if only

why am i like this?

Paralyzed.

say it aint so
you told me you loved me
no      responsibility
too bad you threw it out the window
with    my    love
romanticized    how numb that you could be
with    my    heart
i cant bring myself to wish you were dead

cause baby  i can   sometimes    feel   you  with me
makes me think about going back
cause     the heartbreaks  worth it

im losing my mind
i cant make it right
i cant find the light
i dug my own hole
to rest here and   d    i    e
just like you fantasized 

do    you   even   miss     me 
do   you    even   really    miss    me

i bet you dont care.

do you even miss me? [prod. SARM?]

COLD? w/@noise (prod. lostangel)

Take me back to what I know
What do the past feel so close
Feel so close

So take me back to what I know
I don't wanna tell you how I feel 
Don't wanna tell you how I feel
So take me away
Need you more than the air to breath
Fill my lungs with poison baby
I don't want you oh to leave 

What am I doing with my life 
Every night wasting time
Oh lord burn it all
I just wanna be gone
I can feel yeah something is wrong
Feel it in my chest, my chest to my bones
Rip out my flesh I don't  need it no more

So take me back what I know
I don't wanna tell you how I feel 
Don't wanna tell you how I feel
So take me away
Need you more than the air to breath
Fill my lungs with poison baby
I don't want you oh to leave 

Did you ever feel baby how I felt
I know you saw how the cards were dealt
And all the medicine that tamed my scars
I need a Rocketship to take me far

Take me back to what I know
Why does the past feel so close

So take me back what I know
I don't wanna tell you how I feel 
Don't wanna tell you how I feel
So take me away
Need you more than the air to breath
Fill my lungs with poison baby
I don't want you oh to leave

TAKE ME BACK!

I think I might die alone, my head full of Styrofoam
I'm so empty, don't tempt me, might put a bullet right
Between my eyes, grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote, for my rotting, rotting soul

I see disgust in my mother's eyes
is this the child she raised, trying my best, oh lord, how It aches

Grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote for this rotting soul
Your heart's made out of stone
The wind oh its freezing cold
I'm scared there is no were to go
I sink deeper, oh, in this hole

Oh, you're happy on your own
That's why I can't leave you alone

I'll haunt you when you're dead, I'm haunt you, dreaming in your bed
I'm a rotting soul, losing all control, I can't let you go
Ran out of my love, never enough, I blame the drugs
I'm an empty shell, you know

Grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote for this rotting soul
Your heart's made out of stone
The wind oh its freezing cold
I'm scared there is no were to go
I sink deeper, oh, in this hole

I'm an empty shell
Couldn't see how far I fell
Put me in a comatose
Leave me there to sleep in an endless dream
As I walk this lonely road
Still read every word she wrote
Burn every photograph
Think about the past, my head running laps

Grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote, for this rotting soul  

Grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote for this rotting soul
Your heart's made out of stone
The wind oh its freezing cold
I'm scared there is no were to go
I sink deeper, oh, in this hole

Grasp for hope, in this broken home
Need a antidote for my rotting soul

GRASP FOR HOPE prod. @lostangel @jaysset

Don't ask for moon when you have the stars
Don't tell pretend like you're
Nothing when we both played our parts
I act like I'm numb, but I still feel my heart
I replant memories, like scars on my arms

They say I know nothing, nothing at all
But they never seen, how far I've fall
Cigarettes on cigarettes, they rot my teeth
Vigilant, so vigilant, do you know what that means

Don't ask for moon when you have the stars
Don't tell pretend like you're
Nothing when we both played our parts
I act like I'm numb, but I still feel my heart
I replant memories, like scars on my arms

Don't ask for moon when you have the stars
Don't tell pretend like you're
Nothing when we both played our parts
I act like I'm numb, but I still feel my heart
I replant memories, like scars on my arms

I've been getting high to numb the pain
Heart so numb, fill it with novocaine
It don't matter what I say
We both know nothing will ever change
Grasp for air in this cruel cruel world
What you chaos around me swirl

I need something stronger running through my blood
And I ain't high enough, no
Couldn't tell you why the world against me
I've been feining for long, what does that mean

It's never never enough, I need something more
Before you find my body on the goddamn floor
I miss what we had, I'm still stuck in the past
This headache wont go away, I see your face in the rain

Lost in memories that I won't erase
That I won't, maybe I can't
And baby I won't, I'm still stuck
With the same old feeling
You left me with

Every night I'm stressing when will I win
Tired of being a joke
Every night I'm sinking, no one knows
Get high off of anything to cope

I lost my mind, broke my spine just to get here

I've been getting high to numb the pain
Heart so numb, fill it with novocaine
It don't matter what I say
We both know nothing will ever change
Grasp for air in this cruel cruel world
What you chaos around me swirl

TAKE ME BACK!

SARM?

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