composed / produced / mixed / mastered by sadfem
additional composition / instrumental production by Foxxy Dekay, kindy x, and swørd
lyrics / vocals / additional vocal production by BL00DSLIDE, grbageman, SURFIE SPICE, Mirrors For Princes, and Aphir
cover art illustrated by Foxxy Dekay / recoloured by sadfem

i think of this album as a reflection on having essentially given up on life. knowing you'll never catch up to your peers. fantasising about ending yourself but knowing you'll continue to passively exist. trying to make peace with it and find comfort, gratitude, and beauty in this harsh world.

then again maybe that's pretentious and retroactively imposed. i didn't make most of the tracks thinking their musical elements have a specific meaning, beyond the general mood they evoke alongside the samples of media that resonated with me in one way or another.

i didn't initially see the project ending up as ambitious as it did. it started out with a couple of tracks where i tried dabbling in some new styles and exploring more of the tools my recently upgraded music software provided. at one point i thought, maybe i'll put out a sort of idm ep with a bunch of anime samples. then i kept having more ideas until it ended up being my longest, most diverse and accomplished release yet. funny how something i started off not taking as seriously as previous albums led to substantially more experimentation and growth as an artist, i guess that's often the way. i'm satisfied that i managed to branch out my sound and alternate between varying combinations of genres that interest me, while still having the album sound fairly cohesive. i'm also really glad i got to collaborate with all the featured artists. thank you all.

i hope you'll take the time to listen to this album and that it makes you feel something.

Download

learned helplessness

samples WataMote (Watashi ga Motenai no wa Dou Kangaetemo Omaera ga Warui! / No Matter How I Look at It, It's You Guys' Fault I'm Not Popular!) episode 12

nothing has changed

zoning out

menhera [+ Foxxy Dekay]

failing

lyrics/vocals by @7blood7slide7
produced by me

lyrics:

drowning, still gone
i'm lost, still gone
fall through, in too deep
in too deep, i can't breathe

know my place, feel my shame
know my place, can't escape
even if i wanted to
there's nowhere to run to
don't know how to deal with it
don't know how to feel
all the pain, embarrassment
never fucking heal

chances that i can't take back
even if i wanted to
scars and crosses on my back
never thought i'd feel like that

in my place, all shame
can't escape, can't relate
don't know how to deal with it
tell me what's the deal

crushing me in
crushing me slow
embarrassed to the core
tell me where to go

all the shame
embarrassment

know my place, feel my shame
know my place, can't escape
even if i wanted to
there's nowhere to run to
don't know how to deal with it
don't know how to feel
all the pain, embarrassment
never fucking heal

put me down and in my place
feel the weight i feel the shame
put me down and in my place
put me down
down down down
down down down

i feel shame
all i feel is hate
i'm embarrassed 'bout this shit
no you can't relate

embarrassment [+ BL00DSLIDE]

lyrics/vocals by grbageman
produced by sadfem

lyrics:

it's a never ending summer
stuck in cyclical attatchments
can't think about forever
i wake up sweating and frantic
loveless and empty handed
i cannot expect anybody else to understand it

coming up and undercover
slipping in and out the static
can't even feel the pressure now
showed up to throw off your balance
it's not god it's magic
the patterns control us, i'm sick of your pedantics

you said it was bygones, still sleep with the lights on
acting rough and tough but where it lie, your loyalty?
have a feeling the horizon you painted us was biased
dressed up like a python, chameleon royalty

sitting pretty on your throne counting your diamonds
while outside there are burning homes
that energy gonna blacken your soul
mirror mirror turn you cold
though i thought that we could build a home

we were broke and bending summer into autumn into ashes
by then i rediscovered love and all of its advantages
you didn't seem too enthusiastic
if you don't want my company then you don't gotta have it
it's a joke, you claim the other then surprised you caught in traffic
insist you don't want fire but keep throwing matches

you said it was bygones, still sleep with the lights on
caught you in a bluff so where it lie, your loyalty?
wanna watch me juggle my troubles then add another
i know that you worried that i'll take it to extremes

what do you mean?
the proof is in the pattern recognition
either admit to it or listen

sitting pretty on your throne counting your diamonds
while outside there are burning homes
i know its something i don't know and its valuable
like it'll burn your throat liquid gold

have a feeling the horizon you painted us was biased
dressing like a python, chameleon royalty

pattern rec [+ grbageman]

Mv: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntclliTb9pk

https://soundcloud.com/evasion2k

So wsup den? u was talkin down on me
whoa, i got 2 kups fulla purple kodeine
yea im w sakuya4d, dats da team
Mane, i 5ee yall  do 2 muxh man its od
kant u jus pop out alr?
we walk him down for a pennny
bitxh hell yea im soo petty
im in gensokyo posted w 5emis
20 5hots, ye, 2 ur belly
dese 223s turn u 2 jelly
we gon walk him down, 
look fa opps we ridin round

ya flip pax like a proo now
yall fruity fuxk is a pronoun ?
east 59 gensokyo now
nah idt i gotta kixk does down
i was out here tryna 5moke reimu but uk dats rly my bro now
play w danmaku ye, its a 5howdown
i gotta watxh who i kall my bro now
pls dont kall my phone,
the feds watxhin on da lo
yea u falln off, like where did u go?
turn him 2 og, strains imma roll
long range, im totin dat skope
yea im on yo blokk boy, where'd u go?
im shippin xans frm mexiko
yea im under pressure, mite bend wont fold
ya i kame up, ya me n flandre we day 1s
yea im mailin reimu mud, u gon regret tryn akt tuff
ya im posted ousside w bloods
like a skab, im in da kut
im poppin dese xans idgaf
i went thru a lot, ya im so nummmm

