and I don't really care if you get embarrassed~

may flowers

u ever meet someone n they make ur heart feel like mcdonalds sprite? bc same.

Lyrics:
i dont care if i get embarrassed
yeah for you, i feel impatient
start to shake, cant even stand
lemme hold ur hand...and make u feel the same way
---its the blood
that runs down my neck
beats hard in my freaking chest
i blush (i blussshhhhh)
and i dont really care if you get embarrassed 
---
i dont care if i get embarrassed
yeah for you, i feel impatient
start to shake, cant even stand
lemme hold ur hand...and make u feel the same way
----
its the blood
that runs down my neck
beats hard in my freaking chest
i blush (i blussshhhhh)
and i dont really care if you get embarrassed 
---
I NEED TO CHILL
I NEED TO CALM DOWN
but you know its hard!
when you wear a frown :(

I BLUSH

b l u s h

do u ever miss ur childhood? do u miss when ur parents would carry u from the car to ur room to sleep? do u miss the feeling of oblivious innocence which made everything magical? come take a depressing and nostalgic walk with me down memory lane, as we walk hand in hand into a world where we would rather much take a nap than be awake. 

Lyrics:
i took a nap today, didnt wanna be awake
x2

i havent felt this way since 1999
things were better and i never asked why
i know its hard but i try to stay positive

my neighbor totoro is playing on repeat
endless adventure is still waiting for me
my inner child has died but im positive

one day i will wake up
miss the things ive forsaken
one day i will wake up
one day i will wake up 

i took a nap today, didnt wanna be awake
---
i havent felt this way since 1999
things were better and i never asked why
i know its hard but i try to stay positive

my neighbor totoro is playing on repeat
endless adventure is still waiting for me
my inner child has died but im positive

one day i will wake up
miss the things ive forsaken
one day i will wake up
one day i will wake up 
---
FIEVEL!

i wanna dance in the fields yeah
i wanna play with the dolls yeah
go back to the time when i had it all
when id pretend to sleep yeah
in the back car seat yeah

(In the end you'd carry me,
but now I'm too big and your arms are weak)

(oh..would it kill you to make amends? i want it)
cause now i live, now i live in

fievel!
---
i took a nap today...didnt wanna be awake......









have u seen my childhood?

i took a nap today

i took a nap today (didnt wanna be awake)

sometimes u put all that u are and all u have to offer into pleasing the wrong person, now thats called being clowned. But going back to them after all that makes you the clown. think of it as PEMDAS, only more sad. anyways, i made a song about being a clown because apparently thats what i look like to everyone :( 

Lyrics:
Da da da da, da da da da
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
cotton candy heart
that dissolves with the slightest touch
this love looks like a carnival
cause im payin to win it all
---
i can be your best friend
maybe even lover
we can be fighters
we can hate eachother
u can say love me
then just let me down
lets just make a whole scene
i can play the clown
---
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
POP!
goes my heart
when ur having ur fun but im falling apart
when dreams come true the nightmare starts
go ahead eat my heart in two
cause i have nothing left for u :(
---
i can be your best friend
maybe even lover
we can be fighters
we can hate eachother
u can say love me
then just let me down
lets just make a whole scene
i can play the clown
---
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
i should probably trust my friend
when they say we aint a good fit
better listen to what my mama says
"no vengas a la casa con el"

but im so good at playing this part
that im tired of u breaking my heart
i cant wait till this day can end
so i can wakeup and have it happen again....

i can be your clown

Mr.Rogers played a big role in many peoples childhoods and lives. He taught us that no matter who you are, or how you look, we all deserve kindness and kinship. Sometimes I wonder, where exactly did all the positive things he taught us go to? The world kinda sucks rn ngl. When we grow older, so do our minds, but I don't think that the zeitgeist of childhood and inner innocence of wanting to love animals, toys and others just dissipates. That once we hit a certain age, all of those things become obsolete. I truly believe that is still within us all. Mr.Rogers taught us that, no matter how old you are, age does not define who you are, it's who you want to be, that defines who you are. So anyway, I love him and I made a song dedicated to him consisting of things he's said and also my take on childhood wonder & adulthood. Enjoy, my neighbors :)
-------------
Oooo,
Won't you be my neighbor?
x4

It's a beautiful day, won't you come out and play?
It's a beautiful day, in this neighborhood.
Say hello to friends (say hello to)
Open up your heart (open your heart)
See we're all different (see we're all different)
Well I like you just the way you are!
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
----
It's a beautiful day, won't you come out and play?
It's a beautiful day, in this neighborhood.
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
-----
we dont talk the way we used to
when we were kids and filled with life
we dont think the way we used to
cause now we're old and filled with strife
----
Say hello to friends (say hello to)
Open up your heart (open your heart)
See we're all different (see we're all different)
Well I like you just the way you are!
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
---
Won't you be my neighbor?

