I’m not suicidal I just hate to exist
a pessimistic piece of shit doesn’t care if he’s missed
it don’t matter, what you say anymore 
I’ve reached the point of fucking breaking screaming out through the door
 
what if I stay, would you tell me I’m ok and just stray 
further down that path until we just break
you start to tell me that it’s just too much to fake
you need to focus on yourself so stay away
 
yeah, so tell me why I never see the bright side of life
I’m barley hanging by my fingertips they’re burning with fire
the ground below is way too far if I fall I won’t be fine
and when my face impacts on rocks they’ll probably say that I died
 
but I didn’t, I’m still here, 
the cracks in my skull have appeared
I scream out, to nowhere
I see death, make me disappear
 
I never, I never thought I be stuck forever
together, together, take my hand face the pressure.
get better, get better, on your knees for their pleasure
we sever, we sever, emotions like what ever 
 
the rain falls down 24 hours a day
it never stops, see it rising as it starts to decay
the walls around, warping floorboards with age
it’s like I’m stuck in the place; there’s no time here so just stay away
 
cus everything brings back the memories, 
sometimes I wish I died in that car crash just let me be
but I can’t change the fact from fiction if I can’t tell what is real
like who am I, I don’t know I can’t feel
 
I know I’m trapped behind the glass of crt monitors
the static breathes inside my conscious, built upon promises
notice my head just starts to turn and looks me straight in the eye
I see someone who isn’t me turn back and give me a smile
 
well, that’s it, I’m still here
the one who breathes is the one that I fear
I scream out to nowhere
the glass cracks as I disappear

Coal Mine

LEDs blind me
yeah, stigmatism covers up what I wanna see
when I’m looking at your pretty face, yeah you got me
wrapped around you little fingers yeah, my soul was free for the taking
 
it’s like what did you mean I didn’t get it
stuck in the past with my obsession
got a collection of memories 
burn them on the wall for all to see
 
it’s like what is that smell my flesh is burning
stuck in the tide I see you turning
fragments of wood sticking out your flesh
the void is leaking from my chest
 
my friends now covered in the dragon’s rot
they didn’t seem to mind that I was stuck
with the crows above calling out my name
didn’t seem to matter how much I changed
 
loved ones passed out in the burning house
smoked bellowed in my lungs and I’m left in doubt
like was I the one to start this flame
didn’t mean to burn out now nothing remained
 
now the clouds above are looking at me
filling their guts with my pity
crying out loud, I’m smothered in shame
resurrection the love I called pain
 
now the fragile bodies pile up like logs
turn my back on my problems cus I know its a lot
this reality is nothing that I could dream
guess misery has finally found his peace

I guess the person that just I really miss is me
yeah, what have I become
misery just finds a way to seep into me
I guess it’s time to say that I’m done
 
every day is suffering so please won’t you leave
you only care to know that you’ve won
sink into the past to find that memories haunt me
this wasn’t something that could be love

sick of me, sick of us
yeah, every time I try to
explain it I seem to rot
yeah, fake friends corrupt
 
yeah can’t get grip on myself fingers are shaking losing patience
of me and the place I call home from the start I was just alone
lather myself in drugs to feel nothing cus it better then feeling something
cus I don’t want to feel this anger again from a childhood where I didn’t understand
 
the consequences of being different pushed aside there was no interest.
of understanding who I could be and who I became
until I met you I thought you were everything that I deserve
you brought hell to my mental state I didn’t think it could get worse
 
down here now in the abyss I see friends are suffering  all the same
burning out our mental trauma from the bones of family ones that lay 
when the osulouths come down and change the forms that we try to portray
distorted figures is what became, no face could recognize the pain.
 
how do we survive when we don’t understand the person in front of us
disgusted by reflections of everyone that just seem to pass.
now time doesn’t wait for now one, so we ignore the issues and drown it out
so, we live in constant agony fill us to the brim aching doubt

I miss me

Rise up from the rubble, there's no ground to stand
The promise of it getting betters just bland
You come to my home where I chose to withdraw
This battle inside isn't something that's fought
 
This towns now deserted since they shut the gate
They covered their faces while we got betrayed
You find you're still standing above your own flesh
I thought I was happy, I guess this ain’t it
 
