He doesn't know where to go
Barely dragging his feet across the dirt
Making miserable attempts to impress an audience of zero to naught
Like a dear in headlights moments before being minced into meat
He runs out the doors to escape the deafening silence
Bursting out into the street

He's dead
He's dead
As it said on the epitaph
"He never made us laugh"
He's dead
He's dead
Maybe now he's ethereal
He'll get better material
He's dead

He never felt this before, blood drips down his chin and onto his chest
His receptionist proved to a likely degree a case of sexual harassment
His hands slowly creep to his head
His voice distorted like a stretched out cassette
Half his face frowned as the hammer came down
He crumbled like a sack of cement

He's dead
He's dead
Life is ephemeral
Should have cut back on cholesterol
He's dead
He's dead
The chief of finance had a lot on his plate
Now he has no heart rate
He's dead

No one dies doing what they loved
Tomorrow is another day but not for him
Was never generous, and that's his fault
He would never do anything for anyone
I remember a time
Oh never mind
He's so unkind
And unrefined
He blazed his own path and now...
He's dead

He's dead
Turns out he's a total creeper
He's dead
C'mon baby don't fear the reaper
He's dead
Yeah He's dead

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio stems generated by Udio v1 and remixed using Reaper (lol)

Eulogy of the Unmissed

i request that you take my test to rhyme the word best with other words exprest

i got something to get off my chest
let me impress that my lyrical stylings are simply the best
i can rhyme that with test
see i passed the test
i'm better than the rest
the rest of the best who passed the test at my behest

est
est
est

enlest
quest of the best of the best of the test
i request that you take my test
quest of the best of the best of the test
i request that you take my test
quest of the best of the best of the test
to rhyme the word best with other words exprest

est

yeah it must be strest
that you don't transgres(t)
and use words that are not in the manifest
lest you be unblest by the temple of the best
at rhyming best with other words exprest

i request that i take your test
but i confess i have some interest
in forbidden words that you detest
and i won't let myself be suprest
may the quest of the best of the best of the test
be hexed by the forbidden text

have you lost all your sense
you've doomed us all with your false pretense
the quest of the best of the best of the test
has officially been dispossessed

Lyrics by sharkcheese
Audio stems generated by Suno v3, remixed using Reaper

Quest of the Best of the Best of the Test (To Rhyme The Word Best With Other Words Exprest)

I'll put my cards on the table, it was a mistake to not read the label
But "well ventilated area" is open to interpretation
And how was I supposed to avoid any inhalation
Oh my god is this really going to air on cable?

Five open cans of acetone
Four go pro cameras
Three closed windows
Two people
One braincell

Not funny
Feel dizzy
Not funny
Feel dizzy
My cotton head is filled with lead
I only want to go to bed
Not funny
Feel dizzy

We watch the show on channel four
Figured house flipping was something we could explore
It all happened so fast, call from producer to signed contract in a day
Then both of us in that room, not knowing what to do or say
Our minds becoming pickled, our cheeks hot, and her body sensually... swayed...

Not funny
Feel dizzy
Not funny
Feel dizzy
Don't you think it's hot in here
Hold me closer I'm feeling quite queer
Not funny
Feel dizzy

Let's not waste time, don't call the hospital
My wife says her head hurts just a little
Keep everything rolling, no need to end the day
Even if the fumes may be rotting our brains away
We'll both take turns with the paint scraper
And do our best to ignore the vapour
HA ha HA haha ha hee ha aha HAHA! ha

Not Funny
Feel Dizzy

I get it, the circumstances aren't ideal
But the contract was iron clad, no chance of appeal
I'm recording this before it airs on television
For you to hear long after it's mass reception
To gift you some context for your broadcasted conception
For all the embarrassment and schoolyard scorn
If it wasn't for all this, you wouldn't be born

You're welcome.

