I got out of a toxic ass relationship not to long ago and this song I love it

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

I am a huge fan girl! follow you on everything!! it would be amazing if we could collab!!!

Damm that description was really powerful,

god is on my doorstep

u ever meet someone n they make ur heart feel like mcdonalds sprite? bc same.

Lyrics:
i dont care if i get embarrassed
yeah for you, i feel impatient
start to shake, cant even stand
lemme hold ur hand...and make u feel the same way
---its the blood
that runs down my neck
beats hard in my freaking chest
i blush (i blussshhhhh)
and i dont really care if you get embarrassed 
---
i dont care if i get embarrassed
yeah for you, i feel impatient
start to shake, cant even stand
lemme hold ur hand...and make u feel the same way
----
its the blood
that runs down my neck
beats hard in my freaking chest
i blush (i blussshhhhh)
and i dont really care if you get embarrassed 
---
I NEED TO CHILL
I NEED TO CALM DOWN
but you know its hard!
when you wear a frown :(

I BLUSH

b l u s h

do u ever miss ur childhood? do u miss when ur parents would carry u from the car to ur room to sleep? do u miss the feeling of oblivious innocence which made everything magical? come take a depressing and nostalgic walk with me down memory lane, as we walk hand in hand into a world where we would rather much take a nap than be awake. 

Lyrics:
i took a nap today, didnt wanna be awake
x2

i havent felt this way since 1999
things were better and i never asked why
i know its hard but i try to stay positive

my neighbor totoro is playing on repeat
endless adventure is still waiting for me
my inner child has died but im positive

one day i will wake up
miss the things ive forsaken
one day i will wake up
one day i will wake up 

i took a nap today, didnt wanna be awake
---
i havent felt this way since 1999
things were better and i never asked why
i know its hard but i try to stay positive

my neighbor totoro is playing on repeat
endless adventure is still waiting for me
my inner child has died but im positive

one day i will wake up
miss the things ive forsaken
one day i will wake up
one day i will wake up 
---
FIEVEL!

i wanna dance in the fields yeah
i wanna play with the dolls yeah
go back to the time when i had it all
when id pretend to sleep yeah
in the back car seat yeah

(In the end you'd carry me,
but now I'm too big and your arms are weak)

(oh..would it kill you to make amends? i want it)
cause now i live, now i live in

fievel!
---
i took a nap today...didnt wanna be awake......









have u seen my childhood?

i took a nap today

i took a nap today (didnt wanna be awake)

sometimes u put all that u are and all u have to offer into pleasing the wrong person, now thats called being clowned. But going back to them after all that makes you the clown. think of it as PEMDAS, only more sad. anyways, i made a song about being a clown because apparently thats what i look like to everyone :( 

Lyrics:
Da da da da, da da da da
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
cotton candy heart
that dissolves with the slightest touch
this love looks like a carnival
cause im payin to win it all
---
i can be your best friend
maybe even lover
we can be fighters
we can hate eachother
u can say love me
then just let me down
lets just make a whole scene
i can play the clown
---
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
POP!
goes my heart
when ur having ur fun but im falling apart
when dreams come true the nightmare starts
go ahead eat my heart in two
cause i have nothing left for u :(
---
i can be your best friend
maybe even lover
we can be fighters
we can hate eachother
u can say love me
then just let me down
lets just make a whole scene
i can play the clown
---
Clown
You'll always let me down
Clown
But I'll always come back around
---
i should probably trust my friend
when they say we aint a good fit
better listen to what my mama says
"no vengas a la casa con el"

but im so good at playing this part
that im tired of u breaking my heart
i cant wait till this day can end
so i can wakeup and have it happen again....

i can be your clown

Mr.Rogers played a big role in many peoples childhoods and lives. He taught us that no matter who you are, or how you look, we all deserve kindness and kinship. Sometimes I wonder, where exactly did all the positive things he taught us go to? The world kinda sucks rn ngl. When we grow older, so do our minds, but I don't think that the zeitgeist of childhood and inner innocence of wanting to love animals, toys and others just dissipates. That once we hit a certain age, all of those things become obsolete. I truly believe that is still within us all. Mr.Rogers taught us that, no matter how old you are, age does not define who you are, it's who you want to be, that defines who you are. So anyway, I love him and I made a song dedicated to him consisting of things he's said and also my take on childhood wonder & adulthood. Enjoy, my neighbors :)
-------------
Oooo,
Won't you be my neighbor?
x4