That's when I turned around at the sound of a voice
You’re saying I’m glad that I’m finally here
Still don't know where I am really 
If I think about it, then it's clear
 
This place is where you go after
you get consumed by your doubt
And that voice I heard starts to guide me
And leads me outside this house
 
This is where you left your family
Tell yourself that they never cared
Here's where you stay, and you'll suffer
Until your bodies repaired  
 
It feels like time never changes
Since night seems never to come
And now your left here in limbo
I ask yeah what have I done
 
I never wanted it to be like this,
I didn't think that I was going to be missed
I thought I’d be happy but this isn't it
And now I realize, I’ve left my soul in a pit
 
It doesn't matter anymore I already chose to quit
Selfishly just cut my ties as I am found in a ditch
Tell myself if I had stayed, I would have still just done it
I’m all alone, into the depths I submit
 
I don’t really get it but my skin just flakes
Overwhelmed by flowers I burst then decay
As insects crawl inside, they gather within
They salvage what’s left of me, I just can’t win
 
Become isolated I’m one with the fear
That dissociation never disappears
And when I open up, I get ostracised
I think somethings wrong I guess that’s not a lie
 
I just try to reach for help out there, but there was nothing for me to grasp
heart held fast but I could never fathom, just how long despair would just last
like what are you stupid, none of this is real, come closer and soon you will feel
the judgment of ones who said they’d be there, with that it all became clear
 
and when I woke up bandages surround me, I guess this time they’ll same I’m sincere
And when I told them I am not coping, you know they won’t interfere
Just lock my mental state up in a capsule, hiding it will make you feel real
All it did was numb me out, until I knew that I was not here

Let the fire consume me

Come to in a bathroom tub, waters on, frozen I’m stuck
can't believe I'm here again, broken arms I can't pretend
that it's just normal to be pacing these hospital rooms
tryna search for something but every time I get a little closer, I'm consumed.

wake up, wake up
You’re floating above the sky, you think the clouds are rushing past
you feel like you’re just alive, for once in your life,
but that's just it, it builds up and then you fall upon knives, like what’s up

Worst part of it, I’m just repeating myself over and over and over again
nothing changes; I just stay, try to get up it's too late
set on fire, melted down, regenerated these flames are bound
to soul when I am found, I'll be screaming without a sound

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

Welcome to hell you said. didn't imagine it'd be like this
gone unfed, can't afford to eat, yea this world is far from bliss
blessed above with dissociation, try to get a grip losing patience
as you push your nails through my hands, flinching back I didn't understand

yeah, there’s no meaning to it; you just enjoyed it
see my face fill with pain, breaking bones to remain
Yeah, to be the one you’ve chosen, my eyes are frozen
on seeing your smile decay, grind me down you betray

and there’s just me, laying in this bedroom alone
and sometimes I hear the noises scratching at the walls they beckon and call
yeah just to see some type of change, they want me to cave so they can control
what's fucking left of this body as I drink myself a hole, and you say

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

University Telephone Hotline

STREAM

DREAD

LYRICS:
(you don't care at all, 
no you don't care at all, 
no you don't care,
no you don't care, 
no you don't care at all...)

I was sixteen taking too much adderall
Mixin two pills, two pills didn't care at all
But lately, I been itchin for a hit again
I remember better days I'm back up on my shit again
White stained gloves, we done both made up
If I hold your tongue, will you spit back blood?
If I tell your truth, will you lie on mine
I got toxic fumes, that you read online

And I won't ever be the same
I been fucked up haven't slept in days
Gave you everything there's nothing left to save
Cause I'm gone now, I'm gone now
And I can't stand to see your face
When I break down you don't feel a thing
I tried but no one can relate
Cause I'm gone now, I'm gone now

I was eighteen mixin with the mannitol 
We were really down bad but I didn't care at all
It may seem like I'm never gonna let you in
I been doin fine I been back up on my shit again
Nights made up of your broken trust
If we just cut ties then we won't hate love
If I tell your truth will you lie on mine
We got toxic fumes that I spread online

And I won't ever be the same
I been fucked up haven't slept in days
Gave you everything there's nothing left to save
Cause I'm gone now, I'm gone now
And I can't stand to see your face
When I break down you don't feel a thing
I tried but no one can relate
Cause I'm gone now, I'm gone now


toxic fumes

toxic fumes (prod. dercept x ayoley)