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio stems generated by Udio and remixed using Reaper

Not Funny Feel Dizzy

You've got the whole world bearing down on you
No one giving you a shoulder to lean on
Put your hands into mine, my dearest friend
I'll help you get on the mend

I know we've only known each other for a moment
But you need to remember that time is only relative
Now stay calm, sit still, don't speak, keep quiet
And let your body take in the sedative

The cleavers go chop and we're sawing at the bone
Sharp as a tack, they had some time with the whetstone
Don't fret, my child, you're on your way home
Soon you'll be inside of us, nevermore will you be alone

Shush your mouth up, or out comes your tongue
You eat cows don't you and aren't pigs real neat?
Don't get tensed up or get all high strung
That's not good at all for the meat

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio generated by Udio

A Shoulder to Lean On

Why hello there sir, my name is Weird A.I.
But I'm nothing like that other funny guy
Not wasting no time asking permission like a schmuck
I quite honestly couldn't give half a fuck

Call it a homage, or maybe it's total hackery
But keep it in mind that regardless of how you feel
I'm a legally distinct copyright protected
Satirical and ironic parody

This song is technically a style pastiche
Don't send a D M C A, put the lawyers on a leash
I'm an original character, do not steal
Now lets get this started, this time for real

Black people are scary
I own a concealed carry
I think only whites should be able to marry
I'm a steadfast unrepentant climate change denier
A trump supporter, an avid pro lifer
Not to mention an Epstein first class regular flyer

Everything You Know Is Wrong
And if you don't like it, don't download this song
Besides, you most likely won't be able to in a few years from now
After all these companies get their asses sued right into the ground

But seriously now, if only for this verse
The psychotic billionaires behind this slop are gunning for your purse
If I may give you at least one little ray of hope
The last capitalist we'll hang will be the one who sold the rope

I'm sorry
Don't sue me
I'm sorry
Don't sue me
I'm sorry
Don't sue me
I'm sorry
Don't sue me
It's fair use
Apparently

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio generated by Udio

Original Song Do Not Steal

(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
Don't blow your pretty little head

Calm yourself down and ease off the threats
It was your idea to visit that movie set
While you were talking shop with the gaffers and grip
He walked right up to me and we gave you the slip

I'm not sorry my dear, we made that pact
Together forever, except for the fact
If I get asked out by a certain celebrity
Our relationship has a specific indemnity
So...
Uhh...
I guess...
Given that...

(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
Just because I gave him head

Don't let the lack of relationship purity damage your insecurity
It's not like I'm sleeping around with impunity
It was a huge opportunity
I could not resist his importunity 
And we still have our long lasting matrimonial unity
Besides, as I've said previously...
...I got immunity!

Yeah!
(and a citation for public nudity)

Waaaaaaoh!
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)
(Don't blow your pretty little head)

A bottle of wine, a bunch of flowers, a nice dinner out
I suppose it's nice to know that you can be this devout
But since you blew your pretty little head
I decided to go with him instead

(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head
(Woo hoo)
(Woo hoo)
What?
Don't blow your pretty little head

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio generated by Udio

Pretty Little Head

I signed the papers late last night
It's not worth it to start another fight
Time to hit the bars, press rewind and restart
And make further mockery of the phrase till death do us part

It's not like I want to cause my ex lovers any pain
Even though I keep crashing through women's hearts like a freight train
But there's no point in denying it, this is how my money's made
Words of heartbreak and regret are currency in the music trade

I'm divorced again
Oh, I'm divorced again
And I wrote another shitty song about it....
Again

There's a ring on my hand for each one
I could make a necklace out of them for fun
You can call me pathological, a dirt bag or scum
But as long as you buy my albums, I'll keep beating my drum

I'm divorced again
Oh, I'm divorced again
And I wrote another shitty song about it....
Again...
Again...
Again...
Again...
So you'll buy my music
Again...