It's a beautiful day, won't you come out and play?
It's a beautiful day, in this neighborhood.
Say hello to friends (say hello to)
Open up your heart (open your heart)
See we're all different (see we're all different)
Well I like you just the way you are!
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
----
It's a beautiful day, won't you come out and play?
It's a beautiful day, in this neighborhood.
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
-----
we dont talk the way we used to
when we were kids and filled with life
we dont think the way we used to
cause now we're old and filled with strife
----
Say hello to friends (say hello to)
Open up your heart (open your heart)
See we're all different (see we're all different)
Well I like you just the way you are!
-----
Oh I can be your neighbor, neighbor oh
Won't you be my neighbor?
---
Won't you be my neighbor?

Won't you be my neighbor?

The sacrificing of years upon years of your own sanity, identity, individualism, self-esteem and all that you are, just to make others happy, yet somehow it still wasn't enough, remains a stain upon your soul. The turmoil you feel when someone disapproves of how you think, act or what you wear or look, is embedded into your head. It's the little voice of guilt that tells you that you shouldn't be selfish, despite needing a break from it all. It's the feeling of a burning fire when you realize that all these feelings, were not caused by you. It's the realization that all these years, you had a voice, but others suppressed it. you are not alone. you have a voice. no matter how much they cry, beg and scrape at your feet to make you come back into your isolated cage of defeat, understand that you would be better off on your own for a million years than to be with them. 
----
lyrics:

When I was born
endangered
looked around, saw a bunch of strangers

When I was kicked off
my life source
no one came to my rescue of course
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
--
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
---
Well i lived on
so hopeless
wanted to die and nobody knows this

but then i grew
into a diamond, forever hard inside but i'll keep on shinning
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
---
so dont go acting 
like you were the first person 
to acknowledge my persistence
and my personal experience

 i know your ego
wont let you go
but you should know that 
youre really not that great to make an impact on my livelihood
---
I'd rather be by myself for a million years
a million years

than have your way
and drown me in nothing but tears
nothing but tears
--
love me or dont,
love me or dont,
i dont care
at this point




National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
National Domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233

i'd rather be by myself (for a million years)

humans suck.

lyrics:

i'll be careful when i do it
i wont even make a sound

but dont tell my parents
cause i know they'll freak out
---
i dont want a second chance in life
why choose to be sad twice? sad twice?

i dont want a second glance of hope
well im hangin by a tightrope, tightrope
---
never fine
never could discuss
what was wrong
never good enough

never find
never could just love
without trust
never good enough
---
i kinda wanna die
---
I just know no one will miss me
its a thing where ive thought twice

and i hope you all feel guilty
cause i showed all the warning signs
----
i dont want a second chance in life
why choose to be sad twice? sad twice?

i dont want a second glance of hope
or maybe ill just let go, let go
---
never fine
never could discuss
what was wrong
never good enough

never find
never could just love
without trust
never good enough
---
i kinda wanna die
---
all of these people, dont know that youre hiding
all of these people, just know that youre smiling

i know its kind hard, what youre going through
cause youre just like me
im just like you

all of these people, dont know that youre trying
---
i kinda wanna die
---



stay alive for me

i kinda wanna die

BRUH i just found one of the first songs ive EVER made and i forgot just how good it was and how personal the lyrics were to me. the quality kinda sucks but oh well. its a bit lengthy as well but i encourage you all to take it as a song of healing. this song was a mantra i made when i was in highschool a while back which helped me with anxiety, worry and doubt. i turned it into a song about 3 years later and forgot about it. finding it once again helped soothe my soul. i hope you feel the same.  
im not sure what to label this song since the original file was blank, but all i know is that sometimes like a mustard seed i feel so small and unnoticeable, or so small to the point where i cant tell people my problems because just like me, my problems are insignificant as well. but i know there is someone out there who is willing to listen and heal me. whether it be by a deity, spirituality, nature healing or simply basking in silence, there will always be time for your healing. 