Won't you be my neighbor?

The sacrificing of years upon years of your own sanity, identity, individualism, self-esteem and all that you are, just to make others happy, yet somehow it still wasn't enough, remains a stain upon your soul. The turmoil you feel when someone disapproves of how you think, act or what you wear or look, is embedded into your head. It's the little voice of guilt that tells you that you shouldn't be selfish, despite needing a break from it all. It's the feeling of a burning fire when you realize that all these feelings, were not caused by you. It's the realization that all these years, you had a voice, but others suppressed it. you are not alone. you have a voice. no matter how much they cry, beg and scrape at your feet to make you come back into your isolated cage of defeat, understand that you would be better off on your own for a million years than to be with them. 
----
lyrics:

When I was born
endangered
looked around, saw a bunch of strangers

When I was kicked off
my life source
no one came to my rescue of course
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
--
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
---
Well i lived on
so hopeless
wanted to die and nobody knows this

but then i grew
into a diamond, forever hard inside but i'll keep on shinning
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
--
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point




National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
National Domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233

i'd rather be by myself (for a million years)

humans suck.

lyrics:

i'll be careful when i do it
i wont even make a sound

but dont tell my parents
cause i know they'll freak out
---
i dont want a second chance in life
why choose to be sad twice? sad twice?

i dont want a second glance of hope
well im hangin by a tightrope, tightrope
---
never fine
never could discuss
what was wrong
never good enough

never find
never could just love
without trust
never good enough
---
i kinda wanna die
---
I just know no one will miss me
its a thing where ive thought twice

and i hope you all feel guilty
cause i showed all the warning signs
----
i dont want a second chance in life
why choose to be sad twice? sad twice?

i dont want a second glance of hope
or maybe ill just let go, let go
---
never fine
never could discuss
what was wrong
never good enough

never find
never could just love
without trust
never good enough
---
i kinda wanna die
---
all of these people, dont know that youre hiding
all of these people, just know that youre smiling

i know its kind hard, what youre going through
cause youre just like me
im just like you

all of these people, dont know that youre trying
---
i kinda wanna die
---



stay alive for me

i kinda wanna die

BRUH i just found one of the first songs ive EVER made and i forgot just how good it was and how personal the lyrics were to me. the quality kinda sucks but oh well. its a bit lengthy as well but i encourage you all to take it as a song of healing. this song was a mantra i made when i was in highschool a while back which helped me with anxiety, worry and doubt. i turned it into a song about 3 years later and forgot about it. finding it once again helped soothe my soul. i hope you feel the same.  
im not sure what to label this song since the original file was blank, but all i know is that sometimes like a mustard seed i feel so small and unnoticeable, or so small to the point where i cant tell people my problems because just like me, my problems are insignificant as well. but i know there is someone out there who is willing to listen and heal me. whether it be by a deity, spirituality, nature healing or simply basking in silence, there will always be time for your healing. 

---
ive been feeling mellow
(mellow)
i just cant say hello 
(hello)
ive been feeling so small
(so small)
i just cant talk to you
(to you)
---
its so hard being under the dirt
i forget what iam and it leads to hurt
and i can feel theres a diconnect but i just know it aint over yet
----
like a mustard seed coming out the ground
you lift me up just so i can be found
and all these things you do are so profound
you lift me up before i drown
---
and it all melts away
---
ive been feeling okay
(okay)
to feel like i can live again
(live agian live agian)
when there's trouble in paradise
(paradise) 
all you gotta do is look me in the eyes
---
its so hard being under the dirt
i forget what iam and it leads to hurt
and i can feel theres a diconnect but i just know it aint over yet
---
oh, 
over yet
---
"guruguru mawaru,
sugusugu haichou"

uncontrollably
---
everybody's taking a chance
why can't i be like that
im just scared of the surface
if i get hurt is it worth it?
---
and it all melts away. 
---

like a mustard seed (it all melts away)

this is a reupload of my original anime boy song that I deleted! but I was recently inspired to post it back up once I saw someone do a cute video to it I was like omggg 💖💖💖💖 yall are too sweet!! this song is kinda a funny song about how obsessed with anime in general I'am since I was a kid, and my unhealthy obsessive crushes on anime boys lol. anywaayysss, sorry for my butchered Japanese! i haven't gotten the pronunciation down quite yet, but hey I sound pretty attractive with my guy voice don't u think? ;)

Lyrics:
oh, 
I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

---
I want to know you
I want to hold you

(wanna show my affection)
(its so damn infectious)

I want to see you
I want of feel you
(wanna show my affection)
(despite all the distance)
---
You and me could never be
Cause I know you're in a screen

Nothing else is guaranteed
but your love is real to me!