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio generated by Udio

Divorced Song Part Five

I love you my dear
(Never let me go)
I love you my dear
(Never let me go)

The village had talked of stories of the sky burning alight with fire
Once every 50 years, give or take a week
Minds filled with romantic thoughts that set our hearts alight
So we strolled to the highest peak
With our hands held together tight

I love you my dear
(Never let me go)
I love you my dear
(Never let me go)

We had made camp at dusk underneath slowly darkening skies
The sun slept early further dimming the light
Our bodies intertwined, you were my maiden and I was your knight
As we made love
Our hands held together tight

I love you my dear
(Never let me go)
I love you my dear
(Never let me go)

Our campfire dimmed as the rain dampened the air
As the stars began to fall upon us, piercing the clouds
Then a flash with a gigantic roar
And I saw the trees bow to their god
Burning so bright it scorched my flesh
I had you in my arms as we took flight
Running with our hands held together tight
(we will be alright)

(Never let me go)
(Never let me go)

We lay where we were and always will be long after our world was set alight
Our bodies forever set in stone, laid beneath the earth
With our hands held together tight
With our hands held together tight
With our hands held together tight

I love you my dear
(Never let me go)
I love you my dear
(Never let me go)

Lyrics by Sharkcheese
Audio generated by Udio

I Love You My Dear (Never Let Me Go)

Were you not listening when I told you it was over
You're still buzzing around like a fly on shit
That metaphor doesn't reflect well on me, it's true
But you have to admit you agree with it
 
Your dating profile said you were assertive, bold and independent
And at least two of those ring true, the other not so much
I guess I don't have the gumption to ask you to leave
Though even if I did, you'd surely find some way to talk me into...
Giving you another free lunch

That's my couch that I'm sleeping on
That's my milk in the refrigerator 
That's my car your borrowing
That's my hot water you're wasting
That's my money
(That's my money)
Inside the piggy jar

I didn't think you meant every god damn night when you said "I'll see you later"
I'm doing my best to be patient with you
Why does it fall on deaf ears that we are through
There's no contract that says that you live here too
So it's around about time...
To stage a coup

That's your clothes thrown out the window
That's your coke flushed down the toilet
That's your bus, don't keep them waiting
That's your ass walking out my door
But that's my money
(That's my money)
Inside the piggy jar

I'm glad we're through, that I'm done with you and all your bullshit too
There's no sense in being sentimental

So just get the fuck out
(Get the fuck out)
(Get the fuck out)
Get the fuck out
(Get the fuck out)
And give me back my piggy jar!!!
Give me back my piggy jar!!!
Give me back my piggy jar!!!
Give me back my piggy jar!!!

Lyrics by Sharkcheese, audio generated by Suno

Piggy Jar

(Big) (Boss) (Barry)

Half asleep at my desk I'm shaken awake by a loud sound
Big Boss Barry waves me over, stomping his foot on the ground
He has a great idea, oh what rotten luck
What Barry says goes and he always passes the buck

My pits are damp, sweat rains off my face
Fists clenched tight in paralyzing fear, I await my fate
He makes his request clear at one hundred thousand decibels
That absolute stinking bastard tells me to work late

Big Boss Barry
Screams till he's a bright red shade of pink
Big Boss Barry
The spittle is flying so lets all have a drink
Big Boss Barry
Yes sir no sir, I'm sorry sir, you're right
Big Boss Barry
Call the wife, I guess I'll be staying in for work tonight

Work and no play
Work and no play
Makes me a very angry man

The clock reads 7 AM, is it morning already
I'm on the ground in tactical position and my hands are steady
Big boss Barry stumbles in, that big fat fuck has got what's coming to him
Consider this my notice of resignation

Big Boss Barry
Screamed till his brains splattered on the door
Big Boss Barry
I don't think I'll be working in this shithole anymore
Big Boss Barry
Yes sir no sir, I'm sorry sir, you're dead
Big Boss Barry
Call the wife, I guess I'm gonna be late for the rest of my life

Lyrics by sharkcheese, audio mix by sharkcheese, audio generated by udio

Big Boss Barry

Vain attempts to use generative AI plagiarism machines to make music that sounds like it's from decades ago, mostly because it's fun. All lyrics unless otherwise stated are original and while generative AI is used, most tracks have been remixed and rearranged post-generation to improve the quality compared to what comes direct out of Suno/Udio.

My apologies to real musicians

Big Boss Barry

sharkcheese

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