---
ive been feeling mellow
(mellow)
i just cant say hello 
(hello)
ive been feeling so small
(so small)
i just cant talk to you
(to you)
---
its so hard being under the dirt
i forget what iam and it leads to hurt
and i can feel theres a diconnect but i just know it aint over yet
----
like a mustard seed coming out the ground
you lift me up just so i can be found
and all these things you do are so profound
you lift me up before i drown
---
and it all melts away
---
ive been feeling okay
(okay)
to feel like i can live again
(live agian live agian)
when there's trouble in paradise
(paradise) 
all you gotta do is look me in the eyes
---
its so hard being under the dirt
i forget what iam and it leads to hurt
and i can feel theres a diconnect but i just know it aint over yet
---
oh, 
over yet
---
"guruguru mawaru,
sugusugu haichou"

uncontrollably
---
everybody's taking a chance
why can't i be like that
im just scared of the surface
if i get hurt is it worth it?
---
and it all melts away. 
---

like a mustard seed (it all melts away)

this is a reupload of my original anime boy song that I deleted! but I was recently inspired to post it back up once I saw someone do a cute video to it I was like omggg 💖💖💖💖 yall are too sweet!! this song is kinda a funny song about how obsessed with anime in general I'am since I was a kid, and my unhealthy obsessive crushes on anime boys lol. anywaayysss, sorry for my butchered Japanese! i haven't gotten the pronunciation down quite yet, but hey I sound pretty attractive with my guy voice don't u think? ;)

Lyrics:
oh, 
I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

---
I want to know you
I want to hold you

(wanna show my affection)
(its so damn infectious)

I want to see you
I want of feel you
(wanna show my affection)
(despite all the distance)
---
You and me could never be
Cause I know you're in a screen

Nothing else is guaranteed
but your love is real to me!

(real to me)
kissume
---
I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right

I want my own anime boy
I want someone to treat me right
---
I want to know you
I want to hold you
(wanna show my affection)
(its so damn infectious)
---
You and me could never be
Cause I know you're in a screen

Nothing else is guaranteed
but your love is real to me!

(real to me)
kissume
----

i want my own anime boy :(

idk what genre this is (maybe uwu rock?) but I just made it to express how I'm feeling in the current state of 'merica... i have a lot of sadness, anger and resentment against the government...even before all this started happening. i also hate HATE HATE the fact that we still have people like jeff bezoz whose so fricking rich, exploiting poor people and that we still have people like the Kardashian making billions doing nothing while we have actual people who do a lot for ht world yet get nothing in return..i say a lot of stuff in this song that I've kept pent up... 
the reason why this song is called "my circumvent", is cause circumvent means: to find a way around an obstacle. in today's america..many people need to find new ways to live decently,,which is UNFAIR. anyways, my voice sounds extremely high pitched in this song cause i was going for angy anime rock girl. i actually was raised listening to metal and rock music so composing this wasn't hard at all. i hope u guys like it, and please please take action to prevent any more curroption spreading in our government! (sign petitions, donate, spread awareness)

LYRICS:
Land of the free
Home of the so called "brave"

Well don't you fight back
you'll end up in a grave

(something tells me, this place is just one big joke, oh)

Here in america, we focus on gold
they tell me to go back
but this ain't even their home

(something tells me, this place is just one big joke, oh)
----
I'LL NEVER GIVE BACK
(ill never get back)
MY TRUST IN GOVERNMENT
(my trust in government) 

THEY SAY DONT FIGHT BACK
(they say don't fight back)
BUT THS MY CIRCUMVENT!
(oh)
----
Jeff Bezos makes 99 but never gives 1
the people on the top never really cared about us
Give power to the wrong people that use it for bad
corruption in the city streets, they wonder why we're mad
(corruption in the city streets, they wonder why we're mad)
--
Land of the free
Home of the so called "brave"