If I Disappear

Rivilin Socials:
https://rivilin.com/
https://www.instagram.com/RivilinOfficial/
https://soundcloud.com/rivilin
https://open.spotify.com/artist/3Zx6YOsYHf5uj5xvnNhhgL?si=4e6bdfa691f847a0


Broadus Socials:
https://www.broadusmusic.com/
https://www.instagram.com/broadus972
https://soundcloud.com/broadus972
https://open.spotify.com/artist/7CIMNFNrpE8Ta9hMVhE162?si=wrNsDKQkTIieVuCQtanK6w


(Broadus)

Nothing left to lose  
But we stay stuck abused


You got something else to say 
I see nothing but a stain 
Spit it out and burn away 
You’re a waste of fuckin space 

Ash my life out 
I treat my mind like I’m the prey 
Hunting me down 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame

Ash my life out into the tray 
I treat my mind like I’m the prey 
Hunting me down we’re in the grey 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame 

We burn so bright then thrown away 
Dancing around in this ballet
We put our crowns on to display 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame 

(Rivilin)

Yeah, so crucify me out on the cross, you know that I never learn
You set the kindle ablaze, see watch my skin start to burn
Is this it? Is this all you have to give?
You're nothing but a senseless waste of time, I raise from this pit

I'm coming back, I'm the illness that's inside of you, I'm digging in your skin
I will show you what you could have been, break the bones in your shin
As we left you there, yeah grovelling, you'll find nothing within
Just a hollow empty spectre, yeah you never put all in

(Broadus)

Ash my life out into the tray 
I treat my mind like I’m the prey 
Hunting me down we’re in the grey 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame 

We burn so bright then thrown away 
Dancing around in this ballet
We put our crowns on to display 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame 

There is a nightmare living under the surface 
9 pounds to cut isn’t enough I have to go to the bone 
I treat my mind like I’m the prey 
Hunting me down 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame

Ash my life out into the tray 
I treat my mind like I’m the prey 
Hunting me down we’re in the grey 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame 

We burn so bright then thrown away 
Dancing around in this ballet
We put our crowns on to display 
No right or wrong we’re both to blame

Both To Blame

DESPAIR

SOUNDCLOUD EXCLUSIVE

Produced By. Cristalbeach
Engineered By. Baby Gos

You’re so rare i kinda like it 
The time we spend it feels so priceless 
and when im with you im left so mindless, spineless, baby you’re a virus  

Where did we go wrong let’s find out love 
I don’t think i can be without your touch 
Some days I put on a great brave face 
But deep down inside i just miss your grace 

You’re so rare i kinda like it 
The time we spend it feels so priceless 
and when im with you im left so mindless, spineless, baby you’re a virus  
I gotta stare you got that brightness 
That special touch you got like midas 
Girl you left me in a crisis, lifeless left with all my vices 

(I’m not there) 
And I Can’t even breathe 
(I’m not here) 
I see her on the street 
(I don’t care) 
Her smell it smells so sweet 
(Life ain’t fair) 

i grit my teeth and grin 
i’m in a world of sin 
i be clawing at my neck tryna escape my skin 
i got these evil thoughts
i’m stuck in tangled knots 
watch me put this fork inside the socket, play with watts  

You’re so rare i kinda like it 
The time we spend it feels so priceless 
and when im with you im left so mindless, spineless, baby you’re a virus  
I gotta stare you got that brightness 
That special touch you got like midas 
Girl you left me in a crisis, lifeless left with all my vices 

You’re so rare i kinda like it 
The time we spend it feels so priceless 
and when im with you im left so mindless, spineless, baby you’re a virus

virus [prod. cristalbeach]

cover me red
off with your head
the truth is i couldn’t care less if im dead
a bouquet of roses the color that i bled
i never wanna love again it never seem to last
the place where we met 
your face when you left
we can see the stars and the moon from the ledge
now you gotta let me go i’m hanging by a thread
never wanna let you go forever in the past

hands on my body
i love how you hate me
hearts on my shawty
i bend so you break me
i don’t wanna get no blood on your sweater
if you’re lying then i’m crying and we’re dying together

sweater song (leak)

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM