track 4 of Self Titled Album
@carlby
prod. metlast x 5head <3

lyrics:

stuck here for a minute tryna figure shit out
looking at the edge and i dont know how
im gonna get thru all this shit
idk how to deal

cuz my mind is hell
yeah im a little bit unwell
stuck inside this cell
all i do is repell
they all say that i need some help
but they cant even figure their own shit out....
woah oh...

(carlby)
they cant even figure their own shit out
there's a hell in my head
like im peele ima get out

got a lot of problems from the trauma
maybe i was born sick
maybe this is karma

like paying for the sins of my father
but i dont wanna die a martyr
with every hit i take
i grow stronger 
with every passing day
i wear out my stay a little while longer

they cant even figure their own shit out
now they wanna tell me how to fix myself
im stuck in my mind and im tryna get out

Spotify

my mind is hell (feat. Carlby)

thanks for listening <3
prod by king theta

lyrics:
My life is a movie shot by Ari Aster
Hard to stay on script like an actor
Nothing really matters
What's the point when it ends in disaster
Theres no happy ever after
Cut! I need quiet on the set
Cause there'e a mother fucking riot in my head
I, I just wanna do my best
But honestly I don't know how much better it can get
I can't act right without direction
Every time I speak I hate every fucking sentence
I forgot to mention
I'm doing better that's a point of contention
I guess I never learned my lesson

Scratch that, I think we need another flashback
Way before I ever turned to a jackass
Doing good is something that I'm bad at
I'm a joke go ahead and cue the laugh track
Lights, camera, action
It fell apart before it ever happened
It's the story of my life and its tragic
Demons in my head and I'm trapped at the cabin

Close your eyes and count to ten
This is where the story ends
I'm all alone lost all my friends
There's whispers in my head again
I hear voices coming from the shadows
Saying that I'm worthless
Calling me an asshole
It's like I'm swimming up stream, no paddle
My life is a never ending battle

I feel like something's after me
I'm followed by catastrophe
I woke up from a nightmare nauseous
Now I hear noises coming from the closet
Life's like walking barefoot on a spiked floor
I'm just another point you added to your high score
My tongue's tied and you always seem to bite yours
My heart is racing and I hope it's on the right course
I only feel fear and loathing
Black hole my hearts imploding
It's hard to keep the camera rolling
Game over a new one's loading

Lights, camera, action
It fell apart before it ever happened
It's the story of my life and its tragic
Demons in my head and I'm trapped at the cabin
Scratch that, I think we need another flashback
Way before I ever turned to a jackass
Doing good is something that I'm bad at
I'm a joke go ahead and cue the laugh track

Close your eyes and count to ten
This is where the story ends
I'm all alone lost all my friends
There's whispers in my head again
I hear voices coming from the shadows
Saying that I'm worthless
Calling me an asshole
It's like I'm swimming up stream, no paddle
My life is a never ending battle

My life is a never ending battle
My life is a never ending battle
My life is a never ending battle

quiet on the set! (prod king theta)

A slow, deep rap-drum track driven by heavy 808s and crisp hi-hats at 70 BPM.  
A heart drawn on frosted glass becomes a fragile, repeating emblem of love.  
Images of melting ice, dawn light, and remembered warmth blend into hopeful longing.  
The chorus is a simple, poetic refrain — a small letter carrying breath and heat.  
Sparse, atmospheric production frames an intimate, reflective vocal delivery.

Thawing Heart (Тающее сердце)

I just want to take a moment to thank Swoon. for making this song with me ages ago. This song has been kept in the vault far too long and I hope you all love it!! You are all so amazing, more songs soon to come!! 
Shoutout @hkfiftyone2 for mixing our vocals <3

Lyrics-

Yung van:

You said that you were happy but you're not
You said that you would love me but you won't
I called you on your phone but you not home x2
You already know, that I have go
I left you a note, in your raggy coat
Tried to call your name, but you walked away
Tried to call your name but you walked away
I miss the nights were yeah
We would drive in my car
I miss the dates were we could stare at the stars
But I have to go, fate is calling me
But I have to go, one day you will see
Look in to the sky, I will wait for you
We can be together if you wait for me
You already know, that I have go
I left you a note, in your raggy coat
Tried to call your name, but you walked away
Tried to call your name but you walked away
When your feeling down, look into the sky
Think of me and you, you don't need why
You will always be something more to me
Yeah you will always be something more to me

Swoon:

get up, go leave, now
our love is through now, I can't believe you
all of the time, I spent in my mind
was wasted on you
I'm gonna miss you, I wanna kiss you
I will remember you
I'll be gone by the night, you can turn on the lights
but I won't be by your side
get up, go leave, now
please, just get up, go leave, now
our love is through now
I said our love is through now...

