allostatic load - fail better, heal faster

lyrics:
And at long last the time has come
To watch the water watch it run
Away from us back to the sea
But we won’t ever see a thing
Cos it moves faster than u think
Can u picture skating rinks
And sliding at the speed of light
Just like we did that summer night,
Do u recall just what u said to me
Do u realize what it means
Maybe not but that’s okay
I might have to go away
cos I can’t take much more pain
am I getting in the way
i’m distraught and now my thoughts are eating away at my brain

And could u see
the look inside my eyes the moment you got out and stared right back at me
How could it be
My stomach starts to cramp when ur around and start to speak, am I a freak
I hope it’s me
That you can’t help but notice when you’re walking down the street, I hope it’s me
But could it ever be
Well I don’t really know but do I wanna know or just keep wondering

I wrote ur name big in the dirt
And collapsed because something hurt
But I don’t know just what it was
It took my breath it took the sun 
Out of my eyes for just a sec
And scared me shitless so I checked 
to Make sure I still had a pulse and it was slow, oh that was close
And u ran over just to check on me
And u kissed me on the cheek 
But now it’s been a couple months
And u have disappeared for what
Maybe im too daft to see
maybe ur in front of me
Maybe I should stop looking, maybe I should stop looking

And could u see
That for u I’d tag along, just for you I would do anything
How could it be
did u find somebody else already, find somebody much better than me
Wish I was free
So I could move along already, I know you’ve been hiding just from me
But could it ever be
The thought that haunts my brain so often, the reason I would give u all of me

and could you see (demo)

written produced & mixed by me
lyrics:
olive eyes will pour on out the jar 
the rush i chased for argo drowning in the car
and we've gone too far for it
and we won't ever see the same but will we try
u can't ask why cos i said goodbye

and i know that you've heard it bout a thousand times but u will lie
cos argo's coming home to tell us all about the end of time 
and june is coming quick so i'd hope we start to stick to all the prayers from all the little kids lost inside their hearts again

Oh argo
would u take my hand and see 
How far goes
Peninsulas can’t fathom our tight rope 
swinging back and forth like it’s  a clock that has been scorched 
I know that u were keeping score 

argo likes to make us think
about the pretty little things 
cos we don't take the time to see
she's sitting right in front of me
if argo said she loved me well i wouldn't be surprised
she would look me in my eyes and say this is kinda nice

oh but argos an enigma and she doesn't show her face
she will call and i will answer at any time in any place
argo, sweetheart, hidden true love are we going to be late
cos im counting down the days before i start to lose my place

Oh argo
would u take my hand and see 
How far goes
Peninsulas can’t fathom our tight rope 
swinging back and forth like it’s  a clock that has been scorched 
I know that u were keeping score
argo

argo olive eyes (demo)

production/mixing/mastering by me
in celebration of zombie boy hitting 20 million streams on spotify, here is one of the remastered tracks i'm working on (yes i am re-doing the whole album)
hope u enjoy <3

My brain is a very strange place
My heart is cold
My pride is gone
My parents lay and they cry all night
So do I
So do I
My brain is a damaged place
My arms are weak
My eyes are bleak
And I take these drugs just to make me numb
And I won't stop
No, I won't stop

i haven't gotten around to telling you (remastered)

lyrics:
i forgot already
why you told me i should go
but i remember being drunk and asking u to use ur phone
must have made myself look dumb
cos all i talked about was how i started rolling joints last night
and that i couldn't wait to go to california
and i'd ask u if you'd been and what's it like
up in the mountains, and i'll add i've lived in texas most my life
and you would roll ur eyes but i would ponder off and never notice you were mad
and you call me saying shit that sounds like this

what's it like in phoenix
do u miss me 
are u scared
how's the weather over there
do u still play cyberpunk 
sorry that's a stupid question 
i just don't know what to say 
2077 might be better days

arizona's hot but not as hot as texas or nevada in the summer 
and the drive was kind of long because i drove through by myself 
listening to bon iver and some nirvana
and that song blind pilot sang
it made me think of u before i saw the sunset 
in colorado in the rain and so i pulled my car on over 
cos i heard ur voice and this is what u said

what's it like in phoenix
do u miss me 
are u scared
how's the weather over there
do u still play ESO
sorry that's a stupid question 
what's a better one these days
we're all burnt out lost ourselves washed down the drain

what's it like back home and do i miss you?
yes i do
yes i wanna be with u
we don't have to talk too much
that's ok cos i do bad with conversation
and we’ll live in mmos
we don't care
and we don't know

phoenix, arizona (demo)

lyrics:
i think i lost it,
caught it, im stuck inside the faucet
i really need your help to pull me out so i can crop this
i know who i am and it's been on my mind i got this 
i will be the woman of my dreams stand back and watch this

changed my name to jodi and you stepped back from the sleight of hand 
u hid myself from sight to keep 
me safe from hurt the others bring
but i will take it embrace it
cos i can almost touch it
i've been reachin in the dark for years and losing focus
thought it was for nothing but i've never been closer
i can feel the beating of my heart it's almost over

i can see the sunset 
smiling in a pink dress
nobody around to say im too different to do this
chocolate covered kisses 
and i am but a princess
from cheek to cheek u see that i am glowing in the excess

i think i lost it,
caught it, im stuck inside the faucet
i really need your help to pull me out so i can crop this
i know who i am and it's been on my mind i got this 
i will be the woman of my dreams stand back and watch this

i can see the sunset 
smiling in a pink dress
nobody around to say im too different to do this
chocolate covered kisses 
and i am but a princess
from cheek to cheek u see that i am glowing in the excess

hi, i'm jodi

wondering how (acoustic lullaby version)

writing/production/mastering by me
co-drum mix by @ harry_._taylor on instagram 


lyrics:
i contradict 
myself too much
for my own good
i'm made of lust 
for love and loss
and when i lose myself i'll set the grass ablaze
i'll burn my face
july came through and i grew up in just a day
my wings are stuck inside the clay and i could break out but i stay why must i stay

elevation with a friend
i keep losing all of them
august only just began
i already miss my hands
rigor mortis fix my brain so i can level out my shoddy aim
i have a feeling you don't feel the same
so do i trust my gut or do i walk away

i move an inch 
the cracks will spread 
hope they can't hear
or else im dead stepped out of line a final time
my ego grows but now i'm right
turn out the light
i run away
but im not scared i run to change 
what will i share?
and now im shamelessly myself
im fucking drained
am i unwell

serotonin in the shell
i will dig myself through hell
may is oh so far away
but tomorrow won’t delay
dashing through the cloudless sky until i’m out of breath
and my wings are lacking rest
i know i didn’t give much hope but when we’re tying the rope
i wanna hold ur hand and say
i had fun
we aren’t done 
lookin thru the trash so we can find one
for memory
my lovely
i won’t let it go until my job’s done

clay wings

1979 - smashing pumpkins cover

No Doubt

catnaps in an abandoned parking lot

she/her
https://linktr.ee/scruffpuppie
willows weep for me
notes for growing up (demos) presave link in the linktree

i haven't gotten around to telling you (remastered)

scruffpuppie

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