(real to me)
kissume
---
I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right
---
I want to know you
I want to hold you
(wanna show my affection)
(its so damn infectious)
---
You and me could never be
Cause I know you're in a screen

Nothing else is guaranteed
but your love is real to me!

(real to me)
kissume
----

i want my own anime boy :(

henlo. this is a song ive been working on for like a year on and off because I couldn't get the lyrics down, but now its finished! this song is called orange skies because the mix of sunset is sometimes orange, or sometimes the sky turns orang when there are fires nearby, and one can't tell the difference. orange skies, (this is a call for help) is a song based on bi-polar disorder and mental illness. i originally made this song for one of my family members who's was battling with suicidal thoughts, but as time went by i started to create the song with myself in mind as well when i have manic episodes. sometimes when u go through these things, you may not want to not tell anyone, and deal with it yourself, but you end up worse than before. sometimes people around u even contribute to these thoughts. you want to call for help, but what happens when you feel as though no one in ur life cares enough about u to even care? or to check up on u? i know this feeling all too well, its a very hard cycle. but in orange skies sometimes we have to pretend they are sunsets when our whole world is on fire. 
if you feel this way please contact: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Lyrics:
i want someone to realize, that this is a call for help
i want someone to realize, that this is a call from hell
--
i want someone to tell me, they'd miss me if i was dead
i want someone kiss me, and tell me that i matter to them
--
but what if no one notices I'm truly trying now?
what if its just wait to late and ill drown in my doubt?
don't wanna drag my family and friends in all my problems
ill shut myself away and hopefully ill somehow solve em
--
oh
don't wanna go through this
alone..
will anyone miss me? 
i want someone to realize, that this is a call for help
i want someone to realize, that this is a call from hell
--
can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I'm gone

can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I call?

I think its my fault cause i shut myself away, maybe its not my fault they ignore me anyway, i know its not my fault cause i feel this everyday and even if i died everything would stay the same
----
I am fully convinced that nobody wants me hear
that if i died tomorrow no one would shed a single tear
--
cause no one ever notices I'm never not around, no one really cares for me i dont call it a doubt, i really hate my family and friends they never bother, to check up on me now and then i guess ill never tell em
--
my left brain, isn't working right
my right brain has been on all night

i want someone to realize, that this is a call for help
i want someone to realize, that this is a call from hell
----
can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I'm gone

can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I call?

I think its my fault cause i shut myself away, well maybe its not my fault they ignore me anyway, i know its not my fault cause i feel this everyday and even if i died everything would stay the same
----
can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I'm gone

can anyone?
can anyone?
hear me when I call?
----

orange skies (a call for help)

Bloody Mary

i made this song within one day. its ab the spiritual phases humans go through in life, up until they find salvation and become a new creature. a fight between spirit and flesh. 

Lyrics:
No point in questioning, in the unknown
Wonders before, as they unfold
---
where your wounds are healed, and there's no more death
we'll be singing songs in eternal rest

where your wounds are healed, and there's no more death
we'll be singing songs in eternal rest
---
can't wait for the world to be telling my story
pull up to the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

can't wait for the world to be taking my stories
pull up with the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

(What is going on?)
(An evil was undone)
---
I can feel an evil was undone 
(I'm soaring on)
I can feel an evil was undone 
(I'm soaring on)
---
No point in questioning, in the unknown
Wonders before, as they unfold
---
where your wounds are healed, and there's no more death
we'll be singing songs in eternal rest

where your wounds are healed, and there's no more death
we'll be singing songs in eternal rest
---
can't wait for the world to be telling my story
pull up to the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

can't wait for the world to be taking my stories
pull up with the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

(What is going on?)
(An evil was undone)
---
I can feel an evil was undone 
(I'm soaring on)
I can feel an evil was undone 
(I'm soaring on)

Cleanse me with your blood, oh yee righteous one
Bring about the peace, we so desperately seek

Open your eyes
----
where your wounds are healed, and there's no more death
we'll be singing songs in eternal rest
----
can't wait for the world to be telling my story
pull up to the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

can't wait for the world to be taking my stories
pull up with the noise
(cause an evil was undone)

(What is going on?)
(An evil was undone)
---

Bloody Mary

my music is chicken soup for the sick soul. iam my own composer, lyricist, beatmaker, melody maker and creator of my angel beats.

b l u s h

salem

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