Rowan-P Synth V Songs

Video: https://youtu.be/NpAK0CCilmc
Music, lyrics, art by me
Vocals with Synth V Eleanor Forte Lite

Lyrics:
I'm so sick of my shit
And I bet everyone else is too
How long will it be until they
See I'm really of no use
All I'm good at is pretending
I know what I have to do
And even then I'm so afraid
The cracks will soon start to show through 

I can see the realization
On their faces in real time
I'm not who I claim to be 
And they're at the scene of the crime

They're all sick of my shit 
And I bet they talk behind my back
"Did you hear about this disaster"
"Knowing her I guess that tracks" 
I'm not good at anything that
Truly matters here and now
And even then I sacrificed
My future just to make this vow
And present just to break this vow

I can see the stress I gave them
On their faces 
It's all me
They'd all be so much happier
In that alt reality
Where I had listened the first time 
I heard the calling of the void
And never tried to play God 
And create you just to be destroyed 

I took on a destiny I knew would doom me
Why complain
Everything will fall apart and I'm the only one to blame 

I think the stress is gonna kill me if I don't do it myself
Like how I'm pretty sure that my reserves are long past their shelf life
Cause I'm like a DS that's been on blinking bright red battery
If I don't get plugged in this minute it's gonna piss off Resetti 

But when I answer for my sins
Nobody cares about my pain
They're a tough crowd to convince
Those vengeful souls on judgement day
Cameras capture all my failings
I insisted on the price
And made them act the parts of puppets
All because I rolled the dice

"Happy birthday piece of shit 
You had to drag us all to Hell"
I'm stuck inside the shoe that fits 
And that's all I'm allowed to tell

Sick of My Sh!t feat. Eleanor Forte Lite

Video: https://youtu.be/StT1i60LpZg
Music, lyrics, art by me
Vocals with Synth V Eleanor Forte Lite


Lyrics:
I'm addicted to the pressure
Because it's the only measure of success
That means anything to my mental illness

But no I find no pleasure
Not in anything ever to be fair
So why would this be different there

Pressure pressure gives no pleasure
But it tells me how to measure
Urgency emergency
All my tunnel vision can see

Pleasure pleasure gives no pressure
I'm not motivated ever
"Think of how good it'll feel" 
I can't chase something that's not real

I wish my teachers would just threaten to kill me
If I don't get this fucking thing done
Burnout builds my pressure tolerance
Stress is not enough so could you use a gun

Make me dodge a bullet
Point it and pull it 

I'm addicted to the pressure
Because it's the only measure of success
That means anything to my mental illness

But no I find no pleasure
Not in anything ever to be fair
So why would this be different there

Pressure pressure gives no pleasure
But it tells me how to measure
Urgency emergency
All my tunnel vision can see

Pleasure pleasure gives no pressure
I'm not motivated ever
"Think of how good it'll feel" 
I can't chase something that's not real
That's not real
That's not real
It’s not real
I’m not real

Pressure feat. Eleanor Forte Lite

Video: https://youtu.be/A0AZWNKiDPE
Music, lyrics, art by me
Vocals with Synth V Eleanor Forte Lite

Lyrics: 
The world isn't safe
And I don't know the rules of the game
That everyone plays 
So I watch my step and count my days

I make myself sick with concern
But the hard way is the only way I learn

There's so much I don't notice
I know only hypervigilance can save me
I'm alone and all I know is
There's just nothing that I'm able to do bravely 
When flight is not an option
And to fight would be obnoxious
I'm forced to proceed with caution
Stars will never grant my wish
To feel at ease and protected
So I wield my only weapon
It's all I've known ever since
Hypervigilance 

I've never found my place
Always a wannabe in any seat
I keep my eyes on the escape
Always have a plan B just in case

I break myself to carry the burden
Of being the one to get the last word in 

There's so much I don't notice
I know only hypervigilance can save me
I'm alone and all I know is
There's just nothing that I'm able to do bravely 
When flight is not an option
And to fight would be obnoxious
I'm forced to proceed with caution
Stars will never grant my wish
To feel at ease and protected
So I wield my only weapon
It's all I've known ever since
Hypervigilance 