SPOTIFY LINK

Something More w/ swoon. (prod. ELIESG)

guitar by : @waitingoncisco

lyrics:

i could be fake too
just not how i make do
it's not that i hate you 
well i don't know
hard to be great you know 
it's hard to be grateful
it's hard to be thankful
so i don't show
you know we all hurt it's just life
baby i get lost in the midnight
we all got problems i just admit mine
at night my eyes wont close

if i'm a star i'm burnt out and looking down
just cause she love me right now
don't mean she'll always be around
always stoned and in my house 
don't got nobody i can count on 
just stay tucked off by myself
oh i 
only get in my zone when i get on my own
all alone
she hit me up at all
and i shut off my phone
i go ghost
i swear she got those words you feel in your bones
who would have known
the prettiest face would have the ugliest soul

yeah but im a loverboy what'd you expect from me
i swear pretty girls will be the death of me
step to me i'm in the sky
baby i been hearing lies 
all my fucking life
so i always treat them nice
so when they fuck me over i don't even think twice
i just cut em off i don't even want a slice
imma leave her blocked
wish my heart weren't so soft 
wish you weren't my first fuck
all the shit is so dumb

now i just find safety in how 
these memories start all fading
put a knife inside my back
then ask why i'm so filled with hatred

anything but give you space and i'd rather erase myself
put the hurt of my back
chasing feeling's never helps

i could be fake too
just not how i make do
it's not that i hate you, 
well i don't know
hard to be great you know 
it's hard to be grateful
it's hard to be thankful
so i don't show
you know we all hurt it's just life
baby i get lost in the midnight
we all got problems i just admit mine
at night my eyes wont close

ghostboy. (with waitingoncisco)

9TAILS - Dont Leave Me

A single from the upcoming EP 'Syrup Tape'

when i cant high i just fall asleep
been in the same bed now for 13 weeks
and i dont really care if you think of me
but thats the fuckin lie that i always speak

i been rollin up these blunts and smokin plenty of weed
i been abusin all this syrup cuz i cant get no sleep
and i been searchin for some pills to kill the devil in me
and maybe if im lucky find me dead in the street

i always run away everytime you get close
you try to help me out i know you do the most
but maybe i should leave maybe ill be a ghost, i know its better for your health i never been diagnosed

i sit and pay attention all the shit that you do
say you got some big dreams so go make it come tru
i know that you dont need me cuz you makin it through
i wish that you would hate me so you get up and move, on

you say that it can work but i know that it wont
you say you wanna spend your time just holding me close
you say you want me there so i share in your growth, but the truth is that im broken i gave up long ago

i know this shit so hard but there aint no other way
thats just what happens when you fall in love in a day
i wish that i could help you but dont know what to say
i tried to save myself but then got lost in the haze

cuz you know im a lost cause
im gettin money but im too flawed
shit too real so i gotta pause
i was better now i have withdraws, know we be good and we gon be alright
we just sip a lil syrup mix it up with the sprite
i just hate myself so much i cant take my own advice
so i turn into a cliche im the same as those guys

when i cant high i just fall asleep
been in the same bed now for 13 weeks
and i dont really care if you think of me
but thats the fuckin lie that i always speak

i been rollin up these blunts and smokin plenty of weed
i been abusin all this syrup cuz i cant get no sleep
and i been searchin for some pills to kill the devil in me
and maybe if im lucky find me dead in the street

lost

<3

Lyrics

-

Ive been running, Ive been keepin bout the same pace
A billion miles an hour, yet it feels like im the fake
Im bout to run into a wall, already at the stage
when I can feel my body drowning right before I'll break

No I don't wanna call my mother back, cuz I'm in pain
I wouldn't wanna make her worry over my mistakes

[Hook]
Oh how it is such a fucked up world, I miss
when not a problem in the world
could make me fall into the dirt

Oh how it is such a fucked up world, i wished
my life would never turn to be this sad
and watch it burn

Finally when I'm an adult ima make a change
Or so I thought but im the same as i was in 2008
I'll go insane if I dont know how it happened
But I'll get through this write my shadows away
Should keep on doing this, my beats always slappin
Another way for me of tellin I ain't gonna break

[Bridge & Pre-Chorus]
I fuckin love what I do and I'm tryna change
Im gonna live it out Imm gonna take my place
But not a soul than mine that I will make it chase
This life, it just ain't fair for anyone to face

I wanna know will I ever try to move on
Keep it up, and I don't think that ima last long
I get these questions, never know what to respond
It's kinda messed up, I don't know where I belong