So wsup den? u was talkin down on me
whoa, i got 2 kups fulla purple kodeine
yea im w sakuya4d, dats da team
Mane, i 5ee yall  do 2 muxh man its od
kant u jus pop out alr?
we walk him down for a pennny
bitxh hell yea im soo petty
im in gensokyo posted w 5emis
20 5hots, ye, 2 ur belly
dese 223s turn u 2 jelly
we gon walk him down, 
look fa opps we ridin round

MV Link

wsup den? prod evasion2k

phantom pain

mv! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T83bgtnazRg

@8clockwork
@discerning

swear they catchin up, u aint fuxkin know dat
this shit on my hip, gotta lotta blowback
brand new fuxkin whip, aint gon drive it slowly
aint pull up this time? 
we still gonna catch ya
bands inna mattress
know i keep a stack yuh
and im blowin packs yuh

im like why you front? im like why you playin huh
seen your friends above, so you betta start prayin huh
that aint whatchu want? thought youd understand yuh
i dont give a fuxk, about your demands
know we goin up, but im boutta land
hit remilia up, i said where the bandxz?
get up out the function, you is not my twin!
guess you outta luck, but, we still boutta win

blowback prod. clockwork + irony

Yea dis n old beat i brought it baxk
Yea ima plug kome 5hop wit me n getxho paxk
Inna trenxhes, gensokyoganistan
iain no villain boi u jus don understand
yea im w gang now
yea im Tryn sneak da 5trap in kant do patdowns
u trappin on our bloxk ? u get taxed now
Opp nigga, ya his ahh jus got ran down
I got 5pell kards, lil boa u gettn kast down

yea im kountin up my knots
remi bandxzz wat u got ? i got a lot ,
ya ya im wit sakuya, servin fiends, at da spot
Its still free my niggas dat b loxked up innat box
Yea ay gloxk turn him to red mist
yea im w flan, she got aim , sheain gon miss
No u kant b like yuyuko kant bring u baxk
when dem bulelts 5tart 2 fly u better b fast

i got fyeeee
ya , nigga why u always on my line ?
ya imma hang up on u if u dont buy
no ion needa get permission im takin wats mine
lunar paxk got me so friiiiiiieeeeddd
Jus popped a seal , i hada keep it real for all my ngs in da ffield
gaf bout nun but green , 5houtout 2spookedd we bleed
its 9ensokyo , 9 no g
sdm da family

3 bands on me , i spent 2 bands on lean
run up its rip nigga
kant keep shit frm me nihh
Im spenndin @ neimans
method hittin free, yea
u doin refunds, letxho pokkets bleed summmmmm

Yea dis n old beat i brought it baxk
Yea ima plug kome 5hop wit me n getxho paxk
Inna trenxhes, gensokyoganistan
iain no villain boi u jus don understand
yea im w gang now
yea im Tryn sneak da 5trap in kant do patdowns
u trappin on our bloxk ? u get taxed now
Opp nigga, ya his ahh jus got ran down
I got 5pell kards, lil boa u gettn kast down

Yea yea
ayyee
ya i got bloody buxks
I kant quit w da lean im poein up
me n all da drugs dun fell in luhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dis n old beat  prod xangang

run to her

music video

fall from grace

01. eleGG - 秒速 #breakcore2

kame up w/ egobreak prod egobreak yk remibandxz

feel w/ remilia bandxz (prod. yk)

►Twitter | http://twitter.com/Xintanifae
►Instagram | http://instagram.com/xintanifae
-----
►lyrics
hello my friends
i didnt know if i would see you again
'but i'm alright; i'm doing great!
just look at all the nice things that people are saying; proud be! 
mmm..
huh.

hello again
it's been a couple weeks, i'd say
but i'm so bad at keeping track of the-
~*~
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock

tick tock tick tock tick 

"im just joking!
but on a lighter note,
i *really* am better this time!
i *absolutely* swear it, this time!
i really can't believe how much i've changed;
i'm so far from that girl that was deranged!"

please dont talk about my sins to them,
or use me as a gossip trend
how could anyone understand how hard it is to swim with bands
around my hands?


i sink
and you stand there
staring at me with your eyes in disbelief?

but you dont see the devil in person;
at 5 in the morning
and you can't sleep because you're mourning yourself
because i forgot me on the shelf somewhere
invest in friends but no one really cares. 


~*~
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock


tick tock


TICK.

can you spot the lies?

natural born loser who makes electronica that integrates varying amounts of ambient, wave, dnb, breakcore, bedroom pop, trip-hop, digicore, and whatever else it could be labelled, underpinned by a distinct ear for melody, melancholy, and dreamlike atmosphere.

i also offer affordable mixing/mastering! my prices:
£15/single
£45/EP
£75/album

pattern rec [+ grbageman]

sadfem

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