But at a certain point I have to tell myself 
"Relax
You'll miss out if all you ever do is watch your own back
What exactly does people thinking mean thoughts at you do
If you assume the worst do you get a medal if it's true" 

But there's so much I don't notice
I know only hypervigilance can save me
I'm alone and all I know is
There's just nothing that I'm able to do bravely 
Flight is not an option
And to fight would be obnoxious
I'm forced to proceed with caution
Stars will never grant my wish
To feel at ease and protected
So I wield my only weapon
It's all I've known ever since
Hypervigilance 
Hypervigilance 

Although I can't do it bravely
Hypervigilance can('t) save me

Hypervigilance feat. Eleanor Forte Lite

No video yet (It will be a PV collab!!)
Music, lyrics by me
Vocals with Synth V Eleanor Forte Lite

Lyrics: 
Wasn't I supposed to learn
From painful partings of ways 
How did I somehow get worse
All that it taught me is I can't be trusted 
So instead of speaking I feel myself shake
Like I'm cursed 

It's moments like this when I realize I did it again
Treating all interactions like battles 
I let out a breath 
Tell myself they're my friends
But ask
Why am I still so fragile
The question
It's shameful 
So I try to hide all the evidence that this is something I grapple with
Even with time having healed me
I'm wondering why am I still so fragile

I dream that I'll confess that I fear you hate me
And you'll sigh and kiss me just to prove me wrong
Even then all that my brain will concede is that
Maybe it's only 99% sure and not 100% that you've wanted me dead all along 

It's moments like this when I realize I did it again
Treating all interactions like battles 
I let out a breath 
Tell myself they're my friends
But ask
Why am I still so fragile
The question
It's shameful 
So I try to hide all the evidence that this is something I grapple with
Even with time having healed me
I'm wondering why am I still so fragile

At least I never deluded myself 
Into expecting any of this to be enough 
I swear I won't be surprised if wealth
Nor fame never make me feel loved 

Looking back what did I learn
From painful partings of ways 
Other than how to be worse
What did it make me except for mistrusting 
Of everyone even though it's me that's cursed

I tip toe waltz through rooms as if there is glass on the floor 
But how did it get there
If it even matters
What shattered 
Is my fragile ego of course

Fragile feat. Eleanor Forte Lite

No video yet (WIP)
Music, lyrics by me
Vocals with Synth V Eleanor Forte Lite

Lyrics:
Your heart better be fluttering
At least half as fast as mine is
Then it'd be worth the stuttering 
And sudden silent shyness

Have I made enough excuses to hang around you
Do you notice my reaction to the sound of you

I keep thinking I have power but I don't 
I keep thinking I'll be brave and then I won't
It's an unanswered question holding me back
Before I can make my attack

Are you in love with me yet 
How much sweeter do I have to get
I'm falling for you with no safety net 
No poker face when I might lose this bet 
So tell me please are you in love with me yet 

I showed up in my best dress 
We had a heart to heart outside the bar
You took away my stress
And in doing so gave me more

But surely now you feel that fire when you look at me
You won't forget to treat me like a luxury

Are you in love with me yet 
How much prettier do I have to get
I'm falling for you with no safety net 
No poker face when I might lose this bet 
So tell me please are you in love with me yet 

Eh eh et 
Eh eh et

I just don't know how much it takes
To break through
Don't know the rules to your game
But I've been told that I'm confusing 
So maybe you feel that way too

I heard a rumor that your heart is kinda cold
But I hope I shouldn't believe everything I'm told

Are you in love with me yet 
How much more accomplished do I have to get
I'm falling for you with no safety net 
No poker face when I might lose this bet 
So tell me please are you in love with me yet

Are you 
Are you 
In love with me
Are you in love with me yet
Are you 
Are you 
In love with me
Are you in love with me yet

R U in luv w me yet feat. Eleanor Forte Lite

An alternate account for Vocaloid/Synth V music I make.
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIr9R4F2JmLTZ87mxB2fsgg