Well don't you fight back
you'll end up in a grave

(something tells me, this place is just one big joke, oh)
----
I'LL NEVER GIVE BACK
(ill never get back)
MY TRUST IN GOVERNMENT
(my trust in government) 

THEY SAY DONT FIGHT BACK
(they say don't fight back)
BUT THS MY CIRCUMVENT!
(oh)
----
systematic problems never go away now
the people in the office don't know nothing about today's battle
the marines target student with a 1. GPA
if you want to win them in a war, just send their poor away
(if you want to win them in a war, just send their poor away)
x3
---
YOU SEE THE GOVERNMENT, IS JUST AN EXPERIMENT
WHEN THERES A DIFFERENT CAUSE
YOURE CALLED DELIRIOUS
BUT WHEN A BUILDING FALLS
WELL SEE NOW THATS SO SERIOUS NOW
WHO CARES ABOUT THE HUMAN LIVES
WERE ALL STRAPPED IN FOR THIS DARK RIDE
---
YOU SEE THE GOVERNMENT, IS JUST AN EXPERIMENT
WHEN THERES A DIFFERENT CAUSE
YOURE CALLED DELIRIOUS
BUT WHEN A BUILDING FALLS
WELL SEE NOW THATS SO SERIOUS 
WHO CARES FOR HUMAN LIVES
YOURE ALL ACTING DELIRIOUS
---
there's no stopping them now 
---
I'LL NEVER GIVE BACK
(ill never get back)
MY TRUST IN GOVERNMENT
(my trust in government) 

THEY SAY DONT FIGHT BACK
(they say don't fight back)
BUT THS MY CIRCUMVENT!
(oh)
----

MY CIRCUMVENT!

MY CIRCUMVENT! + (RIOT SONG)*uwu version*

I honestly have no idea what genre this is..like at all BUT I made this song a while back and never posted it but its a bOP. anyways, I made a song about people in my extended family (well i don't consider them even that)who are liars, overly dramatic adults, and busy always spreading chisme for literally no reason. i made this song when i was hella angry cause the people I'm talking about spread rumours ab my moms, ion play that. i remember growing up, i couldn't wait to get older so i could beat them up, until i found out it was illegal smh. but anyways, if by any chance those ppl are listening to this, yall need to find something better to do <3. but in general, this song is dedicated to fake rats <3

Lyrics:
ba ba ba ba ba ah..

You love telling lies
It's your favorite past time
You love a good fight, even tho you're not right.
--
all the other people
(they all know to stay away) yeah
all the other people
(they all know you'll never change) yeah

wonder how i can get close
wonder how i could let you know
next time that you talk smack
I'm swinging hard with a baseball bat

bat bat bat...
---
cause you're LIAR.
da da da
x2
----
untrustworthy 
so conniving
finding gossip
to gaslight me

you're a liar
liar!
---
You love making friends
only to make fun of them
you love spreading news
when its not about you
---
all the other people
(they all know don't trust a snake) yeah
all the other people
(they all know you'll never change) yeah

wonder how i can get close
wonder how i could let you know
next time that you talk smack
I'll break your neck and i wont feel bad

bad bad bad....
----
cause you're LIAR!
da da da
x2
----
untrustworthy 
so conniving
finding gossip
to gaslight me

you're a liar
liar!
----
bring your whole crew, its a blood bath
when i tell you its on sight i meant all that
drag you by the hair
plus your friends to
cause i know all talk, what you gonna do?

raincoat, bring a raincoat, gonna make it rain pain go for the throat
cmon hiss snake, cmon hiss snake, you got that venomous tongue but i got fists aye
x2

cmon...
liar
---
cause you're LIAR!
da da da
x2
----
untrustworthy 
so conniving
finding gossip
to gaslight me

you're a liar
liar!
----
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

LIAR!!!

my music is chicken soup for the sick soul. iam my own composer, lyricist, beatmaker, melody maker and creator of my angel beats.

i'd rather be by myself (for a million years)

salem

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