I need somebody that my heart and mind can lean on
and Im a liar if I say this is my last song
I met my homies not a day that I regret this
My way of livin will improve if I stop actin

[Hook]
Oh how it is such a fucked up world, I miss
when not a problem in the world
could make me fall into the dirt

Oh how it is such a fucked up world, i wished
my life would never turn to be this sad
and watch it burn

where do i belong

"You can never be there for me like you did :(" - van

Demxntia: @demxntia
Mix/Master: @polearm
Prod by: @deadyami
Artwork: @Ihateshota (on twitter)

My Spotify playlist: https://tinyurl.com/yx9xprau

"Is Anyone Even There? ft. Demxntia (Prod. Dead Yami)”

Lyrics-

Chorus- 
I’m working hard on my self
Nobody ain’t even help 
I’m fighting this on my own
Don’t need anybody els 
Put my pride on the shelf
I’m reaching out for hand
Is anyone even there?
I doubt you would even care x2

Verse-
I doubt you would even care
If I came to you with my heart in my hand
You’d let me wait outside in the pouring rain
I want to feel loved, but it’s always the same 

Pre-chorus- 
You can never be there for me like you did
I haven’t felt love in my heart since a kid
I’m sorry if I burden you with all of my words
No matter what I do I’m still stuck with this hurt

Chorus- 
I’m working hard on my self
don’t need anyone else
I’m fighting this on my own
Nobody ain’t even help 
Put my pride on the shelf
I’m reaching out for hand
Is anyone even there?
I doubt you would even care x2

Demxntia/ 
it’s just me and myself in the end
even if i told u u won’t understand
don’t wanna burden my friends
don’t wanna hurt u again
never said i was heaven sent
everyone needs me for something
get what they want like it’s nothing 
can’t get a second to myself
lemme be myself for a second

Pre-chorus- 
You can never be there for me like you did
I haven’t felt love in my heart since a kid
I’m sorry if I burden you with all of my words
No matter what I do I’m still stuck with this hurt

Chorus- 
I’m working hard on my self
don’t need anyone else
I’m fighting this on my own
Nobody ain’t even help 
Put my pride on the shelf
I’m reaching out for hand
Is anyone even there?
I doubt you would even care x2

Is Anyone Even There?

Other Platforms <3

Is Anyone Even There? ft. Demxntia (Prod. Dead Yami)

staring at the ceiling where did things go wrong
searching for a reason jokes on you they're gone

formication don't feel right
that shit keeps me up at night
maybe im just losing my mind
or maybe i just need some rest
a quiet place, a different bed
and fuck it if i leave i won't come back

so go watch me burn let me bleed till im dead and gone
till there's nothing left but 'here lies' and my graves been dug
i'll still wait for you counting days moving one by one
till there's nothing left but 'here lies' and 'goodbye, so long'

im so sick of isolation im so sick of being sick
down myself another bottle grab the bong and fucken rip
you ain't ever had the feeling like your bones are caving in
the voices contradict my doings guess my times just running thin

so go watch me burn let me bleed till im dead and gone
till there's nothing left but 'here lies' and my graves been dug
i'll still wait for you counting days moving one by one
till there's nothing left but 'here lies' and 'goodbye, so long'

here lies

produced by: @yunnygoldz
featuring: @lilskeleskrrt

lyrics:

// flowrs // 

it’s so degrading 
the way you say that
you know what you want,
and you don’t want to love me

you’re so persuading,
i fuckin hate it
when you say those things
that you know 
fucking cut me 

our love is fading
and you’re evading
all these cloudy thoughts 
cus you’re so fucking lucky

just fucking say it
can’t catch a wave
so i’ll just stay afloat
cus you’re swimming above me 

fuck you,
fuck him 
fuck everything,
every thought,
don’t wanna ever think you’re fine,
i know i’m not 
tell me does he 
love you
the same way that you
loved me
i hope you fucking die 
i swear to god
i’ll kill you with my own two hands
you went too far 

but i’m here
and you’re there 
and you tell me 
that it’ll be okay 
you’re a tumour 
i can’t see you
but you kill me more
every single day 

// skele // 

it’s so frustrating 
how you push me away 
then you’re pulling me back by the end of the day 
it’s so annoying 
how u say that u need me 
then act like u hate me 
i’m tired of waiting 

so why u got act all mad for 
tell me that ur needing more 
why u gotta slam the car door 
n now ur taking off my shirt on your floor 
but i’m here 
and you’re there 
and you tell me that it’ll be okay
i don’t care

// flowrs //

but i’m here
and you’re there 
and you tell me 
that it’ll be okay 
you’re a tumour 
i can’t see you
but you kill me more
every single day

where do i belong

Robin Lucious