Using only a spoon and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. , I was the sixth Beatle, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large geodesic domes in my yard.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a deep sea fisherman, I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the tickets. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My festooned floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Cats trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and War and Peace in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

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