister

cause i feel defeated and i want all this to end

conversations heated now they all want me dead

uh uh woah oh

they all want me dead (alot of times)

why do they all want me dead?

("your a dirty demon get away")

climax

call it progressive overload but i think im progressing way too much

im still alone but all these lessons helped me learn and stuff

lifes done tearing me apart and now i know im an emotional f***

("theres no reason to change")

("this is the only way")

deep end

ria

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