
so much for suzaku, so much for four, can hardly manage one
no legend, no falling of the dice in the favor I'd prefer
unlucky may i be
maybe im the misfortune
accept no help but wish always for it 
want more but look for naught but less
no method
i expect yet i do not do, or do i ever wish at all?
something i want, i do wish i already was so that perhaps i could do what i do better
im stagnant for the steps i take are in circular motion
vulture, and i am the carcass
i spill my guts across the sky as if rain falls at all in this barren desert brain
i am my ally and my enemy 
i am those who hate me and i am those who love me
these days those who love me are not stuck in the mind 
at least not the me that loves me
i do not use every tool i can
i actively avoid certain tools at times
all in favor of doing it my way
but will my way work out?
i say i do this to excuse my mind, to clear the fear ive left within
but fear grows and gets left behind
theres rot in my heart and smog upwards of the spine 
i have time
i have time
but i feel as if i have none
as if i dont have enough
is this purgatory?
a prison
a race track
everything is everything and nothing 
perhaps i only feel everything amounts to nothing
i fear my perception is distorted
does everyone see it? does it truly exist? 
i used to think i knew how to persist
but since ive seen my ability perish
off and on, to ash and dust sometimes it seems i dont know what i must 
i ask advice and give my own, yet i seem to forget or listen to none
helpless i hate feeling, yet too i feel solely responsible, like only i know how or only i can do
and its rancid
i hate the thoughts which fly my way
that is not me which resides inside
i will excise.it
these parts that rot
i cant fail now
after all this
i cant fail even in general
lifes a bitch
and i wont let myself be bitched
IM the one who should be bitching life
but no, im the collared dog
so to speak
in a way i am the bitch
i shouldnt be suprised
in fact perhaps i should get used to it
i should know
i feel i do know
this is how its gonna be
nothing can be done 
but in my current state i find it rather dim and so too are my eyes
grim is it
will i get used to it?
will i become what i wish to?
i almost wish i could see inside dates from another time
I want closure for that which has yet to happen
but i guess I'll just have to see it all myself 

stubborn, 

in pursuit of light

RythmSquid